Best Posts in Forum: LGBT News and Events

I think (and am tired of) that whole "blk men aren't/weren't into me because I wasn't 'urban' enough" stance is bs. Again, I think a lot of them end up dating within that white gay world because of their feelins of ostracism from the 'blk gay' world of Derek J and Miss Lawrence. But admit and call it that and be happy w the one who loves you back, regardless of his race. Cut the shyts w the whole 'I wasn't 'blk enough' spiel. Everyone living this life knows the tired 'blk isnt a monolith' mantra all ready. For every 'dl thug' there's an everyday blk joe just living life looking for the same. Don't try to rewrite reality just because you didn't meet and fall in love w one.

 

They also get sex advice from someone with the equipment that they don't have to worry about asking questions with expectations and a personal gay dar detector.

 

Let me see if I can perhaps stir this another way...

Its understandable and even dare I say, acceptable to be on the receiving end of white rejection and condemnation.

It sucks ass to get that some treatment from people who look like us and will reject us due to our sexuality when they suffer at the same hands of white rejection.

Just as with the US, there are many countries in Africa (and the Caribbean) where (IMO) there is an unhealthy obsession with homosexuality.

I think I've grown beyond being pissed off that Black people will call out white supremacy but not reject colonial indoctrination of Christianity when it is historical known how it came to be enforced upon the populace/s.

Also, we can acknowledge there are plenty of Africans who have a strong dislike for Black Americans and utilize stereotypes to group Black Americans as well.

 

BEEN a Taylor Bennett fan and of course this makes me admire dude even more so! At 21 I wouldn't have even thought about my sexuality as anything other than straight with momentary lapses that were private didn't even identify as DL at that age. I know how it feels to be in denial, reach acceptance, and want to share it but knowing you will be judged by everyone including those you'd assume would be on your side, the LGBT folks to be specific, I didn't have the courage to do this until I was 24. This is why I defend the Bisexual community in all spaces when people speak against our existence. So many think I just want to push the fact when in reality I'm standing up to be counted. Congrats to Taylor being counted!

 

Why does it look like that though?

 

In the 1970's there was an overemphasis on performing masculinity; to use the term coined by Foucault. It was a parody of masculinity where the Marlboro man was the role model of white gay men. I lived in San Francisco in the 70's and I am not sure if the trend replicated itself in NYC. It was a way of proclaiming that we can be both gay and also perform the masculine role. What bothered me was how deliberate it was, almost like another type of costume or "male drag." I tend to find straight masculinity attractive because it is performed so effortlessly. It does not draw attention to itself.

 

I only read it once and I totally get what he was trying to say. I think @ColumbusGuy is right, this is essentially what @NickAuzenneNOLA has been saying since he started posting on The Boards.

Some of this is also what @Ockydub and I have been saying since we started the site: Just because we are masculine, that doesn't mean that we don't face hardships and feelings of not fitting in anywhere as gay men, even among other gay men.

I totally get what he said in the first 2 paragraphs: He subconsciously acts more "straight" around straight men because they are straight. Not to dissimilar to people from the deep south whose accents suddenly subconsciously become more heavily pronounced when they re-visit their home towns.

When he's around his feminine gay friends, he "joins in" on their flamboyancy and terminology, making him appear more effeminate.

As for the rest, I can see what he means. "Privilege" may not have been the word he was looking for...It seems that he meant that Bisexuals (especially bisexuals like he and @NickAuzenneNOLA who appreciate both straight masc and fem gay worlds) do face crisis of identity from external sources who don't understand and prejudge/stereotype them.

 

This ^. Ain't NOBODY buying what Don is selling!

 

Yo you remember when Puff Daddy had to offer an apology / censor because of the lyric "I got Asian women who change my linens" because of the back lash from the Asian community in NY. Black women were like "what about us...your music degrades us via misogyny?"....

crickets

 

Notice that artists like these NEVER say anything Anti-Semitic...Even to this day, when ever I hear the 90s song "All About the Benjamins" in clubs or radio, they censor "stack chips like Hebrews" yet Lakeith Stanfield can post this in 2018 and the reaction is "shrugs."

If the "offensive" rap lyrics were about Jews or faux clever lines of being "gassed like Hitler" I guarantee he would have never even posted it in the first place.

 

I agree with him that being straight is easier. But how exactly can dance class make you gay? A lot of Broadway actors were gay before they really pursued that profession.

 

The thing about sexual orientation and identity is that it's a fairly recent invention. Until recently, being LGBT wasn't an identity label nor did it describe what you were. In fact, there likely wasn't a word for it. It was just something you did. You were a man who liked to sleep with man. Or you were someone who was thought to be a male at birth, but later began to live your life as a female. These were just actions, not identities. The concept of "being gay" didn't come about until much later.

With that said, I imagine that there was a lot of discomfort when the word "gay" was used to describe homosexual activity. And although many men still choose to identify as SGL, many men of color including myself still feel comfortable using "gay." So to me, this backlash against the term queer doesn't feel all that different from when people first started using the term gay.

I personally don't identify as queer but I have used it as an umbrella term to identify sexual and gender minorities simply because it's an umbrella term and a lot easier to type out than the alphabet soup of "LGBTQQIAAPSzvdjamHcnd." And I think a lot of people are misunderstanding its usage. They're not saying every one identifies as queer when they name a section "queer." They're simply using it as an inclusive term for all sexual and gender minorities. People within it can identify as gay, bi, SGL, trans, or just simply a person who likes what they like without a particular label. It's kinda like the use of the term "people of color." It's usually used to discuss people in the context of white supremacy as an umbrella term for non-whites.

And yes, some people do identify as queer. That's fine. That's probably the best label to describe them. Sexuality is complicated and maybe they don't feel like any of the other labels apply.

In conclusion, nobody is forcing you to identify as queer or anything else for that matter. It's just an umbrella term that CAN be used as an identity label.

 

I agree @Dante The fact that men, straight men mainly, have this requirement by society to be emotionless, strong,in control, fearless blobs of meat who can't show any intimacy beyond a bro hug or a sign of weakness is part of the problem.

Men need outlets to express pain, fear, and doubt. We all go through stuff. Hugging doesn't mean we are about to have our hands go below the waist line.

 

You THINK she don't have to worry about getting her man getting stole.......

 

Thank you, bruh! I didnt see anything at all wrong with his reaction. He wasnt all extra and faux vomiting, going "ughllll!!!", yellin get off me!, or fallin into hypermasculine butthurt mode, he just shied away from her advances. And...what?! Everybody does not have to be into you. Today's "Social Media" society really has become a bunch of pu$$ies. smfh

 

He most likely would have lost some of his fanbase, but my mother and aunt subscribed to rumors of him and Freddie Jackson being lovers, but still loved them some "Lutha."

 

I guess I am the odd man out here. I don't necessarily see a problem with queer per se. I mean, as noted, the term queer is supposed to be more inclusive capture the wide gambit of LGBTQIA (or whatever the acronym is today).

I don't ever use to term queer referring to myself as a gay man but I am not offended by the term either. I think like any other identity politic everyone is going to have their own frame of reference and preference. I know a lot of white gay men who also hate the term queer but I also so some men whose sexual orientation identity is extremely fluid and they don't necessarily identify with the term gay or bisexual either. I say to each its own.

I also think the term really made a resurgence in the late 70s and 80s and really rebounded lately with the rise of Queer Theory Academic Scholarship.

I mean we all know that one gay guy, black, white, and other, who got their undergraduate degree in gender and sexuality studies, went back and got their masters in Queer Studies, and now is working on finish their dissertation on the intersection of male bonding while rejecting the traditional gay stereotypes, commonly known as 'Bromance'. You know that guy, soon to be Dr. Cornelius Duvall Winston, Jr. <----I made that name up because these guys have names like that.

 

White queen calls black gay dude a nigger, slaps him, gets his ass properly beat in return. White queen is not charged with assult for starting the fight, Black gay dude gets 9 yrs and some are calling it justice. Ok

I'm not sure if some are ignorant due to the horrible reporting by the sh!tty racist press who called him a "hulking brut" or are some programmed to always see white fem frail twinks as victims just like we do a lot of times with women .

 

Honestly, I just can't find a fuck to give about this show, Logo TV, mainstream gay culture and it's one-dimensional, white-washed, superficial, materialistic, sex-obsessed image it projects into the lgbt+ "community" and the larger heterosexual world. Don't know whether that's right or wrong, but it's honestly how I feel.

Partly because I've always believed that there's no one on the face of the earth that can represent who I am better than me. I've got my own voice, thoughts, opinions, and self-image that I, over the past two years since coming out, have slowly but surely begun to share with the world. Now, I'm not saying that representation isn't important, but that I'm not waiting on Logo, Hollywood or anyone else to represent me...and they seem to be content on perpetuating tropes.

Then I've come to realize that no matter what image is projected of gay men there will always be heterosexuals who think we're sexual degenerates who will burn in the Second Ring of Hell, so I'm certainly no longer caring about what heterosexuals think of me and my "lifestyle choice."

With that said...

I've seen my little cousin try and fit into the stereotypical gay mold when he first came out. It failed, as it did for me and many others, big time.

I think the only solution to this is for the gay men that don't "fit the mold" to make their voices even louder so that everyone (regardless of sexual orientation) can see that we are more than this bullshit show.

Just my two cents...

 

the fake booty, the fake hair, all that's missing are the boobs. He could pull off a female body builder.

 

Well, no one else probably said anything because they have couth, doesn't mean they didn't think it lol

 

*Please Note* Just because straight people say it, it doesn't make it less gay.

@Nick Delmacy ...please as "shade" to the filter parameters also. We need to make Cypher Ave Great again and build up this wall.

 

I say this coming out of a place of love and concern: Please seek some kind of LGBT-based therapy if you think it will help, so that the person who violated you doesn't continue to have power over you even though he's not physically present. Thoughts are interesting things: they have no weight or mass but they occupy space (in your mind). There are gay therapists out there who not only understand where you've been but may have actually experienced it themselves. I've mentioned before that I have a friend that is a black gay male and also a therapist. Unlike me, but like most here at CA, he knew his orientation at an early age, i.e. formative teen years, young adulthood. So all the shit he counsels people on, he went through it himself well before getting certified and grad school. This makes the help he gives valid and useful, not theoretical bullshit. I think you could really benefit from such a relationship. There are even those who can help even if you're not in a position to be covered by insurance or co-pay.

Second, even though it's never happened to me, I've had friends that it has. One friend of mine, of small stature, was like you. He was attacked and nearly bled to death and died after being stabbed in the attack (this happened years before I met him). Whereas I learned a lot of humorous things about being a gay male from my therapist friend, I learned a lot about the dark side from my friend who was attacked; the sexual assaults, the negative begaviors and toxic power and masculine games some dudes engage in. This was why I brought up the issue of violence and height and size in my response to @ColumbusGuy; the shit my short friend told me about how dudes push up and think they can try and get away with shit they would never try at first brush with me (without drugging or ganging up on me). He eventually learned to wield a certain kind of power and exude confidence despite the shit he'd been through. I'd like to see you in the same kind of place, where you just exude such confidence mofos have to think twice before trying some shit.

Don't ever think that seeking out counseling is weakness. If anything, it demonstrates strength because you are taking a step to deal with something that's eating at you, rather than letting it alone and it takes on a life of its own. If you've been through a traumatic experience, it helps just to get that perspective. I sought it out after I returned rom Iraq, and it's helped me personally and professionally. And don't be afraid, if you do start counseling, to switch therapists if you're not clicking with the first one you encounter. I went to the VA for counseling and it was such a bad experience, I will never go back to the VA for shit. Luckily I knew to look for other resources. It's no different than switching doctors. You need to be comfortable with the person you're opening up to in order to advance yourself. Therapy is like any other profession. Some people know what they're doing, some don't. I'm not saying there aren't straight therapists that can't empathize but I just think another gay black make, who isn't judgmental and knows the bullshit personally not just professionally, could be a good thing.

 

I don't eat at Chick-fil-A. Fuck Chick-fil-A! I despise their food, their politics, and their theology. Black gay people who eat at Chick-fil-A are a perfect example of why no one takes us seriously. The word is out many of us won't stick together and stand up for ourselves. I gotta give white gay dudes credit on this. They go after public figures and companies that are homophobic.

 

I understand him feeling the need to defend himself. The other couple were the aggressors and instigators. It can be said that the beat down was excessive, considering the size of the other men involved. But one of them did have a knife. But the fact that El-Amin himself is gay was glossed over in a lot of the press surrounding the case. With the omission of this fact, it reads like a hate crime perpetrated by the incredible Black hulk. I'm incensed by that.

 

I also wonder what he considers homophobia. If he's expecting black people to scream "GOD HATES F@GS" and picket, that's not usually how it shows up in our communities outside of church. But even the most liberal of black people tend to show homophobic tendencies at some point. Whether it's random "I'm no sissy, I'm a real man" type comments to using the implication that someone is gay as an assault on their character, it is there.

 

I just reread what you wrote. I mean this is beautiful and you are one of the "lucky ones". I wish that I could have grown up in an environment such as yours. I am sooo freaking jealous of you. That is the upbringing that I wanted for myself. I grew up in a single parent home and my mom was/is a Christian woman who suffers from depression. I developed some of that too. Not only was I taught to worry about what other people thought-but more important "what the Lawd thought". I have never gotten that validation from her that I want. I know she loves me-there is no doubt. I guess in a way-still waiting for it.

I remember that I wanted to join the boys scouts sooo bad. I wanted to do the tents and such. She took me to a meeting to join and somewhere in the middle of the Leader speaking. Mom told me to get my jacket and we were leaving. I was upset and asked her why. She never gave me a response...I cried like a little baby. I was pissed. Especially because she never gave me a reason. All of the "different" things that I was interested in-she bypassed it. Unlike your parents, they at least gave you alternatives. That was pretty cool. I just didn't get unless it was church related. I did to get to experience the Boys and Girls Club. But not much else.

I just wished their would have been some discussion on life or preparation like you had. I would not have had to spend the last 15yrs trying to play catch up on life. Anyway, I love your post. Thanks for sharing.

 

Creepy. Well, I will forever like Black dick & don't want caucasity twink benefits

 

wait yall never heard that phrase before?

it's one of many 'the fuck' derivatives used to emphasize the point...

• i will beat you the fuck up
• who the fuck cares?
• sit the fuck down!
• i fought the fuck back

we know he aint the hoodest but this is actually a pretty natural variant of the popular hood term. and bonus points for the "F" alliteration lol

and yeah he aint a youngin. he our age.

 

Crickets from the Black mother who was laying up with this man who she let terrorize her son. This didn't start with the pouring boiling water incident.

 

I've been going the same barber for 10 years. I've had some really deep conversations in the barbershop regarding, racism, religion, economics, politics, cars, and other subjects. However recently the subject of homosexuality came up. My barber expressed some homophobic views. Which causes me to vote with my feet. Now I just keep my hair cut short. It's really easy to do sine I have clippers at home......problem solved. The added benefit is it save money on haircuts.

 

So.... straight men can't "Like" another guy's undie photo? Just for example, dudes have also liked some bodybuilders' photos before and they are wearing less and you can see more. Again, the masculinity/straight lane is thin and easy to veer off off.

I think Vivca knew FULL well what she was doing and she's seasoned enough to have media training, I really don't think she let Andy let her get *that* comfortable. She said "he's not." but she said it so fast and so far after the initial insinuation that most people are not going to pay that much attention that part.

 

Wow I can't imagine what it must feel like to have your oldest child tell you to kill yourself out of embarrassment...so gald he didn't chose that path.

 

There are tons of cases where celebs messed up, quickly apologized and all was forgiven (examples are listed in the Vulture article linked in the original post).

This question is kind of the whole point made in the previous thread on this topic. If Hart had just apologized quickly and showed regret/remorse, the backlash likely would have been over and done quickly. Instead he chose to get indignant, defensive, deflective and (like the above article states) make HIMSELF the victim.

 

A whole lot going on here.
1: I don't know what the company policy is about allowing passengers to play their music is but regardless of what the policy is the customer was just being bitch over something insignificant. Which brings me to my feelings about the service industry. The customer isn't always sometimes the customer is just an unreasonable bitch.
2: Latinos are sometimes worse to deal with than whites. Because they think they're better than black people but what the right to say the n-word. White people for the most part know they're not supposed to say.
3: Dealing with bitchy gay men is often times worse than dealing with a woman or a straight dude.
4: You gotta laugh at the irony of a gay, latino, Trump supporter. He's all of the things Trump and his minions hate rolled up in one package.
5: This acting up queer fucked over a man just trying to earn an honest buck. I have no respect for people like that. What a scumbag.