The 40 Most Awesome, Hilarious, Weird & Depressing Cypher Avenue Google Searches

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Aug 16 2013 | 36 Comments  

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Cypher Avenue is officially one month old! We launched our new start-up website on July 15th 2013 and have been more than shocked by the feedback and web traffic. To put things in perspective, it took over 3 months for our old website Discreet City to reach 200,000 page views during our most popular period. Cypher Avenue achieved that in less than a month! Whuuuuuuuuuut?

Not only that, we’ve seen a 50% increase in new readers and return visits. What does all this mean? Well, numbers trending like this continue to help us reach major  advertisers/donators/sponsors to keep the site updated and porn-free. We owe a lot of that success to our loyal readers who continue to spread the word about the website with others through social media, text messages and word of mouth. Its all appreciated, folks!

So how do we know all of these statistics? Big Brother Google’s all-seeing-eye gives us the details, all the way down to what mobile devices people are using. Obviously there’s no specific information like names and addresses, but we do get some vital information that helps us know what kind of content people out there want to see more of on the site. You would be very surprised by some of the search strings people use that brings them to Cypher Avenue.

Scouring some of the Google search phrases, I both laughed at and felt bad for some of the people out there and what they search for on the Internet. So here are some of the standouts that led guys to Cypher Avenue this past month. Remember, these are direct quotes from what people Googled to bring them to our site, spelling errors and all.


1. “why are overweight gay men not desired?”

Damn, yo…I hope the site was able to help this guy. We haven’t really talked about body image too much but it’s definitely on our list of things to do.

2. “thug gangsters abs”

Ummmmm, okay. Not sure where they ended up but these links are likely candidates:

Homo Thugs Series

Gustavus Wyche workout

New Abs

3. “discrete city”

Yo, I ALWAYSSSS HATEDDDD when people spelled it like that! Discreet and Discrete are two completely different words that mean completely different things! I guess its to be expected though. Now we have people typing “Chypher Avenue” and “Xypher Avenue” to search for the new site, lol.

4. “im gay, is there something i can take to be more manly?”

Short Answer: Nope. Its something you’re born with, homie.

5. “are the two playing tony and dave in tyler perry sitcom gay in real life?”

Hahahaha! People still think Octavius Williams’ fake Tyler Perry show Tony & Dave is being made! I keep telling him he should go ahead and write a screenplay and do it as a web series!

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6. “where are the masculine gay men in nyc?”

If you have to ask….they probably don’t exist….I’m just saying…

7. “black gay web series

This was unexpected. We somehow became the top Google result for people searching for Black Gay Web Series. This really made me happy because I spent a lot of hours watching and reviewing these shows. I may not like them all but I still try to help give the stand-outs some exposure.

blackcontent

8. “how to find a boyfriend in atlanta if your gay and black?”

This guy surely visited all of our informative articles on Dating and Sex.

9. “frank ocean naked”

Whoa, really….These photos exist?! Umm, send them to my inbox if you have them….lol.

10. “gay +dating +advice +can +never +find +a +masculine +guy”

First of all, you can tell this guy was a professional Google searcher by using the PLUS symbols in the string. He wanted to make sure that ALL of the words were in the web pages that came up. Turns out, I actually wrote the top two search results for this: The 10 Level Guide To Meeting Masculine Gay Men and the Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man

meeting-men

Pick-banner

11. “15 reasons why gay black men are alone”

Damn, I must have the single, lonely, black gay man market on lock! Call me The “Undesirable Gays” Whisperer. Here is the search result for this one: Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man

12. “a life of an old gay in relationship with a discreet guy”

LMAO @ “Old Gay”…Damn, son. Really? I wonder what he considered “Old.”

13. “why are so many gay men single?”

Again, this was Nick Delmacy playing Jim Jones with my disciples drinking the poisoned Kool-Aid.

14. “anthony mackie nude”

These photos exist, too?! I don’t even like Mackie like that but I can be persuaded…I’m just saying.

Anthony_Mackie_2_by_David_Shankbone
15. “are there manly gay men?”

Besides the ones on Cypher Avenue? Nope….next question…lol.

16. “derrick l briggs ex-boyfriend”

Maaaaaaann….Let this man live his life! Stay up out his business!

17. “why do people think small men are not masculine?”

Hahahaha…I’m 6’2″ so I have no idea why people think this…Actually, I didn’t know people thought this at all. I love short masculine gay guys. They definitely exist.

18. “gay black masculine web series”

Unfortunately, The Chadwick Journals is the only “gay black masculine web series” we’ve seen in the two years since we started blogging. Its kinda sad but we’re tired of complaining about it now. But I’m sure there’s a dude out there somewhere right now hunched over a copy of Final Draft writing a masterpiece.

19. “am i the only gay guy who doesn’t like to receive?”

Whuuuuuuuuuut? LOL Yeah this was he-larious. No, you’re not…it may seem like it in the city you’re in, but you’re not. Maybe Cypher Avenue should start an “It Gets Better” campaign for Tops.

20. “gay i’m a bottom, would my top boyfriend like to be bound?”

Wait, what? I’m sure he was redirected to one of Ocky’s relationship articles for advice on this one cause I have no idea about bondage? LOLz

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About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   
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36 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. hannibal
    Hannibal | August 16th, 2013
    +1

    I’m telling you the reviews are this sites bread and butter!!! It’s what kept someone like me who ordinarily would have been adverse to the site hooked! I still wanna know what’s up with the Freefall 106 review.

    • Nick Delmacy | August 16th, 2013
      0

      That last episode of Freefall was a mess. Couldn’t even get through it. There’s no story, just random scenes! I’m officially done. I love my life too much to purposely make myself confused, bored and depressed, even just for 20 minutes once a month. If it was about straight ppl I doubt gay folks would be giving this series a pass. No hate though. Y’all can have it and enjoy it. We’ll keep posting new episodes in the Theater for you younger guys that dig it.

      • D.W. | August 17th, 2013
        +1

        Speaking for the young gays that enjoy the “random scenes” you better continue posting the new episodes, how else am I suppose to know when the new episode comes out … its not like I going to go follow it on twitter. Plus your reviews are hilarious, this show is a love hate thing for me, I laugh at the bad acting but I probably enjoy it cause it gay men just not having sex (although I did somewhat get hard at the sex scene, idk y tho.) You are right, if this show was about straight men I wouldn’t watch it because then it would be another show about thugs, the fact that these guys are sweet in the booty gives the show a lil edge in my book.

        Long story short … DON’T STOP REVIEWING FREEFALL (for my own selfish reasons)

        • hannibal
          Hannibal | August 17th, 2013
          0

          I’m over the show but I love the reviews.

        • Drewski_ | August 17th, 2013
          0

          LOL!! Bro said “sweet in the booty”..that shit tickled me & I.O.E.N.O why..lol

        • Nick Delmacy | August 17th, 2013
          0

          Maybe I’ll rethink it the Freefall thing, but I’m just exhausted watching these effeminate models fail at pretending to be killers and criminals. Not that fems don’t do crime, its just in this case I don’t BELIEVE any of them nor do I understand what the hell is going on, the purpose of the rapes/murders/robberies nor do I understand the motivations. Maybe this is by design. I never watched Soap Operas but are they just as convoluted, confusing and poorly written/acted as this?

          edward_norton_angry_laptop_gif.gif

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | August 17th, 2013
            0

            *ignores fem slander*

            I can see how reviewing it could get tedious especially if you genuinely don’t like the show. But that’s your thing, reviewing black gay webseries. And from what I noticed it seemed to be a good convo starter and got people talking on here. If wonder if this site had anything to do with the fact that episode 106 has a 4th of the views as episode 101.

            • Nick Delmacy | August 17th, 2013
              0

              Wow. So anytime a masc dude even says the word “fem” its slander?! Get the chip off your shoulder man. These actors are effeminate and I don’t believe their performances as killers and rapists. LOL. That’s my opinion.

              Yo, the other compliments are appreciated but I wouldn’t give us that much credit on the views. The new episode was just released recently as opposed to the older one which has had time to get spread around. Also, since that first episode, some people have either lost interest in the show or they’ve just forgotten about it due to the inconsistent release schedule. It happens to a lot of web series.

          • D.W. | August 18th, 2013
            0

            I feel the episodes are getting better and the actors are learning how to play there roles better, but I can’t answer ur question about soap operas, I dont watch them …. WAIT a minute, The Game on BET is the new ratchet black women’s soap and I do watch that, and the acting is over the top and the writing sucks so yeah that is what a soap is made of.

            • hannibal
              Hannibal | August 18th, 2013
              0

              I had a brief period of watching Days Of Our Lives…for a few years. Real soaps specialize in revealing things so a lot of the times you are in the dark but you know you’re in the dark and are just waiting for the reveal. Things aren’t brought up and just dropped with little to no explanation. Also, the characters aren’t randomly rebooted throughout the season without explanation.

              • Eric | August 18th, 2013
                0

                I like good soaps so I’m biased. But soaps don’t corner the market on bad writing or acting. It takes real actors to memorize a ton of new material on a daily basis and make outrageous situations seem believable. Many prime time actors can’t cut it because they aren’t accustomed to those demands.

                It was also on soaps where such topics as HIV, homosexuality, and war protests were presented to the public in someplace other than the nightly news. Many times soaps beat prime time shows to the punch in being brave enough to talk about those topics candidly.

                I think many current primetime shows that rely on a continuing storyline with the same characters in melodramatic situations can be considered a soap. Or at least have their origins in daytime. The Good Wife? That ain’t nothing but a soap opera. The Walking Dead? That ain’t nothing but a soap opera with dead folks. Dexter? A soap opera with a serial killer.

                Melodrama is a highly sensationalized story that can include exaggerated characters placed in unusual situations in order to appeal to the emotions. Melodrama needn’t be a dirty word if done correctly. And that means good writing, acting, and execution.

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | August 18th, 2013
                  +1

                  I was with Days since the moment Marlena was possessed. That was the pinnacle of the soap opera era.

              • Eric | August 18th, 2013
                0

                Yeah, that whole possession storyline was major. That’s when soaps had bigger budgets and weren’t afraid to tell a longer story. Bianca coming out of the closet to her mother, THE Eric Kane, was also a good soap story.

                There’s a black, gay, out actor on General Hospital right now, Marc Samuel, who plays a gay nurse who is out and involved in major story lines. The writers have fumbled with his character here and there but mostly it’s been very good. I hope they give him a black lover but I know that’s unrealistic.

                They can bring folks back from the dead and amnesia breaks out like a common cold. But two black men together? Well now, that’s just unrealistic. Ah, Noah’s Arc….we talked about you when you were here and now we miss you ’cause you’re gone.

        • Nick Delmacy | August 18th, 2013
          +2

          @hannibal, @william, @bdee Here we go with another 40 comments about Freefall…Maybe I should at least just post the new episode since our readers like to talk about it, lol. It ain’t even “shade” or hate, I really wish I liked this show as much as the rest of you.

          • Eric | August 18th, 2013
            0

            Nick, everytime you try to get out THEY KEEP PULLING YOU BACK IN!! (Pachino voice)

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | August 18th, 2013
            +3

            I think we wait for your reviews of it because some of us don’t feel comfortable being on the fence about what so many gays seem to love…and you make it okay to not like it.

            • Nick Delmacy | August 18th, 2013
              0

              LOL y’all wild…you know those gay black men work very hard to provide you guys with entertainment to dislike.

              • Eric | August 18th, 2013
                +1

                @nick While you up here whining about reviewing FreeFall, there’s a new No Shade episode out. Go make yourself useful. And for the love of Medusa, PLEASE change that ugly ass Bishop Feel Good avatar.

                • ControlledXaos
                  Black Pegasus | August 18th, 2013
                  0

                  NO! Keep the Bishop avatar for just a few more days. Every time I lay eyes upon it, a smile comes to my face 🙂

          • D.W. | August 18th, 2013
            +1

            I just like to get @nick hot and botheredsantana%2Bfanning%2Bherself.gif

            • ControlledXaos
              Black Pegasus | August 18th, 2013
              0

              Well, @Nick is already “Hot”, I think you’d just be “bothering” him, 🙂

              • Eric | August 18th, 2013
                0

                @blackpegasus Is Nick hot? Really? I want proof. Uh, @nick what’s your tumblr page?

                • ControlledXaos
                  Black Pegasus | August 18th, 2013
                  0

                  @bdee I don’t have any photos of Nick nor Ocky. In fact, I betcha they know more about us than we know about them :-)… but naw no pics, although there was a stealthy photo that use to be on @Nick‘s facebook page at one time. Can’t confirm if that guy was him, but he was very attractive. Hell, at this point, I don’t need to see neither Ocky nor Nick. The sound of their voices does it for me each time. I can tell both of dem ninjahs are hawt 🙂

              • Nick Delmacy | August 18th, 2013
                0

                LOL we know more about you than you know about us? Have you not been reading this website? My blogging has made me undateable to masculine gay men. Damn near my entire gay life is on here, warts and all lol…I’ve accepted it, its cool.

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | August 18th, 2013
                  0

                  Perhaps you should move on to fem men *shruggs*

                • Nick Delmacy | August 18th, 2013
                  0

                  If YOU won’t even date fem men, why should I? (so it begins, lol)

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | August 18th, 2013
                  +1

                  I can’t believe you are pulling the cards already tumblr_m5j275g9F51rw8bvlo1_250.gif

  2. Drewski_ | August 16th, 2013
    0

    Wooo! Yay for being porn-free! 😀 lol

    #7: Yall should get paid for this in some kinda way..#Ijs

    @nick, what if in #17 they meant “skinny”..? Some ppl say it like that. Either way tho, they might be hangin around some terrible ppl to ask that odd question anyway :/

    For #24, whoa…I thought Danielle was Trans..

    #26: *shrugs* It’s hard out there, ya kno…lol

    & LMAO @ #40..are stomach tats like, really gay tho..??

    • Nick Delmacy | August 17th, 2013
      0

      #17 I think we’re both right…short & skinny. Some men equate that to a girl or woman’s physique.

  3. TheDarkness
    TheDarkness | August 16th, 2013
    0

    You’re right about Ocky handling the bondage stuff. Don’t I have some recall from a DC podcast of his partner throwing some scalding hot fish oil on his Azz, or something like that???

    Lol! Just playin’, Ocky!

  4. Dre G | August 16th, 2013
    +1

    Well well well #33 smh
    I ran into him one time and was like a”isnt he on tv or something…”

  5. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | August 16th, 2013
    0

    Oh well, I guess privacy is a thing of the past. 🙁

    anyhoo, congratulations to you guys on a successful relaunch.

    • Nick Delmacy | August 16th, 2013
      +2

      Privacy? Where you been for the last 13 years? LOL You musta missed the Patriot Act, File Sharing Lawsuits, the UK phone hacking scandal and the whole Eric Snowden Controversy to name a few…Welcome to the New World Order!

  6. blackzw
    blackzw | August 17th, 2013
    0

    I have never really delved into that dating section but after this article, I got one thing to say…. I’m in *heading to the dating section*…

  7. SB3000 | August 18th, 2013
    0

    Can 1 of yall masc, short, thick, atl bttms come get @nick, cus this negro is out here on the interwebs cuttin the damn fool! idk who let u have free speech cus u n that smart ass mouth aint shyt! lmao. luv it!

  8. Eric | August 18th, 2013
    0

    @blackpegasus It’s better this way. Nick and Ocky can be like the voice of Charlie, or the guy who gives Tom Cruise his mission before the message self-destructs in 5 seconds.




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