Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

But these dudes have nothing on their profiles to start a conversation and that's the problem . People treat apps like they are a club . At a club I may approach you based on looks only but I won't know you like underwater basket weaving . On an app you have the opportunity to put that on your profile . We can talk about basket weaving and basket weaving accessories but if I ask you anything beyond "sup? " I'm getting "all up in your business ? " GTFOHWTBS .

 

The way that one speaks. I'm sorry, but if you sound like you graduated from The Charles Barkley and Floyd Mayweather Community College of Trapville, we have nothing to discuss. I just cannot do it.

I won't.

 

I think we place too much value on virginity. People should just do it when they personally feel like it. In my experience, everyone will have weird thoughts even if it's not a casual hook-up. And like someone said earlier, the first experience might not involve penetration. I don't think there's much value into waiting to see what each other's penises look like. Be like Nike. Just do it...if you feel like it.

 

Probably! U know the gays gotta be 'alternative' whenever they can...

Im gonna be an alternative white man and walk closely behind a white woman walking alone when I leave work tonight.

 

3-way phone call coming in 3..2...

 

Im cool with it. A strong friendship is important no matter what. It takes a great friendship to make a great relationship work all the time. ijs

 

I was 21. He was my friend and confidant. We did everything together. Partied, drank, traveled. We had a lot of fun. He got me a diamond ring on our 1 year anniversary. Thought he was the man I was going to marry.......but you can't marry a man who is not out to his family when you are. It doesn't make sense. He's the first & only man I've ever been IN LOVE with. Luckily, we are still cool today.

 

Was it a search for perfection, or a search for validation? Was he the 'fish for compliments' type? Some guys who look perfectly fine constantly need that reassurance (esp if they're 'new' to being 'hot') and it's fukn annoying, but i digress lol

 

REALIST RESPONSE: I'm not actually jaded. I think Black Gay Love is definitely possible, and its good to try to have a positive outlook on it...but you also have to be a realist. Words from guys like @alton may be a little harsh but there is some truth to them. Its not all roses and hallmark cards out here in these streets.

There are fewer of us than straight people and most of us are VERY picky (masculine only, gotta be tall, no total bottoms, no total tops, live near me, be around my age, gotta have a car, gotta be this, gotta be that, etc etc). Then there's this:



We put a lot of "good dudes" in the friend zone because we keep subconsciously seeking something sexier, wealthier, smarter, funnier, etc.

I'm not even the most experienced but I attack the game just as that: a game with winners and losers. As much as there are good hearted, well intentioned dudes out there, there are also the playboys, the just-passing-the-timers, the liars, the many-dude-jugglers, the cheaters, the sociopaths, the STD carriers, the deadbeat co-dependency seekers, the list goes on...

True, heterosexuals go through the SAME SHYT, but its def diff for us Gay and (gay leaning) bisexual men (that was for you @NickAuzenneNOLA). We have fewer options, we have a harder time meeting men in traditional ways than heterosexuals do, and we often get in our own way from being either too impatient or too disconnected from real human interactions (ie: only communicating through texting and messaging on apps).

But just being real, in all honesty, I have yet to see a black gay couple in nature fit what I would consider equivalent to a heterosexual couple in love. Oh sure, I see guys who look like best buddies, guys who like like civil business partners, guys who look like good roommates....but they don't look like they're in LOVE. Not like I've seen from straight couples. Maybe that's just my perception.

Having said that, I do think it's possible to achieve...it may take an entire lifetime going through MANY duds, but its possible.

 

Your attitude pretty much sums it up for me. Being in fed govt, most folk my age got good paying jobs and look nice in that financial, on-paper, kind of way BUT are intellectually vacant, culturally shallow and stupid as fuck. In the words of the old Sex Pistols song “Pretty Vacant.” I judge people by their “mens rea” (shout out to @Sean P lol), that is, what is your mindset/goal/intent in life, not your wallet or CV on paper per se.

if you’re 50 and at some position because you’re mad at the world and didn’t apply yourself and have no vision or conception about life, ok we can’t be friends. We would have nothing to talk or socialize about. However, like your dude, you’re working at Trader Joe’s because it helps you to reach other GOALS (in his case, writing); or you just actually like the low-paying gig but you still pay your way in life to your ability; or you’re just a REAL MAN who is going to take care of yourself and your family by legal hook or crook (Geoffrey Owens) you’ll always have a cheerleader in me.

I don’t have time for shallow ass niggers, gay or straight. That’s why I avoid church niggas (90% of my relatives) like the plague. After reading E. Franklin Frazier’s classic “Black Bourgeoisie” as a college freshman, I swore off shallow ass niggas, for life. Negroes will quote MLK and “content of character” all day long then get get their grubby ass little fingers tweeting about a formerly famous black man with a work ethic and sense of pride bagging groceries. Like I said before, I love us black folk in theory, but the reality is fucking stench most times.

 

Yea Ocky I totally agree with you on this one man. I have to catch myself sometimes on this. Being in a predominantly white area I often come across white guys who don't hide the fact that they aren't interested in black guys and in my head sometimes I automatically think this means they are racist. But just as I have my preferences they have their own preferences also so it doesn't automatically mean they are racist. I think a lot of guys get angered by the rejection and are quick to yell racism in their frustration maybe because it is easier to deal with the rejection that way. Granted, some of these dudes may be racist, but you can't make that conclusion just because they aren't interested in you due to the color of your skin.

 

I'm dying to go to gay wedding just to see. Ion care if it's Cody and Brent, Tetsuo and Akai, Alejandro and Tomas, or Dequavian and Boomane. Have half a mine to just crash one.

But yeah I'm all for the courthouse and fish fry/BBQ. I got bills. Ain't nobody got time for no damned wedding planned and VFW hall rental.

 

I will say that relationships are hard work and you have to be ready and willing to put in the hard work. Relationships are about making compromises and lifting each other up even when you are mad at one another. Next month, will be my first anniversary being married and my gent and I had our first big fight since being married but things were a little different this time, we didn't yell although we did use a lot of shade and reads but we managed to hash it out and move forward.

Right now, we are at a critical cross roads we are both in our early early 30s and have our own ambitions but I convinced my husband to move across the world, leave his job and profession and friends so that I could pursue my career in Foreign Relations. Initially it was exciting, I earn enough money and receive enough benefits that we are pretty financially secure yet my husband feels like he just gave it all up for me to live out my dreams of travelling the world. It breaks my heart because I can tell he is getting more and more miserable. However, we made this choice together and we will have to figure it out. (i.e., finding him some hobbies or a job).

Finding that right balance is essential in making any relationship work. I always think of the Rolling Stones song: "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

 

This.

I am just as annoyed by overbearing Christians as I am by overbearing atheists. It's always the extremes of any group, who don't represent the majority, that cause problems.

 

LMAO...I'm sorry @Cyrus-Brooks I just feel like you was over at your computer like..."fuk you comments"

This sh!t got me tickled

 

One day,some distant one in the future, we will address the fact that while I don't have tinder,eharmony,or even jack'd....I have a profile on White People Meet.

 

Damn some of y'all sound just as bad as white ppl when they are describing their views on us. Not saying some of them don't fit or deserve the shade either. Me personally I wouldn't, if I was single, have hold ups about dating a particular race anymore, especially after realizing that there is a lot of things I'm interested in that a lot of black men aren't. I also feel like if I was to date someone outside my race I would prefer them to be at least aware of our cultural differences. Like I say with most things in life don't limit yourself because you might miss out on what your looking for.

ps I tired of the "every famous black man ends up with a white counterpart" stuff. Its really old, I see black couples all over. I think CA even had a post celebrating black gay couples. The gag is (keke voice) half of the people complaining can't keep a black relationship, in other words be the change you want to see.

 

I couldn't deal with it. I think it's cool if a dude has a few Sexy photos and then has a video of his dog, instaplates, actions shots and etc peppered in but when 95 percent of what you take photos of is your face, body, attractive friends, etc... You are looking for followers, validation, and DMs.

It's cool to be comfortable and confident but let's not forget that some people are addicted to gaining a following and doing whatever they can to be popular. So it's less about the photos and more about the motive.

 

"Biiiitch, she look fiiiieace"
"YAS GAWT, Miss Thing"
"What label is that?"
"I'm not into Nature"
"Gardening? Ewww, sounds dirty"
"I dont like Family Guy" Ok, this is 5 words but, for the sake of argument, Family Guy counts as one. LOL!!

 

Or a destination wedding. I love them! Maybe one day I'll have someone who loves me enough to have one..

 

I always prided myself in being an island. I don't think I am though, sadly. Do I NEED anyone? Nah. Naaaah.

But with that being said- for y'all negroes who aren't into relationships, if you find a dude who's similar to me in most aspects, I'm currently taking husband applications. Within 5-6 inches of my height. Going places. You know the rest. When you find him, slide up in my DMs.

 

Religion is definitely keeping some gay men single. My ex was one of those holy rollers who was in his mid-30s and still not able to be himself b/c of the church. Not only that but he was an elitist and was ignorant to scripture thanks to his church (the irony), he was basically brainwashed to believe a bunch of bull that wasn't even in the Bible. I'm a spiritual person but not religious and I study the Bible so I know it well ... but yeah i can't stand these church queens in bondage to religion and always will feel sorry for them long story short. I can really make this a lengthy post but please note Jesus came to free us and don't expect us to be sinless which is why He died for our sins ..... he covered every sin that we will ever commit as long as we accept Him, the end.

 

This is such a tough one because if you ask the guy and they lie, they will try to perpetuate an image they think you will like. I think the best thing to do is just keep talking to the guy. Even video chat. Watch their mannerisms. See how they respond to certain topics. I know that Nick and Ocky talk about asking about Real Housewives or favorite divas but even with that, some of the most masculine men I have met in Atlanta GO IN on their favorite housewife or female R&B singer.

You will only know the truth with time. At the very least, if you find out the guy is not, you can just move on.

If someone asks me, I acknowledge that I am but that I believe all gay men have their ways! And they do! At some house parties, the masculine men can get drunk enough and before you know it, they are discussing things you would not expect them to discuss.

 

# FACE - For me, I VERY rarely entertain faceless photos. Even if the body is on point. Im 38 years old and I'm not a parade marcher but I dont duck and hide in closets either. Too grown for that sh*t. If dudes want to participate in the app but remain "discrete" by hiding their face, to each is own. But thats automatically not my type. Its almost like and ego thing I take from them. Like everybody cares they on there or all of a sudden they the damn president and the fabric of the country would be torn apart if its discovered their gay. Most people could give a fvck about you being on there. Get over yourself. LOL.

# SHIRTLESS - Anyone who claims body isn't important is either delusional or have body issues themselves and proclaim it as shallow for self protection of feelings of being not being wanted or desired. A fit, well proportioned body will always be celebrated more than not having said body. I think shirtless photos are cool if its down with some thought. Headless torsos are corny to me, but a tank top or shirtless photo to show you give a damn about your body is awesome to me.

Bottom line, I think a great face with a t-shirt or tank on is hot and ideal. And thats the door opening. Afterwards, a decent conversation can keep it open. Or if its just mutual attraction and you both just schedule a hot FVCK session. Thats ok too. My thing about hook up apps is, I dont over think it. I just have fun for what it is and the rest falls into place.

 

I've flirted with 2 squad members. nothing came of it. *shrug*

*goes to Sb3 wall to see what he's eating for lunch*

 

"If you really are a prince, I"ll marry you" ;-)

 

In my opinion, just go with the flow and enjoy it. He stepped up to you, so he must have seen something in you that he likes. He meets all your requirements and standards, and I understand melanin is an important factor for you however no melaninated dude is knocking on your door now. A bird in hand, is worth two in the bush.
Lets not forget as much as we want a black dude to love,

BLAAAAACK MEN A'INT SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!

 

He a doctor gurl!

 

This is an interesting list. eating animals, yes. campin'(bad experience so no) wrestlin'-that's fun. Shooting-would anyone here really trust me with a gun(plus my not so liberal brother is in law enforcement), hikin'-bad experience at Old Man's cave-no!, drinkin'- I stopped( but I could start again), travelin'-I need to be tranquilized during the traveling and woken up once I get to where I am going, bowlin'-yes, roller coasters yes, skip to TCM, horror movies dogs, kids(as long as they are not shrieking too much)yes, bacon YES not covered in body hair

No match! lol. I like sports but suck at them really badly. I gave up golf- worst player ever. I suck at bowling but still like it.

And you forgot about pool(both the game and the water thing).

All of you guys are neat freaks so that would rule everyone out. I am the biggest slob lol. If I hit the lotto the first thing I would do is get a housekeeper/chef and a personal trainer

I think I need to find an older couple who wants to adopt me as an older pet! LMAO

 

I've been volunteering as tribute for years! When I'mma get my turn?

 

I think it's not offensive. It's just a part of the getting to know you process. There is nothing worse than finding a dude fits all of the check boxes you have ( c'mon we all do, "You ain't gotta to lie Craig!") then he is not masculine like you want him to be. I'm for a dude being himself, but the wind in my sails just goes down with a quickness. I agree to try and be respectful, but remember we are men and there is no such thing as being tactful with it. You want to know so just ask the dam question and get the shit over with. jm2cnts

 

I'm still trying figure what women gave him the taco? Must have been one of the BBWs with a pretty face and long hair. They stay on tryna get with the gays.

 

It's a good movie, check it out.

Another benefit to being the elder, I can share things with them. And they can explain that BET "Boomerang" reboot to me.

Its a Trinidad & Tobago film called, "Play The Devil."

Yeah his comment reminded me that this isn't a 'one size fits all' issue. I have insecurities like everyone else but a lot of mine are mountains out of molehills (ie: a little grown man stomach pudge and nerd interests). When I complain on the site I always wonder if other dudes are like:

Yup. I saw it coming too. LOL

Yeah this dating shit is a mess now, much more so than it was 10 years ago. It's a mess in Atlanta and it was a different kind of mess in Los Angeles. So I really do believe that my midwestern sensibilities would do better in a non-gay fab city.

I met up with a masculine 27-year-old truck driver today. He lives alone, has two jobs, had his dirty work clothes on, dirty fingernails and was smoking Newports. In a 2 hour convo, he once never mentioned a Diva. Cig smoking aside, I was turned all the way on. Most ATL gays would call him "The Help" and look down on his job and age but I just saw him as a regular guy who likes men. Which, surprisingly, is rare in this city.

Might not lead to anything but was still refreshing.

You've been out of the game for some time but believe it or not, in Atlanta, dudes WILL reject you for not being 95-100% of what they are looking for...if not a full rejection, they will string you along with random texts and promises to eventually meet up as they keep looking for that 100% dude they will never meet...and if they do meet him, that dude will string him along too as he searches for his own 100% dude.