Best Posts in Forum: Group Discussions

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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  2. NickAuzenneNOLA

    The Great Debater The 100 Daps Club

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    I think it's important that Black LGBT history is included in our conversation around black history. Intersectionality has long been overlooked within our communities and so here's a post that celebrates those cross-sections of race and sexuality.
    Share your favorite historical black LGBT folks!

    Here's My TOP 5:

    Langston Hughes

    
Langston Hughes's name is almost synonymous with the Harlem Renaissance. At a time when African-Americans across the country were struggling to find a foothold on par with the rest of society, Hughes and his contemporaries were flourishing in Harlem, writing, creating, and living lives that were expressive and revolutionary. He discovered the scene uptown while studying at Columbia University in New York, and eventually became one of the first black writers to support himself through writing with his accessible, relatable voice. He was known for stressing the message of "black is beautiful" and racial consciousness without anger, in a pre-Civil Rights world. It was well known that he was engaged in significant relationships both sexually and romantically with both men and women. Making him in today's language, bisexual.


    Audre Lorde

    Essayist and poet Audre Lorde not only wrote passionately, but she also gave the gift of words to others as a librarian in New York public schools during the 1960s. In her published work, Lorde eventually fully embraced her lesbianism, even with her marriage to attorney Edward Rollins from 1962-1970. Her first volume of poems was published in 1968 at Tougaloo College, where she met long-term partner Frances Clayton. Her 1976 work The Black Unicorn was a masterful summation of her life, so far, "as a black woman, a mother, a daughter, a lesbian, a feminist, a visionary," as contemporary Adrienne Rich said.

    Later in the literary journal Callaloo, Lorde responded to critics, specifically antigay North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms: "My sexuality is part and parcel of who I am, and my poetry comes from the intersection of me and my worlds... Jesse Helms's objection to my work is not about obscenity... or even about sex. It is about revolution and change... Helms knows that my writing is aimed at his destruction, and the destruction of every single thing he stands for." Lorde later chronicled her journey with cancer after she was diagnosed in The Cancer Journals. In her last year of life, 1991-1992, Lorde was the poet laureate of New York. She died in 1992 of breast cancer, but her legacy lives on in the Audre Lorde Project, an LGBT organization in New York focused on social and economic justice.


    Bayard Rustin

    Schools across America and around the world make sure to commemorate the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., every year, but King's work could be incomplete without the help of close confidant and organizer, Bayard Rustin. He was the key strategist in many of King's actions, often making him the target of the federal government as he organized demonstrations, rallied activists, and lobbied politicians to help make life better for people of color. Even with such a high-profile position within the Civil Rights movement, during the 1950s and '60s, Rustin was openly gay, and evidence shows that he was embraced by King, whose message of acceptance continues to resonate decades after his active years.

    (He was also my Illustrious Bruh as he is/was a member of Omega Psi Phi, one of the first fraternities created for black men.
    RQQ!)


    James Baldwin

    At a time of segregation and discrimination, author James Baldwin was able to eloquently express the everyday life of African-Americans in the U.S. However, in order to do so, Baldwin, like Baker, fled the country for France to write more freely. Baldwin's semi-autobigraphical Go Tell It On The Mountain was a large success and remains a critical favorite, while his later work Geovanni's Room was controversial, as it was one of the first mainstream novels to tackle homosexuality. He died in 1987 in France and was buried in his birthplace, Harlem, N.Y

    Richmond Barthé

    Richmond “Jimmie” Barthé was a sculptor and a key figure in the Harlem Renaissance in the 1930s. That he was also a gay man who expressed his orientation in his work is most likely why he fell into obscurity by the 1940s. Much of his art depicted African-American men in sensual poses, often nude. Today, his work seems not that confrontational, but in a basically racist, sexually nervous America of the middle of the last century, it is remarkable that his work received the acclaim that it did. (He was also of Louisiana Creole descent, being half LA Creole that makes me personally proud. Louisiana Creoles are one of the first and most distinctive groups of people of color in this nation.)




    Check out more here!

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/prominent-black-lgbt-icons_n_4747530.html
     
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  3. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    I've been drawing since I was a kid
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    I don't get draw as often as I'd like to since I work a lot of hours.
     
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  4. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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  5. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    These assholes piss me off daily:

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    Any dude that's over 30 who is handsome, in shape, doesn't have a wife, girlfriend, baby mama, kids, and is very secretive about his personal life. Sends up a red flag. Also dudes who are meticulous about what they wear, are always "fashion forward," and always well groomed are suspect to me.
     
    #11 Cyrus-Brooks, Dec 14, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
  7. ControlledXaos

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    Hey you! Yes you. Over there in the right lane. Why are you trying to speed up as I'm passing you? Ya ass been driving 62mph in a 70 for a whole entire 2 miles and now that I'm passing your slow ass you wanna speed up? Nawl mane. GTFOH! Sit yo muhfuh ass back and stay ya ass in your original lane where you have been for now 2.5 miles.
     
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  8. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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  9. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    The first step is letting go of viewing yourself and homosexuality through the eyes of straight family, friends and society. That is often the biggest hurdle...we don't want to "disappoint" others. My favorite is when young people neglect living their lives to the fullest to not "disappoint" grandparents who DID live their lives to the fullest. Its wasted time and a wasted life.

    And also realizing that EVERYONE dislikes something about themselves at some point or another...even heterosexuals...even people with great bodies...even wealthy people...even people who seem to have "perfect" lives. We all face this struggle, sometimes all our lives. Some people are better at handling it than others...some people learn to let go through therapy. But reaching out to talk about it (like you did here) is a good start.
     
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  10. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    I was somewhat offended by my results.
    **********
    You have completed the personality test.

    Below is the Kinsey scale, your result has been highlighted.

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I’m a freelancer so every 3-6 months I’m working with new people or in a new office. I have no desire to have that conversation with every new client and their staff. Especially the Black ones...

    What’s really annoying is when there are Black women and/or fem Gay men working with me, it becomes a constant game of them trying to find out if I’m straight or gay by asking poorly veiled questions.
     
  12. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    When you and a guy are casual,it's totally understandable to stick to the lane you're most comfortable with.Outside of that ,when you're with another man you have to adjust to the reality that he has a penis too,and wants to be pleasured. . If the connection is anything serious,then I think compromise has to be achieved.

    A lot of guys who are posting about a lack of tops are often turned off for some reason when hey find out their desired top(s) bottomed for another guy at some point in their history.Really as long as the person you're wtith (for just tonite or long-term) is compatible with your sexual needs or willing to conform with them,then worrying about their label as some type of defining trait is pointless.
     
    #2 DreG, Jun 9, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2016
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  13. cypher21

    cypher21 Deactivated Account
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    Lol Sailor Moon is the biggest red flag XD! (Joking I liked SM growing up too!) That's a great question, honestly like you I'd say mainly my interests or lack of certain interests. Not into sports and if you were to ask me my favorite artists I'd mention MC or Sade vs a rapper or some band although I enjoy all kinds of music. Really the one thing that has always made me stick out like a sore thumb is when guys (or females) talk about girls or ask me what I think of someone!!

    Now I do find women attractive, I can tell when one is obviously but I'm just not good at being thirsty for one lol!

    Straight Guy: "MAN she got a FAT A$$ don't she brah?!?"

    Me:
    "OOh Yeaaah I-I suuure would hit that...mmhhmm"
    [​IMG]
     
    #2 cypher21, Dec 14, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
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  14. Lancer

    Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    So last week I was coming back after a long day and decided to pick up some items at the store, nothing much as I had already done the monthly stock up a week before. I stand at the checkout line waiting my turn, then I notice one of the male attendants that had his back to me. He looked very good from behind, his work pants were the right fit. In my mind I was thinking, should I?
    I was unsure cos my summer was fucking dry #kalahari, none of the guys I hit on were interested, even dudes that took my number never hit me up so I was not going to get rejected at a supermarket and walk out into the blistering cold.
    ( even if its not that cold yet, after a rejection it will sure feel like it lol)
    [​IMG]
    So, I said if he turns around and he is cute, I will holla, no excuses! Unknown to me, the Devil was out that day to steal what was left of my self esteem, because homeboy was fine. His line clears and he signals me to come up;
    Me: Hi, just these please.
    Him: okay
    Me: How is your day going? (nervously, but hiding it)
    Him: It's going good.
    Me: What's your name?
    Him:*leans in so I can read his name Tag*
    I don't know if it was cos I was so nervous, but I couldn't read his name. The words did not just make sense to me, and I was wearing my glasses. lmao
    Me: I can't read it sorry...
    Him: *while bagging my stuff* Ok, I will come closer.
    Me: Oh, now I can see it. Nice name.
    While he is trying to run my card, I get a piece of paper out my wallet. Tear it in half, then write my name and number on it. Then put the other half back in my wallet. He hands me back my card and as I am leaving, I slip him the paper. He smiles, and I say goodbye.
    Phew! That wasn't so bad, I think to myself, nice job. I get home, put my stuff down, then I open my wallet to throw away the other piece of paper. I pull it out and it had my name and number on it.
    [​IMG]
    In all my nervousness, I had given homeboy the blank paper, DAMN!!!
    I am SO done, no more hitting on guys in 2018, I am off my game and need to hibernate.
     
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  15. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    I have been wondering what or why some people chose what they did for their names. Some of them are pretty self explanatory.

    Here's mine...
    ControlledXaos = controlled chaos = IMG_20140310_135829.jpg

    Rollercoasters. Rollercoasters are controlled chaos. They give you different feels, scared, excitement, fun etc and can release endorphins. However it's totally controlled even though it feels like it isn't when you experience them.
     
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  16. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    [​IMG]

    Many of us are Out and openly dating men now that we're older....But was that the case for you even in High School?

    To be honest, in hindsight, I had a feeling that I was gay as far back as Middle School...but it wasn't until High School that I started to realize that I was bisexual or gay...

    But I came up in the Midwest in the 90s...no black kids were openly gay back then...even the ones who were obviously gay (ie: effeminate men on the cheerleading team).

    So I became the kid hiding my growing hormones in the shadows. But the boys just seemed to get better and better looking to me as we all got older. And it didn't matter what race they were.

    There was one blue-eyed Jewish kid that I was friends with (I had even gone to his Bat Mitzvah) who suddenly had become mesmerizing to me. I would see him talking and stare at him like:

    [​IMG]

    There was a skinny underachieving light-skinned black kid with freckles and curly hair that I would miss every time he skipped class (which was often, he eventually didn't graduate on time with our class). When he was absent I would be like:

    [​IMG]

    There was a tight-bodied dark-skinned upperclassman who was very frisky with his hands and would cop a feel on me from time to time when no one was looking. I was so paranoid about being "found out" that I never reciprocated, always pulled away and feigned disapproval (I still regret that to this day).

    But I was also attracted to girls (and tittays...I love me some tittays) so I pretty much focused on them for most of my matriculation through high school. I dated a few girls but no one I would consider a "high school sweetheart."

    [​IMG]

    Although I was somewhat popular among my classmates, I didn't date much...I kept myself distracted by joining up with as many extracurricular activities as possible (except sports, I was always pretty tall but never very athletic). Even still, I definitely wasn't "the gay kid" or even suspected to be by classmates back then (my mother is another story, a long one).

    As the years in High School went on, the attraction to fellow teenage boys (that I tried hard to suppress) had grown stronger.

    I got erections while learning to wrestle in gym class and changing in the locker room showers...I manipulated attractive guys into friendships just so that I could be around them more...I even secretly sketched caricatures of my dude crushes in my notebooks (yup, I can draw).

    I was horny, repressed and became a straight up bitch.

    The kind who you imagine reading Sweet Sixteen Magazine. I even kept a secret journal about my overwhelming crushes for these nikkas since I didn't have ANYONE to actually talk to about it.

    I became Drake before Drake even existed.

    [​IMG]

    I wasn't doing this kind of extra stuff with the girls I was dating or liked...So by the time we graduated I knew I had to accept that I was mostly gay, not bisexual. Definitely not Bisexual enough to become a dude who would eventually get married to a woman and never have or act on homosexual urges ever again in my life.

    Once I left the Midwest to attend college in the Dirty South...I knew that I had to have my first gay experience as soon as possible.

    [​IMG]

    This ended up being delayed by 6 months because a fellow classmate FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL decided to attend the SAME college as me. So of course we hung out in the same small group of freshmen friends.

    Being that I was still (unnecessarily) paranoid about people from my high school finding out about me, I was handcuffed. He ended up dropping out after only one semester, so then I felt like I was finally free to explore that repressed side of my sexuality.

    I still didn't become "the gay dude" or have tons of whorish gay sex, but at 19 years old I finally got that first taste of what gay intimacy and intercourse was like with another dude. It was marvelous.

    The rest is history. It was on and popping from then.

    [​IMG]

    In hindsight, I do kinda wish I had taken more of a risk in high school to explore my sexuality. While we didn't have Jack'd, Grindr or sites like Cypher Avenue back then, I did highly suspect that some other classmates were down as well.

    And while I may have been rejected if I made a move or just became overly touchy, at least word may have gotten out to a kid on the down low who actually wanted to experiment and/or possibly date...even in secret.

    However, I have heard horror stories from men who were outed as a kid and even had to change schools because of the torment that came as a result. So maybe it's for the best that I didn't come Out in High School.

    So what's your story?

    Were you Openly gay in high school?

    Were you openly Bisexual?

    Were you paranoid like me?

    Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?

    Let us know your journey through adolescence....
     
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  17. Austin MD

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    Wassup guys. I’m 25 turning 26 in November. I’m currently exploring my sexuality lately trying to figure out what I want. I’ve been suppressing feelings so long and not living out what I am. Hope you all support me on this journey. I must admit I am a bit scared and hesitant of. Hope you all can answer my questions and be straight up with me!
     
    #296 Austin MD, Oct 11, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
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  18. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    26. I have a photo to prove it.

    However I'm thicker with higher body fat but stronger than I was then too. So I'd say that in comparison to then and now, I cancel things out between the two different bodies.

    I'm working in reigning things back in but....


    FB_IMG_1454085573348.jpg

    This is so true.

    However, people can still get their body right, they just have to put in more effort and finding what works for them and their body. I'm working on my IIFYM numbers now.
     
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  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    This actually happened to me like 6 years ago. Met a guy on the chat lines, dope masculine voice, was very discreet due to his music career. We talked on the phone for hours. Planned to finally meet a couple days later.

    I chose a local dive bar since I figured he'd want something private yet still public.

    I wore my typical attire, a fitted cap and skateboard sneaks...and waited in the bar for him to arrive. When I tell you this dude showed up looking like he was in a Prince outfit and wearing some bright yellow boots, I lie to you not. And he had his curly hair out in a big Jewish permed Afro. He was technically a black guy but was mixed with at least 4 different things.

    The dude was beautiful though, great features and skin, good convo... which is why I still kicked it w him.

    It was kinda embarrassing in that bar though.
     
  20. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    Well I hope he gets half when it's all over.

    I'm rooting for everybody black.
     
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  21. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    It's a day to day process. I feel like so many black gay men are broken because of all the things we've had to face our whole lives. Many of us look for love and acceptance through other men and that's just just a recipe for toxic, needy, and unhealthy relationships. We should really find it within ourselves because at the end of the day, the only person who could make you truly happy is yourself. If someone isn't comfortable with themselves, they're going to poison any relationship they have with someone else.

    I just say fuck the world. I'm pretty introverted, so it's easy. I have a handful of friends and family who care for me. And that's all I need. Whenever I'm facing something difficult or feeling insecure about something, I always think "What's the worst that can happen?" A lot of the time, the worst isn't even all that bad. And even if it, so what? If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. You can't change that. The only thing you can change is your mindset.
     
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  22. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    [​IMG]

    I have a lot of men in my family. One brother, a few uncles, some nephews and a whole bunch of cousins. I love them all, but I really don’t have a lot in common with any of them.

    And this applies to me from their perspective as well. I’m sure from their perspective, their gay (brother, uncle, nephew, cousin) isn’t really the most relatable person in the clan. However, many of them don’t even know I’m gay, and if they do (or suspect), I’m not vocal or outwardly gay around them. It just never comes up, neither by me or them. What I do project is success, intelligence, love of family, the ability to talk to anyone on their level and generosity.

    MY BROTHER

    My younger brother is great and I love him…Our father passed away when we were very young so we he kinda only had me to look to when he was growing up. Not to brag, but I think he had a decent role model with me. I never got into trouble, did well in school, went to college, started a career early and became pretty successful at it (well, at least enough to support myself).

    But besides our mother, his marriage, two kids and frivolous pop culture, we don’t have a lot to talk about with each other on a non-superficial level. He’s religious, I’m not. He doesn’t really talk politics past the news headlines. We can’t discuss my dating (or lack thereof) since he’s straight. He doesn’t really drink and he no longer “turns up.” And although he has a great full time job, he’s constantly broke, borrowing money from me or our mother.

    MY NEPHEWS

    I have a bigger social media following than my 21-yr-old introverted rapper nephew. He gets zero replies or likes, yet he posts 5x more than me…If he’s not reposting memes, he rants about girls and all his “haters.” If I comment on one of his posts/photos, he deletes the whole post/photo by the end of the day. I get it, Unc might embarrass you to your friends...but with no other likes or comments, clearly no one else is checking for what you have to say, Neph.

    I love the dude, but I do wish he was a bit more scholarly, sociable and extroverted. Same with my 15-yr-old nephew. He has no interests, goals or hobbies besides eating and watching YouTube. Typical for a teenager, but usually you see some signs of who they will be as adults around that age.

    They both just kinda take up space. Nowadays, I see so many 16 to 21 year olds who are HUNGRY AF. They are business owners, collegiate scholars, musicians, athletes, articulate advocates for causes, party promoters, YouTubers and Podcasters, etc.

    [​IMG]

    Not all young Black men will be Marques Brownlee, but can I at least get my nephews to rise to Chief Keef status, building a successful career while on house arrest?

    Say what you will about Meek Mill and Chief Keef, they put in a lot of WORK. After buying him equipment to make music, I asked my aspiring rapper nephew to send me some tracks to forward to a colleague who could help him get exposure (something he says he desperately needs help with). After getting no response for over 24 hours (he keeps his phone on him at all times), he informed me that he (coincidently) just had a hard drive crash so he lost all of his music. I can’t imagine even Meek or Keef having the same response when they were as young as 16 years old.

    [​IMG]

    There’s still hope for my youngest nephews (under 6 years old), and I haven’t given up on the older ones, but I hope one of them turn out to be something more than just alcoholic baby making machines.

    MY UNCLES

    My Uncles have never been traditional Uncles. None of them have ever done anything for me in my entire life. Not even just gifts, even just advice or being much needed male role models after my father passed away when I was a pre-teen. If anything, all I was taught (by example) was to not do crack cocaine (middle uncle) and, if possible, cut off your entire family and create a new one (oldest uncle).

    Even to this day, I don’t have a relationship with any of them besides cordial “hellos” at family functions. Just last summer, one of my uncles bragged about having a “good job” making $12/hr (without benefits) in a 100˚ industrial factory (youngest uncle, still older than me). Without any living grandparents, I don’t have any older men in my family to look up to.

    MY COUSINS

    Pretty much all of my male cousins are typical blue collar midwesterners, hourly factory jobs are seen as “winning.” Conversations consist of liquor, weed, hoes and “getting money.” They all say they want to come to Atlanta, not to network or look for career opportunities…they want to go to the strip clubs and go “where the hoes at, cuz?”

    There is ONE male cousin (my favorite), about 8 years younger, who is dope AF. He has a well paid engineering job in addition to owning several businesses around the country. He’s smart, articulate, a master at code-switching and has traveled the world way more than I have. The diamond in the rough. Even his own brothers are nothing like him.

    [​IMG]

    MY FAMILY

    The women aren’t that much better, only one or two of them are close to Michelle Obama territory (intelligent, successful, articulate women who can hold their own in a board room as well as a backyard barbecue). At the end of the day, I do love all of my family. The hood fabulous and all.

    And I’m not saying that I expect all the men in my family to be molded out of a cookie-cutter Black Millennial web series spinoff of Dear White People where everyone causally quotes Friedrich Nietzsche, Tupac Shakur and Steve Jobs in the same freestyled monologue about Technology, Politics and Race in America:

    [​IMG]

    No I don’t expect this (it would be nice though), but I do kinda wish I could go to a family reunion or gathering and be in awe about how dope and inspiring the Black men in my family were, both young and old.
     
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  23. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    @Nick Delmacy Yo thanks for having the vision to create this space (The Boards). This is a great (and much needed) supplement to my social media regiment.
    [​IMG]
     
  24. RolandG

    Bae Material Squad Leader The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    I have to say, I've never seen the founder(s) of any site interact with their followers as much as @Nick Delmacy and @ockydub. It amazes me how they manage to hold down full-time jobs(Nick), shop all day at Whole Foods for nutritious/upscale foods, entertain several gentleman friends, go on luxurious boating trips and run the most popular website for Gay men of Color. They didn't just create it and sit back and pat themselves on the back, but they actually take the time to interact with with members ALL THE TIME. I never see that on other websites. Although I'm not on as much as i used to(the whole moving and working thing), It's cool to see new members interacting with seasoned squad members. And I know so many of these young dudes appreciate the attention they get from the founders. I Appreciate the work guys. I know it's hard and time consuming to do what you do but you do it damn well and it's definitely appreciated.
     
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  25. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    [​IMG]The DL or “down low” has been a topic we’ve covered in posts and podcasts since our first website Discreet City. Till this day, the word “discreet” still screams DL for a lot of people. Well, whatever.

    Something that I have always found peculiar is that when there is a story of a married heterosexual White congressman or White conservative pastor who is exposed as a hypocritical closeted homosexual, the main stream media never refers to him as DL. The Down Low is uniquely African American…we started the term. We created another vernacular barrier that Black people have embraced to negatively label many Black same gender loving men.

    For many in the Black community, DL isn’t limited to living a homo/bi sexual double life (in the traditional sense) but has evolved to also describe a non-descript homosexual man. This means he is not easily or outwardly identifiable as homosexual to other homosexuals or heterosexuals. Another term for this is “unclockable.” Even if this man is not deceiving anyone (which is the crux of the DL outrage) by simply existing, he is guilty of “hiding” in plain sight thus partially being deceitful.

    [​IMG]

    Since 2011, there has been numerous DL or closeted homosexual related scandals and rumors pertaining to African American celebrities or personalities. From Bishop Eddie Long, former NFL players like Kerry Rhodes and Kordell Stewart, Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash, DJ Mister Cee, Andrew “I’m Not Gay No More” Caldwell, Rapper Young Thug, Michael Sam and the latest, former boxer Yusaf Mack.

    Admittedly my degree of empathy is not equal between Eddie Long compared to Kerry Rhodes. While the good Bishop has long been against any form of LGBT equality, Rhodes was exposed by a supposed jilted ex-lover. Nonetheless; I think it would be disingenuous and delusional to not acknowledge the predominate factor that creates the down low or closeted men in the Black community, which are conservative ideals based in religion.

    This is not about “well (White, Asian, etc.) people do it too”; this is exclusively about Black folk. We have a serious problem concerning the lack of empathy as it relates to DL or closeted LGBT individuals in the Black community; a community that through its actions and religious dogma, produces secrecy and hiding.

    The typical recipe of ingredients for creating a down low man is as follows; teach him at an early age that society disdains his feelings and he is an abomination (not-natural). Teach him that his soul will burn in lakes of hell fire for all eternity. Teach him he is the same as a pedophile who abuses and kills children. Teach him he is a faggot and faggots are weak. Teach him that he wants to be a woman and not a man. Add a heaping spoon of judgmental ignorant hatred and stir. Just look and listen to the video below but keep in mind its nothing you haven’t heard before.

    This recipe has been passed around in the Black community for countless decades and has been inserted into the thoughts and minds of a large number of young males who may have same sex attractions. As it cooks, it destructively nourishes their beings, beginning possible long term struggles with denial, self-esteem, depression or other mental conditions that can fester and manifest in dangerous ways.

    Through conditioning these males learn to hide who they are as they maneuver through life seeking acceptance within their families and communities. By doing so many do what they see their peers doing; date and obtain girlfriends. Like most humans, what these males have been taught in their early years of development (their sexuality is bad) remains and travels with them to adulthood.

    This year I found out a man I briefly dated (if you want to label it) years ago, not only was a pastor of a church but was married with children. At that time, I was already out of the gay scene and I had no idea that he was a well-known DL pastor. I found out because someone on social media reposted an old exposé with his picture. I was shocked that he so many knew of his personal business and affairs. The article also featured his online username, his bathroom nude pics, his phone number and several screen grabs of text messages. That post led me to another article which had a link to the pastor’s own rebuttal webpage. Of course it was filled with explanations like “I been lied on and my name has been dragged through the mud but I’ve been anointed with the blood of King Jesus…blah blah blah.”

    In that moment, I truly felt bad for him. Growing up in the church and establishing a career and livelihood within the institution, he has been hiding his true self for almost his entire life. This is a direct result of the fear of rejection and disappointment from those in his family and ultra-religious church community that have taught him to hate his sexuality. I sent him a message to do a possible interview anonymously via email, where I hopefully would get him to share his obstacles and explain first-hand why he is DL and closeted. I’m sure he’d forgotten who I was and expectedly my email went unanswered.

    The latest DL scandal finds retired boxer Yusaf Mack’s sexuality being exposed by way of a gay porn scene he starred in. In a matter of days his story went from him being drugged and having no recollection of the film to admitting that he lied about being drugged and he is in fact bisexual. In an interview, he stated while walking the streets of his native Philadelphia, many associates who were previously friendly with him, were now shunning him. A friend pulled him aside and told him the reason people were not speaking with him was because they had seen the gay porn film he had made months before.

    [​IMG]

    As noted, Mack’s first reaction to this news was to lie. This was his conditioned natural reaction to the embarrassment and rejection by his community. I think it can be concluded that he wrongly assumed that no from his “heterosexual” hood would see him in a gay porno. Being honest, my first reaction to the story was “why is this dude lying…doesn’t he know he is making the situation worse?” I think most can correctly assume he’s doing porn because he needs the money.

    Mack has since released an apology in which he states;

    “After reflecting on the mess I had made I realized that I hurt a lot of my loved ones – and the people I cared about the most were left disappointed and confused. It was unfair and time to come clean.”

    “I want to say sorry to my children and my ex fiancé, I am so sorry that I was a coward and hid a huge part of my life from you all.”

    “I’m not looking for sympathy or even understanding, I’ve kept this secret for a long time.”

    “It is time to move forward and this is me walking in my truth.”

    “There are other men and women that are set up in the similar situations and I just hope I can be inspiration to be just be you.”

    “The extreme taboo and harsh criticism of living a same-sex lifestyle, especially as an African- American male, makes it hard to be completely honest and comfortable within yourself.”

    “But I had to remember that I am a champ and I can fight and will fight through this.”

    “I am more than my sexual orientation.”
    In the numerous articles, blog postings and social media commentaries; compassion or empathy from African Americans (both heterosexual and homosexual) for Yusaf Mack is almost non-existent. There were the typical derogatory responses from straights and not surprisingly, gays were not chanting the popular gay mantra of “it gets better”. No one was telling him, “The world is so much bigger than your hood in Philly. There are people who will support you regardless of your sexuality.” No one was questioning the current state of his mental health since the gay porn scene came to light. Yusaf Mack denied taking part in gay porn out of fear of rejection…and the Black community proved him right. After the gay film production company threatened to sue, Yusaf owned up. While this scandal continues to play out, I just hope he doesn’t do something drastic like Lee Thompson Young or Sam Sarpong and take his own life?

    [​IMG]

    Fear of being revealed and then rejected by friends and family is the DL or closeted man’s Kryptonite. On the outside looking in, who am I or anyone else to say when is the right time for someone else to “come out” being that their personal hardships or plights aren’t known? I’m sure the longer they hide their true selves the harder it is to escape the ruse that has been established.

    I don’t condone a down low lifestyle or any type of relationship built on or around deceptions. I haven’t been a down low or closeted man in years. I do however; fall into the category of not wearing my sexuality on my sleeve, thus for many in my community, I’m guilty of hiding in plain sight simply because they can’t readily identify my sexuality.

    Why do so many in the African American community have such a lack of compassion or empathy for down low or closeted men? I think many hide behind the simple reasoning that these men are dishonest, but rarely will these same African Americans hold a mirror to examine how they personally contribute to and drive the deceptions committed by their sons, nephews, grandsons, uncles and fathers. Many never will stop and think what anti-homosexual language they have used around their children or family members. What unobtainable negative concepts of masculinity have they conveyed? What foolish micro-aggressions like “boys shouldn’t eat bananas” have they instilled?


    The African American community doesn’t have a problem studying the generational psychological traumas of slavery or psychosomatic side effects as it pertains to fatherless households, police brutality or prison incarceration. Is it possible we can study the roots of generational anti-homosexual attitudes in the community as well? Maybe then we wouldn’t circumvent the magnitude European supremacy has had on shaping the ideals of sexualities of African Americans as well as indigenous peoples throughout history through mass slaughter, enslavement and religious enforcement.

    The African American community has made strides. We have a Black President and First Family who supports LGBT equality. We now have many open Black gay (and non-gay) pastors and bishops who focus on love and not fire and brimstone. In addition, we have had a number of Black same gender loving athletes to break barriers. Also, there are elements of the younger generation whose views and ideals are not as rigid, so I do feel there are some shifts in a more positive direction. However; let’s not pretend LGBT suicide, youth homelessness and transmittal of HIV among black homosexual men is not prevalent.

    Even though many of our paths are different, I’m sure we all know what rejection feels like. Sometimes it has distinctive sting when it comes from people who look like you and are unwilling to show compassion or empathy.





    Read the whole post here.
     
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  26. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Hmm...So The Boards are the only place I can go to on social media right now and don't have to see, read or hear about; Raven Symone, The Kardashians, or Lamar Odom.
    [​IMG]
     
  27. Mell437

    Mell437 Lurker

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    Yo! What's going on fellas. Haven't been on this site in YEARS. Finally tired of FB, and other mainstream Social Media outlets. Saw and email from this site, and figured I'll use this as a replacement. You can call me Mell. I am 30 years of age. Recently relocated to Alabama from Florida with my partner ** cough (roommate) cough**. I am a laid back kind of dude. Love sports - mainly college football (Go Canes), game on my xbox1 every now and then, enjoy going out here and there, but mainly I am at home, if I am not at work. Looking forward to many conversations on here with you all.
     
  28. sekou

    sekou I be Jamaican
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    Life in high school in Jamaica was a mashpot of testosterone so any sign of homosexuality was and is looked down on. The only out students were in music club and they were generally left alone because they banded together. I on the the other hand generally sticked to myself, avoiding all relationships. At this point I was committed to finding a girl to be with so no guy was on my radar. But there was the occasion where a random attractive guy would come by and i would try my best to look from a distance. then immediately got a guilt of doing something wrong. So to save myself I avoided all such individuals.

    Luckily sports/ physical education was not mandatory here so I wasn't tempted by the freaking hot dudes on the track team. Track and field is pretty big in the country. and these track guys wore the full track suits...... the ones that show everything..... and all these fuckers were

    [​IMG]
    ....damit .so i stayed away from sports .

    My adolescent years I made it a point to hang out with the straightest, manlyest dudes I knew. Luckily they remained good friends even when I told them I was bi.. That's rare in this country.

    It wasn't until i started gyming hard in the last 3 years that I have tried anything.
     
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  29. NikR

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

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    My favorite composer-Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. NikR.

    In grade 8 I was trumpet section leader in the 9-12 band. I thought I was so cool until they handed me this one march by Rimsky-Korsakov. It was without a doubt the most difficult music I've ever played. It humbled me. I grew a lot that year.

    I was a band nerd
     
    #10 NikR, Mar 9, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2016
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  30. cuspofbeauty

    The 100 Daps Club

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    cuspofbeauty
    My birthday (September 21) falls on the cusp of Virgo-Libra, which is September 19 to September 24. This cusp is called The Cusp of Beauty
     
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  31. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Je suis diplomate
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    I have been out at work, but my last two jobs have been in the federal government, first the military and second the foreign service. Both those positions have strong family components. So I’ve been out at work for at least six years. However, before the repeal of DADT, I was only unofficially out. I had a few buddies on my FB who put two and two together. However, being out work is not protected in 35 states so I would indeed read up on workplace protections before outing myself at work. Don't mess up your bag
     
    #7 BlackguyExecutive, Aug 8, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
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  32. cypher21

    cypher21 Deactivated Account
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    John Orozco
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    He's both a thirst trap and body motivation...:lupe1:...if I had that body...them thighs...would bring all the boys to the yard...
     
  33. Nigerian Prince

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    Nick you already know I was openly gay in HS. LOL. But no seriously... explain this long story about your mom being suspect about you???

    This article was a great read by the way.

    In high school, I was there with my twin brother. Looking back, we both could have taken a lot of boys down. We had dudes that were VERY touchy feely with us and guys that were even BOLD enough to ask if "we were packing down there" because we are Nigerians lol. But yeah there were guys that would just stare at us and smile that were on the sports teams or whatever. They would be hot and cold. Be cool with us one-on-one then around their other overly hypermasculine acting sports buddies they would maltreat us. As high school drew to a close, we had guys that used to pick on us start warming up to us and complementing us on our clothes and our looks. I was like...."??????" I asked myself, "why are these people so wishy-washy?" Didn't understand why back then but we do now.

    If we were both as confident back then as we were now, man... high school and especially college would have been very memorable. Both of us really just stuck to overloading ourselves with work and extracurriculars to distract ourselves then when we came out to each other it made sense why we kept so busy.
    Both of us pretended to pretty much be str8 but my twin had a sexual experience with a guy when he was 20 I think. Thank goodness it was just over the phone back then lol. When he told me that he had phone sex, I had to clutch my pearls! LMBO JK. But yeah I was still getting used to him being openly gay with me and I was getting used to myself still accepting myself for who I was until I came out to him when I was 22. I am now 25 and so much further along in my journey. Still haven't had sex yet but it is fine. Porn will have to just do the job until I find a man worthy of me.
     
  34. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    6.They spent all night at the club and didn't wake up until 1145 so by the time they woke up, kicked out the one night stand, and showered, brunch was the de facto food option.
     
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  35. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    I lived in a suite my freshman year of college. Four rooms, eight guys, and a shared living room and bathroom. Each room had two guys. They were stereotypical "bro" suitemates. Loud, abrasive, etc. First semester my roommate would bring girls over and have sex in our room. A few times was okay, but I found it annoying the more it happened. I would just sleep in the living room if I knew I was being sexiled. One night I was sleeping, he brought a girl over and started having sex with her when I was literally still in the room. I got annoyed, grabbed my blanket and pillow and went to the living room only to discover that my other suitemate was also having sex with a girl on the couch. Nowhere else to go. Tried to go down the hall to the lounge but it was used up. Luckily one of other suite mates was getting high somewhere and left his room unlocked so I went to sleep in his room. Fortunately, I sorta had my revenge later in the year. I started dating my boyfriend at the time and made sure to sexile my roommate just so he could see how it felt. Me and my dude even sorta messed around in the living room once or twice. Nothing too explicit, but definitely not G rated either. That definitely made my suitemates uncomfortable. They would lock themselves in their rooms or leave. Not trying to see no gay shit. Meh.
     
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