Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

@ 'gaming power couple'

 

I like em short but damn...

 

That fact that he couldn't respect your decision and began calling you out of your name made him the wack f*ck n*gga if you ask me. He's immature, and at 25 years old he's getting a little too old for that. If you watch xtube at anytime you'll see alot of these dudes just do not care at all.

 

I dont understand way people cant get what you do in bed does not define your whole person-hood or identity. And the conversations spread the bull because a lot of young kids view his program to see how to maneuver in the gay community smh.

Thats what I never understood it seems that like gays always want to copy what heteros dude to seem like "were're just like you". No were're different and that's ok. The thing about being gay is that we can make relationships dynamics what we want them to be and should not follow that traditional hetero normative bullsh...sh.

Dont worry @Nick Delmacy found just the one for you givin you a lil masculino and a lil femenina all in one lol lol

 

No it won't. If the guys are not willing to be flexible. Some guys, usually tops, are really strict and rigid on the possibly of them bottoming.

That is pretty much the same thing.

If you think you'll want to be intimate with this person, it's better to bring the subject of sex up in a space that's nurtral. On the phone or on the freeway in the car, not pulled over behind the abandoned Burger King. This lowers the expedition so it doesn't seem like you are asking these question now to immediately roll into the sack.

Talk generally and then build up to it. It shouldn't be the first question. "How important is sex to you? Is penetration a requirement for you to consider sexual activity actual sex? What do you enjoy sexually?" You want to think about it as a line of questioning than just one question.

You'll get your answer that way by framing it and it won't sound so crass.

Things don't have to be so polarized, as a verse guy, I just need to know if you are verse. Be verse top or verse bottom if you want to call it that but to me, verse is verse. Some men don't like penetration at all, receiving or giving so those are things to be considered as well.

 

Hmmm...my first REAL boyfriend...I was 36. That relationship taught me that when I look for someone who is independent (one of the boxes that I try to have checked on my list of things I look for in a dude), I really mean that doesn't mean someone who has his own car or even home (even though that helps), but that they have their own money. I don't mind picking my dude up and even bringing him back to my home, but I shouldn't have to pay for dinner, movie, and the drinks too.

 

"First, I completely disagree with Octavius. If you're not attracted to him don't block somebody else who may be. People don't change. I was in this situation with a dude for over 6 years till i came to that realization. You have to be able to accept him for who he is today.

Second, What if he ever reads this post? This shallow post will break that man."

I so agree with you.

I was just going to ignore this thread- but I thought about my former relationship.

My ex had issues with his weight as well. I, like you loved the convos, hanging out, he's handsome and we were/are music lovers. I thought that I was in love with him. We moved into together about 2 months after meeting. I was staying with my mom and that was a way out for me. Dude, let me tell you-not even a couple of weeks after moving in. I was already ready to go. He was nervous about having sex because he had issues with his body even after losing weight. I never cheated on him but my mind was checked out. I was secretly getting on porn sites because I became physically unattracted to him. I wasn't willing to be patient and we both help each other.
It was a mess and I was a complete asshole during those 5 years. Can you imagine being with someone that long who really is not interested in you-not as a lover? I should have just remained friends and never allowed things to go further.

I just went on that tangent to say if you're not really into him than put a end to that. Don't fuck with the man's feelings. Like Whitney said in the remake of Sparkle "let my life be a cautionary tale." He is my "ex" for a reason.

 

I keep tellin yall to join me in making the warriorsforchrist app pop, but yall wanna keep playin w the jakd...

 

I'm only speaking for myself as a bisexual individual.

I appreciated this article. I dont agree that this has been discussed ad nauseum, especially when you consider the comment section. The comments aren't surprising. But the seemingly lack of progression in thought, to some degree, is.

I think some of your perspectives on bi men are spot on. I have met plenty, since we often attract each other. But guys like me, who can find themselves comfortably fully committed to a man or a woman, exist. My eyes are always gonna wander at good looking eye candy, but that doesn't mean I can't be faithful to one or the other. Since I'm a top, I'm not even a match for a lot of guys even if I was gay, so being bi in that regard doesnt matter.

When you consider kids, that may get complicated, but it shouldn't be. Both parties should just be upfront with what they ultimately want.

 

^^me watching said dude try on my blue suit, like it belongs to him


^^me watching the fool grumble about how the seat of my dress pants are tailored to only fit my plump ass, and not some concave ass


^^me watching the dumbass spill coffee all over my favorite tie, and then say dumb shit like, "if we're in a relationship, your clothes are my clothes."

Nah we not sharing!

I take care of my clothes and shoes- that's why they last. The moment I no longer can do this is the moment I become a sullen shell of myself. If the dude wants pointers, I'll give 'em to him. I'll even take him to Target, DTLR, J Crew, Banana Republic, H&M, Macy's, Sak's off 5th, hit up indie/unique T-makers on red bubble, show him the ropes at Lovely Lapels and expound on the quality of soles at Steve Madden. But we ain't sharing jack shit. I already have a roomie who likes "borrowing" my one-of-a-kind Boondocks t-shirts, cuz we're the same size. It drives me insane. So Imma extrapolate and say nah. Naaaahhh!!!

 

Nope! Just take his legs...

 

Many of us are still very much connected to our home countries whether through family, business, or other types of community ties. The World isn't as big as you would think...

 

This one.... Is definitely wassup. That would be fun to do together.
I dated a dude once that spoke fluent Italian. Anytime he started speaking it, I wanted to grab him and head to the bedroom.

 

Diversify...diversify....diversify...

I always say there are TOO many beautiful a$$ dudes of ALL different Race/Nationality/Ethnicities wandering this earth to be pigeon holed to only one or two. smh

 

As much as I'd like to drag the Flying Spaghetti Monster into this, you can't lay all the blame on religion. Plenty of non-religious, agnostic and atheists have been scum in relationships.

Remember, fidelity is also an ethical and legal concept not just religious. My dad never attended church a day in his/my life and he was a serial adulterer. One reason I so am so hard on cheaters and adulterers is that there are non-religious items involved; e.g. a cheating spouse introducing an STD/STI to unknowing spouse, effects on kids (even gays and lesbians adopt), etc. I think I've stated before that I support open relationships, even polygamy and polyandry (yeah, I know all the Modern Family gays ain't down with that), but that's ONLY if all parties agree to terms ahead of commencement. So, in my parent's case, I still consider my late father to be an Anthony Wiener/Bill Clinton type scum because my mother signed up for a traditional marriage not philandering. One of the parties violated the contract.

As a side note, glad to see Huma Abedin finally dropped Weiner's ass. Why do powerful women like her and Sect. Clinton think they need to settle? Hell, Jackie O went from a president to a billionaire without a second thought. Women (and us guys too) do have options....

 

To my single brothas out here on the dating scene, you have my condolences. AND it has nothing to do with sex or HIV...its just that so many, many...many dudes are beyond wack ass hell.

 

Yep, getting to the point you have to keep a stack of waivers and pens before letting someone into your holy of holies, lol.

 

My dad hates when I call him "father." He thinks it's too formal and for him "too white." lol. I call my dad "dad" and sometimes "daddy" no matter how old I get. I would want my kids to call me "daddy" regardless of their gender. They can switch to "dad" exclusively when they get older. That's their choice. But I still call mine "daddy" even in public and I don't give a fuck.

 

Dude I know exactly what you are talking about. I think this is one of the main reasons why I'm still single lol. I'm so critical about a guys voice and his mannerisms. I hate this about me, I try not to let it bother me, but it does lol. It really is a turn off for me when I get a fem vibe in their voice, mannerisms, or just how they carry themselves in general. And it really sucks when you see this in a guy that otherwise you are attracted to. I hate it when that crap happens.

 

Kinda the same shi!t here in NYC. To @Nick Delmacy 's point, yeah, Gay Masc dudes buy groceries, go to the gym, go to Barnes & Noble, buy pet food, probably even work in the building with me, but you'de rarely know because we all give each other the "Ice Grill". The dudes that do visually express interest, are (at least for me) generally not what I'm lookin' for. LOL

 

I agree with @NickAuzenneNOLA marriage like with all things is what you make of it. Yes familiarity tends to break contempt as the saying goes but there is also a comfort that comes with the familiar. You have to find other things to keep you together with a person other than what attracted to them initially because we change over time. Relationships are hard work and you have to put effort into maintaining them.

 

Let's talk about racism in the form of objectification. I am one who prefers black men or other men of color, but am open to the possibility of meeting and dating a white guy. But that's only if they don't use the word "cock" or make any statements to the fact that they "like" or "only like" black guys or BBC. I don't like to be the object of someone's glory because I'm black and it troubles me that whenever I do get hit on by a white guy, it devolves in to a conversation about my cock or the excitement of being with a black guy.

 

This actually didn't happen until after college. When I was free to do whatever I wanted.

 

@African King and I in 2016


But for real though, they look about our age, what they doing with kids?

 

Maybe its just me but I never had an urge for anonymous sex at 3am...Hell, I've never had an urge for sex with a known fuck buddy at 3am...my ass is typically asleep of winding down... Not judging you guys that have a more "active" NSA sex life past or present, just was never me... Even in my hoe phase, I was super cautious about this type of stuff... Maybe watching all those old America's Most Wanted episodes as a kid hipped me to the games.

 

Let me add my two cents;

2. When you ask to go on a date and use the word, they take it as you are coming on too strong, needy or thirsty. They prefer hangout, meet up or chill cos it removes expectations or responsibilities if they decide not to show up. I prefer to use the word date, cos I think it lays out my intentions out clearly.

3. I like to mix it up calling and messaging. Guys nowadays would not answer calls, but will then hit you immediately with 'what's up, why you calling?' msg. smh

4. I am divided on this, on one hand I feel delayed gratification is the definition of maturity on the other hand I feel if the chemistry is right, you ain't gotta keep it tight! lol

5. 100% on this! I have never even made it to that point of a guy meeting my friends and I am always happy they didn't.

6. Sweats, ''athleisure'' no matter how GQ said you can year them or if you got them from Off White, hoodies, baggy jeans, shorts, vests, bold print designer logos are a NO! I feel casual chic is good. Something that shows you put effort into it, but also feel relaxed.

I feel dating rules, like the ones mentioned above, are very good and remind me of a time I wish would come back. However, there has been a serious evolution of dating and its rules over the last 15 years, that traditional rules or set standards would have to go through some revision or amendments.

 

Bump.

Polyamory.

I have considered it.
I have opened up to it.
I'm now exploring it.

When I shared this post back then, I'm was low key intrigued by the idea. I did some Google research and a lot of the articles and forums and Reddit I have read had people who expressed similar feelings that I have had for a while. A couple of conversations about past events and relationships and I had an "ah ha" moment that I could possibly be dormantly poly.

Rereading this article now and I can relate to it a lot more than 2 and a half years ago.I think this is something you have to actually be in to understand and then you'll "get it". Maybe not exactly a triad deal but polyamory has different forms and meanings that will be unique to that set of people and each subset within. There's no one exact way to go about it.

Being at point now where I was like "Why not? Let me just see while I'm unattached" and meeting someone who is already into these types of relationships and us hitting it off rather well, has opened the opportunity for me to try it out.

In my situation, we're still working on establishing our base with each other and going from there. We have boundaries that we be both agreed upon. I am OK to meet new people and present them and vice versa. If there's mutual interest we can proceed. If not, they get tossed back into the pond.

I acknowledge that it is definitely hard enough to find ONE. However going into this from the jump actually makes it easier for me because I don't have to feel awkward about bringing it up later or sitting back wondering about it and never acting on it. This way I can scratch the itch. If this isn't going to be for me then at least I'll have tried it. If it is then I'll know that what I was thinking about all this time was the right feeling all along.

Keeping the lines of communication open and being honest about and with ourselves has been very freeing and having established a No Judgement Zone we're free to say what we need and desire and it will be OK.

So with that I can say don't knock it until you've tried it. I know now monogamy works. I have done it and adhered to it. I know I could go back to it if I had to but since I don't have to right now, I'm going to enjoy this current journey and see where it takes me.

 

I talk about this all the time with my best friend. He feels as though why waste his time, if he sees something he doesn't like he is out of there. Speaking from experience If i would have had that mindset I don't think me and boyfriend would be together today after 8 years. Everything we've been through I always thought he was worth getting through the hard times with. To me that's what really defines a relationship, making it through the hardships together. Most people these days want instant relationships but have no clue it takes time and sacrifice to develop a strong bond and its a on going effort from both parties.

 

Just another example of human behavior gone wild with the proliferation of technology. Ghosting isnt anything new. I mean, that's what we used to call "hit it and quit it." (Sex doesnt necessarily have ti be involved.) It is rude and inconsiderate, but now we have the capacity to meet more people--quickly--and move on to the next without the burden of being labeled a dog for ghosting....or hittin and quittin. Women do it just like men do in the hetero world.

but blame technology. it has brought a lot of bad shit that was already happening to light and escalated it. Technology makes it real easy and convenient to be an asshole and we have had to accept it, which is why asshole behvior, like ghosting, continues.

 

ummm...contacts or is the lighting/camera-work drastically better?

Also, this lite-brite had to wait 12 yrs for his cheekbones and jawline to appear. And now that God has smiled favorably upon him and made him look juuuuust foreign enough (Middle Eastern? Mediterranean? Eritrean? Mixed? who the hell knows!) he gets a modeling contact in Paris or Milan or other far-flung locations. How many dark-skin dudes are gonna get a modeling contract after 3 stints in jail, regardless of how they look? I'd venture to say none.

 

Ummm...okay...he was on a reality show...?

What a noble accomplishment to achieve celebrity! (lol)


As for being a vet...meh... I’ve seen others in the LGBT space who’ve done more than just Michael Sam-pimp their orientation. Oh well, can’t hate him for proving Andy Warhol right...


And that wedding photo above is opposite to everything that @BlackguyExecutive said about his experience. White dude in photo above is definitely happy to be “the bride”.

 

This is more than 'I am bored with sex with my wife'. And this is more than adolescent 'experimentation' too. He has gone way beyond 'thinking about it'-he has gone one step away from doing it(accepting an offer). He ain't just straight.