Best Posts in Forum: Group Discussions

What he is saying just reminds me of this clip.... Get over yourself. A lot of those dudes he talking about probably dont give a fuck about him being gay and are very confidant in themselves...
They just dont like irritating minstrel gays.

 

Yeah I very jealous of straight friends and acquaintances during my teens and early 20s. Even resentful. They were all having fun, dating, hooking up, going to clubs. I stayed isolated. I made up for it in my mid to late 20s.

 

I have never downloaded those apps. So, I can't speak on them. But, I have joined many dating sites ( Zoosk, and Match.com ) out of loneliness. Hoping, to find friends (possibly both friends or lovers.) I am and have always been introverted and at one time-closeted. So, these apps provided a way to find others like myself. It also gave me courage to talk with guys without necessarily being with them physically. So, when I did meet them the awkwardness was not as strong. I think that most here agree CA fills a void we don't get anywhere else. Hence, the reason we keep coming back.

 

Literally was just asked.


Her: Are you in a relationship?

Me: Nope

Her: Do you have a girlfriend?

Me: Nah. No.

Her: I want to ask another question, because this is Georgia...

Me: You would be correct!

Her: So you don't want to be inside of me?


Okay, that last one was a lie lol.

 

David Oliver

 

A "perfect" person should find a real friend who will put them in check and help them get over themselves.

 

Everything you said is right, but she shouldn’t have to press charges; with video evidence, the Dallas police and prosecutors should do THEIR fucking jobs and proactively bring these violent asswipes in for booking and charges.

 

Yeah if not for this website (and others) I would think it was just me having dating issues like these.

I tell @OckyDub and others in long relationships all the time that if they can stay with their partners, they should...no matter how difficult things get. It seems tougher out here now that it was even just 10 years ago. Hell, when we first started this site I was giving dating advice, now I'm as lost as everyone else given how flaky, indecisive, impatient and picky many gay men have become.

Your story highlights another weird trend I've noticed in "the community," everyone has become "Gay Friend Collectors." On one hand they want to keep you as an option for dating or sex, but on the other hand they want to add you to their coven of gay friends for hanging out and brunch. So you live in this perpetual grey area where he's flirting with you through texts one day, then stone cold when you (eventually) meet up to "hang out."

One theory that I've had lately is maybe we all should kill the "nice guy" in us...It seems like the guys who are the wolves (the men constantly flirting with any and everyone both in private and public) avoid this grey area.

Black gay men nowadays seem to respond better to the "Damn, you sexy as fuck...When you gonna stop playing and let me hit?" than they respond to the "You seem cool, do you want to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime to get to know each other?"

The latter leaves open too much ambiguity. The former gets right to the point. And the other guy knows exactly what your interest is and what your intentions are...

 

No guilt here. My female colleagues always say that I would have made a woman really happy and I just respond with I currently make a man very happy.

I no longer dwell on the naysayers and Debbie downers. My grandma (who I was extremely close) didn't come to my wedding because of she "just couldn't." That caused us not to speak regularly for almost a year. She recently reached out to my mom and uncle to see if I was coming home for the holidays. All of the people who were trying to manifest my happiness realize their place, and I pay them with my time. I feel like if you are not trying to celebrate my happiness you ain't worth my time. My grandma now realizes that and we are slowly but surely making amends.

There are currently 2.5 million American kids in foster care systems. I am sure there are some really cute ones. Living a lie is not conducive to happiness.

 

As long as homosexuality is seen as a threat to masculinity and strength.'Cause,you know,there are no tough gay bros.


...none at all

 

ALL these couples look like they got GLAAD, Ellen DeGeneres, Tom Daley, Anderson Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris, Andy Cohen, Tyler Oakley on speed dial.

 

How does one become an expert on homosexual orgies tho?

 

My ex and I liked melting pearls on each other's chests and or stomachs but I was too classy and respectful for face splashin' and preferred to be an Alien face hugger, much more of a turn on and nothing says I love you like providing him protein.

 

Music is always eyebrow raising...although I know it shouldn't be. In theory, a straight man should be able to appreciate a sexy female singer since their image is usually geared towards attracting them. However when I see men being super-fans of Beyonce, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, etc...It's Suspect...

This one handsome str8 dude on my Facebook timeline was posting A LOT about the last Brandy album when it came out...I suspected he was gay...So I started liking random comments on his page to get his attention...Sure enough, soon after, I got a message in my inbox for small talk, eventually he said he had a crush on me and asked if I was offended by that (yeah, I know). Told him that I got down as well and that I thought he was attractive too. Then we went out on a (weird) date. Point is, that music gave him away...I even told him that was how I knew...

 

Yeah...all Jack'd is full of is Lurkers, Escorts and a bunch of Nickels looking for Dimes...

I deleted that shit years ago...

 

What's good to the usual CA-ers aka Squad Members and What's groovy to those who lurking in the shadows. W E L C O M E

29 - Tampa Bay
US Diplomat & Scholar
I am almost a husband (10/17/15), I enjoy food, I am a self proclaimed foodie, I love learning new languages, drinking scotch, reading books, secretly enjoying ratchet internet videos, world travel, new cultures, photography, and currently learning videography....I may start a YouTube channel or something.

Pet Peeves: People who say "Talking White" and those who are constantly being debbie downers.

 

Ain't this from one of those lack luster Web Series, like "Freefall" or some sht?

 

It means live in the moment. The youth part is always subjective.

For u, specifically, it means STOP FUKN WAITING and start participating.

 

I was with my friend from childhood the other day, I joked that I should have been giving head behind Biology lab and not cared about what folks thought. He just got married and I felt I was JUST starting to know myself in dating. I saw this tweet the other day which is so true by @introvertgay which said ' Gay culture is being a teenager when you're 30 because your teenage years were not yours to live.'

 

-I'm laughing because the author was foolish enough to think a space and event FULL OF GAY PEOPLE would be judgement free.

-I'm bitter because the author decided to publish a rant about non-heterosexual males and then refereed to them as "girls" while talking about "uplifting a community". This is like the NAACP uplifting the Black community by referring to them as "niggas" on their website.

 

Masculinity does not equal being a cold, heartless sociopath. A high level of emotional intelligence such as being respectful, responsible for your actions, being self-aware/in tune with your feelings,and being kind to your fellow human beings, is a great quality of manly men ever since the dawn of time. exhibit A: MLK and Nelson Mandela.

 

I'm amicable with all waiters/waitresses (even the mad-at-the-world types) so hopefully they (or the cooks) don't treat my order like this...

 

I'm concerned about the part of his psyche that felt like this was ok.

 

My partner and I have made the plunge into fatherhood via gestational surrogacy. We are expecting boy/girl twins this fall. It’s been a long, difficult, but rewarding experience. And because I’m currently enjoying my last few months of adequate sleep and independence, I wanted to share some of the things I learned along the way. This post is specific to my experience being a black man, married to another black man, pursuing gestational surrogacy.



1) You Will Unwillingly Become an Ambassador for Black Gay Dads.

For any sort of minority, being an ambassador isn’t unique. For example, by virtue of you being black, your actions are magnified and become a microcosmic representation of all black men in the eyes of white people and non-black folks. Think about how black men often force ourselves to be polite even under the most intolerable treatment lest we be labeled as thugs or the scary black man. Same can be said for black gay fathers. You may very well be the only black gay dad a person may know. And suddenly you realize your actions and behavior are going to be the image that shapes the view of so many people around you. No pressure at all.



2) The Surrogacy World in the U.S. is ½ White ½ International

I’m exaggerating a bit, but like most things in this country, the surrogacy world is dominated by white middle and upper middle class couples both straight and gay. And of course, there’s a large segment of international parents from China, Europe, and Israel. There aren’t many black gay couples pursuing surrogacy. It remains out of reach for the majority of melanated individuals.



3) This Shit is Expensive

This is a given, but once you actually start to crunch the numbers and physically see your bank account deplete and your debt rise from taking out loans, shit gets real. We have forgone even the most basic of luxuries such as food delivery. We cook 99.9% of our meals at home and only travel for work purposes. Fortunately, I have a fairly well paying job and my husband had some money saved up over the years, so although the journey did hit our finances hard, it didn’t devastate us. $150,000+ is the average total cost to complete a surrogacy journey nowadays.



4) Money is Only a Partial Motivator for Most Surrogates

I’m not going to lie and say that money does not play a role in the recruitment of surrogates. But after hearing from a wide array of surrogates, you start to realize that the primary motivation is simply altruism. The majority of surrogates simply want to help families who are unable to have their own children. There are other reasons too. Check instagram or YouTube. There are some women who document their surrogacy journeys. Not for money, but for validation and likes. This is not to say that any surrogate who shares their journey publicly is doing it for validation. In fact, most aren’t. But there are a few who see this solely as an opportunity to up their follower count. Luckily, most of those potential surrogates get rejected outright.



5) Not Everyone Can Be a Surrogate.

Contrary to popular belief, becoming a gestational surrogate isn’t as easy as offering your uterus to the highest bidder. There are a lot of requirements. And not fulfilling those requirements means that the agencies, doctors, lawyers, and courts involved will reject the arrangement outright. Here’s a small insight into what it takes to be a surrogate: You have to have been pregnant before, you cannot be on government assistance, you have to be financially stable, you have to be raising your own kids, you cannot have any mental health issues, you cannot have any medical issues, you have to have had healthy pregnancies, you cannot be obese or underweight, you cannot have a criminal record, and you cannot lack support from your partner if you’re married or in a serious relationship. The horror stories you hear in the news about surrogacy often stem from shady practices that bypass ethical recommendations and safeguards. Most reputable doctors, agencies, and lawyers follow guidelines set by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.



6) You Will Have to Develop a New Level of Trust in Someone Else.

Pregnancy is hard. Hormones are brutal. And sometimes pregnant people just want to be left alone. They don’t have any ill intentions. They care about themselves and the child or children they are carrying, but they may not be in the mood to talk or play nice. And you have to accept that. Because ultimately it’s still the surrogate’s body. And you adding extra stress is not going to do any of you any good. You have to trust that this person is going to do what’s best for herself and your children. I constantly think about my children and I wish I could call or pop in at any moment just to see how they’re doing, but I have to respect that my surrogate has her own family and her own life. There’s so much you cannot control about this journey. You simply have to trust. Therapy also helps.



7) Infertility is Real

And it’s heartbreaking. For many gay men seeking to become parents through surrogacy, we’re not medically infertile. Just socially. But being a parent through surrogacy and IVF means you’ll cross paths with heterosexual couples who are also pursing surrogacy. And their stories don’t start from a place of excitement like it does for gay men. They’ve experienced years of miscarriages, failures to conceive, and failed IVF cycles on their own bodies. You will learn about endometriosis, Asherman’s syndrome, uterine fibroids, cervical insufficiency, male factor infertility, and dozens of other silent diseases that many of your friends, family, and colleagues may suffer through without you knowing. You’ll become more empathetic and cheer on families both gay and straight as they finally achieve their dreams.



8) Other Gay Men Will Judge You for Doing Surrogacy.

“There are thousands of kids in need of homes, why don’t you just adopt? It’s selfish. We’re already overpopulated!” Aw, the age old adoptive gay dads versus surrogacy gay dads conflict. That initial quote is missing a lot of nuance. My husband and I actually did look into adoption both privately and through foster care initially. Unfortunately, we soon learned that it would be difficult if not impossible due to the migratory nature of my work. For my job, we’re never in the same place for very long. Hell, we’ve lived in four different cities in two different countries in 2020 alone. Not to mention, this quote also ignores the fact that unfortunately a lot of parents are not equipped to adopt. Particularly through foster care. I’m a firm believer that in order to be a good foster parent you have to be prepared to help a child through any sort of trauma they may have experienced in their life. Children in foster care have different levels of trauma from mild to severe, but you have to be prepared to handle any of it. Most people aren’t. And when it comes to overpopulation, if your life mantra is that there’s too many people, I suggest you tell straight people to stop having children. Or accept the fact that the idea of overpopulation is largely a myth and has more to do with artificial scarcity and uneven distribution of resources.



9) Twins are Very Risky

For gay couples in particular, a double embryo transfer is very common. Each dad fertilizes an egg from the same egg donor and both are transferred to the surrogate. This results in twins with each child genetically related to one dad and each child genetically related to one another via the egg donor. Unfortunately, twins are a high risk pregnancy that can come with a multitude of complications for both surrogate and babies. It’s not recommended by pretty much anyone, but many gay men still do it anyway. Why? Because if things turn out fine, the outcome is excellent. You have two beautiful babies that are genetically connected to each of you and you only had to go through the surrogacy process once. But if things go wrong, it can be heartbreaking, traumatic, and financially devastating.



10) No Matter How Much You Wanted This, Part of You Will Mourn Your Current Life.

And that’s okay. My husband and I have both wanted children long before we met each other. But we know that being parents is not going to be easy and is going to change everything. We’re both homebodies and with the pandemic going on, it has been nice not being forced to go anywhere or do much of anything. We can watch movies, listen to music, read, and play video games for as long as we want. Mourning isn’t necessarily a negative thing. It’s akin to getting your dream job in a new city. You’re excited for the new adventure, but you know you’ll miss your current home and old friends. You can always come back to visit, but it’ll never be quite the same. You’re mourning the life you had, but you’re excited for what’s to come. That’s what preparing for fatherhood is like.



11) Watching the News Will Depress You and Make You Wonder What Kind of World Your Child Will Grow Up in.

Having children, particularly black children during an international pandemic and in the middle of an anti-racist movement makes you anxious about what kind of world you’re leaving for them. And yet, you do it because part of you still remains hopeful. You remain hopeful that the world will get better. And it leaves you motivated to help change things for the greater good so that your children will have a better world to look forward to even after you’re gone. And of course, once again, therapy helps.



12) All of the Stress, Heartache, and Uncertainty Will Feel Worth It

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember. And no matter how my kids turn out, how difficult they may be, and how tired and stressed I may become, I want to experience all of it. I want to be a dad and I’m so thankful that I live in a time and place where that’s possible. And I’m so thankful that I’m married to a man who shares my passion. We still have some weeks/months left to go, so I’ll let you all know how things turn out eventually. But I’m remaining hopeful for what’s to come.

Peace to the squad!

– @acessential

 

When it comes to dating, a dudes finances have never been on the top of my list to. Hell, I could even say its not in my top ten. Do not get me wrong I do want him to have a job, be able to keep a job, and be wise with his finances. If he does not like his job and wants to step things up, then that's a personal thing and I will encourage him in the process, no doubt.

That's one of the things that made me REALLY love Raul Castillo character,Richie Donaldo Ventura, on HBO's 'Looking'. Dude was was cutting hair and loved it. He was happy with the money he made, and had a passion for his job.
So I went on a date with this dude. We had been talking on the app and I asked him out

Side note: I like to be the one making the first move that way, they are in my court. I feel I have more control over the date and don't get too nervous, than if they were the first to ask me out. lol

...so he says we should meet at this restaurant. We meet a few walking distance from it, homeboy is good looking, short, well articulate, mature. We get to the restaurant, sit and the waiter brings over the menu. I notice its the kind that does't have the price listed. So I quickly think, this place must be expensive. I look around its very pristine, well polished silverware and lots of white ppl.

I just say 'oh, I had something before and will just have water'. We get to talking, he is interesting, loves Obama, travelling with his friends on private jets and likes the finer things in life. Which is all cool with me, you work hard and should enjoy your money. I was really impressed, seeing a brother doing his thing and loving it. I was feeling him and then he goes on to say he can only date someone in his salary range which was around 60-70k a month!

He goes on to say, his ex made less than him and it really put a strain on the relationship. Dude only dates black, and mentioned its hard to meet other gay black dudes in his field with income as his. So, I knew I did not stand a chance. We then go for a walk, and make a stop by a Luxury watch store to get gifts for his friends. Later, we say our good byes and I say I would like to meet him again.
I said so, on some cool, chill, intelligent, successful, well traveled brother that I would like to get to know as a friend not on a romantic level.
Msg him the following week, I arrange another meet up. Then on the day of the meet up, like 2hrs before, I call him and he says he forgot and cant make it. Msg received.
Later msg him, if he ever wanted to grab a drink and chill he could hit me up. Two days later he replies 'ok'.


I totally get dude. He knows want he wants in a dude, he is focused!
Honestly I was thinking about my friends, the white ones, who have met dudes on various pay grades and that was never a determining factor for them. Hell a white friend of mine has been with his big Pharma CEO boyfriend for years now, and the financial difference was never a thing. Another white friend bought a house with his fella, he brought what he had been saving up for a house and his higher earning dude covered the rest. They both work hard at their jobs and love each other.

I guess what I am trying to say is money comes and goes, do not let it be a determining factor in choosing a dude and are black men very critical with what they want in their dudes?

 

*Not sure if this belongs in Group Discussions or Dating and Relationships*

I was thinking back on my high school days and how fun they were. I said I wouldn't change a thing, until dating and sex entered the picture. Now, if I could've changed anything, I would've came out earlier.

All of my straight friends were going through relationships, jumping from one girlfriend/boyfriend to the next. They were experimenting with sexuality through a series of "firsts" like teens normally do, and they were learning a little bit more about themselves each time. While they were doing this, I suppressed it.

Fast forward to present day in our 20's, and I have friends that are engaged - some even starting families. Others have some degree of understanding about what they want out of a relationship, what they like in a partner, and what they like sexually. Yet, I have very little experience (let alone understanding) of these things, having had just one relationship. It feels like I'm still a teenager even though that stage has ended.

Anybody else ever feel (or felt) a little jealous of their straight friends/counterparts over this?

 

10. Taking pictures

At this point, I wouldn’t terribly mind if people wanting to take pictures of me just photoshopped a default picture of me in front of wherever they wanted to take the picture of me.

9. Removing shells from shrimp before I eat them

Just takes too much effort, and wastes time that could be spent eating more delicious shrimp.

8. What people under 30 (who I’m not related to or friends with) think or feel about anything

Sorry, millennials.

7. Being places that don’t allow me to sit down if I want to sit down

This includes lines, the outdoors, packed church services, concerts, and certain types of sex.

6. New rappers

Last week, my 15-year-old nephew tried to put me on to something called a “Montana 3000.” And I tried to kick him out of the car and put him on to the curb. But, fortunately, the child safety locks were on.

5. Learning how to swim

I’ll probably learn eventually, because the Wife Person cares. But my cabinet of “learning how to swim” fucks was emptied and donated to the Goodwill years ago.

4. Being conscious of not doing stereotypically Black things in front of White people

While in a restaurant during a job interview 12 or so years ago, I wanted the fried chicken — this place was known for their fried chicken — but ended up getting a bitch-ass chicken salad or something instead. Because I didn’t want to do some stereotypical shit in front of the three (White) people conducting the interview.

Today? I’d order and eat the shit out of that fried chicken. I’d stare them in the eyes while licking the chicken grease off my fingers. I’d get naked, rub watermelon lemonade on my body, and punch the fried chicken with my dick.

3. Being the best player on the court when I play basketball

I’m definitely not a straight role player now — I figure I (hopefully) have at least 10 more years of good basketball before I reach “stand in the corner, spot up, and guard the other old guy” status. But now I’m content to let the younger dudes and the older dudes who still do Crossfit and marathons and shit do the heavy lifting (most of the time) while I play more of a supporting role. Basically, I shifted from Chad Boseman to Anthony Mackie.

2. Writing unflattering things about myself

Like many of the fuck depletions listed, losing these particular fucks is incentive-based because its specifically beneficial for me. The more willing I am to share unflattering shit, the better my writing gets. And the better my writing gets, the more lapdances I can buy for Panama.

1. Whether people like me

Now, to be clear, I’d definitely rather have people like me than not. Having people like you is fun and shit. And I imagine its no fun being Tyga. But, I don’t know. I guess I’ve reached a point where I’m actually more concerned about whether I’ll be able to like/stand/not be annoyed by people than their feelings about me. Which I guess explains the fried chicken dickpunch.

Things I’m Just Too Damn Old To Give Any Fucks About Anymore, Ranked | VSB

 

Not only do Tina and I share a fascination for Zombies and writing erotic friend fiction but we also have the same tastes in men..

 

Hmmm...

Disclaimer: Well, let me just start off saying that this post may go on longer than I want it to. So, if you don't like to read than you might want to exit left.

I wanted to write this post to BOTH founders. Ockydub, don't want to forget you(lol). I liked that back and forth we did-that was fun man.

Guys, I have said too many times-we all have. I believe their is a post up now about Nick and his creation. Well, man this site stands alone. We all say it because it's true. I remember when I first decided to write a post. I was doing the same thing that I am doing now. This is going to be my last time doing this, I promise (lol). I will just dap the ones that mention it-lol.

Well, I wrote the post after lurking about a good 2 months. I was giving you the praises and somebody replied with a slight taste of shade (I hate that fucking word) and you stepped in. Now, mind you the person for the most part was just joking around. I wasn't to keen on the comment but I stood back to see where this was going. Guys, this is the kind of person he is. This man responded no less than a hour and shut that whole situation down before it even begin to get ugly. The thing is the dude was just joking-he really was. Although, it was probably some truth to what he said.

Immediately, he could have set back and ate popcorn. The point was/is that he cared. I watch how interacts with the members about all kinds of subject matter. I love that!

To the board-you guys are all awesome in your own expressions. I ain't naming names because everybody on here is allowing their unique expression to come forth in the form of: face pics, typing, memes, gifs (I never did or cared about that shit.) not until I joined this site. Some misspelled words, capital letters for the whole, being overdramatic (hands raised.) I love it! I love the conversations guys.

How many sites, if you even know any that have the whole spectrum? It's either one or the other. I ain't even going there with black sites or black male gay sites? Shit, you might as well go on BGC and it call it a damn day.

The comedic, intellectual, and yes even spiritual conversations keep me and all of you coming. Amen somebody? Lol. Star Wars, Superman, living in a foreign country for 2 yrs, young black men getting masters. I can go on and on. The point is that we prove the media to be all lies.
Alight, Alright in my (Kevin Hart voice) . I am soooo sick of talking and you are to.

 

By virtue of the theme of the site, many of us don't immediately set off other peoples' gaydars when we walk or talk. But we're not completely knuckle dragging Neanderthals either. What is a character or personal trait of yours that might lead someone to think you're gay? It's usually something that you probably wouldn't immediately mention when you're hanging around a bunch of straight dudes. Obviously it's based on stereotypes. I'm sure straight men could list some of the same things. It's just fun. Anyway, the first thing that comes to mind is some of the shows I enjoy watching. I'm the type of dude who enjoys Scandal, Charmed, and Sailor Moon. I'm sure people who know me could probably point out other things as well.

 

Wassup fellas
Age:30
Location:Atlanta (old Atlanta)
Interest: I enjoy traveling, swimming,surfing (yes black people surf) real music.

I love intelligent conversations ,good vibes and good food. I'm the Pisces which will always laugh when I'm called Boujee because most misinterpret that word for having standards. Looking forward to meeting new folks which will expand my understanding of this crazy world.

 

Thanks for checking us out and WELCOME to Cypher Avenue!