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Ahh yes...a typical black gay nerd's Wednesday afternoon..

 

Ocky,
I appreciate your thoughts about this subject. It is simply a growth point for the black gay community. Our community is made up of all kinds and all deserve respect from one another. I also think that some members of society are truly upset at the fact that black gay men are not all fem and draggish. Tbough im really o er the white men hitti g every black man up to sleep with them like its a priveledge or something. Here's to hoping we create better opportunities to unite and overcome this Bulls hit mentality like we belong to different tribes or some shit like that.

 

I don't know what to think of this...

 

....hmpgh

 

I don't want a traditional funeral in a church with a preacher since I don't believe in that stuff. Just a small gathering with some drinks, snacks, and upbeat music. Cremate my body and plant a tree where the ashes are scattered.

 

i agree lol

 

My love of self started at an early age. I've always been a go-getter and have had confidence in my ability to go for whatever I wanted. I was always the smart kid, the class clown and most talented and was relatively well-liked and popular--despite being bullied early on as a kid. But like a lot of black men, I went through (and still go though) my share of shit that challenged my sense of self and my confidence. My first and only relationship with a guy did a lot to add to my self-confidence. He taught me an important lesson about attraction that went beyond just physical attributes, and into character, personality, how one interacts with other people and more. Along my journey, I also befriended a pretty accomplished, handsome and overall remarkable slightly older man (he was like 15 years older) who helped me come into a strong sense of self. Regarding my sexuality, he was the one who told me, "as long as you and God are cool, don't worry about what anyone else has to say." This friend also made a passing comment to me shortly after we met after months of emailing. His words still resonate with me today: "handsome and smart...powerful."

All this being said, having your own confidence, sense of self and knowledge of your value and worth is very important, no doubt. But surrounding yourself by sincere people who value everything about you and can help reaffirm and build you up is important as well. It is easy to dismiss the world and fuck everybody, but that is a lonely place that most folks--deep down--really don't want to be. Fortunately, the world is big enough for us to seek out a community that reaffirms our sense of self. I think sometimes we overstate the fact that in a society, we can't live in complete isolation and that as human beings, living in isolation/loneliness, is not good for the majority of people's psyche...but that's another topic.

So yeah, love yourself, but surround yourself by people who love you too.

 

@mojoreece like a clash between going live like on IG and onlyfans lmao

But yea, I would never pay to watch somebody do bullshit around they house. I barely pay for the sex. We all know what onlyfans is about and watching you cook and do yoga isn't it.

 

I dapped your post because you raise a crucial point - people's preferences are their preferences - they are not endorsements nor are they shaming. Personally, my former partner, now deceased, was HIV+ and probably was when we first started our relationship - it was the mid 80s and neither of us were tested. I have subsequently had at least one affair with someone who is positive and is a very close friend.

My problem with the discussion you reported is the overall situation in which people feel entitled to judge in extreme terms others' choices. It is not as if you were writing an article (though you have posted on the situation - but I think that is a different matter). Your opinion/preference is just that - it is not a fiat. I have become tired after decades of sitting through similar conversations among my gay peers of the over-reaction, the judging. I want to say and sometimes do "who died and made you queen." When I hear the words shaming, cancel, ___phobia, I simply tune out.

I applaud your choice though I have made a different one. I also once again thank the Boards for existing and hosting discussions like this.

 

I like your template lol Let me steal it.


Body Wise: I'm fluffy. I'm 6'2 240. Tryna lose 40 pounds. But I still look like I'm in shape thankfully to the untrained eye.

Financial wise I'm ok. I have healthy savings and a good credit score but my income isn't where I hoped it would be at my age.

Family wise: Im good. I love my immediate fam but distant from extended fam.

Sex Wise: I have a couple regular GoTo friends every now and then but I'm mostly solo on pornhub. Im not very good in relationships. I'm workin on it.

I'm 30 and mostly happy. I'm a naturally happy person anyway. I smile just looking forward to the next Game of Thrones episode.

 

In high School eve though I was the tallest, I was bullied because I was feminine. I remember two instances very clearly;
Lunch break was about over and we were waiting for the teacher to come in. The class clown had been making fun of me for a while and I always use to let it slide but not this time. He kept making fun of my look and then called me a faggot. I got up pulled him to the wall and all I could remember was a blacked out rage! I punched him in the face multiple times, just on and on and at the same time I was crying. It was so weird that after it all, I begged him to forgive me, while I was straightening out his shirt. I still remember the look of fear and confusion on his face.
The second time was when this huge guy transferred to my school. He was a known bully and folks were always afraid of him. This one time in biology class he kept calling me derogatory words, I got up told him to bring it! I was still the tallest in school, so my plan was to use that to my advantage. I stood at the sharp edge of the table and I was going to smash is neck into it. Yo, I was ready to be expelled at that time and did not care what the consequences were. All I knew and was focused on was I was going to silence another bully. His friends ended up telling him I was not worth it and he backed down.

Its sad that the beautiful young man took his life. Yo! do not ever let anyone make you feel less than. I do not care if its your Father, mother, brother address the issue there and then. If they do not change cut them the hell off! Better you are free and living your best life than to be in jail for manslaughter.

 

Yoooo! Stay outta my search history!!!

Jokes aside, I accidentally came across this site 6 days ago when looking for photos for a potential question-post asking if Squad Members would date an ex-con.

I clicked through a few of the pages but all of the dudes looks beat down to me. Also, even if you did find one that you liked, how would you actually know that they were the ones really responding to you?

I may still do the post but I'll probably get the photos from screen grabs of LOCKUP instead. That series has shown me that there are a lot of VERY attractive dumb, thugish, criminal minded (and violent) men in this country.

 

After dark? You posted before Noon. Isn’t this the CA After Brunch thread?

 

*Disclaimer and Context* I am a masculine man and I actually follow his content. For those who aren't familiar, he does not make videos like these much at all so for him to be speaking on this means a little something in my opinion. I don't think he blanketed anything. He actually spoke on very specific cases in the masculine gay spectrum and made concessions for the portion of gay men who are closeted out of fear; doesn't mean he has to want to be around them.

1. I try to avoid DL/keep-up-appearance type gay men because he's right, they do make you feel like you're back in the closet. While I'm not super-out, I've still developed a certain level of comfort within my skin so I don't mind if people suspect I might be gay. In the end, it's frustrating and not fair to me which is why I push myself to tough it out if I'm ever out with a group of more feminine-leaning men. I chose to put myself in that space so I shouldn't be punishing others for my discomfort. No one should have be around conditional ass people.

2. I understand and agree with where he's coming from in terms of the hypermasculine gay dude. Thing is, how can you sit around a group of more feminine-leaning gay men who are "spilling tea/keke'ing" and you all in it too but as soon as someone calls you something out of habit that is particular to that group, you get mad? They're not calling you girl, sis, etc bc they think you one of the girls, it's just habit. It's like when dudes refer to women as "bro" etc, etc. This is a case of fragile masculinity. Also, if you've never gone to bat for the gay struggle in any setting as a masculine man who enjoys both sides of society, that's a problem.

3. Brings me to my next point in terms of not sharing the struggle - it's true. Where would these masculine-leaning, closeted men have to go if the more open folks didn't create that space? What do the masculine-leaning men contribute to the struggle/conversation if they are in the closet/DL? The answer is nothing yet they still enjoy the safe havens.

Coming from an honest place, all of these figures are problematic. Try to listen to his words for what they are instead of who they're coming from.

 

Back in "the day" as in the late eighties/early nineties, etc. I don't remember hardly any openly really stereotypical effeminate gay men. Even when I went to the all black gay club(and that black mixed club), none of them "looked" effeminate or acted "flamboyantly" either. I did not really frequent any places where I saw many really flamboyant gays anyway-even at drag shows there were not many of them. Not sure why this was. There seemed to be average gays, inbetween gays, somewhat effeminate gays(....big gap...)then drag queens. Maybe because back then "attention seekers" were more likely to generate very negative reactions?-especially among gay black men? I don't know...

*the exception to this would be the Pride March/Parade/Festival. But even then most of the participants and crowd looked non-descript, and those that were not were more about nudity and debauchery than flamboyant effeminacy. And I am not knocking just regular plain ole' effeminacy here. Maybe the very effeminate gays were just not as "out there" and in your face being obnoxious and attention seeking as some of them seem today?

Also of course I did not know what was going on in certain scenes like the Ballroom culture and all-I just was not a part of that and really not even aware of it so I can speak to this specific thing about black gay men in only a limited extent and all.

 

I knew dude from middleschool who had a sex taped leaked of him having sex with a transgender chick - it was pretty scandalous. We were all hoping he didn't do anything crazy especially since he has like 2 or 3 kids. This was maybe like 2 years ago and to my knowledge he's doing alright but damn, that's your life.

I couldn't fathom outing somebody - that's not your place regardless of how you feel about it.

PS - I hope this isn't too distasteful but I'm very turned on that he takes peen....

 

The comments on the original article are very interesting. It seems as if everyone immediately jumps into their corners to defend their per-determined biases without even really discussing the crux of the essay or if any valid points were made at all.

 

Personally, I often thought it would be great to have a female friend I am close to. I think females can provide a different perspective of your life and value to conversations when its looked at from a female stand point.

However, it has never worked in my favor because I am not "fem" enough. From my observation many women with the "gay best friend", the gay guy always tends to be stereotypical / one of the girls. Either very feminine or feminine enough to share make-up secrets with him and he provides her with beauty, hair, or fashion advice.

My general personality and disposition has in the past not been the best for female friendships because they always would eventually view me as husband material and the its "a shame he is gay" thing would come about.

And also if she got past that but had a boyfriend, when I came around he would be uncomfortable with his girl having me as a friend because I'm not "gay enough" and therefore he would question if I am really indeed gay or am I just trying to mack to his girl on the low and eventually wanna fuck her. (that perception has happened to me more than once)

So I just stick with my male friends for now.

 

"How can I see what he's swinging,but pass it off as work?"

 

I don't know if it's just me yeh but I never held my number close to me, I'm usually the one to offer it. It's weird though, for someone who dislikes being at moments reach like that, I give that shit out like it's candy. I'm like what's the worst that could happen? Plus, there's always the block button innit (unless they try to text you from another number or download that stupid text app so they can blow your shit up after you blocked them)?

But yeh, it can be both reasons or something completely different innit. He's probably still interested in you (because being in a relationship means nothing to these niggas) or thinks your dope and is looking for something platonic.

 

These dudes created "No Shade," one of the only web series that I consistently reviewed positively on this site. Sean Torrington was also the very first person I interviewed once we launched Cypher Avenue (HERE). Since then they have skewed way more flamboyant and feminine with their content (hence why we haven't posted their new stuff on the site), but I still support this creative "power couple." The attached NBC News article above is a really good look!

 

I more surprised that first people don't even know who the Ques are and secondly that they behave this way all the time. On my campus they had a tradition of not wearing underwear every Wednesday or something like that. At parties they never wore underwear. Seeing a Ques ass was almost expected. Even though the assumption is most of them aren't doing it for male attention, I hope they don't stop doing the tradition because I enjoy the show.

 

"this must be like, $50,000 to the poverty stricken Brazilians'..."
I'de bet money that's exactly what he said, too. smh I just find it annoying that he's being referred to as a "kid" when dude is a grown a$$ man.

 

You're talking about @African King, right?

 

What Odell's mama did was wrong... but I agree with you in a way. Not no damn13yr old but there needs to be a time where we stop acting like these 17 and 18 year olds in H.S. are victims and start seeing them be held accountable for their acts as well. They're not babies or naive, they know wtf they're doing, especially some horny ass juniors and seniors..

 

When a person settles on a viewpoint,you usually can't flip that.If someone thinks black is white,not even the manager of Sherwin Williams can convince them.
But I do think presenting your counterpoints for observation to others can help enlighten those who are less rooted in their ignorance.Just state that you are a man like any other who never made some bs choice or whatever,and those who are receptive will gain better understanding.

 

Because the only non-Western/European mythology most of us are even exposed to is Egyptian (and the Hollywood version of Voodoo which focuses mostly on black magic and curses.) I had teachers (and parents) who made a constant effort to expose us to black and African folklore and typically try to write characters that have connections to that, but it's also hard to get information in general about non-white fantasy.

I'd personally love to see some black sci-fi/fantasy given the Hollywood treatment.

 

I can't believe y'all would laugh at a young kid like this. LOL Gay men be so messy.

 

I'm 30. My best year is probably 24. I fucked up an opportunity a few years prior and got a second chance and it was a healthier, more progressive year than usual. But several years had numerous ups and downs and may break even, at best. I get in better shape and take advantage of it by seeking lots of questionable sexual encounters like an addict, or lose motivation, or, at 17, my fairly chill and exciting final semester of high school was followed by my worst semester ever at the time (not the worst, that happened later). I think my thirties will be better than my twenties.

 

Around 7-8 years old is when I knew I started to think boys were cute. In middle school I started to figure out what gay actually was and developed crushes on boys in class but didn't really identify with it because of what was in the media or the flamboyant/girly boys that we use to bully in school. Then it clicked in H.S. where I just started acting on it with guys that identified as straight. Then I sort of came out in 2012(?).
Looking back at my childhood, I realized that I've always involved in some sort of horseplay, grab ass or intimate moments with other males and blamed them for me being gay and I still don't know why I'm gay, sort to speak.

 

That's cool. But I wouldn't expect things to be buddy buddy but it's cool to have a person to relate to at work. While all of the men in my department are straight, I'm OK with them but I don't tell people my business at work anyway. I am a fan of compartmentalization and don't tell anyone anything another my home life. Work is work.

 

Feminine gays in gay media, especially social media are like feminists. Anything associated with masculinity or traditional manhood is considered evil. A common meme they use online to attack masculine gay men is we're not being "authentic" or we have "internalized homophobia." I say the opposite is true. It seems to me they've have internalized homophobia since they have bought into the heterosexual idea that equates homosexuality in men with being effeminate.

 

Black racism is a myth racist white people and white supremacists use to justify their racism and mistreatment of blacks and other nonwhites. Even the most bigoted anti-white black people have no power to negatively impact the lives of whites or anyone else for that matter. As a group white people can effect the lives and outcomes of others usually for the bad. As a group black people can do nothing about their ideas except stew in them. Black people can't be racist because we don't have the power to use our ethnocentric ideas advantage ourselves and disadvantage others like whites or even Asians.