Black Gay Athletes and Interracial Relationships

By OckyDub | Posted Mar 4 2014 | 141 Comments  

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Black Gay Men and Interracial Love


The Black Gay Athlete – Drunk In “Interracial” Love?

Ever since Michael Sam made his sexuality public knowledge, (notice I didn’t say “Came Out of the Closet”), Gay men and Black women were clamoring to know who is he dating or is he in a relationship. Then the “selfie” came out and gay Black men let out a disappointed; “Aww damn. Not another one”. One question then lit up the internet “Why is it when these Black athletes come out of the closet they got to hook up with White men?” I feel like this is spillage from the notion that once a Black male celebrity achieves a certain level of success; the next thing to do is obtain the ultimate status symbol. Not a Rolls Royce but a White lover or partner. Wait a minute though, what “Black gay athletes”?

Gay dudes make it sound like a gay Black athlete comes out of the closet every third Wednesday. In recent months and years, there have been a total of four (4) professional non-White major league athletes to publicly open up about their homosexuality; Orlando Cruz, Jason Collins, Darren Young and Michael Sam.

Orlando Cruz is married to Jose Manual; both are of Latino descent.  Jason Collins was in a relationship with a White woman for about 7+ years. Darren Young is in a long term relationship with Nick Villa who is of Latino descent but what about the White man in the selfie with Michael Sam? He is Sean Smith of Illinois but keep in mind it was rumored that he was his boyfriend or that they once dated. By all accounts there is no proof that they’re currently together. Michael stated himself that he once dated a swimmer at one point while attending the University of Missouri but has not made any statements on his current personal love interests.

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So out of the four professional athletes of color, two are dating or married to men of Latino descent, one was engaged to a White woman and another may have dated a White dude. This is what got Black gays in a tizzy? Now admittedly Orlando Cruz’s husband does look Caucasian in appearance and let’s not pretend there is not prejudice and racism in Latin America. You will be hard pressed to find a brown or dark complexion person/s on Telemundo. Once it was rumored that Michael Sam was (based on an unexplained picture) dating a White guy and all of a sudden Black gay men turned into Black women at beauty salons on a Saturday afternoon with a similar narrative to match. “Aint no good gay Black men out here; If they are they like them White mens”. Are the speculations around these athletes really the issue?

The Bigger Issue

When discussing this topic, many Black gay men state the problem is that there is not more examples of positive Black love, heterosexual or homosexual in mass media. It’s been said that you rarely see functional Black gay couples on network television, cable television and absolutely not on the big screen. Usually when there is a homosexual man of color on television who is dating or in a relationship, their partner is always a person of non-color. Understandably Black gay men want to see more representations of functional Black gay love. At the time of this article, there are no Black male same sex couples on network television and it’s been that way for years. Knowing that mass media can have an impact on the psyche, the visual lack of “us” is what caused me to write the fictional viral post Tyler Perry’s New Black Gay Sitcom “Tony and Dave”. In it I stated there are;

“…no positive examples to showcase who we really are.  No examples to show other Black gays of what a secure, functional, stable, happy relationship looks like. No examples for the Black gay male youth to strive towards when it comes to what a positive gay long term relationship resembles.”

Is it possible on some level that the desire to see Black gay couples on television is not based in reality? There is a good reason why the overwhelming majority of television shows may be geared towards a White audience and why the writers, producers, directors and actors in these shows are predominately White. I’m sure it’s because the population of the United States is over 70% White. Also 1 in 5 or about 20% of same sex couples are interracial or inter-ethnic according to the Williams Institute research of Census data. So is it safe to draw a conclusion that because the population break-down within the United States is over 70% White, you will see less people of color on television, less same race couples on television and even less same race-same sex couples on television? Think about these numbers (again from the Williams Institute) there are about 3.7% of Black adults in the United States who identify as LGBT and there are about 84,000 Black same-sex couples in the United States. About 23,000 of those are male same sex couples. By the way, the estimated population of the United States is about 317 million. Understandably we could get into a back and forth about are these numbers accurate and Blacks not being honest or even replying to the Census; regardless based on these numbers, can we really expect the mainstream media to bend to our whims and wishes on displaying positive and uplifting Black gay same-sex couples?

Soap Box Time

We do need more visible positive examples of Black Gay couples but what about the ones we already have? Yes there are few in number but they are there. The main public identifiable Black Gay couple that comes to mind is the newlywed Gossfields (Deondray Gossett and Quincy LeNear). There is also Jamal Sims and Octavius Terry. They may be less visible but they are still very public in their relationship. Both couples were married at the televised ceremony at the 2014 Grammy Awards. Another example could be Gee Smalls and Juan Session. Honestly speaking, as a Black homosexual man in a long term relationship, I personally don’t know any interracial couples. All the other gay couples that I associate with are Black. Viewing the Williams Institute stats again, about 20% of same sex couples are interracial; which means about 80% of them are not.

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How about we recognized and appreciate what’s at hand instead waiting on the mainstream media to properly appreciate and portray us positively? Speaking of the mainstream media, why aren’t we demanding or taking BET, TV One, Telemundo and other networks for people of color to task for not having more positive images of Black Gay and Hispanic couples? Homosexual people of color make up a LARGE portion of the entertainment industry at ALL levels. More importantly why aren’t LGBT people of color holding LGBT content creators to HIGHER standards when it comes to portraying progressive, functional non-stereotypical homosexuals of color in Gay web series and films, instead of the cesspool, run of the mill, mediocrity that we currently have? Bottom line; how can we expect the White centric American television mainstream to portray and respect us when we can barely respect ourselves?

As a melanin challenged individual with patriarchal roots in America’s Deep South, I know my blood has been diluted with the blood of “massah”. Even though I’m not the direct off spring of interracial parents the President of the United States is a direct off spring of a White mother and African father. If I can be proud of this man, his position, his accomplishments and his beautiful family, then I have to be careful with my words concerning interracial coupling. Curious thought; since President Obama is biracial could his marriage be considered interracial?

As a Black man who is sexually attracted to men, I would love to see more couples in the mainstream media that look like my relationship. Why wouldn’t I? It would be relatable to my personal reality and experiences but the burden of making sure Black gay love is properly represented by the mainstream should not be the responsibility of a hand full of Black gay athletes and it damn sure should not be the responsibility of White America. It’s the responsibility of Black Homosexuals.

About the Author
OckyDub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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141 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. hannibal
    Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
    +1

    Collins was out and about in LA for awhile. He’s into white men. We’ve accepted it here.

    Anyways, it didn’t used to bother me. I used to be confused as to why black women made such a big deal about this, but now I totally get it. It shouldn’t be upsetting but it is frustrating to continuously see history making black men come out and go run to the first white man they can find. It’s very disheartening when highly visible black achievers gay or straight seem to almost exclusively date whites. I can see people that like a lot of variety but it seems like some of them EXCLUSIVELY date white men and to me that is problematic. What message is it sending? If that’s what they’re into I don’t want them anyway, but I can call out a disturbing trend in my opinion.

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      -1

      “it is frustrating to continuously see history making black men come out and go run to the first white man they can find.”

      What black men are you talking about? Jason Collins is one man. Lee Daniels is two. I would like to see a list of the numerous history making gay black men you speak of.

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
        +2

        Sams, Collins, Daniels(I didn’t know that but not shocked), even little Magic Johnson. I could go on and on and it’s even with the straights. You saw the pic I posted earlier with the forces behind 12 Years A Slave right? Or 3 out of 4 of the male leads of The Best Man franchise? I remember I had a huge thing for a weatherman in NYC…I ran into him at an event and was devastated that he was “covered in snow” so to speak.

        Like I said, it’s not the end of the world but it is disheartening.

        • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
          -1

          LOL…wait, Magic Johnson son coming out was history making? LOL Ok let’s just say he was and let’s stick to your comment and not talk about what the “straights” are doing and answer the question;

          Name seven of the numerous HISTORY MAKING gay black men you speak of that in recent years have come out of the closet and “ran to white men” as you put it. I’ll wait.

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
            +1

            History making is a bit of a stretch but my point is still valid. You’re just minimizing my opinion. That’s fine.

            • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
              -1

              Ok…minimizing your opinion? Why can’t black people be honest with their emotions and say “I don’t want to see interracial couples together”? Fact is most couples gay, straight, black or white are not interracial. The generalizing is based on feelings and emotions and not facts.

              • hannibal
                Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
                +2

                what I’m essentially saying is that I’m mad that it seems a large percentage of successful black gay men are with white men and that makes it harder for me to find someone to take care of me. There you go.

                • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
                  -1

                  LMAO thank you.

                • achris
                  achris | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  But @hannibal can you HONESTLY say you would be interested in most of these black men that date white men even if they were available…I mean, I know we all have different types and things we like, but Collins and Sam seem kind of, ummm (let me not be rude)…

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  Collins is alright. I’m into height so I wouldn’t say no to him lol. And Sams…I could just look at him all day and tell him not to speak then I’m good.

        • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
          +2

          You couldnt tell Mike Woods wasn’t checking for black dudes? Or Don Lemon? Or Jason Collins? Or Lee Daniels? Cmon..

          It is what it is. Like a few ppl have said, why don’t mofo’s get the fuk up and go start dating? Maybe it’s a trend we’ll continue to see, successful black men ‘come out’ after rippin n runnin the city the whole damn time exclusively with white men b4 ‘coming out’.

          Maybe, just maybe, before these guys ‘came out’ publicly, it was the white gay community who held their ‘secrets’ and built friendships and relationships for them. Hell, I dont know, I just dont want to hear a bunch of GBM scorned when we can get up and not give a shit about mofos who dont give a shit about us.

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
            0

            I had no idea Mike Woods wasn’t checking for us lol. I was devastated. I think that’s when the frustration hit me. I had a feeling about Don. Lee I’m totally surprised by since he always seems SO Pro-Black…but I guess them be the ones.

  2. Richard | March 4th, 2014
    0

    Great Post!

  3. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
    +6

    :What this article failed to do:

    1. Address the deeply rooted psychological components that attributes to a Black man who EXCLUSIVELY dates outside of his race.

    2. While the article mentions the fact that celebrity Black gay men are indeed coupled with non Black men, it failed to ask WHY…

    3. The types of white guys these black men choose are usually less attractive and not as equally yoked. Why do Black men hold white men to a different standard?

    I understand that every possible angle of what I’d like to be addressed cannot be covered within one article.[that’s my problem,not Cypher Avenue’s].But it’s also doing an injustice to this issue by NOT examining those broader topics within the issue of interracial dating. This article comes across as something that pacifies the frustration felt by many Black gay men whom are left puzzled by what we see in the media. Citing population statistics, and placing the blame (and/or responsibility) on Black homosexuals in general is not acceptable. No offense to the contributions of these brothas, but those Black Gay couples mentioned in this article are GAYLEBRITIES. If heterosexual people don’t know who you are, then you are a Gaylebrity. Certainly not the same as the Black gay public figures who’ve made headlines over the years by coming out and subsequently been linked to a white lover. However, I appreciate that the discussion has finally begun, but further dialogue is needed.

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
      +1
      • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
        -1

        Okay…From your link, I get it. Its not only about Black Gay Celebs dating or being in relationships with just white men, its also about Black Gay Celebs dating light skin or Latino men or ANY non-black man. Ok Gotcha.

    • RolandG
      rolandgarros28 | March 4th, 2014
      -1

      How do we know these black men date white men exclusively? I’ve dated white men and black men and an Indian. I just think most people have jumped to conclusions about these men. Granted, I was amongst the group doing this but I have no evidence they “exclusively” date white men.

      @blackpegasus, it doesn’t really matter why they exclusively date white men because, simply put, that has no effect on me. Perhaps they just don’t find black men attractive. Sexual attraction is one of the hardest things to explain and most people probably can’t tell you why they like what they like. Is it possible that the people who most have a problem with interracial dating have a problem with not being desirable to everyone?

      • ControlledXaos
        Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
        +1

        @rolandgarros28 I’m not going to engage in the same circle jerk argument with you. In the past month, I listed my points in detail to you and everyone else on this site, Not one of those points mentions a damn thing about being against interracial dating. The shade you threw in your comment is a tactic I’m quite accustomed to and it’s not working today.

        Stay on topic please.

        • RolandG
          rolandgarros28 | March 4th, 2014
          -1

          @blackpegasus, just simmer down. No shade intended. If you’re looking for some deep psychological component on CA as to why some black men EXCLUSIVELY date white men, then you will be left wanting as no one here can give you that. Perhaps you can share your reasons. That’s what I was trying to get out of you instead of the knee jerk response you gave.

          Everything is not as serious as you and others make it out to be. Each of the gentleman mentioned on this website have the right to live his life without signing up for some social experiment about why other black men are pissed because he is dating white men. You may see it as a personal attack on you but I still don’t get why self-assured, confident black men are having such a hard time seeing 20-something athletes dating whomever they want.

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      0

      1. Wasn’t attempting to nor was it the focus.
      2. Why do people love who they love? I should have asked that question? Really?
      3. So because in your opinion they are not attractive; therefore the people they are attractive to have some psychological deficiency? Are you serious with this shit?

      Bottom Line the focus of the article was to #1. point out a myth of the 4 Out Black Gay athletes and interracial dating. #2. More images are needed of healthy black gay relationships and we need to #3. appreciate the 22k plus black gay relationships we do have instead of focusing on 4 black gay athletes. My goal was accomplished.

      Your comments remind of the single black mother who is upset because her son idolizes the drug dealer or a gangsta rapper. If you are waiting on a black mainstream non-gaylebrity to get into a relationship with another black man to feel some sort of black gay pride fulfillment then something is amiss.

    • Dean | March 6th, 2014
      0

      Yes, I agree with you. Please see my comment on this article. Michael Jackson said “It don’t matter if you’re black or white but he spent much money and much time trying to look as white as possible and had many plastic surgeries and other things to “whiteify” his nose, lips, skin and hair. In addition, he made sure that he didn’t have black children by mating with other than black women. He was a self-hating, anti-black racist. And this self-hating racism is part of the reason that you have some blacks running away from dating or mating other blacks. And there are other effects of slavery and Jim Crow that aggravate that–poverty, lack of jobs, prison records, etc. So the victim is victimized. What else is new?

  4. D.W. | March 4th, 2014
    +4

    I will completely admit seeing a lot of successful, black men or women, straight or gay, dating white counter parts does upset me a little, while I do think love doesn’t discriminate I will not lie and say I am completely for it. I am definitely for black love, and parts of me believe that African American, black men, especially, see dating white men or women as a way to control the relationship. The general stereotype with dealing with other successful black men and women are that they are very head strong and have the stigma of being difficult, so when I see so many black men dating outside their race, especially white people, I immediately go to the head space where I think I want a “yes dear” relationship.

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      0

      Very good points and thank you for the honest feedback and commentary.

  5. Pensive | March 4th, 2014
    +2

    At @Blackpegasus request I am posting what I just wrote him personally since I sympathized with his take on interracial dating from extensive experience.
    On snow hoes..
    I was a snow hoe on purpose very briefly early on in my trek through the life because I didn’t want to nor did I have the resources emotionally to deal with the drama of our people. Could you blame me? Lol . Maybe explains your self imposed isolation now. Lol
    Let’s face it. We got issues. And at a time when I was interested in the perks of the life and knew I could more experiences at a more efficient rate from our white and non black counterparts, it just made sense for my objective.
    Another reason that I did that deliberately was because dealing with brothers was too close to home and I didn’t want to deal with ”me”. I actually could pretend in my head that none of this was happening. That I was just running game. I was very aware that I was just being objectified. And I was easily disposable. And could be traded in for the next toy. Since I knew I was transient. Being ”on tour” as they call it at the time ,why get caught up in breaking another brothers heart?
    Was there a little of white was right in me at the time? Yes….
    These are the thoughts of the snow hoe. Is there a better alternative if all you’re trying to do is be the Smooth Operator with ” minimum waste and maximum joy”?….
    If I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a thing. I wasn’t ready for everything I encountered later amongst us. But…

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
      0

      @pensive Thank you for sharing your story my brotha! Telling your truth in such a way is not an easy thing to do for everyone. What you just detailed tells me that your self esteem is now intact. Understanding yourself is being able to step outside yourself. Your story is almost identical to a black gay brotha i met several years ago..In fact, are you sure you’re not him? LOL ….naw just kidding, but for real though, he detailed the same reasons for dating white men exclusively at the time. When I met him, he was finally coming around to dating black men. He felt comfortable with me, and I found him intriguing. The point is, if we are going to discuss these issues, it has to be done from a place of truth. Hopefully your example will be standard. Thanks again.

      • Pensive | March 4th, 2014
        0

        The truth is the only thing that makes sense to tell. I try to keep it real.
        I grew up around white people in a Jewish community. Yet there were blacks moving in and I saw the disparities on many levels. What would I want to do with that, if I was smart? If I viewed the lifestyle as just a way to “get around”. In my eyes back then blacks weren’t doing anything. And I didn’t have gaydar. I knew nothing of DL. And what I know of it now?LOL. I’m glad for my decisions back then because I may not be alive today. You get my meaning? So I was very comfortable playing that snow hoe role till I saw it was getting me nowhere inside.

        • RolandG
          rolandgarros28 | March 4th, 2014
          0

          @pensive, thanks for sharing your state-of-mind. It helps to see things from that perspective. I wouldn’t dismiss your explanation either because it definitely makes sense whether I agree with it or not. I’m just not sure each black person/athlete that dates whites exclusively would share the same self-image as you or think so little of our community as you expressed you did during that time in your life. Would you disagree?

          • Pensive | March 4th, 2014
            0

            @rolandgarros28 I don’t disagree at all. I’m thinking maybe demographics may have affected my perspective. Up north where I grew up the disparities in education and experiences between blacks and whites are huge. I was relatively smart and on a mission. Gladly smart enough to be on one if in my eyes, I was “going to indulge”. Did I like some of my sexual fans and sponsors who were non black a lot? Yes. But love,,, no. How was I ever to know whoever I dated , esp a female who was white , just wasn’t rebelling? And I did I really have time or desire to question that? No. I wanted a nutt and a good time. And I liked being worshipped. I needed that guaranteed . And I percieved early on the wisdom in limiting the competition. And I think this also why the likes of Collins and Sam go that route. They are celebrities yes, but by far not the best looking black gay men out there. So limiting your suitors to whites that are giddy over just having a black man that will deal with them makes perfect sense. Compete on field . But when it comes to their personal life they’d rather save their energy.
            Get it?

          • Pensive | March 4th, 2014
            +1

            @rolandgarros28. And to take it a step further I was always conscious of the oppressors games. So in my small mind at the time, I had to have a game. Love was never a factor with them. I just knew they had resources I “loved”.
            But deep down I loved black men and I didn’t want to run game on them. And to date, I never have if I knew they were/are serious about me. With whites or non blacks ,you better ALWAYS keep game on their part in the back of your head. They will trade you in ,in a heart beat. How could I truly love my oppressor and love myself? Not with this countries history. I don’t hate whites individually. But I proceed with caution with them at large. I know how they can be. I grew up around them.

      • Pensive | March 4th, 2014
        0

        @blackpegasus as my last statement on this I’ll add that a “snow hoe” is more than likely just a brother not ready to “bottom” for a black man,,,yet… (Wink)
        If a white man is topping you?
        Shame!
        We been topped enough!

        • ControlledXaos
          Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
          0

          LMAO @pensive right on my brotha! 🙂

  6. Pensive | March 4th, 2014
    +3

    Continued

    But I will admit that coming home helped me grow as a person as well as forcing me to see that this life is not a game many want to make it out to be.
    Yes we all want to see more black on black love of any persuasion. But we have to start loving ourselves. And most of us have trouble with that.
    Love is learned…. And we have a lot chains o self hate to break,

    Read more: http://cypheravenue.com/squad/pensive/messages/view/753/#ixzz2v2zmY2Vt

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      0

      Damn…thanks for opening up and sharing that. I appreciate it.

      • Pensive | March 4th, 2014
        0

        You’re welcome @ocky . Thanks for providing the forum!

  7. ruelon
    ruelon | March 4th, 2014
    +3

    Another great topic that hits close to home. I have a nephew who is the product of a loving interracial union. I can’t imagine him not being here. I’ve always been taught that love is love. I’m currently in an interfaith and interracial relationship. Black men are beautiful and one of God’s baddest creations. I have never, and will never exclude anyone who share my ethnic makeup. Nothing could prepare me for meeting and falling for someone who just happened to not be black. I didn’t plan it, but I was for the first time in my life, ready and open for love. He truly just showed up. I guess I’m weird that I never looked to athletes or entertainers to set any example for me. My parents (both black) did that. The older I got, the more I realized that I was not going to rule out a person with whom I connected with if they didn’t come in a specific package. I just wanted to be happy…plain and simple. Plus he was a Giants fan 🙂 I would love to see more positive images of black love period but I agree, it is our responsibility to make that happen. I’m sure there are plenty of black, male, gay public figures dating black men. we just don’t know about them….yet.

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      0

      NICE…what you said…two thumbs up.

      Being in this line of business (co-creating Cypher Ave) I can factually tell you, there are plenty of black gay athletes who date or are in relationships with other black gay men. Believe that 100%!

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
        0

        closeted or nah?

        • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
          0

          Remember what Mike Sam stated? Everybody already knew he just went public due to him about to enter the draft and the media exposing it as a “dirty secret”. He wanted to be ahead of the story.

          As for the NBA and NFL folks I’m aware of, the people that NEED to know, know. Every black gay athlete doesn’t need to be OR want to be a spokes person or activists.

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
            0

            So what you’re saying is that the black gay athletes you know in relationships with black men are still in the closet.

            • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
              0

              Nope…not being Out publicly doesn’t equate to not being Out to your teammates and family. Stop thinking inside the gay bubble.

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBQEj7H8MiY

              • hannibal
                Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
                +4

                If we can’t go on a date in public then you sir are in the closet.

                All of the out rich gay black men is with white men. We couldn’t even keep Wentworth Miller. That leaves all of us smart black bottoms stuck with broke DL men and I ain’t having it! *exist thread*

                • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
                  0

                  LOL I can’t with you.

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
                  +1

                  I’m serious though. The white man gets great intelligent seeming men like Michael Sams and Collins…we get the Kerry Rhodeses. See what I’m talking about?

                • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
                  +1

                  Nope because in reality you/we are talking about a figurative hand full of black gay men as if they are the norm or standard. I don’t understand the sum of these few being used as an example of the whole. AND we are using assumptions, guesses and not facts when it comes to these handful of black gay male celebs. How / why does one pic of Mike Sam and a white dude even matter…as if its his complete dating sexual history?

                • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  But who said yall cant go on a date? Like Ocky said, DL and not out to the general public are not 1 in the same.

    • D.W. | March 4th, 2014
      0

      I think its great u found love, when someone finds love it should be celebrated, I just think its interesting you said its our responsibility to make it happen but how can you truly encourage it if ur not living it. I guess its one of those do as I say and not as I do type things.

      But seriously finding love is not easy and congrats to that.

      • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
        0

        But @ruelon can only control half of that equation. If another black male didnt meet him half way before the white/latino/asian/etc guy did, what else is he to do? I think ppl also forget that just becus sum1 is in an IR, it doesnt mean they’re a ‘snow hoe’ (as @blackpegasus would say lol) who exclusively avoids their own race like the plague.

  8. Mr. Mercury
    Wiki Lee | March 4th, 2014
    +1

    Interesting article definitely. Though I don’t think Ocky is necessarily blaming anyone, by not saying anything, we, just as easily, deal with the consequences of silence, as it is generally understood that silence is taken as acceptance. To an extent, it is our responsibility to say something about what we don’t like and to do something, anything, making efforts to change visibility. Though there is a likely chance that nothing will change, no try always equals no change. As a young black gay man, of course I’d love to see more stable & successful examples of black gay love, not out of preferring not to favor interracial couples, but to kind of have an existing model to go by, especially if you didn’t have that growing up. Visibility is key and makes a difference. All in all, great way to start that discussion.

  9. hannibal
    Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
    +2

    Even the cute black gay on Haves and Have Nots is breaking his neck to get with this straight white man. SMDH. Even Tyler Perry knows the truth.

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | March 4th, 2014
      0

      LMAO………

    • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
      0

      Tyler Perry is doing what most tv producers do when it comes to black gay men and homosexuality which is make it an interracial one so the story can appeal to a broader audience.

      As a Hollywood writer, when is the black gay love story you are writing coming out again? Let me know so I can make a donation.

      • RolandG
        rolandgarros28 | March 4th, 2014
        0

        Well dayum

        • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
          0

          LOL ok imma stop before I get blocked and banned like them kats do me on Facebook.

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
            0

            I’m insulted you think I’m that sensitive. My first short film was about the gays. Then I did a black syfy joint that was picked up by BET. I then did a hetero suicide flick and now a gay horror film while also working on a gay web series(and learning what not to do from this site lol). So I keep it varied but do not shy away from the gay.

            • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
              0

              Interesting. Well having said that, how do you feel about the dilemma of having to appeal to a broader audience hence the interracial gay couples on TV?

              • hannibal
                Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
                +1

                I think its ridiculous and unfortunately something that is thrust on creatives by producers. I know of many a black show(not even just gay ones) that get picked up by networks and studios but fall apart because the producers try to broaden the audience. I actually sold a feature straight horror script once. The producers who are pretty notable wanted it because it was all black but as soon as they went to develop it that was the first thing they wanted to change. Its like everyone likes the concept of black stories but won’t actually make them without white characters. White shows will at least get made but will then add a black person after the backlash.

                • Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
                  0

                  Could it be because certain black features wont make money? Or the fear of certain black features wont make money?

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | March 4th, 2014
                  +1

                  That’s ALL it is lol. I know for me the justification was “international markets.” The US isn’t the only game in town anymore so they want to make films that have an international appeal so they can make even more money. I can get it on some degree because black people won’t even go see black films not written by Tyler Perry here in the states let alone overseas, but creatively it’s destroying black indie cinema. And people can say what they want about Patrick Ian Polk and his work but just getting Noah’s Arc on a network deserves respect.

                • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  This is the best shit you said all day. I see why your Milk Shake brings all the boys to the yard.

                • RolandG
                  rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  @ocky, of course most black features won’t make money. Wasn’t it you who pointed out that most of US won’t even donate $5.00 to our favorite webseries? If I’m a producer, I wouldn’t be putting any of my money behind something no one will pay to go see.

                • hannibal
                  Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  they won’t contribute to getting it made but will gladly watch it for free on the internet lol. But I think this is changing. Black and Sexy tv is now charging money for their season premieres after 2 years. So far…it’s working and people are paying to watch but it took two years to get there.

      • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
        +3

        Im not so convinced that the reality is the push for a broader audience. Let’s face it, the majority of the viewers of ‘Have Nots’ are black women. Having the gay black guy chasing a str8 white man isnt going to get white folks watching. I still stand behind the notion that it’s often easier for said viewer (see:blk woman) to digest than 2 blk men.

        That being said, good on Tyler Perry for trying to ease blk on blk gay masculine men as a relationship reality onto the same audience of the same show where everytime you turn around the black lady is praying.

  10. budda | March 4th, 2014
    -3

    Love is love. Race should not matter. We need to be our own roles models when it comes to relationships and setting positive examples. This need to look for role models and peers is childish.

  11. achris
    achris | March 4th, 2014
    +1

    Thanks for this article and I actually agree @ocky. Sure, part of me does deep down think (and know from the mouths of SOME blk men that exclusively date white men) that there are some psychological things going on, but, I mean, its not my life. I would love to see more blk/blk couples on tv bc, as the statistics show, most couples are of the same race and it would be great to see two blk men supporting each other in a healthy relationship in the media. However, it is up to us to make our voices heard and to do something about it IF it is that important to us. I will be honest, it did use to bother me to see interracial couples, partially bc of growing up in the south, living in another particularly racist city outside the south, and seeing how a lot (not all) of white people could be. However, now I realize every black man I know except two that are in relationships, are in relationships with other black men and both men are usually successful, educated and have a lot going for themselves. I have learned to focus on all of the examples I have in my personal life instead of what I may see as too few examples of this in the media.

  12. Ocky Williams | March 4th, 2014
    +4

    FYI…At the end of this month, I will be attending a Wedding reception for a successful black gay couple. Keep believing that BS about successful black gay men if you want to. The majority of black gay men want what is the most familiar to them and that is other black gay men.

    • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
      +1

      Glad to hear it, congrats to the couple. And honestly, if we all stepped back and looked at things for what they are, we need to be happy whenever 2 gay men find that kind of happiness, regardless of race. We all know it’s not only difficult to find it, but its also difficult to maintain, esp in a world of jackd, a4a , etc, where we’re often ‘told’ that this is what gay men are supposed to do. ‘When in Rome’…sometimes you need to get ur ass out of Rome!

      • Kasule | March 6th, 2014
        +1

        here here.

        once you find a partner of any race, influences in gay culture telling us that, while in a relationship, “everybody cheats” or “cheating is normal” – and providing us with websites/apps making it real convenient to do so – makes simply maintaing a relationship so extra hard, even if you manage to find a dude who looks right and you like being around each other that much.

        I’ll echo @sb3000: congrats to the couple.

  13. scottywashere | March 4th, 2014
    +3

    Gotta agree with @BlackPegasus on some of his points. I feel like these convos always end up being super politically correct while we all ignore color issues that we know exist in this community. I agree that individually these relationships shouldn’t be a big issue, but collectively, every out GBM celeb (not just athletes) having white (or anything but black partner is def saying something. On Oprah’s light skin/dark skin Lifeclass, Iyanla described colorism and ideas of black inferiority as a “black mental health crisis”. I think it’d be a bit intellectually dishonest to ignore how color issues within this community are sometimes the driving force behind a lot of these “colorblind” relationships, and I think that’s what gets most black folks–gay or straight–in their feelings over things like this.

    • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
      -2

      All that being said, why are we relying on GBM celebs to illustrate to us what healthy GBM relationships should look like? And are we so pro black that we should not be in relationships with even Latinos? Yes colorism is a big issue but we still can’t change the fact that the majority of ALL relationships including relationships of GBM are not interracial. At what point do we start focusing own our own house instead of what black is sleeping with what non-black? As Pro-Black as I am what am I missing?

      • scottywashere | March 5th, 2014
        +3

        I’m not too big on the term “pro-black”. Like do we really need to come up with a special word for guys that don’t hate themselves lol?

        I don’t think it’s a matter of focusing on who’s sleeping with who. I don’t care about that. The issue is with the pattern, not the individuals. In the same Lifeclass I mentioned, they were talking about the current trend of black women sewing in hair from any nationality but one that looks like their own. I don’t think anyone really cares about what some random sista does with her hair or who one random brotha chooses to smash, but when it becomes a pattern it’s how black people show America that even we think black is 2nd rate (or 3rd or 4th LOL), and that’s def a problem we shouldn’t dance around or try to justify IMO.

        Media representation is important. If it wasn’t, BET, Logo, Lifetime, Univision, etc. wouldn’t even exist. So if the vast majority of GBM relationships are not IR (which I believe), then that’s even more of a slap in the face that IR is always the focus (unless it’s time
        to discuss DL life or HIV).

        • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
          0

          “So if the vast majority of GBM relationships are not IR (which I believe), then that’s even more of a slap in the face that IR is always the focus”

          I agree…so why are blacks so focused on it if the majority of blacks are not in interracial relationship? See the contradiction?

          • scottywashere | March 5th, 2014
            +3

            No, I think you misunderstood me. I was referring to media focus on GBMs in IR relationships in that line. Meaning it’s odd that both white and black media seem to only show GBMs in IR if the vast majority are not in IRL. It’s misrepresentation, which people usually tend to take issue with.

            • achris
              achris | March 5th, 2014
              0

              I feel you…if it can be agreed that most gay couples are not interracial, then why are we always showed with a white partner in the media…oh yea, I know, people can’t deal with two black men in a healthy relationship together..

              • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
                0

                Possibly OR and in addition to, based on the demographics the producers have to appeal to the broader audience for sponsorship revenue. TV is a business.

                • achris
                  achris | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  I feel you, but BET (who I doubt has a very diverse audience especially for Being Mary Jane), come on man…Truth be told, whites inter-racially date less than any other group (with blacks coming in second), at least in terms of str8 ppl, so I’m sure they wouldn’t give a damn…but I feel you, tv is a business

                • scottywashere | March 5th, 2014
                  0

                  Exactly. With shows like Being Mary Jane and The Haves and the Have Nots or even movies like Baggage Claim (where the gay character was played by a white guy), the target demographic is black. So the idea that too much color will kill profit potential doesn’t work when it’s black TV/movies. One of the problems with black media playing off what white media promotes when it comes to this is that it helps to sorta validate the idea that gay is “a whiteboy thing”.

      • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
        0

        You know what, throughout all of this discussion abt IR’s, Im just now putting sumthin together. The only long term (n I mean LOOOONG) relationship Ive been in was actually with a Puerto Rican, yet I never considered us IR. Maybe it was because he identified as a black Latino, idk, but we certainly didnt consider ourselves IR. Eventho, I guess based on this thread, we technically were. But at the same time, many Latin cultures wouldnt exist w/o black African people gettin dropped off down on the islands. Am I crazy for not considering that IR dating?

        • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
          0

          See that is what I was thinking. For many that are not in favor of IR, it seems like far skin Latinos are also not allowed.

        • LEE B | March 5th, 2014
          +1

          No I don’t think you are crazy for not classifying your relationship as IR. Majority of Puerto Ricans are of mixed decent, which includes African.

  14. Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
    0

    For me the far bigger story here, that is not being discussed is that there are only about 23,000 black gay male same sex couples in the entire US.

    • hannibal
      Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
      0

      are these out gay couples or does this include “discreet” gay couples?

      • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
        +1

        I’m assuming they are Out being that they provided their same sex status and relationship head of household status to the Census.

        • hannibal
          Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
          0

          I’m assuming the numbers are low because of the church and men on the DL and I wonder if disease has anything to do with it too.

    • RolandG
      rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
      -1

      Just doing the math, that’s about 6% of all eligible MSM in relationships. Are you sure that’s right? That’s mighty low but could certainly be possible. Perhaps many are like @nick and simply don’t want to be in a relationship? Looking at these stats though, it might be necessary for some black men to seek love elsewhere if they’re not able to find it at home. Just my thoughts.

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
        +2

        *stares daggers into @rolandgarros28 Is this your way of saying we need to just give up and go out and find us a white man?

        • RolandG
          rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
          +1

          Not at all. But, if I’m striking out on a black man, which is who I desire, I’m not going to just sit alone in a house filled with cats. I think it’s crazy that black gay men are this upset about 4 black gay people who are CURRENTLY dating white men. Look at the stats @ocky included. There are certainly plenty of gay black men in this country but, for some reason, we are choosing not to partner up with each other. So don’t attack someone who has managed to find what they want/need in a person who has lighter skin.

        • RolandG
          rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
          -1

          ….And @Hannibal, if we’re being honest, how many of the black men on this site and others, would date Jason Collins if given the opportunity? I don’t think that many if I’m thinking out loud.

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
            0

            I mean he’s tall…and has a face or whatever. He should have some semblance of coins left…I mean he looks like he knows how to manage his money.

          • Steven Austin | March 5th, 2014
            +1

            I would date Jason Collins, but I’m not gonna try to compete with all those White men who just want a piece of the rock. I have so much to say on this topic, I have nothing to say…lol …but to answer your question, I’d give Mr. Collins a go.

          • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
            +1

            Are u kidding @rolandgarros28 ? I think plenty of us would give a talented, successful, professional a shot. On top of that, he’s not bad to look at, is physically fit, has testosterone, AND has a few dollars to super size it? The real question is whether or not he’d give ME a shot, and Im not exactly what you’d call, ‘slumming it’.

            • RolandG
              rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
              0

              @sb3000, just stop all that lying. LOL. Ok well two people said they would date him. LOL. Once, I remember some black women sitting around discussing Dennis Rodman saying white women can have him because don’t no black woman want him. Running with that sentiment, I do think that Jason Collins would not be sought after by a huge swatch of the Black gay male population based on many factors. Perhaps he feels like he would be more accepted by white gay men, therefore he seeks them out to the exclusion of black men. I know if there was a group that talked shit about me and put me down, i wouldn’t be trying to holla at them either.

              • SB3000 | March 6th, 2014
                0

                Whats so bad about him? Do yall know sumthin I dont? I mean, he doesnt wow me but Id give him the time of day. And with the flatline that is my dating/love life, Id have a lot of nerve to turn down a man who’s breathing, lol.

                • RolandG
                  rolandgarros28 | March 6th, 2014
                  0

                  @sb3000, with over 15 million people in metro NYC, how is it possible your love life has flatlined? I’m in podunkville so it’s hard for me to meet anyone descent. That’s my valid excuse. Hell, i’m tempted to try and find a girl to date. LOL

                  Oh and about Jason Collins, i din’t mean he was a troll. I mean that for all the gay black men looking for the fitted cap and wife beater look, or dude who likes urban music, it ain’t happening with Jason. So he’s probably seeking those that like him for him.

                • SB3000 | March 7th, 2014
                  +1

                  Well, I admit and own the fact that Im VERY picky. Like ocky, masculinity is non-negotiable. And like nick, Id rather date str8 men, lol. Nah, but typically, guys Im into are str8, or way more DL than I care to entertain, even as a former DL man myself. And Im not on jackd, a4a, or any of that, becus Im not lookin for hookups.

                  I def believe that in this city of 18 gazillion ppl, guys Im lookin for are out here heavy, but the problem is simply finding them. Im aware that ppl dont know Im gay when they see or meet me, but Im also not trying to wear a sign.

                  Hence why I say I wouldnt be quick to shut a guy down if he’s bringing decent stats to the table.

      • achris
        achris | March 5th, 2014
        0

        Or maybe they just need to get out the damn house and meet some OR get some balls and approach one they are interested in. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the “only white guys approach me line.” There are enough gay black men out there (even if they did not identify themselves this way in a poll)…I am so tired of this, none are available so go to white (or other) men argument…#justsaying

  15. Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
    +1

    Rough math…40 million Blacks in the US which is about 13% of total population. About 4% of those identify as LGBT (not just gay) which means it’s about 1.6 million black LGBT identifying adults in the US. About 84k are in same sex relationships so that leaves about 1,516,000 single black LGBT people.

    Get your lazy asses out there and get to dating.

  16. Deacon
    Deacon CJ | March 5th, 2014
    +1

    I’m not going to lie, i’m one of those brothers that wasn’t shocked when Jason Collins came out and it was noted that he dates white guys, for Michael Sam yes I would love to see him with a black guy but at this point if he is seem out with a guy I wont be surprised if dude is white. As for tv writers write what they reflect, and lets be honest on The Wire if they had given Omar a white boyfriend nobody would have believed it. If we want to see black on black gay love on tv we as black gay men can no longer just accept seeing only one of us on screen with a white lover and be happy about it, noise needs to be made to let tv & film writers know it’s not enough just to a a single black gay character who has a white boyfriend, that if you have a gay character who is black let him have a black boyfriend, i.e. BET’s “Being Mary Jane”

    • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
      0

      Being that I’m allergic to most things on TV I had no idea the gay dude on this show had a black BF. I will have to update the article. Thank You.

      • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
        0

        @ocky – no need to update…while I’ll give them 10 points for depicting a legit masculine black gay man, who is professionally closeted, but open and honest with his close friends…he got a white bf too, lol.

        • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
          0

          Wait so he is not in a relationship with anyone, just actively dating? Trying to understand is he in a relationship and cheating on the black BF?

          • SB3000 | March 5th, 2014
            0

            Lol..he’s a masculine black man in a relationship with a white man..no cheating..they’re doin them

            • Pensive | March 5th, 2014
              +1

              For the storylines sake,it’s pretty obvious that as a typical black female it would be easier for Mary Jane to tolerate and accept. Anything other than that would be far fetched for most black people to see in their face and allow themselves to watch. Making the couple interracial softens the blow.

  17. Exhibit REY | March 5th, 2014
    0

    I’m thinking a possible reason why we mostly see interracial gay couples in mainstream media more so than black gay couples is because white families are more accepting of homosexuality than black families are. Also, another possible reason why we don’t see enough black gay couples in media is because some people prefer to not have the entire world in their personal affairs. Not too along ago, Deion Sanders said there were openly gay (black and white) athletes who were/are still active in the NFL how. So, if they prefer to not have their sexuality become a factor on the field, I’m guessing they also would like to have their privacy respected off the field. I think the bigger issue here is entitlement/inclusion within the black (gay & straight) community. Because I’m black, I’m automatically supposed to have a black boyfriend/girlfriend?

    Granted, I’d like to see more gay couples of color in mainstream media however, why are we waiting on White America to show it to us? Like you mentioned Ocky, BET, TVOne, Centric, etc. are all geared towards the African American community, why aren’t we asking them to provide us with this? Are we subscribing to the notion that white content creators are better equipped to tell our stories better than black content creators.

    We’ll never prosper until the black community comes to terms with its own demons, only then will our issues and concerns be addressed but until then, get ready to only see gay black men as accessories…

    • Gurlareyoukidding??? | March 5th, 2014
      0

      Actually Deion Sanders said that there were people HE KNEW were gay, not “openly gay players”….get it right, toots.

      • Exhibit REY | March 5th, 2014
        0

        I meant that in the context of the team (including Deion) knew they were gay, not the general public knowing. The phrase “openly gay” has numerous meanings and I’m sure you know that so please don’t play dumb!

    • scottywashere | March 5th, 2014
      +1

      “I’m thinking a possible reason why we mostly see interracial gay couples in mainstream media more so than black gay couples is because white families are more accepting of homosexuality than black families are.”

      How do you figure? The last polls I saw had both blacks and Asians ahead of white people when it came to support for SSM.

  18. Nick Delmacy | March 5th, 2014
    +4

    The only thing I’ll add to this conversation is that I’m personally turned off by people who say they are against interracial relationships…of any kind, straight or gay.

    This includes the people who complain about athletes and celebrities dating “outside of their race.” Reminds me too much of racists who say, “stick to your own kind.”

    Also, reminds me of black homophobes who say, “we lost another one” or “strong black men are being eradicated with that gay Disease.”

    The lack of a handful of photos of celebrity black gay couples on gossip blogs is not the reason that you’re bitter & single. You are.

    And with that, I leave the discussion. Carry on.

    edward-norton-laptop-gif.gif

    • Isaac | March 5th, 2014
      +8

      First of all, no one is against interracial relationships. I am not, although personally I am a black man who prefers other black men. The point is, when MOST black men get successful, MANY go and get partners of other races…in particular white partners. When white men get rich and successful, they don’t typically have a black mate by their side. When a partner of another race becomes a status symbol, that’s when there is a problem. MANY BLACK MEN GAY AND STRAIGHT seek out those of other races when they get successful, but other races for the most don’t do this. Pointing out dynamics is not bashing interracial dating.

      • scottywashere | March 5th, 2014
        +5

        @Isaac: True dat. Lots of straw man arguments up in here. Taking complaints about these issues and turning them into “you all just hate interracial couples” is really dramatic.

        • ControlledXaos
          Black Pegasus | March 5th, 2014
          +3

          @scottywashere Exactly! The Straw Man argument is used by those to misrepresent an opposing viewpoint in its most simplistic form. They use repetition to reinforce misinformation in the minds of the lazy. As pathetic as it is, it’s annoyingly effective. Which is why I ceased the discussion.

          I’m glad you were able to recognize that as well.

  19. RolandG
    rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
    -1

    @Ocky, I see where you made your mistake. You should’ve split this into two completely separate posts; this one and the second one could read something like, “Why so many black folk can’t get their own relationship and mind they own damn business.” Or, “Gay Black Men, get off yo ass and go meet one of the other 1.4 million single complaining Gay Black Men who refuse to date fair skinned men.” Or Better yet, “White penis is better than nothing.” SMH

    • hannibal
      Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
      0

      does it make it better that I only get irritated when it’s tall masculine black men grabbing the white men? I mean…I’m ok With Don Lemon and his boo.

  20. questforknowledge
    quest for knowledge | March 5th, 2014
    +3

    I personally don’t see what the big deal is with interracial couples. I’ve had this discussion with my friends numerous times and I still don’t understand why so many black folks are against this. To me love is love no matter what shape or form it comes in. We of all people know what it feels like when people criticize our same sex relationships and to think that some of us have the audacity to criticize gay or straight interracial couples is unbelievable to me. We want people to respect who we love so why aren’t we doing the same to those who don’t date black people exclusively? I guess some folks believe that we are entitled to all black men and they are off limits to every other race. Everyone is their own person with their own personal preference, which simply means they can love whomever they please. I was also thinking do white folks (or any other race for that matter) make it such a big deal when they see their sons, daughters, friends, etc dating black people or any other persons outside their race? Why is that we get all up in arms about this?

    And the other thing that I struggle to understand is how interracial relationships in the media influence our chances of finding a suitable black guy that is relationship material. Those persons in that relationship have dating preferences that surely don’t represent the preference of every black man gay or straight. Whatever the thought process is behind this, I guess I just will never understand it.

    • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
      0

      “I was also thinking do white folks (or any other race for that matter) make it such a big deal when they see their sons, daughters, friends, etc dating black people or any other persons outside their race?”

      HELL YES!

      But other than that you still made some good points.

      • RolandG
        rolandgarros28 | March 5th, 2014
        0

        “HELL YEAH” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. @ocky, you funny as hell. LMAO

      • questforknowledge
        quest for knowledge | March 5th, 2014
        0

        The reason why I brought that question up is just going off of what I have seen from my family and friends with their relationships with white people I haven’t witnessed the same reaction by white people that many black folks have when other black people date white people. Or let me say this I’ve seen many white folks embrace it with no qualms as opposed to what we see with black people. I think more so what I was wondering is do you see it happen to the same degree and extent that you see in black folks? In my head I guess from these experiences I just always thought that black people make a bigger deal about it compared to white people.

        • achris
          achris | March 5th, 2014
          +1

          Ummm yea other races make just as big a deal out of it my friend especially when it comes to black men, lets be real here..

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
            0

            The taboo is definitely there with other races but it’s probably not as frequent which is why we don’t hear about it as much. I attended a seminar on this subject years ago but I remember hearing that the group that gets ran from the most are Asian men. Apparently Asian women are moving on to bigger and better things at a faster rate.

      • straight_up | March 16th, 2014
        +1

        Thanks Ocky, these modern day black folks really don’t understand the psyche of white people. They despise interracial relationships more than blacks, especially where white men are concerned. Blacks need to get off this “love is love” “accept everyone and everything because we know what oppression is…” That script is tired. I have a newsflash for them: blacks being open and accepting everyone is what led to our oppression in the first damn place. Black people (especially men) wake the eff up!

        • SB3000 | March 17th, 2014
          0

          But why does the stance to be so militant? Im the first to acknowledge that the most popular phrase on gay sites/apps, after ‘no fats/no fems’ is ‘no blacks/no asians’ aka ‘im usually attracted to whites, latinos, avatars and everything BUT blks n asians. However, what does one get out of taking that same approach if they’re actually more open minded than the guy w/ the above listed profile?

  21. Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
    +1

    Just so I understand, the argument is, “You don’t have a problem with interracial couples, you just don’t like black men who are successful (what you deem successful) and date outside their race or who are celebrities and date outside their race or black men who exclusively date outside their race.”

    So non-successful, non-celebrity black gay men who date outside their race are ok? Especially the non-successful ones because who would want them anyway right?

    Funny seeing all the talk about the interracial couples you DO have a problem with but I don’t see you talking about the ones you DON’T have a problem with. Tell the truth…you don’t like any black man dating outside of his race. Just say it.

    • hannibal
      Hannibal | March 5th, 2014
      0

      i said earlier I don’t have a problem with Don Lemon and his man…Lee Daniels either. more power to them.

      • Ocky Williams | March 5th, 2014
        +1

        Thats because you are not attracted to them.

  22. honestblackman06 | March 5th, 2014
    0

    After reading every single comment thus far. I can speak to a few things for me. It really saddens me when I see gay black male celebrities with white men. I would really like to say dam “they are two fine ass black dudes doing it up big in hollywood!” I don’t see very many though ( I do know that doesn’t mean they exist, just not out and in the open). I do think interracial dating is truly fine line walking between fantasy fulfillment for both the white and black parties. I would kill to see more contemporary black gay cinema chronicling our everyday lives. I would also support and pay to see such. When it comes to finding love, I believe that if you truly say that you are “colorblind” then don’t exclude your own color. We’ve seen this ish happen so many times. That’s all care to say at the moment. I think the article was right on time! I appreciate the attention given to a very important “gay” issue.

    Peace and blessings
    HB06

    • Exhibit REY | March 6th, 2014
      0

      Is there anyone else besides me who’s truly confused as f*ck by the above-stated comment?

    • Ocky Williams | March 6th, 2014
      0

      Thanks HB06 for your feedback. Exhibit, I’m not confused. What I got is that he just wants to see a black gay celeb with a black man or another black gay celeb. I mean hell, who wouldn’t?

  23. Dean | March 6th, 2014
    +3

    Well, why is that true? It’s the effects of slavery and Jim Crow. Words are tool for evil or good just like a knife or a hammer? Words can smash like hammer, cut like a knife, comfort like a pillow, bind like cement, build like bricks or lift like the rising tide.

    The truth is that words do make a difference. Words and the images they represent have been used throughout our history in America to give many of us a slave mentality. Our hair has been called “nappy,” our lips “thick,” and our noses “wide”–all of which are now pejorative, negative terms. On the other hand, European features have been given positive connotations. Their hair is “silky,” their skin “fair,” and their features “keen.” Tragically, it means the straighter, the longer, the better–the more European-like, the better. Think of what a different society we would have if European features were given pejorative terms and African features were given positive terms. They would have “pale skin,” “stringy hair,” and “pointed features.” We would–and I hasten to add do–have “strong hair,” “broad noses,” and “full lips.”

    Are you familiar with the “the doll experiment by Dr. Kenneth Clark”? If not, Google it and articles associated with it. The doll test/experiment was done after the year 2000 and the results are the same. There is a great amount of self-hate and self-loathing among African Americans and this seeps into children from societal cues (words and images) in…

  24. alton
    NYCforEVER | March 7th, 2014
    +4

    There was a point in time I probably woulda been upset to see a black dude in a relationship with a white dude, but after doing some self reflection, I realized for me it was just seein peolpe in a relationship period that pissed me off. Nowadays, IDGAF what someone else is doing with their life. I personally don’t date ANY race exclusively. I’m attracted to (masculine) men, period. While I don’t foresee myself in a relationship with a white guy, I’m not gonna rule it out. I look for dudes that have qualities I seek, and I’ve found said qualities in quite a few different races and ethnic backgrounds. Where I have found it increasingly apparent that Black Men (or maybe just me) don’t “appear” to be the most desired, at least here in NYC, I refuse to let that deter me. In the meantime, I just take what comes to me, I would like for it to be a dude that looks like Method Man, but if he looks more like a Roméo (from Aventura) or a Suraj Shurma (Life of Pi) then I’m not complaining. Long as he’s masc, intelligent, can hold his own, has a good personality, and is relationship oriented/faithful, who am I to complain. That’s what I’m looking for. As far as seeing “Black Love” reflected in the media, good luck with that. The media is a fantasy world, and quite frankly I would never look to it to reflect my own personal views, especially when it comes to anything overwhelmingly and CONSISTENTLY positive in “Black Life”. I make my own reality.

    • alton
      NYCforEVER | March 7th, 2014
      0

      And as far as Mike Woods goes, I’m surprised that ANYONE is surprised that he’s exclusively attracted to white guys. LOL Again, vaya él, that’s his life and none of my business. I don’t know the man and most likely with never run into him ever, so what do I care.

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | March 7th, 2014
        0

        I was shocked and devastated. I think that’s the moment I turned to the bitter side of the debate lol.

    • Ocky Williams | March 7th, 2014
      0

      First @NYC…GREAT comment. Second…Who is Mike Woods?

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | March 7th, 2014
        0

        @ocky he’s a gay weatherman in NYC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LhIJKa-WoQ

        • hannibal
          Hannibal | March 7th, 2014
          +1

          Ironically he said in the above interview that he was involved with a charity to give young men of color direction…the joke writes itself

  25. Alexandre | March 9th, 2014
    0

    I found the pictures of that wrestler’s “boyfriend” rather unsettling – he looks more like a girlfriend imho (and I don’t mean his race with that), which reinforces that silly “Who’s the girl, then?” stereotype probably for some superficial straights. But who cares what superficial people think ;o)?

  26. Johnny V. Boykins | March 13th, 2014
    +2

    WOW. This is really interesting. As a black male who is currently in a relationship with a white male I can say that I have experienced this type of critique. However, its disturbing with the level of discrimination within our community. My first relationship was with a black man, that many would assume is very effeminate by his initial appearance. He is a southerner and brilliant fashion designer and making me proud everyday. We experienced shame and criticism because people would critique us because is the socially constructed gender role stereotypes. “He’s to fem for you BS”. Now I am in a relationship with a white man and I overhead someone who I thought was a friend refer to me as having white flight syndrome. I am a black man probably overly educated for some, politically and civicly minded and met a white guy that I liked. Unfortunately, I think my white boyfriend gets it much worst then me. Chocolate Chaser, BBC comments, from his white friends. It goes both ways. Interesting comments. I enjoyed reading them.

  27. straight_up | March 16th, 2014
    0

    I don’t understand this post. The author started off discussing black gay athletes and their lust for anything other than black booty/d*ck, then veered off into the lack of media representations of black male couples. The two are mutually exclusive and probably deserve separate posts.

    As for the athletes, as some have pointed out, they are all suffering from low self-esteem/low self worth, resulting from centuries of black oppression. I almost feel sorry for them. I’m of the opinion that no self-respecting black man would seriously mate with a white man, ever. Blacks need to stop supporting these lost knee-grows so that they can see where their true support lies.

  28. Rox808 | March 16th, 2014
    0

    Dont think there is anything wrong with seeing interacial relationships. I will always be in one since the majority (or all) the men i date are usually black. Its just what im attracted to. I think it borders on how every race wants their top dogs to only date withn the race. usually those top dog people have a broader choice of men/women to date. i have faced the same dilema. i have excepted it and moved on. hopefully everyone else can to.

  29. Van Ray | April 10th, 2014
    +3

    I will say that I am troubled with interracial relationships, especially here in Atlanta,simply because most of the white men, read MOST, seem to see any gay black man and assume that we are all homo thug mandingo dick carrying warriors only for their pleasure.

    This objectification of black gay sexuality is what I object to. Very reminiscent of how slave master’s had bed warmers that were black because of exotic sexual fantasies.

  30. uptown177
    uptown177 | May 13th, 2014
    +1

    Aren’t there enough problems in society with being whatever society deems abnormal? Why project race into it? Latin and Black come on really? Latinos and Blacks use to be so tight back in the day yet being brainwashed by the powers that be fell into that colonialism trap. We are all human beings, once your dead and our shell (skin) rots away and our bones turn to dust what is the overall point? as long as the person you are with treats you well and there is a level of trust, communication, and respect what is the problem? Articles like this add fuel to the fire. Life is too short to waste time worrying about skin tones.

  31. christopher | June 28th, 2014
    0

    Love is love. I’m shocked that gay men of any race are prejudice of love. We all have different sexual attractions. It’s none of my god damn business who you love and in the same breath it’s not my business who you love. Period. We can’t make people be attracted to one race or another. Just as we can’t make a gay man sexually attracted to a woman. I come from a interracial family and am in an interracial relationship. Maybe because of my background and my family values interracial relationships…gay or straight are a non issue. It seems that many want to stir hate on both sides of the isle. SMH…where’s my cup of tea.

  32. uptown177
    BrooklynNative | January 26th, 2015
    0

    As long as both respect and love each other who cares? We are all going to die anyway skin is only superficial is what is underneath that counts.




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