This is my ride or die, my fur baby. Her name is Queen Reina (Rain-NAH) and she is a German Shepherd Dog and she is the sweetest most loyal dog ever. But the bitch sheds A LOT.
Are you Team Dog or Team Cat or Team No Pets?
Most Dapped Posts
Page 169 of 169
- Thread: Team Dog/Team Cat/Team No Pet
- Thread: Meet Martyn Ford
So I just got into a passionate discussion offline with some buddies from Cypher Avenue (S/O to the original activity stream squad lol) talking about Adele and her album sales for her upcoming LP, '25.' She is on pace to sell anywhere from 1.3 to 1.8 million albums in the first week just based on pre-sales alone! She will break the record for highest sales for a female solo artists since Britney Speaks dropped her album, 'Oops I Did It, Again,' in the early 2000s, which sold 1.32 million copies in the first week alone!
I was talking to my guys about how it is so crazy that someone like Adele can come along and basically take over the music industry while black artists (more so singers than rappers) are STRUGGLING out here. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of talent and I do believe that she has plenty of it. I like her song "Hello" and the music video starring my man Mack Wilds (looking too good in there... but uh uhm-hmm anyway lol back to what I was saying). I was wondering why it is like black artists make good music that people can feel too but they just do not sell like their white counterparts (see: Eminem, Sam Smith, Adele, Macklemore, etc). There are exceptions to the rule like I told my guys in artists like Drake, J. Cole, Future, Kendrick Lamar and a few select other rappers. Even though those rappers have had strong 1st week album sales debuts, the majority of those buyers are White people. The majority of attendees of tours for many rap artists are White people.
One of my guys said you can't compare rap artists to Adele but I honestly think you can when speaking on the rappers that have more of a mainstream appeal (see: Future & Drake) or those that have a large following (see: Kendrick Lamar & J. Cole).
You also have the conversation when it comes to R&B/Soul and comparing artists like the Sam Smith and the Adele to other black artists like Tyrese and Syleena Johnson. I have to agree with a point made by Tyrese on The Breakfast Club Radio Show when he discussed how the gatekeepers (white people) keep the doors closed to black artists when it comes to them being able to really break them on larger platforms. In the meanwhile, black radio keeps the doors WIDE open for white artists that dibble and dabble in R&B and hip-hop music. You're more likely to hear Robin Thicke, Adele, and Sam Smith on black radio than you are to hear Mary J. Blige, Tyrese and Jhene Aiko on white radio. It is what it is.
So tell me....
Why do you think black artists don't sell like they used to back in the 90s and early (& mid) 2000s?
Does it have to do with piracy?
Do white people have more money to spend on music compared to other minority populations?
Do other races generally support their respective genres of music when it comes to albums and/or tours?
What do YOU think?
Sound off below!
- Thread: These Damn Memes
Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes or YouTube for automatic updates!
In this podcast, hosts Octavius Williams and Nick Delmacy discuss the official start of Cuffin’ Season and Self Esteem Issues that have affected them in their dating lives over the years.
Read the whole post here.
I've watched this trailer a dozen times already!
I got my tickets!!! IMAX 3D!!! Opening Day, baby! The nerd in me is happy!
Just gotta get cuffed before December 17th up so I can have someone to see it with me!
- Thread: Film Review: Beasts of No Nation
“I just want to be happy in this life. If I’m telling this to you, you will think that…I am some sort of beast or devil. I am all of these things…but I also had a mother, father, brothers and a sister once. They loved me” – Agu
Over the last couple of years, Netflix has become a power house in how scripted media is consumed. The streaming service continues to build on its critically acclaimed original series such as House of Cards and Orange is the New Black. Now Netflix has entered into original feature film territory with Beasts of No Nation…and it absolutely doesn’t disappoint.
The film is based on Nigerian author Uzodinma Iweala’s novel of the same name and shows how easily captured young boys are initiated and indoctrinated into becoming a child soldier. Beasts is beautifully directed by Cary Fukunaga (True Detective S1), who reportedly had been working on the adaptation since 2006. I almost felt like I was “cheating” by not seeing this film in theaters.
Beasts’ starts off innocently with the introduction of 11 yr old Agu (played by newcomer Abraham Attah) and his group of neighborhood friends. We see them going around town attempting to sell a shell of an old television as they act out marital arts and dramas from behind the missing screen. We go onto see the day to day life for Agu and his family sprinkled with humorous moments. There’s a subtle nod to the influence of hip hop as Agu’s brother dances to the old school “Wild Style” theme. Their childhood imagination and innocence is still abundant within the confines of the Nigerian / UN peace keeping buffer zone.
Viewing the teaser and extended trailers, you know doom is on the way. After the rebels bring chaos death to Agu’s community, he escapes to the jungle to survive while mourning his losses. Agu begins his journey as a child soldier after he is eventually captured by a group of rebels lead by the charismatic Commandant (Idris Elba). The Commandant has a compelling leadership and sway over the group, which may be influenced by a connection to tribal roots and customs. This sets the contrast between Agu’s Christian influences and traditional African culture that exists through out the film.
I’m sure most have seen or heard about the horrors of children forced into fighting in paramilitary troupes and caught up in a region’s civil war. Even though Beasts graphically shows many of these horrors (killings, executions, rapes, drug use), surprisingly it strongly hints at the trauma of molestation and sexual assault that typically is inflicted upon the younger soldiers by the older boys or men higher in the ranks.
Fukunaga’s cinematography is part of the reason I felt like I was “cheating” while watching the film. Another reason is the score by Dan Romer which is haunting in parts and makes some of the more active sequences seem surreal. Many of the scenes throughout the film feel like they need to be shown on the big screen. In one scene we see a tiny, almost invisible Agu in comparison to the overall vastness of the large encompassing jungle, providing a sense of bewilderment and loss. Even though there are numerous violent scenes throughout, to me what pushes the emotional conflict is the continued focus on Agu’s facial expressions (or sometimes a lack thereof) and body language. Initially he obviously doesn’t want to commit these atrocities and he goes from being forced, to becoming a desensitized. We see a boy transformed into a killer along with how drugs are used as attempts to empower, ease distress and cope.
I strongly feel the viewer should examine the similarities between child soldiers and inner city youth as it relates to the psychology of violence and within environment. Although it is not the same type of violence, there are parallels to the atmosphere that exits not only in war torn countries throughout the world but also within the landscapes of cities like Chicago, Los Angeles and Baltimore. Many boys and young men go through a process of becoming disenchanted with life and desensitized to death and murder. Just like in the film, many young black and brown boys are not giving a proper opportunity to grow and evolve constructively without disorder once they find themselves in dysfunction.
I was emotionally caught off guard by Abraham Attah’s break out performance of Agu and the way Fukunaga brought his turmoil to screen. In addition to Attah, on should also take note of the other young actor Emmanuel Nii Adom Quaye for his performance as Strika, fellow child soldier and Agu’s friend. As the story unfolds, I found myself questioning – even with all his vileness – was the Commandant fighting on the side of an oppressed people that were being slaughtered by the government? Was he once in Agu’s position and used the unfortunate circumstances to his advantage to become Commandant? Maybe not, but could not the same be said for 2 I-C (Commandant’s young second in command played by Kurt Egyiawan)? I think that is the beauty in Elba’s performance; he is very convincing. This film gives a sense of deflated humanity similar to Schindler’s List, Hotel Rwanda or Sometimes in April (also starring Idris Elba).
Beats of No Nation has captivated audiences and critics and is generating Oscar buzz for Fukunaga’s directing/cinematography and Attah’s performance. Given the make-up of the voting body of the Academy, I think this may be a weak possibility and wishful thinking. The Hollywood spin machine has already labeled Beasts a flop due to only making around $51,000 its opening weekend, showing in only 31 theaters nationwide. It should be noted that most theater operators boycotted the movie and have threatened to do the same with other upcoming Netflix films. Something tells me there are elements in Hollywood that fear Netflix’s model and growing success.
Netflix continues to charm network and cable television audiences with series like Narcos and the upcoming Marvel series Daredevil S2 along with Jessica Jones. Now it looks like they may start a trend of keeping some folks home instead of partaking in an expensive night at the movie theater. Netflix has announced that they will be releasing the sequel to Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on the same day of its release in China and in select IMAX theaters. They also have announced War Machine starring Brad Pitt but have not given a release date. If Netflix continues to bring their customers exclusive films that are as good as if not better than Beasts of No Nation, they may change the game and continue to freak out Hollywood.
Read the whole post here.
Like most gay men on social media, I follow certain Personal Trainers on Instagram, Twitter and/or YouTube. In addition to sharing fitness tips, these chiseled bodied men bless us by showing off their abs and muscles daily in the form of new photos and videos.
Their positive inspirational photos and videos in no subtle way say, “you can get like me with just a little hard work and consistency.”
And there’s a lot of truth to this. These men have no doubt bust their asses to achieve the physiques they have.
Recently, I started to see through the Matrix that is the Social Media Influenced Fitness Industry and noticed a very common trend.
Just about 90-95% of the most popular, oiled up and chiseled fitness models online selling us Herbalife supplements and discount “training” sessions had an unfair advantage from the start.
Turns out, most of them just might be full of shit.
THE UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
Its safe to say that most people who seek out the help of a personal trainer are looking to lose weight, sometimes tons of it. They hope to lean out enough to expose the muscle hiding underneath, giving them a “toned” look. Basically, obtaining the lowest possible body fat percentage is the goal.
We see these magazine-cover-ready trainers posting the weight loss progress photos of their clients and assume that their own personal journey was the same. They surely overcame the same struggle of losing those layers of stubborn fat that once caused unwanted bulges in their clothes.
Let’s take a look at one of the main hot-bodied “personal trainers” out there, super attractive Dolvett Quince, best known for his work helping overweight people lose pounds on NBC’s The Biggest Loser.
According to his own book, The 3-1-2-1 Diet, he says about his origins:
“One day, I caught my reflection in a car window, and I looked huge and ripped. My string-bean body had responded quickly to the rigors of weight training.“
Dolvett helps people lose hundreds of pounds, yet he’s never had that struggle in the past himself. He was (and is) a naturally slim guy who had/has the struggle of gaining muscle, not losing fat.
Two different beasts for most people. Even more difficult if your goal is to both lose fat by limiting calories AND gain muscle by consuming more calories when your body has a slow metabolism and naturally follows its evolutionary instinct to retain all fat possible for survival.
And there you have it.
That’s the main unfair advantage that I noticed over and over.
Most of these male personal trainers whose photos and videos we lust after and seek advice from started off with the unfair genetic advantage of a High Metabolism. They’re naturally slim men whose primary struggle is eating too FEW calories, not eating too many calories.
Most people don’t have this “problem.”
Is this akin to being a Marriage Counselor who has never actually been married himself?
What’s harder: Gaining weight or losing it?
Given that our society obsesses over being “slim,” I’d argue that it’s the latter.
Case in point, there’s never been an NBC show called, “THE BIGGEST GAINER” featuring slim men struggling to gain mass.
Full disclosure, I’m sorta one of these naturally slim men as well. While my love of junk food and alcohol causes the size of my mid-section to fluctuate, I’ve always been more of a skinny guy…So I know the struggle…but I’ve never been so skinny that I was one of the men who could “eat anything and never gain weight.”
Turns out, many Personal Trainers are like this and they avoid sharing this key detail with their clients.
Many of them had perfectly fine and desirable toned bodies even BEFORE they ever stepped into a gym.
On top of their naturally high metabolism, many of these Trainers were lifelong athletes whose bodies were already heavily conditioned to look like they had worked out for years, even if they hadn’t.
Their BEFORE photos look better than most of their clients’ AFTER photos.
Let’s go through some of them now.
1. Ray Grayson aka Mr Shut Up And Train
Based out of Atlanta, celebrity personal trainer Ray Grayson who also goes by the moniker Mr. Shut Up and Train, boasts an impressive 67,000+ followers on Twitter and over 48,000 followers on Instagram.
He’s undoubtedly helped a lot of people and worked hard to achieve his own fitness goals, but an archival photo reveals that he never had to face the struggle of losing tons of pounds.
As Ray puts it regarding this photo: “Twelve years ago you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t fly and Swole (skinny swole)!!!”
2. Ray aka Big Play Ray
I’ve been following the “other” Ray (aka Big Play Ray) and his bodybuilding tips and videos for years. He’s amassed an impressive 4.6 million views on his YouTube channel. But as “swole” as Ray is now, his journey has never included being a 6′ 2″ tall man needing to lose 20-40 lbs of body fat before he saw any of those impressive gym results.
Like Ray Grayson, Big Play Ray can eat whatever he wants and STILL lose weight and maintain definition if he doesn’t go to the gym multiple times per week.
3. Ulisses Jr
Bodybuilding Icon and 4-times Musclemania Pro champion, Ulisses Jr, details his workouts and meal plans to his over 1.4 million followers on Instagram…but as built and defined as he is, it turns out his main struggle is adding and KEEPING the mass, not losing layers upon layers of fat like most of his followers.
4. Chris Smith aka GetFitBySmith
Personal Trainer Chris Smith has over 250,000 Instagram Followers over multiple accounts and goes above and beyond helping people achieve their goals with fitness tips and positive inspirational messages…it doesn’t hurt that he’s also a beautiful man.
But digging into Chris’ archives we see that he’s also one of those naturally “skinny nikkas” who probably played sports since he was able to walk. Check out his Before and After. I’ve seen male strippers who currently look much flabbier than Chris Smith did way back before he started his gym journey.
So not fair.
5. Rauve Suave
Personal Trainer and (sexy) Model Rauve Suave shares fitness tips with over 53,000 Instagram followers and looks amazing doing it. But again, unlike his clients, it turns out that adding mass was his main struggle, not losing weight like his clients.
I don’t know many women (or gay men) who would turn him down if he still looked like his Before photo. There are many men out there who would trade anything to AT LEAST look like Rauve Suave did 3 years ago.
6. Gabriel Sey
Former athlete and current bodybuilding personal trainer Gabriel Sey shares his workout and fitness tips (and sexy British accent) with well over 4 million YouTube views and over 45,000 subscribers.
But as you can see, being athletic with a high metabolism, Sey has never had the struggle of looking in the mirror and seeing a depressingly fat belly like most of his clients.
Slender, muscular, college-aged Gabriel Sey’s body looks even better than some of the other current personal trainers in this list.
7. Brandon Hendrickson
Trinidadian Brandon Hendrickson has clearly worked hard on his physique, leading him to place 5th at the IFBB 2015 Olympia Competition. He shares his journey and fitness tips to his over27,000 followers on Instagram daily.
But as we can see, once again, Brandon’s diet of Caribbean Rotis and Doubles couldn’t compete with his super high metabolism back then.
Notice the trend yet?
8. Justin Reynolds
Personal trainer and aspiring musician Justin Reynolds has amassed over 70k Instagram followers and a whopping 250,000 twitter followers over the last 4 years. I’ve been there since nearly the beginning after learning about him when I responded to his unexpected “follow back” request long before I started blogging.
He’s grown from a young cute light skinned dude to an impressively muscular grown man in that time.
The key thing to note, though, is that once again he started from the point of it being hard for him to put on mass, not lose fat.
Must be nice.
9. Markell aka Mr London
Another British personal trainer, Markell aka Mr London has over 35,000 Twitter followers andover 18,000 Instagram likers who closely follow his workout/fitness tips, as well as lust over his many thirst trap photos.
As you can see by his Before photos, losing a pudgy mid-section was never a concern for the London native.
First World Problems.
10. Jonathan Garcia
Personal trainer Jonathan Garcia helps his over 10,000 Instagram followers lose weight, but he would never have been accused of being “fat” before he started hitting the gym and learning the tricks of the trade for his future clients.
11. Laquan Jones
Trainer Laquan Jones would have been called a “twink” if he was gay, but since he’s not, back then he looked like just another naturally skinny man who’s now impressively swole and teaches his over 3,000 Instagram followers how to lose weight.
A problem that he’s never really had himself.
12. Brandyn Watson
Personal trainer Brandyn Watson’s ripped muscular body is sick! His physique is full of striations and veins, you can tell that his body fat percentage is insanely low. The hard work he’s put in is very evident. This impresses his 3,500 Instagram followers, but a guy like me sees his Before photo and realizes that natural genetics plays a huge factor in his cut up appearance. I’m sure he’s a guy that LOSES weight if he doesn’t work out.
Does this hold true for most men out there?
Brandyn is blessed with the metabolism that keeps him lean, no matter what he eats. Lucky man.
13. Corey S. Taylor
Model, Actor and Personal Trainer Corey S. Taylor effectively inspires many of his over 3,000 Twitter followers with photos of his own progress. But as you can see in the Before and After photo below, Corey was sexy as hell even without gaining the extra muscle mass. To be honest, I had to squint to see the differences between the two photos.
Many of his clients, walking tubs of body fat lard, don’t have such a solid starting point as a foundation to work from.
14. Metrell Hurst
Had to include at least one fellow gay man to the list. Open gaylebrity, Personal Trainer, Military Veteran and Recording Artist Metrell Hurst has over 16,000 followers on Twitter who not only look to him for updates on his music career, they like to see his slim muscular body (present company included, the man is beautiful).
Many of you may remember the D’Angelo “How Does It Feel” inspired music video he produced where he is essentially naked.
However, once again, this chiseled black man (who’s also now Married and off the market) starts off from a place where getting fat is really not a possibility for him unless he tried very hard.
Granted, there are definitely exceptions to the rule. There are some popular Personal Trainers out there who started off fat and lost the weight.
For example, green-eyed YouTube personal training sensation Elliot Hulse has an astonishing 46 Million views on his channel…As you can see from his Before photo, he’s been what we would call overweight at the start of his journey…But if you look at his After photo, he doesn’t quite have the “Magazine Cover Model” look that the men above have.
No doubt that he’s still very attractive and muscular, but he’s not very lean or defined or, well…chiseled.
True he has tons of followers and YouTube views, but there is clearly a difference in the results here over the others mentioned.
Elliot Hulse looks perfectly fine. And he’s probably in better physical shape than anyone reading this. But I can’t help but to observe that his less-than-defined body reminds me of how bodybuilders USED to look in the 70s and early 80s.
Living in Atlanta, I know many non-famous Personal Trainers here in the city…and sure enough, 100% of them have the same story. They started off and maintained a slim/toned physique even before getting serious in the gym.
None of them were ever overweight or fat men who then lost the flab to go on to become fitness trainers
So what was the point of all this? Am I saying that the men listed above did not work hard for the bodies that they have? That they just had great genes and didn’t have to put in much effort?
Nope, the opposite. I know for a fact that a high metabolism and genetic predisposition to muscularity doesn’t always guarantee muscle mass and definition. The individual still has to put in the daily effort in the gym and eat properly.
However, we also have to accept that many of the above men find it much easier to shed fat than the rest of us. This makes their journey to muscle definition and “results” a bit easier than the plight of their clients and fans who have muscle mass hidden by hard-to-lose fat.
Are they actually “full of shit” as the title states? No…that was click bait…Many personal trainers at the very least are motivators to get people to resist temptations.
They’re kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsors who help stop addicted people from having a drink…except A.A. sponsors typically also used to be alcoholics themselves.
I seriously doubt these naturally lean Personal Trainers are telling their clients that they’ve personally never been “fat” or had to work as hard to lean out like most Americans.
What are your thoughts?
Now that Cuffin’ Season 2015 is upon us, its time for the single gay men of the world to get booed up for these cold winter months. But how much are you willing to spend to find him?
Before you can get to the point where you can ‘Netflix and Chill’ with a dude (aka pretend to watch a movie and instead have sex a third of the way through), you must meet one another in a public place at least one time. Historically, this meeting has been called a Date. As we all know, gay men are VERY afraid of this word, instead they like to say they’re “just hanging out.”
Even if you just meet in a parking lot to talk and get to know one another, that’s a date!
The question is, however, how much should you spend on a First Date?
Recently I got into a heated debate with a black gay man from D.C. who said that spending $200 on a first date is not only average, it’s on the low end.
Then I read this article on the topic posted by a heterosexual black man on SingleBlackMale.org:
If you want to date in a major city, be prepared to spend a pretty penny. Don’t let money control your decisions on the date. The way to be a gentleman is to figure out what she wants out of a date and do that. Don’t worry about the cost. Again, if you’re worried about the cost, you shouldn’t be dating. They say, “if you don’t got it, you don’t got it” for a reason.Personally, there’s no way that I’m spending $200-$250 on a FIRST DATE with a guy that I just met. I don’t care how many other suitors he has that would do that and more. It’s not about the money, its about… You know what, fuck that…it IS about the money. Spending $200 to wine and dine a dude that I might not even want a SECOND date with is insane.
When an article was published that stated the average man in DC spends $177 on a date, I thought to myself, “Sounds about right.” I did some quick math with a friend of mine.
Dinner for 2 at Oya followed by some fun activities in Chinatown DC:
Pre-dinner drinks: $10 x 2 = $20
Appetizers, entrees an dessert: $50 x 2 = $100
Drinks during dinner: $20 x 2 = $40
Fun and games at Penn Social (a bar with arcade games): $60
UberX the two of you home: $30
Total Cost: $250
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that a man really doesn’t have to do all that on a first date. And you’re right, you don’t. The problem is, I will. It’s not just about me; it’s that other men will do that too. They will put their all into a date to make a woman feel special. Men are competitively raising the bar every day to separate themselves from the pack.
Secondly, does that total imply that I’m paying for everything? Granted, the above calculations were made by a heterosexual man taking a woman out on the town. So it (sorta) makes sense that he would pay her way. As a gay man, I don’t follow those heteronormative customs.
I can’t imagine another dude paying for everything on a first date with me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable about that as a man…or even vice versa. I’m not treating you when I don’t even know you.
If we’re going out, we’re dutch…or we’re alternating the costs. If I take care of the Movie Tickets, he always offers to buy the concession items. If I offer to pay for the dinner, he always offers to take care of the drinks.
I know there are some hot-bodied gay men out there seem to attract the Down Low Pro Athletes, the Down Low Musicians and the Down Low Preachers who have deep wallets and want to spoil them on a first date, but that ain’t me.
And we’re talking about a FIRST DATE!
Some of you might be calling me cheap…Yes, I am!
I’m also a casual dater. If I’m first dating upwards of 3-4 different people every other week, that’s over 2 stacks just to “get to know” some strangers that I’m not even having sex with yet.
Bruh, I live in Atlanta where there are TONS of great inexpensive things to do while determining if you two are a match.
Here’s my own calculations:
Dinner followed by dope conversation at a sports bar:Even multiplied by 2, that’s still less than $125.
Entree: $25 x 1 = $25 (no appetizers and dessert for me, I don’t show up on a date starving)
Drink during dinner: $10 x 1 = $10
Head to a sports bar for drinks: $20
Total Cost: $55
And granted this may not sound like a very elaborate or romantic date, that’s because it’s not supposed to be. I’m not going out with Beyonce or Michelle Obama, I’m meeting up with another DUDE (that I barely know) for the first time. One that I may never see again afterward.
Here’s another one I’ve been known to use in my arsenal:
Lunch followed by dope conversation while browsing at a bookstore (yes, they still exist):First date. Simple. Ample time to talk and get to know one another. I could do this all day.
Lunch: $15 x 1 = $15
Dope convo walking around a bookstore (or mall) with coffee: $5
Total Cost: $20
My theory is if you need to spend $250 to impress a dude enough to go out on a SECOND date with you, that says a lot about the lack of confidence you have in your personality, looks and quality of conversation.
Anyway, what are your thoughts?
How much would you spend on a first date with another gay man?
Who should pay the bill?
Read the whole post here.
- Thread: So I’m Now In the Friendzone
In an environment where there are social limitations and slim pickings of men of quality when does one cross the line selfishly in their own pursuit of “happiness”? The intro may be a bit verbose but what an opener, right! People are led to do certain things by design. Whether if it’s motivated by either need or necessity. The law of attraction promotes coupling in some sort or fashion. Causally dating, being a serial dater, or open to the possibilities of something more long term are all a la carte. Most radically, when are friends of a friend or even an ex of a friend off the menu altogether?
I’m much closed for I’m very guarded. I don’t allow many in my circle for I figure being selective is a certainly a smart thing to be generally. As a result, I have very few limited options in meeting people socially. I sometimes receive an extended invite to a house party or some other “exclusive” event. I feel madd awkward for I don’t wish to draw any added attention so I try to fade in the background. It never fails (believe you me I am humbled by the gesture) that I get approached. I’d consider myself to be cordial and welcoming for I know it takes some courage (liquid or otherwise) to step up to spark up some convo. Then it feels “uncomfortable” when there’s a more expressed interest beyond the small talk. I think of that line from Biggie’s Big Poppa.
Who they attractin with that line, “What’s your name what’s your sign?”
Soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind
And ask what your interests are, who you be with
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial
I’m no nonsense to a fault. Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me or maybe it’s maturity in knowing what I want to deal with and what I don’t. So, I am quick to politely rebuff when it’s going in a different direction. It becomes more awkward when a friend of a friend steps up with an aim to exchange numbers.
I’m loyal almost to a fault. I will even admit there have been a few occasions when they were hot as fuck. I stood strong and didn’t take the bait. Temptation is a bitch, I tell you. It is easier to do the wrong which makes it so much harder to do the right thing. We are men. By design we are visual and respond to external stimuli. Yo, if the breeze hit me in just the right spot…. #Eggplant Friday and I’ll post my pic. “Name something you do for likes on Instagram”…sounds more like a top eight answer on Family Feud. Post a dick print pic…(DING, third answer). SMH. Kidding aside, it’s about your make up….your character.
Drawn from one of my experiences, there was one special man that I was dating, Eugenio. We had so much in common, sexually compatible and one of the best super extreme likes I ever had. In time it could have developed into love. The trust was certainly there. One of the most memorable times for me was when I helped take care of him when he was sick with a really bad cold…runny nose and all. Those are the moments when your will is bent on doing the right thing. Whatever gesture it is from the corazón (the heart). Whether it’s giving money without asking for it back, a late night rescue due to car trouble, being present and supportive, simply listening without judgment or offering your unsolicited opinion; it appeared as though it was emotionally mutual for sure. Feelings were rapidly developing as it seems the next step was making a statement for a committed monogamous situation. This was something he didn’t want. He quickly wanted to move letters around like SCRABBLE to redefine us and our interaction. So, I became FWB (friends with benefits). Then the sex was too much to handle so I was demoted back into the Friend Zone.
Eugenio was really important to me and I cared for him a great deal. I had to make the adjustment and it wasn’t easy. I knew that he still maintained a relationship with his ex, Dre’. I had zero problems with that. In fact, I was later introduced to Dre’. He is a solid guy. In fact, once, we doubled dated. It was Eugenio and I, Dre’ and a new guy that he was dating. We went out bowling and had a decent time. That asshole Dre’ dated was rude as fuck and was throwing shots at me by calling me Fat Joe because it was the only Latino male reference he knew. Dude, really? Yo soy Dominicano, cabron. No soy Puertorriqueño…he was checked by Eugenio and Dre’ for being disrespectful. That shit wasn’t funny that we all agreed. Then things took amazing turn left when Eugenio later confessed that he had a problem with the new guy Dre’ was dating. Seeing them together really made him feel some kind of way.
After bowling, I was dropped off. Little did I know the evening would take a downward turn for Eugenio. The evening resulted in Eugenio getting madd drunk, fucking someone else that night on a pool table, disrespecting me and the coup de gras – getting into a physical fight with Dre’. The day after Eugenio felt awful. He felt like shit and the guilt mixed with other emotions made him feel empty and dark. I felt “something” so I wanted to check on him. I took public transportation (a 2 hour trek) to his place to see him. He wasn’t too happy to see me and didn’t want to discuss much about the night before. He offered to drive me home. I empathized with him and it broke my heart to see him in so much pain. I felt it. So, after I got out the car, I had a sense that whatever he needed to work through was going to take some time. Time created distance between us. I hadn’t heard from him in a month or so. I figured I was on time out. I didn’t want to make it about me so I complied.
Later, I was feeling a bit lonesome and needed to reconnect with someone. There was this chat line that was popular at the time. I used the free time for signing up new just to listen to some messages. During the screening process there was a lone standout- a naturally masculine guy who seemed direct like me. That was all nice though I will admit there was a sense of sincerity that drew me in. So, I left him a voice message. He must have been online still for shortly after I received a message back. It was him and he left a phone number. I called him that evening. The conversation lasted for 2 hours. We discussed background, interests, family, and work. It felt so good to engage and he made it so easy. I was comfortable to be honest. When we discussed past relationships is when a flag was raised. Wouldn’t you know this new guy I am sharing and conversing is Dre’? WTF and what are the odds? There was some embarrassment for I had no idea. He later admitted that he thought it may have been me because of my NY accent. We had a hearty laugh for the conversation didn’t get inappropriate. I didn’t realize how cool he was. When I was first introduced to “the ex” it was more important for me to not make the evening at all feel awkward. I felt affirmed that Eugenio and I was in a great place for me to be introduced to Dre’. I understood how important Dre’ was for there was history there. I thought there was progress for us to be out on a double date of all things. Dre’ and I kept it friendly and talked maybe once a week.
Two months later, it happened, I got a call from Eugenio. I was so glad to hear from him for I did miss him, his company, and the convo. He sounds better and seemed to be in an improved headspace. We picked up right from where we left off. The contact resumed and strengthened. We began to email each other at work over the business mail server exchange throughout the day. One day, while at work, I mentioned that Dre’ and I ended up meeting in a most unconventional way. We maintained contact and never discussed dating. (Insert record scratch) Oh, shit and ring the alarm! In his response, I got a seasoned email full of expletives of “Fuck You and Him! You niggas are not compatible! You both tops! Are you that desperate to date my ex?!?” Ouch. I was at a loss for I wasn’t expecting that response. Even though his response was a bit over reactive and very disturbing, I understood his anger and the fear. The fear of knowing possibly two special men in his life potentially getting together could piss anyone the fuck off for that was outside of his control. Again, my mentioning the occurrence was my being casually honest. I tried to explain that Dre’ and I linking up wasn’t the case or happening but he wasn’t hearing it.
Dre’ and I mutually thought it would be best if we don’t communicate at all. I deleted his number and there was no social media contact out of respect and love of this man that we both cared about. The situation was complicated and honestly there are no regrets. Love is sacrifice. In the grand scheme of things, I do believe that was the right thing to do. I have never reached out or thought about reaching out to Dre’ even after all of these years.
Many guys aren’t respectful in that they don’t honor those types of relationships and boundaries. It’s all about gratification and seeking out what I want and what I can get. Aside from that, it’s even common for best friends now to once have “messed around” with each other early on. Actually, this testimonial is inspired from a conversation I had with one of my boys about the merits of true friendship. I recognize that friendship and special bonds are important to me. I recognize the special ones that are called friend are few and far between with me in this life.
Read the whole post here.
- Thread: CA Coming Out Party!
Many of us know "Coming Out" isn't easy. I kinda hate the term honestly. But for the sake of the thread, let's help some C A Squads bros.
For me it was 2008. But as far as expression, definitely 2013. I considered my self bi-sexual for the most part my whole life. Recently, I could say I'm like 70/30 But after being married to a chick, I'm like 85/15 ...lol
I learned about this whole coming out through Ellen DeGeneres I was 14 at the time. But I knew, when I heard my parents talking, that whatever she did was connected to me in some way or another. So how about you. Were there any moments or people that sparked your great day?
- Thread: OFFICIAL: IG Thirst Traps Thread
Whenever I talk to people and they ask me what I do for a living I say that I am in the Foreign Service. The usual response is "what is that?" I then have to break it down further and say that I am a United States Diplomat and that get requires further explanation. Well today friends, I am going to give you US Diplomacy 101.
Diplomats represent a country in an official capacity. That means they are charged by oath and decree to speak and act for a particular state (Country). Diplomats perform a wide range of jobs and act in a variety of capacities. In the United States Foreign Service Officer have five fundamental functions (1) Political, meaning acting in the political sphere between states (countries) doing everything from negotiation treaties to informing countries that we are going to war, (2) Public Diplomacy, meaning going into a foreign country and learning everything about it from politics to art to music, i.e., learning about culture, (3) Economic, this speaks for itself, these officers deal with all things economic, primarily trade but its deeper then just that, (4) Management, these officers deal will all foreign assets, i.e., buildings, people, personnel managements, ports, they deal will everything that America owns overseas and they also management it all, (5) Consular Service, these officers are the people you meet working at the front desk of the US facility you go to when you are abroad, they stamp your passport, they get you out of jail when you are locked up abroad, they facilitate foreign adoptions, foreign marriages, they evacuate you when there are problems. The consular service is quite possibly the most important. All of it is aimed at protecting Americans abroad and representing the United States as an entity in the International Community.
For me, I am in the political track. I have attached a video that explains it further.
I write this posting because I think more black Americans should consider a career that prides itself on representing America to the world. The people that do this should be reflective of America. The United States Department of State is by far the most LGBT/SGL friendly department in the entire federal government and offer so much support for its people and families. Blacks and minorities are underrepresented. It offers an opportunity to travel the world, meet new people, experience different cultures, and represents the United States. It also comes with diplomatic immunity, LOTS of benefits, and a decent living where you earn enough money to live off of one persons income. Just a thought from this International Relations nerd!
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