Best Posts in Forum: Mental, Medical and Sexual Health

  1. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Je suis diplomate
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    I came out to my mom at 20 years old on a break from college. At the time, a boy I was messing with was threatening to out me to my family and friends because I was no longer interested in him. I was actually staying at a friends house (because my room was turned into an office the day I left for school). I called my mom and told her I was coming to pick her up and that I needed to talk. I got to her house and we got in the car and started driving. Eventually, we stopped at this park and I told her everything that was going on. She responded she knew and that her and my dad had discovered gay porn on the computer when I was 14 (FUCKING SIX YEARS EARLIER) and to double down on that; she answered my phone when I was 18 after I got my wisdom teeth removed and was out because of the anesthesia. That led her to speak with the boy that was blackmailing me (a couple of years earlier) and she read our texts. Needless to say, I was mortified by that response. But my mom and dad were cool. They kept their distances, they kept my secrets, and when I finally told them they had already moved on. For the most part, my coming out to friends and family was great. For the rest of the people, I came out on FB.
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    The friends that I do have, we typically fall into the long periods away from each other then talk for hours when we reconnect. I'm not sure how sustainable this will be as I get older. I may have to join some kind of weekly club or activity group for the fellowship.

    [​IMG]

    As I've started traveling more, I'm not against joining a travel group as well. One of my gay friends is in one, but its filled with straight black women. I like the idea of "Guy's Trips" more than "Girl's Trip with the token Gays."

    Maybe that will be the evolution of Cypher Avenue after our Tenth Anniversary, a meetup group/club.
     
  3. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    I dated a dude who was HIV+. He didn't find out about his status until after we already started talking. Not gonna lie, it shook me a bit at first, but I moved past it. There's definitely a huge stigma attached to HIV. I'm not going to police anyone's dating choices, but in my opinion, if you meet someone you really vibe with on every other level, but they just happen to have HIV, that shouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker. I became a Google expert on HIV after learning about him. Looked at studies related to same-sex serodiscordant couples, thought about PreP, researched what practices were safer, and looked at how to support an HIV+ partner. Ultimately, things didn't work out. It wasn't because of his status in itself. It was because of other issues. Anyway, I'm rambling. I just think people need to be more educated on the topic. Especially since our demographic of black gay men are the hardest hit by the virus. Many of us almost exclusively date other black men, so we may run into when dating at some point. Just be prepared.
     
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  4. ControlledXaos

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    I have an rX.

    I think every single black gay male should talk to their doctor about it to see if the pros and the cons for you. If you are in a high risk group, you should be learning about it IMO. I was doing research on it for about 4-5 weeks. I know 2 other guys who are on it and they are fine. Between testimonials online and my own digging, I was more prepared when I went to my PCP than he was when talking about it. I was referred to an infectious disease specialist.

    It was easy to actually get the rX after going through the tests required. It was harder to get through the hurdles my insurance company required to actually get it in my hands than getting the rX in the first place. It's expensive. THOUSANDS of dollars before insurance kicks it down. $35 on my insurance which ends up being just over $1 a pill.

    Once you have cleared the battery of testing for STDs and getting your blood work done, once you get your Rx, you'll meet back with the doctor and they'll run the tests again. At that point, you'll know how your body has reacted to the drug in the first month.

    60 days after that, you should be due for the next testing and at that point, you should be on a 3 month schedule. You can talk to your doctor about your activities to see if you even need it.

    To answer the question, yes, I do trust that it will keep me from getting HIV, especially if the other guy is on his meds. TruVada is actually a drug that some HIV+ people take and those people are doing just fine. I only had some very interesting lucid dreams nightly and those eventually went away.

    I'm not hooking up. I'm not high risk at all. So I don't have to really worry about taking it daily. If I were out there like that, then yes. I'd like to have the extra barrier simply because... "never trust nobody." It's there if I felt I needed it. Taking it 5 days a week is minimum to high protection. It takes about a week to keep you fully protected.

    Not everyone has a use case for it so it's not a panacea for everyone. Condoms clearly work and are enough. I won't lie though, condomless sex feels great but where I am in life, that's something that I'll only do with someone I'm in a serious relationship and after we have both been tested at the same time.

    One thing thing, and I think this is really the most important to be honest, it has freed me in that I have not ruled out HIV+ guys from the dating pool. I got a really educated on it and HIV so I'm really not worried about acquiring HIV. Most people who are taking their meds are not trying to transmit the disease so I'd rather someone tell me that they have HIV and I know where they stand than someone lying to me that they don't. A lot of people will flat out not date someone with HIV. You know who you are.
    Not everyone how has HIV got it from being a THOT and most often than not, they acquired it from someone they trusted who lied to them. I don't think people should be punished for a small mistake because mostly everyone has had a slip up and sat in the doctor's office replaying every instance where they got caught up hoping that that wasn't the time that will give them a positive diagnosis.
     
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  5. ControlledXaos

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    Women only want to be treated equally when it gives them an advantage.
     
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  6. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    I texted her and my sister. And some close friends. On my 31st bday.

    My mom had asked me once while I was back home for xmas, 'sb3, are you and jo a couple'? She noticed that eventho we were roommates in NY, we still spent all of our time together when we'd be home for holidays. I told her no because I didn't think it was right to 'out' him to her, since he was someone she actually knew well, and not just someone who was in my life and basically a stranger to her.

    Fast forward to us breaking up for good finally the next year, and after feeling encouraged by the presence of masc leaning gay men I'd come to know of on Discreet City, I decided to come out to those close to me on my bday. I texted my mom and sis that morning letting them know that they weren't crazy, and got good and liquored up and told many friends later that day. Smh.

    The response was exactly as I expected. 'I love you, glad you're comfortable, blah blah'. Aside from feeling a need to give my grandma the perfect picture of her fav grandson w a beautiful wife and our perfect 2.5 kids and dog, my issues were never about being accepted or disappointing. All of my issues were my own, and I knew that my family knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't have given a single damn if they had issues with it. My mom knows exactly how her son is and when and when not to bother wasting her breathe trying to change my mind. She did ask me a few weeks later, 'are you sure? You just don't seem like it'. Smh.

    One thing I did find surprising, was her admitting that it's probably easier for her not having to see me with partner on the regular, due to our locations. At first I was surprised since she loved my ex so much (granted, without knowing about us), but when I stepped back and stopped expecting her to think from my point of view, I could understand that reality for her. That said, I'd feel perfectly comfortable taking a guy home and knowing that he'd be welcomed by my family, if I could get one to give me the time of day...

    Knowing how different some people's stories are, I def appreciate my situation.
     
  7. Sean P

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    How is this even a thing? WTF is wrong with people?!? Eye surgery to have round eyes and a double eyelid. Skin lightening. Colored contacts and eye color change surgery. Seriously... How have so many people of color become damaged goods?
     
  8. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    I have my first consultation on Dec 11th. I'm looking forward to therapy, moving forward and becoming a better me.
     
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  9. ControlledXaos

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    I agree that it is something that people should talk about more but there's a lot of shame people have about it where they just don't want to talk about their experiences publicly. I think we should respect that.

    Men get battered, men get raped. A lot of young boys are taken advantage of. It definitely happens. I think it's important for those people to feel that they can talk about it without judgement or shame. But if they don't feel comfortable they won't.
     
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  10. NikR

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

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    ...and all sorts of other stuff, anecdotally anyways. I think care and restraint is sometimes lost on some people, esp young kids who fly outta the closet with little/no experience.

    5 rules.
    1)common sense- if u think it's a bad idea, it probably is. If, while getting your back blown out, you have much more discomfort than usual, if there's waaay too much pressure, stop!
    2) L-U-B-E
    3) take it slow (at first anyways)
    4) if dude comes at you with a baseball bat, just smile and have him to put that bad boy away. You don't want a Dignicare later. I'll just sit over here and let you google that.
    5)be open about problems with your regular doctor- the earlier you speak up, the greater the chance of a solution
     
  11. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    This is fukn ridiculous. Also, everyone should have flushable wipes or a spray bottle filled w water on their toilet. Just gonna put that out there as a rule. Thanks.
     
  12. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Title should have been...

    "I'm Privileged!, Therefore if you do things I've been doing for years, you're lame."

    Girl Bye
     
  13. grownman

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    First of all, just know that when it comes to me you can always inbox me or put a thread out. I love this-because we all learn from each other. Their is no "clique and clack" with me. I totally understand. It's probably 6 posts of me on here sharing my mental well being. I feel like this site is a place you can let go and be yourself. Everybody needs to have a place to rest. My first place of sanctuary is my music. I love music and it's healing for me. I have my sister and cousin(who is one of my best friends).

    I agree w @DreG that you need at least one person that will not judge or criticize your feelings. We all have hangups, insecurities, physical and psychological issues that need working through. If you feel like you're always burdening people than you might want to question who you are around. Or, it could be just you holding on to your pride-maybe you feel like that makes you soft? I am not sure, but you know.

    I handle mine similar to the way you do-hahahaha. The difference between me and you is that my face and body language will show. You will know when I am depressed or pissed off. I have never been able to hide it. I have become more vocal and because all of those years of suppressing it has caused me to be extremely defensive. But we will get there. I usually close off-especially during this time. This is how we start down the path of healing , by sharing. Happy healing my friend.
     
    #3 grownman, Dec 13, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
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  14. ControlledXaos

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    I came out via Facebook on my birthday. I didn't want to have the rest of my life spent living in some ambiguous mist.

    Writing it out made sure that I was able to say everything I needed to without interruption and distribute the reveal across the board including my extended family which limited me having to have the same conversation over and over again.

    I got plenty of supportive texts or calls from cousins I don't speak to on the regular so it was really empowering. I also felt very free. The world kept spinning and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been.

    However as an independent fully launched adult it's easier to cut people off or be cut off versus being 16 and possibly kicked out of the house. I think those of us who have the option of coming out or staying in are lucky versus those who really can't hide it. But even they are free because they have to keep on going despite it all. I think in ways that's better because you know early on who you can deal with and who you can't.
     
  15. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    Treatment and education keeps losing funding too. Some people think pulling out is enough,and others have no resources for testing.The epidemic is being ignored,and passively encouraged.
     
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  16. mojoreece

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    My opinion of this article is coming from a place of privilege and elitism. What about ppl who didn't grow up w/ much or didn't to travel abroad in college. Ppl who prob didnt start making money until their 30s travel is a huge accomplishment. Just to see what else is out there.

    Look that truth of the mater is most ppl aint happy with their lives. Unless your a billionaire or have magic wand ur going to have to deal with the mundane rat race and proletariat struggle journey

    It sounds more like a person who's traveled so much that it's become boring to her. She cant compare her experience w/ everyone else's.

    Look sometime working class ppl need cheap vacations just to get away. I dont see nothing wrong with that. 100dap:yeshrug:
     
    #2 mojoreece, Oct 16, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2017
  17. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    Well, I think that's because sexual assault is a much bigger and devastating deal, than interracial dating. With that said, ppl aren't always so forth coming abt such a topic. Can't be easy for a man to say that he was sexually assaulted by another man..ijs
     
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  18. tigerbreaux

    tigerbreaux Polymath In-training
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    No one is surprised by this. He's lived a reckless lifestyle and Denise Richards has BEEN talking about his lifestyle. Also, I'm sure words like "hero", "brave" and "fighter" will start to be thrown around and he'll be the new "face of the disease".

    It's a much different conversation when we're speaking about straight, white people contracting the disease. Conversely, I'm sure a question will come up in the interview or on blogs or a new leaked story about him having dalliances with men, cause you know, gay disease.
     
  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    a619a028eed5c0df147c4d9967a61f56.jpg

    Recently lost my boyfriend to COVID-19.

    It is incredibly difficult not to overstate how quickly things seemed to shift. One minute he was exhibiting flu symptoms out of nowhere and the next, he's in the ICU with severe pneumonia. It took six miserable days on a ventilator and then nothing more. No recovery we had hoped, cried, and prayed for. Not even a life-long medical condition as a consequence. Just his passing. One of the most important and amazing people I had ever met is now gone at the mere age of 26.

    I still have his voice message promising me he was going to wake back up. No pre-existing medical condition. No irresponsible behavior on his part I can point to and rage at. Just an unfortunate casualty of this fucking virus.

    I keep weeping when something tiny comes up in my mind that reminds me of him and it is the worse type of pain because the only cure for that feeling is time and even then, I'm not sure that can be enough. One of the most generous, non-intimidating, and lovably goofy guys you can meet was ripped away and I could only sit on my hands.

    PLEASE stay inside and only come out when absolutely necessary (work, groceries, pharmacy, etc.). I would not wish this on anyone.

    EDIT: Thank you to everyone for the outpouring of kindness and grace. It's already hard to focus on my coursework, but the well wishes are a nice distraction at this point. All I ask is that you please take care of yourselves and each other.
     
  20. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    [​IMG]

    In this pre-transition Jessica Kohinoor video, a young man describes how his mother found out he was gay whe he was 18 years old. Basically she overheard him talking to his first boyfriend on the phone while he was getting ready to meet up with him.

    In addition to this, he talks about how difficult it is for gay kids to explore their sexuality from Kindergarten and up like straight kids do.



    He’s saying nothing new though. I do still find it odd that millennials and post millennials still feel reluctant to come out. I wrote a whole essay about this back in 2016: “If Coming Out Is Easier For Millennials, Why Are So Many Still Closeted?”

    I guess the Church still affects people greatly…and most ppl don’t live in big cities so I’m sure that factors into it as well.

    The young man in the video is right about not being able to explore our sexuality as kids, which affects our development into healthy human beings and dating in the future.

    In hindsight I should have had the whole “Boyfriend Experience” and all that when I was a teenager but growing up in Detroit in the 90s where there was a six-degree separation from everyone else (I have hella cousins) made me paranoid…

    Also something happened with me and my mom when I was like 14 that made me dive further into the closet. Let’s just say she found some stuff I had hidden, confronted me in tears (like the guy in the video) asking if anyone had done something to me (meaning molestation, no one had done so, I was discovering that I was gay).

    Me not wanting to disappoint her, I denied being even being remotely gay and repressed exploring further until I left for college. Ironically, others in her family were gay and one of her best friends was a flamboyantl femm so in hindsight, I should have just said fuck it. But at 14, most aren’t thinking like that.

    Years passed and all seemed forgotten. I overhead her telling an Aunt that it was a phase, or maybe my Aunt said that to her, I’m not quite clear.

    To be honest, that incident may be the reason I still have difficulty dating and opening myself up to others to this day. That’s not to say all of my issues boil down to how my mother negatively reacted to finding out her son MIGHT be gay, but maybe there is some lingering trauma there.

    It wasn’t until just a couple years ago did I have a full on conversation with her about it (after years of her making comments about women and getting married). We were on a Mother/Son trip together and went to a restaurant for lunch. In the Uber on the way there, she asked me if I’m attracted to women with crazy hair colors like Purple and Pink. It was then I decided to tell her after we ordered our food.

    There was a couple sitting at the table right next to us and I didn’t want to be a story that they told their friends later (“You won’t believe it. This old ass Black guy came Out to his mother while we were at lunch today.”) Once they left, I found a way to segue into the discussion and just spit it out.

    “Ma, now that I’m getting older I’m thinking about my own mortality and the shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Florida last month made me want to make sure that if anything happened me like that, there wouldn’t be any surprises from you and the family. So I just want to make sure you know, y’know, about me being Gay.”

    She claimed to already know and said that our whole family knew, and that I “wasn’t fooling anyone.” I told her that I never tried to and that I just wanted her to ease up on all the talk about women since I had already assumed (correctly) that everyone knew the deal. I guess in her head, she was helping me be closeted by playing the part of the clueless mother when the whole time I not only was openly gay in Atlanta, I had created one of the few websites dedicated to Black Gay Men in the world.

    Her reaction was both nonchalance and religious disgust.

    “I love you but you’re still wicked.”

    Yes, my Ma Dukes is one of those people.

    We’re still as close as ever but we definitely don’t have the relationship where we can discuss my dating life. I think the only other time I brought it up was before the 2016 election. As a Trump apologist (Yes, she was one of those people too…she’s since found Jesus though), I told her all of the good things that had come under Obama’s Presidency that Trump could try to undo, including the ability for me to get married in this country.

    Since then, she hasn’t brought it up, nor have I…

    So what’s your story? When and how did you come Out to your Mother (or parents in general)? Was it a positive reaction? Negative? Are things better now?

    Read the whole post here.
     
  21. takeyourmeds91

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    Hey guys,

    I received some really bad news over the holiday that I lost a friend to domestic violence.

    I know a couple weeks ago @NikR created an amazing post with many resources about suicide and depression: http://cypheravenue.com/boards/threads/depression-and-suicide-are-real-if-youre-in-crisis-click-here.4247/

    In the same vein, if you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, please reach out to that person. I know some folks are worried about overstepping their bounds or how the other person might receive your concern but better you said something than to get a call in the middle of the night that your friend is out in the streets, in the hospital, or murdered.

    As men of color in the LGBT spectrum, we have become way too desensitized to verbal and emotional assault. It’s never okay and we need to start investing in ourselves and taking care of our emotional and physical well-being. We’re only human and nothing more.

    No one deserves to be assaulted, coerced, controlled, or treated in any other way that takes away their own agency.

    In addition to talking someone who is known and trusted, here are some additional resources:

    LGBT specific:
    National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs
    National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs
    Hotline: 212-714-1141

    General:
    National Domestic Violence Hotline:
    http://www.thehotline.org
    800-799-SAFE (7233)


    The Center for Disease Control (CDC) also lists other resources that are available in the link below:
    Suicide and Violence Prevention | Gay and Bisexual Men's Health | CDC

    Again, take care of yourselves and your loved ones as we proceed into the new year.
     
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  22. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    So a well known popular black male gay blogger/vlogger has disclosed someone's HIV status on the internet. I have a few feelings on this issue.

    I think regardless of what someone does in their personal space, I don't think it is the job of "HIV Vigilantes" to disclose this information, especially when they have a good amount of online followers, for the entire world. However, if someone I knew was dating someone who I knew for a fact had HIV, I would bring it up to that friend personally, not putting whoever they are dating on blast online.

    Many HIV+ people are using the fact that they are "undetectable" as a way to go about saying that they are HIV-. I do not agree with this. I think if you are 'undetectable' just say that. That's not negative. These are different things. And while a person could do this, I don't think that exposing them online as actually positive is helpful.

    The vlogger has also included an unedited photo of the HIV+ person's prescription bottle which includes that person's home address. This is dangerous. Who is to stop an angry mob to going to this person's home and throwing Molotov cocktails in the window, nosy folks who to just drop by and watch the place to see who is coming and going, or worse?

    I just do not think that exposing people online is helpful. At least not in this way. Hell, I could print up label for any drug under the sun with your name on it with a color laser printer, stick it to a bottle, and take photo and claim that YOU are taking whatever drug I want to say that you are on. This also brings into question that if this is in fact said person's pull bottle, how did the vlogger obtain the photo? Rummaging through the trash? Going to someone's medicine cabinet (which by the way, isn't where you want to keep your rx pills anyway)? There's a lot here and with the way people don't vet things, they just run with it without trying to determine if it is actually true or not, sharing the postings on their own social circles and things just take off.

    I don't see the point other than to try to shame people or to come off as 'holier than thou'.
     
  23. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    [​IMG]
    When it comes to emergency care, you may have a tough time if you’re in pain and not a white man.

    Previous research has shown that black and Hispanic patients who reported severe pain in the the ER were 22 percent less likely to receive pain medication than white patients who presented with the same complaints. And women suffer similar disparities: A 2008 study found that women wait an average of 16 minutes longer to receive pain relief for acute abdominal pain in the ER than men do.

    Now a new study is shedding some light on this phenomenon. “We’ve been looking at racial bias and pain perception to try to understand why there are these large racial disparities in pain management,” study author Kelly Hoffman, a psychology PhD candidate at the University of Virginia, told The Huffington Post.

    The study, which was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in March, surveyed 222 white medical students and residents about biological differences between blacks and whites. A few of the survey items were true (“Whites are less likely to have a stroke than blacks,” for example), but the majority of the items were false (“Whites have larger brains than blacks”).

    The results of the survey were distressing. Forty percent of first-year medical students and one in four residents answered that they thought black patients had thicker skin than white patients, and a full 50 percent of the respondents thought that at least one of the false facts was possibly, probably or definitely true.

    Why are doctors-in-training so misinformed about basic biological concepts when it comes to race? While we can’t know for sure Hoffman suggests that these entrenched misconceptions are simply a stronger force than medical education.

    “Previous data would suggest that these are notions that are just so pervasive throughout our society and are so entrenched in our history that they are [beliefs] that people hold,” she said.

    In other words, it’s not a few “bad apple” doctors and residents with racist tendencies — it’s sadly a more pervasive problem than that.

    Racial disparities plague the health care system
    This finding is particularly disheartening in light of rampant racial disparities that continue to plague the U.S. health care system. Blacks have worse health outcomes than whites for nearly every conceivable metric of health, including breast cancer mortality rates, HIV infection rates, and heart disease and stroke risk. Black Americans even get less sleep than white Americans. Black children are more likely to die in infancy, more likely to suffer from childhood obesity and more likely to have childhood asthma than their white counterparts. And, like their parents, if black children show up at the ER with appendicitis, which requires surgery, they’re 80 percent less likely to receive opioids — the most powerful pain medication — during their treatment and recovery.

    So what’s a black patient to do? A study published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology in March found that black patients were 20 percent less likely to die or have major complications if they received treatment at a racially diverse hospital, as opposed to a hospital with less racial diversity.

    “Our underlying hypothesis is that hospitals and providers that treat more minority patients have higher levels of cultural competency,” study author Dr. Philip Okafor, a researcher at the Mayo Clinic, told Reuters.

    Being understood by your doctor is a key component of receiving good medical care. In addition to increasing the cultural competency of doctors, as Okafor mentions, increased diversity among doctors would help, too.

    “In an ideal world, the race of the patient or physician wouldn’t matter; we would all treat each other strictly as individuals,” Dr. Damon Tweedy, a psychiatrist at Duke University Medical, wrote in the New York Times last year. “But we’re quite a ways from reaching that exalted goal. For now, we have to attack the problem of racial health disparities from as many angles as possible. Black doctors are an important part of this mission.”
     
  24. NikR

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

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    Anal paps. I know, what the hell is that?!


    Well, it’s something you should at least be aware of.


    Anal cancers are relatively rare in general public (approximately 1-2/100,000), but there are some estimates that this becomes 40/100,000 for HIV- men who have sex with men (MSM) and an astounding 80/100,000 for HIV+ MSM. Anal cancer is something everyone should be concerned about. Among men who top, the risk of anal cancer is associated with 10 or more sexual partners and a history of anal warts, syphilis, or hepatitis. So, if you’re thinking “hey, this doesn’t affect me, I don’t EVER bottom!”…think again.


    Anal cancers are caused by the human papilloma virus, or HPV. Yes, this is the same virus that is implicated in cervical cancer and genital warts. Within a few years of sexual activity, many people have been exposed to HPV. Many people have been vaccinated against many strains of HPV, and the vaccine is close to being 80% effective. At this point, the HPV vaccine (Gardisil) is given to all males ~11-26 as well as women.


    So, do you need an anal pap? Well, maybe. While the rationale for anal pap testing is strong, routine testing for all MSM is not yet recommended by the powers that be- being the CDC, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force and the American Cancer Society. Why? There isn’t enough existing data to make a firm recommendation. So, essentially, it is subject to change and will be a moving target in the coming years. Now, don’t get me wrong, many people need an anal pap right now; for example, here in NYS, they are performed for HIV+ men annually after a baseline is obtained (HIV makes HPV worse an HPV makes HIV worse!). Also, if a patient were to develop vague rectal symptoms that otherwise couldn’t be explained by other common disease processes, an anal pap would be recommended.


    The take-home message: talk to your doctor! Review your risk of common illnesses and STDs. Get vaccinated against HPV. Prevention is both a push and a pull. Protect yourself!


    For more info, check out this website that has a handy checklist of things to discuss with your doctor: GLMA - Ten Things For Gay Men


    The CDC also has recommendations for thinking about your health here; For Your Health | Gay and Bisexual Men's Health | CDC
     
  25. derrick-gordon-12327

    derrick-gordon-12327 Squad Member

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    To all of the men that grew up surrounded by mostly or only woman in your family, do you feel that it has effected you for the worse?
    This has been a question that i have asked myself, since i was a teenager. I remember a few times after an argument with my sister, i would verbally express that i hated woman, as a teen. (thinking back on it, i realized that, it was poor choice in words. I didn't hate females, but i did/do hate being the only male)
    I really feel that growing up around only females have effected me mostly in a negative way. Yes, i may be a responsible person, amd be reliable at work and be a man when it benefits other people, but i have so much self hatred and anger.
    Growing up around only woman, with they female views, i grew up yo not be a confrontational guy. Also i keep a lot of things bottled in. I would write journals, raps, poems or even draw about it, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really help. Allnof my life, while I would be at home, i would spend most of my time in my bed room, because i didn't share the same interests as my mom and sister.
    Also, any of the problems that i may have had, in the house, i never expressed it because I know how my mom and sister are.
    Obe time, when i had went to Busch Gardens with my sister, i had to watch her while we were at the theme park, that both of us were new to. Before we left, my mom fussed at me about staying with my sister and not be aggressive and control where we go. Long story short, as i was waiting for my sister to get off of a water ride, she had actually ran off to see her boyfriend. I had no idea where she was. When i finally did find her, I fussed her out. When we got home, my mom ended up yelling at me for what i said to my sister. Saying if it wasn't for her boyfriend then I wouldn't have went to Busch Gardens.
    When my mom talked to.my sister about walking off, she talked to her so sweet. That angered me to the point that i ended up cutting myself, from my shoulder down to my wrist. Multiple times. It wasn't the first time i had did that because of them.
     
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  26. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    So I always tell people to reach out to others when they're feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise mentally unwell. I'm not very good at taking my own advice though. I feel like talking to someone places a burden on them. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, so sometimes I feel like sharing my shit makes them feel even more overwhelmed so I usually keep everything to myself. And it starts to build up overtime. That's definitely not healthy. It's weird, but I don't want to hurt others so I don't talk about my shit. My question to the squad is how do you keep yourself from feeling like a burden on others?
     
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  27. cypher21

    cypher21 Deactivated Account
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    Hey Guys,

    In the spirit of getting to know one another I was wondering any of you would be willing to take a test for me if you have the time! :nerd:

    Right Here!

    Don't worry it's a personality profiler that I'm sure we've all taken in some form at least once in our lives that gives a detailed look into a group you might fit into based on 16 personality types. It will only take about 12 minutes to complete, if you're free, and They go into all kinds of stuff like what kind of parent you'd be, what you tend to be like in relationships, what you look for and need in a relationship and other stuff. It's worth the time I promise and some of the questions are fun and make you think hard on the answer. Not in an academic way, but just introspectively as they are mainly what would you do type questions.

    If you do take it please post a link or tell us what you got, I sooo curious to know!!

    I'm an INFJ The Advocate

    Strengths:
    Creative
    Insightful
    Inspiring and Convincing
    Decisive
    Determined and Passionate
    Altruistic

    Weaknesses:
    Sensitive
    Extremely Private
    Perfectionistic
    Always Need to Have a Cause
    Can Burn Out Easily
     
    #1 cypher21, Oct 20, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2015
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  28. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Need pics in my DM to verify, otherwise :fakenews:
     
  29. Omega Level

    Omega Level DRACARYS
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    Damn man, going by your profile age at 31, so in the next 20-25 years at age 51 - 56 you want to be dead? Is everything ok? I feel the thread may have taken a left if its that serious. Please let anyone on here know if anything is seriously wrong or you need someone to talk to more privately. Because I for one don't like to hear talk like that. I know its your personal opinion, but some people just get started in there 50's and have FANTASTIC lives.

    Guys, how about trying NOT TO WORRY. Because thats only gonna bring exactly what your worrying about.

    You may have concerns, thats human. But try to focus on how you would like your older life to be and do the things now to move in that direction. Whether its kids, a partner, a fund for older age (to pay others to take care of you) etc.

    Sorry guys, I'm sure I stated that way of thinking more than once on other topics we talk about, but I just don't do well with the DOOM and GLOOM talk. I know its just others opinions, but lets try to pepper it with some positivity as well.
     
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  30. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    A lot of times stuff seems worse after it's had time to swirl around in our imagination.Letting someone in does help to gain some perspective and help you realize how to manage the problem.Once you make yourself verbalize the issue to another person,that makes it more real and then they can help you or you start to move forward.When you just sit on it,it's like stewing in the mess and it never really gets better.
     
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  31. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Its a coincidence that this was posted because on my list of podcasts to do is a whole episode on Depression and Black Gay Men. A heterosexual black friend of mine once told me, "suicidal thoughts have haunted me since I was 18." So its not even just gay men that are affected by this.

    Even I have been (and continue to get) depressed. My depression is like a Caribbean rain though, it comes and goes within minutes. I joke to my brother that I'm probably a lazy bipolar. I've never been so depressed that it was diagnosed or that I seriously considered suicide, but I think all black men have thought about suicide and have been depressed at least once or twice in their lives for various reasons.

    I may not be much help in this thread, but I'll repeat what has already been said. What gets me out of a funk is activity. Tearing my attention away from the causes of my low feelings to things that actually make me feel good about myself and the rest of the world we live in.

    Unfortunately, other people are the causes for our depression. So separating yourself from others can help, but isolation can eventually exacerbate feelings of loneliness so its a double edged sword.
     
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  32. hannibal

    Most Comedic Player Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

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    Its so funny how that orks. Me and my parents arent very close, but i still feared they would freak out or reject me. As soon as I told my mom during ournargument, she was like, well whate er. And we carried on arguing about whatever we were arguing about. It wasmt even an afterthought
     
  33. Winston Smith

    Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    Okay, I don't how this became a "toxic masculinity" or "straight dude issues." Bottom line (pun intended) this is an issue across racial/'cultural/gender/class lines. There are some mofos that just never got home training.

    Various medical and educational professionals at CA I've conversed with have told me stories that made me go WTF? I won't repeat those stories, since they belong to the squad member who told, just suffice it to say, there's some nasty, clueless straight women out there who never got the lecture in health class, too.

    In the military, it wasn't unheard of for drill instructors to actually have to instruct some mofos how to shower or wipe their ass. Yeah, I know it sounds unreal, but the Army used to even make films to teach country ass mofos how to become members of civilization:



    You get to see how nasty ass dudes can be (obviously straight ones) in the military. You would get dudes bragging that they hadn't change their drawers in a month in the field. Fuck that, even in the combat zone, I would rather use my water ration for a hoe bath rather than drink it. So, am I shocked or surprised? No. But I'm a bit germaphobic, so I Lysol and paper towel the hell out of public toilets before I park my ass. The idea of sitting on a cold porcelain rim just makes my skin crawl.
     
    #10 Winston Smith, Oct 20, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017
  34. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    Well the irony here is that this type of thing is exactly why people who have HIV don't want to tell people. It only feeds the beast so to speak. Then when you tag on the "I'm better than people who have hiv" with it, it makes it worse.

    I know plenty of folks who should be happy they didn't pick up "the package" and many, who claim at least, to not have really been on Hoe Mode but still have low body counts but did get the delivery.

    Being HIV- Doesn't make one better than HIV+ people.
     
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  35. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

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    I grew up with my mom, aunts, and grandmother, but I don't see any negative results from that. I didn't grow up "soft" or effeminate (not that those are "negative" traits.) Any anger issues I currently have are totally apart from my living situation growing up. I don't resent not having my father around, never once missed him, and I'm not "seeking him out" in a potential partner. As far as my mom "not being fully capable of raising a man", shit, she did a damn good job in my opinion. The only "side effect" I could maybe think of is that I generally don't relate to a lot of stupid shit that guys do and say, that are just considered to be "Guy Things". General objectification of women and general "shit talkin'" being two of those things. Sitting watching sports being another. I'll play sports in a heart beat, but I'm not sittin' around in a room with a bunch of dudes, watchin' another bunch of dudes fall all over each other on the TV (and most likely having to dodge offhanded gay slurs being tossed around the room by these same guys watching other guys basically dry hump one another) Majority of my friends growing up also had single mothers raising them, and we were all pretty much of the same mindset, difference being they were ALL sports fanatics.
    So yeah, to the author of this post, like @Jdudre mentioned, it may just be the type of relationship you had with your mom/sister more so than just growin' up around women.
     
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