....BUT....
If he is a cashier / bagger / fast food worker making $15 hr vs working in a factory or call center making $10-$12; how are these other positions "better"?
Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships
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OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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- Thread: Would you Stay and Sacrifice?
Nick Delmacy Da ArchitectSite Founder The 10000 Daps Club- Joined:
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I'm the Jerry Seinfeld of black gay dating, I usually find the one thing that annoys me and magnify it to the point where I can't date the dude anymore. 85% is nothing if the 15% are the absolute worst things that annoy/bother you.
A person I talked to in the past (one that you know @OckyDub) was super compatible with me...EXCEPT that he was judgmental as FUCK. I was always worried about what I was saying or doing wrong and what I wasn't living up to compared to others, especially when he was with another mutual friend (who you met/know as well Ocky).
But being honest, I'm not perfect. So I'm sure there are many dudes that I dated who barely tolerated me as well. So its a two way street. I think we said all that stuff about modern dating because, in my ATL experience, its hard to make it past the getting to know you phase because a lot of guys are either juggling 5 dudes (I was guilty of this in the past), or they are using you as a time-filler until the flaky muscular nigga that they REALLY want stops playing and realizes that they should settle for them. This leads to the post that you mentioned, things dudes do that pisses us off. They'll make plans w you then get ghost b/c the other flaky nigga texted them back out the blue. Like I've said before, I've had a dude hugged up w me on my couch, drinking my liquor, watching movies on my TV all while texting niggas and making plans FOR LATER THAT NIGHT.
If you can stay in a relationship, do so. If not, def be prepared to be single for awhile or be willing to jump into something with dudes who only meet 25-50% of your needs.acessential, BlackguyExecutive, I-Stay-Woke and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: Rob Smith and Misha Get Married
He is a military vet and gay advocate and blogger etc.
It is "interesting" to see what some gay people find attractive in a significant other though.
No shade but dont they seem like an odd couple?Winston Smith, Omega Level, I-Stay-Woke and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: To Approach or Not to Approach
Nick Delmacy Da ArchitectSite Founder The 10000 Daps Club- Joined:
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I never get approached...well, not never...but not as much as I'd expect given that I live in Atlanta and have frequented many gay parties/bars over the years. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been aggressively pursued, let alone approached.
It's never bummed me out, I've just adjusted and settled into the role of pursuer instead.
In the beginning I thought I was maybe not attractive or maybe not welcoming enough...I even thought maybe I gave off a non-gay look. I dunno. Could be the whole Top/Bottom gender roles thing. I had one friend tell me that he NEVER approaches anyone, even if he's interested. He said he figures if they were also interested, they would come to him. At the time I thought he just had a big ego but I learned that it was more of a rejection self defense mechanism.
So over the years I've just said fuck it, I'll do the approaching. I learned that younger guys are often more receptive than men my age and older so that's who I mostly pursue nowadays just outta success averages. -
- Thread: For the First Date He Says....
Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club
Hell f#$kin' yeah. If a dude wanna meet up and grab somethin' at BK, Subway, Wendys, etc, I'm in. I'm not into all that fancy sh!t muhf@kaz be tryin' to pull nowadays. I will take a down-to-earth, reg a$$ dude any day.
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OK. I'll kick this craziness off since Nick said to have fun with the question. First I'll say that I won't be identifying any cut buddies or friends with benefits (I don't have the energy…). However, as for dudes who make me go hmmmm:
@Tyroc - I will say that when I read the majority of your posts, I say to myself that this Brotha is quality. You indicate that you have some issues, but, without knowing you personally, you seem to bring a lot to the table.
@Nick Delmacy - You have an edge that I consistently find very appealing (rather acerbic, but not all the time). We would need to have an understanding on a couple of issues though: 1) We would have to agree to calmly discuss disagreements so that things don't get out of hand (I can go left in a minute when folks come at me too strong.); 2) we would need a prescribed open relationship so that you could get that booty (I'd be willing to learn new tricks for the right dude, but only if there was reciprocity.).
@Ockydub - I like listening to the flow that you and Prince D seem to have. You seem like the type of Brotha who can make my serious side take a break. I even tried to play the podcasts that you and Prince D recorded to a dude that I was talking to in Atlanta (He wasn't interested in listening.). I was trying to make it clear to him that I wanted to get to know him. He, of course, was "looking for the same thing." Yet, he couldn't stop talking about what he needed from the guys that he wanted to sleep with. It was exhausting and he wasn't nearly as fun as you appear to be.
A couple of the younger dudes on the site seem to have their stuff together too. Yet, I like to stay in my swim lane: 1/2 my age plus 7. lolctforbes, ControlledXaos, JNH412 and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: Looks
Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club
Initially, at least. Few people would immediately date someone who they found physically unattractive. But like @ColumbusGuy said, it's definitely subjective. Some people who others swear up and down are attractive, I'm kinda like....meh. Same thing for others' views of who I find attractive. And everyone has met someone who they thought was super attractive but once they started talking to them and learned about their personality, they became the ugliest person on earth. Likewise, we've all met someone who wasn't quite model looking but had a great personality and we clicked with on multiple levels and their attractiveness shot up. Essentially, looks may be what is going to spark a relationship, but it isn't going to maintain it. Once the honeymoon phase ends and the excitement dissipates, you're stuck with someone who you may not necessarily like. You were blinded by the looks. You fell in love with their outer shell and not who they are as a person. Successful long term relationships are built on compatiability, not looks. Looks fade easily. Ask yourself, if you were not physically attracted to your partner, would you still be their friend? Would you get along? Would this still be a person you would enjoy hanging out with? If you answered "no", then you're probably with the wrong person. Physical attraction matters, but mental compatiabiltiy is longer lasting.
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- Thread: "MascFishing"
Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club
I personally don't always perceive whether or not someone is masculine or feminine based on their interests. If someone like the Rock loved Beyonce and sang it in his car everyday on the way to work, I would still consider him masculine because his other mannerisms, talk/movement are still masculine. Likewise, I've met plenty of stereotypically feminine women who love football and basketball and follow it more closely than some men. I would still consider them feminine because their general mannerisms are still feminine. I'm not so caught up in how masculine a dude is as I was when I was younger, but the best way to figure out someone's mannerisms is to talk on the phone. You can easily figure out if someone is trying to mask a gay voice.
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i'm so effing glad I'm out of the dating pool. It's...a lot of work. I'm never going back....you hear that bae...we're dying together
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Maybe with two dudes the feeling is I workout or do whatever is needed to maintain a certain look,so I won't accept someone who doesn't.They need to be on my level.Especially with a guy who's more caught up in his looks and knows people will clamoring for him.He gets that idea that he's a prize and deserves another Adonis.Like,even if a straight dude is attractive,he's not looking for a chick to have abs and biceps,so there's already a different expectation there.A lot of straight guys (ones i know anyway) are often looking for a certain feature like a nice ass or something,so they'll take that and not really care about the rest.
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Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club
1.
We both dudes. But if I invite you out I'm prepared to pay for everything and I'm being courteous. That said this goes both ways. Don't order anything you wouldn't ordinarily order yourself or that is way higher priced than the average item on the menu. This is not an opportunity for you to finally get a stuffed lobster or a Porterhouse.
2.
We have discussed this before here. Black gay men have a problem with the word "date" even if all things that would involve a typical date are involved, a lot of us avoid that word. It should be called what it is. Even if it's just meeting up to share a malt, it's a date.
3.
I think texting is fine after you've set up the details via phone first for said date. But we can't go all day texting and no call.
4.
Eh.
I've been the slut and the Goodie Two Shoes. I don't think it makes much difference how the relationship will be but I definitely like ST and mystery so I'm OK with getting to it or a build up.
5.
On this I think limiting the circle is good. Say the BFF meets them first but they don't see The Crew until after a while when you've had the chance to get to know better.
6.
Slides and sweats is not a good date outfit. But you don't need your flyest outfit either. Casual is good. t shirts and jeans/appropriate length shirts are OK.
7.
Conversation is a volley... One sentence answers shows you're not really interested and not asking about the other person anything makes it about you. Also it's not an interview so do not constantly ask stuff without volunteering information yourself. This makes you look nosey.Nigerian Prince, OckyDub, Boaxy and 4 others dapped this. -
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Cyrus-Brooks The Black VulcanSquad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club
I don't think it's offensive it's best to get it out of the way early if someone not being masculine is a deal breaker. It'll be even more offensive and awkward for both parties if they show up for a date looking like this.
Dating is about what you're looking for in a potential partner. I say fuck who ever gets triggered. This is the real world not a college campus. Caution....they won't always be honest so you're gonna have to do some detective work before hand, extensive questioning, and some phone conversations before agreeing to meet.GNerd2012, SB3, I-Stay-Woke and 4 others dapped this. -
Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club
As stated, you don't have to act on every crush. Sometimes it's just that and nothing more.
Do people change? Somewhat. But if he honestly sees marriage with only a woman and not or never with a man you're barking up the wrong tree if you want something more than a fling. Sure he's bisexual but to me it seems like a true bisexual would be actively dating both sexes and not just one or the other. Furthermore, they would also be able to view the future similarly with both sexes. You can be a gay couple with kids with biological or adopted.
I say let this one be.
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OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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Basically a dating app to preventing weak minds from getting their sensitive feelings heart from the white men they lust after.
So if my profile stated "I'm interested in men of all colors...just no fems" then my profile would still get reported right?Pacifistgod, Champagne Papi, Omega Level and 4 others dapped this. -
Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club
If sexual position is something that you absolutely cannot compromise on, you have to acknowledge that and move on.
But, I am a firm believer that it's hard enough finding someone you really click with. If two dudes like each other and the only thing stopping y'all is a sex position, y'all should still try and work it out. There are so many ways to rectify that. This is all my opinion though.SB3, Discordant, ColumbusGuy and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: To Approach or Not to Approach
Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club
For me I feel similar to @alton
I'll get approached by guys who don't appeal to me or not at at all . I think I have a cool personality based on feedback from guys off of here but my resting bitch face does me no good . Gym , clubs , down to the Sams club , the lavanderia etc . . . Dudes are not not checking for me in my day to day .
When I have approached guys I try to keep it to three questions . If you don't ask me anything after I ask you three questions , I take it as you're not interested and keep it moving .Lancer, I-Stay-Woke, Fanon and 4 others dapped this. -
OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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Nick Delmacy Da ArchitectSite Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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This following opinion is coming from a minority point of view but I believe that its harder to be in a relationship, not that hard to be single...Also, the gay people who already in relationships are the ones who most come across as needy to me. Especially the ones that feel the need to excessively advertise their relationships.
There is a stigma in being single by men who are ALREADY in relationships. The fucking relationship gurus who think they are experts and better (and HAPPIER) than you just because they've been dating a nikka for a couple months/years.
Admittedly, I've never been in a long super serious relationship so likely my non-desire to desperately get one may be due to not having experienced something to miss. But the same applies to Heroin. I've never tried it so I don't feen for it.
Many gay men I've seen (both in person and online) do seem to be verbally/vocally addicted to relationships and/or the idea of being in a relationship like Heroin. Seemingly moreso than the average heterosexual person.
Example: Straight Black men fantasize about one night stands with big booty models... Gay Black Men fantasize about cuddling with a perfect boyfriend while watching Netflix.
So if there is a stigma in that, it's that single men eventually become annoying as shit with their constant complaining about it.
Fly on the wall convo with 2 typical single gay men: "Why is it so hard to find a guy? Dating is so hard. Guys are so superficial. I need to work out more. Where are all the good guys? All they want is sex in [insert city here]. I can get sex anywhere, I'm looking for more. This guy keeps texting me, ugh he's so thirsty! I won't just date anyone, I have standards, I know what I like."
If it's hard, its hard because they make it hard. Self imposed problems. Just shut up about it, enjoy your life and date casually with no expectations.
But then if/when they eventually get into a relationship, they turn into fucking relationship gurus: "Here's what you need to do to get like me..."
Bitch, I don't wanna be you! Believe it or not relationship-queen, what makes YOU happy is not what EVERYONE ELSE desires!
But again, this is coming from a dude who's very happy with himself and his single status. Don't get me wrong, I date and like spending time with a dude...But having an intimate friend would just be to compliment certain experiences that I would still be enjoying even without them.
Rant over, lol.BK Royce, BlackguyExecutive, Nigerian Prince and 4 others dapped this. -
Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club
" If a white man doesn’t want to f**k you or doesn’t want you f**king him, it’s not automatic racism or bigotry. You’re not a victim, you’re simply not desired."
I love this statement here. Many of the dudes who are offended by this tend to be ones that are only seeking attention from the group that overwhelmingly doesn't desire them. If they would open their options a little, sh!t would be a little more promising. It's not an all encompassing fix because of the simple fact, one may not be what the majority are seeking, {white and/or} muscular, model-esc, exotic looking, but it certainly gives one more "leg room" in the dating/ hook up game. I personally don't have a lot of luck in the dating/ hook up game, but I accept that I'm none of the above, at least in my own opinion (muscular, model-esc, exotic looking) but I'm at least willing to entertain any ethnicity because there are beautiful dudes in every category. So if one person rejects me, f#$k 'em, on to the next.Coltrane, Discordant, Champagne Papi and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: Small Talk
Nick Delmacy Da ArchitectSite Founder The 10000 Daps Club- Joined:
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Discussing Food and Alcohol is easy too. I did that last night with a black girl around my age, she spoke to me first and I was like:
"I'm just trying to decide if I want a drink or not."
"Easy answer, yes," she said. "You only live once."
"What's that you're drinking?" I said.
"Pinot Noir. Trying something different. As long as its red."
"Oh you like your liquor dark, huh. You know what they say about dark, gonna have you dancing on tables in a minute."
Anyway, I just went off her vibe and kept it light and casual...nothing serious like religion or politics.
One thing that always works is to open with a compliment about something about the other person and then elaborate with more questions based on that, being sure to include your personal info as well.
"Man, I wish I could get my beard to grow like yours."
He responds. Continue talking about the importance of grooming and looking clean or how beards give off a certain appearance or how itchy they can be or whatever...just talk and ASK the other person questions, people love to talk about themselves...lol.grownman, DreG, Dr. Strange and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: Effortlessly Good looking
OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club- Joined:
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1st. I learned a while ago that dudes like him can keep up this facade because they belong to the children of the night. He's basically a vampire so be careful.
2nd. IMO there are a lot of kats who look sexy af with their natural 'grizzled' look.
There are plenty of dudes in ATL that are super attractive but because they look so manicured, for me personally its kinda unappealing.Nigerian Prince, DreG, Lancer and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: Marriage and Monogamy Overrated?
Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club
It isn't if it's something you genuinely want. A lot of people do it simply because it's expected of them. And for that reason, they end up regretting it and forming toxic relationships. Just let folks make their own decisions. As long as they're not hurting others, it's all good.
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Trust, no contest. None of the other concepts stand a chance without trust.
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- Thread: Agree or Disagree
The 1000 Daps Club
I'm down for any guy that complements me. I have no hangups at all about race.
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- Thread: If You Could Only Choose One...
Not 'in between' jobs for 5 years!
Shyt, it sounds like I need to introduce these two to each other and let them go on about their business!
Buuuuuut, I figure if these are my only options, Id go w Kelley. He can keep paying the bills and I can pay for a cleaning person and pick up our inevitable, few times a week dine/take out tab. No bills tends to create a lot of dispoable income.ControlledXaos, Nigerian Prince, I-Stay-Woke and 4 others dapped this. -
- Thread: How Do You Flirt?!
Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club
Grab 'em by the dick.
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- Thread: To Approach or Not to Approach
Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club
Good question, dude. I've been asking myself this same question in regard to my own bad luck with dudes, and still haven't come up with any answer.
1. I've been told I'm "unapproachable" because I have a serious face, but...I've seen dudes with much meaner faces (and many times a f#$ked up attitude to match) get approached by many guys.
2. I've been told to smile more. Done it, no change.
3. I've killed myself at the gym to get {close to} an IG body...nothin'.
Some other suggestions have been made and employed, all of which ended with the same results.
I just think that, as much as people don't want to/ like to admit it, the bottom line/ deciding factor is one's overall looks and just flat out having good luck. Especially nowadays, if you're not in that "top percentage" of what the majority consider attractive, then the chances of you getting approached are very, very low. For those of you that don't have any issue, kudos to you. The majority don't normally share your stellar circumstances.
Me personally, I'm just a regular a$$ lookin' ,Dime a Dozen, black dude so, in a city/country/community where exotic looks and IG Bodies are the most appreciated, I've already accepted my fate. Ain't shit I can do but continue to do me and hope maaaaybe, I'll catch someone's eye that I myself would be attracted to. If not, eh....life goes on, my dude. Bottom line is, we can discuss this and discuss this (as it's been discussed a few times on this site) but the reality is there is no answer to your question. It's far too subjective.I-Stay-Woke, SB3, Jdudre and 4 others dapped this. -
As someone who's experienced both lanes for significant periods of time, I feel like if u want a relationship, then approach dating as if that's the case.
It's not exactly the 'easy' way out here in a world full of horny gay men, but I make it very clear that Im not looking for a smash. Nothing, at all, wrong w that, but I want more, and act accordingly.
And ur absolutely right about the whole 'work on you' thing. We are all flawed ppl, so said work will NEVER be 'done'.Nigerian Prince, jusrawb, ControlledXaos and 4 others dapped this. -
OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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*About 1.6% of Americans identify as gay or lesbian, according to one recent survey
There was some bullshit going down in this damn 2014 survey.
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OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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Poor dude. Ending the relationship will only be the beginning of attempting to solve his issues. This wack ass relationship is only shining a light on what is really wrong....HIM.
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I've always found asking someone their position to be kinda crude. I prefer to ask probing questions and I'll usually get a sense of what the persons into... or I'll just do a little background investigation and find out
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OckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club
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Reading this...at first I was like... ...then I was like... and finally I was like... I'm gonna go with,
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