Art of Seduction: The Top 12 Ways To Pick Up Gay/Bisexual Men of Color

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Dec 2 2012 | 10 Comments  

Let’s face it, modern masculine gay men of color have been programmed to think that the only way to meet other Gay men for dating is online on sex hookup sites. There are many masculine men (like the founders of Discreet City) that don’t even visit those sites, so many guys are missing out on quality potential mates.

The number one question Discreet City gets in emails is, “How do I meet other masculine Gay men?” Well here’s your ultimate guide. Discreet City’s Nick Delmacy joins founder Stingwood to share the top 12 ways to get those precious 7-digits from the man in your sights…whether you know if he’s Straight or Gay.


Picture  NICK D:

Obviously it helps to approach a guy for potential dating if you already know that he’s Gay. And if you’re like me, you prefer to meet a guy at least as masculine as yourself. We get so many emails from young readers asking “How can you tell that a masculine man is Gay?” The easiest answer: Ask Him. I’m serious.

You may not want to be that direct, but there are still many indirect questions that can be inserted into normal conversation that will let you know if a man is Gay/Bisexual. One “straight” friend that I was interested in mistakenly slipped up and said “X-Tube” instead of “YouTube.” Whether he slipped up on purpose to give me a hint or not, it was all I needed to begin putting the moves on him without fear that he was actually heterosexual. Before that moment, we both assumed that the other was straight. Key things to remember though: Don’t bank all of your dating prospects into seemingly heterosexual men and don’t waste a lot of time playing the “is he or isn’t he Gay” guessing games.

When it all comes down to it, you may meet men that you hope are Gay but aren’t. They may convince you that they’re straight or maybe they eventually see your clues and tell you that they’re just not into you (in that way). This is fine, at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with having more friends, even sexy straight ones.




Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.

The mistake that many of us make is prejudging potential objects of affection on what we THINK they’re attracted to before we’ve even said one word to them. You see a muscular guy and just assume that he ONLY likes other muscular men. This could be far from the case; you could be the just type he’s looking for. Also, remember this: No matter how fine a guy is, he’s still got some insecurity of his own. Sexy men can be shy too.

Confidence goes a long way. I’ve even been a victim of it in the past to guys I wasn’t superficially attracted to but had the courage to approach. Dope personality, style, swag, demeanor, intellect, etc can get me to give up the digits just as fast a sexy body or a cute face. Careful not to become TOO confident, though. No matter how attractive or unattractive a guy is, being the “groper” in a party/club just comes of sleazy.


I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: Let go of the antiquated Gender Roles! If you’re a Bottom that doesn’t want to be considered a woman, then stop wanting to be treated like one from an old 1950’s movie. I get it, you’re submissive…but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least make the initial contact to get the ball rolling.

Tops, just like many heterosexual men, can be shy and/or wallflowers as well. Sometimes they need help breaking the ice. My grandmother always used to say: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. If you don’t even try to go after what you want, you can’t complain when it doesn’t come to you.



It’s a Numbers Game. Think of rejection as a good thing. Its practice for the next man you talk to at the party. Approaching only one guy at a party or club is pretty much a wasted evening if your goal is to meet men…especially if he rejects you. And yes, you must get out of the house and go to a party or club where there is a likely chance gay men will be. You can’t be a hermit locked away in your house and complain about how hard it is to meet men.

One thing that helped me in the early days was saying this to myself, “I’m not leaving here until I get at least 3-5 phone numbers.” That didn’t necessarily mean that I was looking for sex with all of them, it was just simple conversation that eventually led to me asking for their phone number.

To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can’t strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick-up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.

Right and one last thing, don’t worry about guys you’ve already talked to seeing you. If they’re adults, they know what the deal is…If anything it can make you look more popular, attractive and desirable.



Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.

The three-second rule is so essential. How many times have you seen someone you found attractive at a party but internally talked yourself out of approaching him. Or worse, you just keep glancing at him the whole evening, trying to build up the confidence to approach not knowing that he’s already noticed you looking and now you’re just coming off as a creepy stalker. Whenever you move around the party to a place he’s standing it looks like you’re following him. CREEPY!

So in the future, if three seconds go by before you make an attempt to approach him, let him go…move on to the next. Also, don’t get caught up on him being the best looking guy at the party thus being the only one worth approaching. In the chance that he rejects you, it’ll ruin the rest of your night. No man is THAT good looking. Whenever you think you’ve seen the best looking man in the world, hop onto a male admiration Tumblr blog…You’ll see that there are PLENTY more sexy men out there of all ages, shapes and sizes.


An approach is an excuse – any excuse – to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.” Forget pick up lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”— they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.

If you’re unsure what to say to begin a conversation, just remember this: saying ANYTHING is better than saying NOTHING. I’ve met masculine men in many places by just striking up random conversations. I’ve met Masculine Gay guys in the gym just by just asking what goal were they working on, gaining muscle or losing weight. I even met a guy at a gas station by just saying the four magic words, “Yo…You look familiar.” If you’re at a bar/club, my go-to approach is to ask say, “Yo, what kind of drink is that, it looks good…” If I’m he’s receptive by giving me his number (and I’m feeling generous), I might throw a bonus in and buy him a new drink at the end of our conversation.

But if you go generic and use any of the above statements, try to still be interesting. If he has tons of tattoos, don’t just say, “I like your tattoos” and leave it at that. Plus I’m sure he’s heard that MANY times before. Get him involved by asking him what tattoo would look good on you. That way it becomes a conversation instead of an obvious attempt to hit on him.


Once you’ve exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What’s the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…” Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details. Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…).

Yeah, it’s all about conversation skills. It’s like a good job interview…showing up is just half the battle. Admittedly it helps if it’s a place where you’ll see the guy again, that way you can plant what I call “Conversation Seeds.” These are short nuggets of dialogue that gets the guy comfortable with over time (days/weeks) so that it won’t be awkward when you ask for his number.

For God’s sake, whatever you do, DON’T ask for his Facebook, Twitter or Instagram handle. Especially at the end of the first conversation. No matter how much you want to keep in contact with him, this comes off as “stalkerish.” Do like most people and get as much information as possible so that you can Google Search him when you get home. Stalk in Private (just kidding, just kidding).

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About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

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10 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Tshepo | September 6th, 2013

    On point…. next time i hit the club scene am going to put it on a test.

  2. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | September 7th, 2013

    I think a lot of this may depend on the region of the country you reside in. As we all know, some cities are more progressive when it comes to gay men flirting and/or striking up conversation. Some places are down right repressive. Good tips nonetheless..

  3. J's Destiny | September 21st, 2013

    I am going to try to find a way to put some of this to use this cuffin season because the single life is getting OLD!

  4. Ben Robinson | September 30th, 2013

    This was one of the first articles I read here and the advice is insightful. It’s also true, Black Pegasus, that the rules do differ from region to region. I would have to state also that sometimes the masculine brothas are the hardest to approach because we always assume that they’re straight. I know people always say to me ‘You don’t look/act gay’ whatever the hell that means.
    Glad I re-read this. It’s great information.

  5. J's Destiny | August 10th, 2014

    Where is stingwood now? Wish his site didn’t go defunct I need some of these tips ugh

  6. Raymond Eugene Wright II | August 24th, 2014

    This is really helpful. I’m still really terrified to date but I’ll give it a try. lol

  7. D'Elle Brothers
    rocbody1 | November 3rd, 2014

    Great minds think alike!I’ve used some of these same tactics and they worked. But I haven’t tried the memorizing phone numbers yet. I’ll have to try that on. I like the idea of not being obvious!

  8. Josh | July 16th, 2016

    I totally agree with the awesome strategies listed here, however there is this interesting eBook that I read on the subject matter on Amazon Kindle

  9. Lunga | August 24th, 2016

    Very insightful indeed. being single isnt for all of us :(.

  10. D | October 23rd, 2016

    I took some tips from a site like this and succesfully got the number of a guy that I like today. I’m trying to decide when to call him? Any suggestions anyone? I don’t want mess this up. Don’t want to come across eager even though I want to taste him from head to toe like right now! Lol. Help!

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