Being Homophobic and Making Homophobic remarks are not the same thing

By OckyDub | Posted Jun 26 2012 | 2 Comments  

You are driving home alone and a man in the next lane not paying attention while talking on his cell phone cuts you off.  The car he is driving has no bumper stickers or anything displayed in the back window or hanging from his rear view mirror. 

You blow on your horn and scream angrily  “This _______ cut me off, you ______!
(fill in the blank with the choices below) 

A)  Bastard / Faggot
B)  Bitch / Mutha Fucka
C)  Punk / Pussy

Of course feel free to switch any of the words around.  However; if you used any of the following words; faggot, bitch, punk or pussy, does that make you a homophobe, even if you have no idea what the driver’s sexuality is?  

When men are playing sports on the basketball court or on the football field; sometimes the trash talk is so thick you can cut it with a knife.  If you hear a comment like, “oh that was a pussy ass move right there”. That doesn’t mean they one who made the comment is calling the other players sexuality into question.

The point that I am attempting to make is that there is a disconnect between the mainstream (mostly white) gay organizations and media and how men speak to one another.  Specifically in this post, how black men speak and trash talk.  


We all know about the Roland Martin situation and having to bow down to GLAAD over words he used on Twitter while he was not at work but in the privacy of his own home.  We also know about Kobe Bryant getting fined $100,000 by the NBA for calling a referee a “fucking faggot”. 
A couple of months ago, a white male was beaten by a group of black males.  The white male stated that the case needs to be prosecuted as a hate crime because the young teens targeted him because he was gay.  How did he know? Because he stated while they were beating him they were calling him “a bitch ass” and a “faggot”.  Keep in mind he was not leaving a gay bar or club; but had left a party some distance away and was just walking down the street when he was approached.  So how did he know the men knew he was gay and specifically targeted him for his perceived sexuality versus just a tragic and nasty act of random violence? I am not saying it was or was not.  I am just posing the question.

I have seen and heard black men speak to each other like this when both men (to my knowledge) were not homosexuals.  It was either during trash talk in sports or before or after an altercation.  Sexuality had nothing to do with the harsh language that was being used; it was to question or reticule the others weakness, non- athleticism, or manhood.

Let me see if I can provide another example to drive my point home.  If I say to a heterosexual man, “you are a gossiping bitch ass dude”.  The term “bitch ass” has nothing to do with his sexuality or me hating homos; it has to do with him gossiping like a female.


Which brings us to the latest example.  New York Nick’s player
Amar’e Stoudemire has come under fire due to a Twitter comment he made to a critic over this past weekend. 

You know Stoudemire, the guy who rubs elbows with the overly gay fashion world designers?  Well Stoudemire twitted that he had just finished an off season workout when Brian Ferrelli of the New York Daily News responded…

you better come back a lot stronger and quicker to make up for this past season mannnnnn deadasss!!!”  

Stoudemire responded “Fuck you. I don’t have to do anything fag“.

Of course not wanting to catch the ire of GLAAD, and his close friends of the fashion world, Stoudemire later replied “I apologize for what I said earlier. I just got off the plane and had time to think about it. Sorry bro!! No Excuses. Won’t happen again.”  Of course for many in the white gay community, this is not enough. 

They want fines handed down by the NBA commissioner and game suspensions for next season.  So I am sure this is not the last apology he will be giving on this issue, even though I feel he is not homophobic at all.

I was at a party a couple of years ago and jokingly said to this dude, “hey what are you fags doing after this?”  He snapped back, “I’m not a fag so don’t call me that”. I apologized because I didn’t mean any harm; however it did make me realize something, he didn’t say anything when I called him nigga earlier.

Whether offensive to some or not, we all know some words have more than one meaning and the context they are being used in is also important.  It brings to mind the saying…  

“Even though we should not try to offend others, others should also try not being so easily offended.”

About the Author

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

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2 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. alton
    NYCforEVER | June 13th, 2014

    SUPPPPER fuckin late on this but…..If muthafukaz would think before they open they damn mouth then all these fines and “Hate Crime” allegations and other madness wouldn’t be a problem. There’s more ways to trash talk than throwing the “faggot ass/fag” “maricón/maríca” bombs left and right, then tryin to use ethnic (custom) as an excuse when shit hits the fan.

    • ControlledXaos | June 14th, 2014

      I would have used B but swapped the words around. I’m not one to really dole out the cuss words but I can’t lie to some road rage every now and then. People drive like my car is invisible or like they are playing Grand Theft Auto.

      Seriously, I think this all goes to men wanting to “emasculate” another man. “I am more manly and powerful than you are. You are just like a woman. I’ll call you a fag to rub it in more and further display my dominance over you.”

      Men do REALLY odd things to get that across beyond just trash talk. Like, when it takes a group of guys to take down one guy and then they sodomize him with an object.

      Why? What is making you wrestle someone to the ground, hold them down or help hold them down, then take their pants off and find a phallic object to penetrate them? What. In. The. Fuck? You gots isshas.

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