Keep it 100

Naw bro.Folks are always going to wanna get close.I think you're gonna be good.You're a good guy.

 

I FEEL YOU on the diseases thing. That really freaks me out because I live in the epicenter of HIV here in Atlanta. I just know that I will protect myself regardless with condom usage at the minimum then prepare to use PrEP on top of that.

You will be fine but you do have to be more proactive with dating if you want to secure more dates leading to the relationship.

I know that my main reason for being single is that I don't get out very much. I am focused on graduating and securing the bag. I am TIRED of being financially challenged. The majority of my early adulthood has been that way. I am not saying that I am not open to dating but my main goal is graduating in 2019/2020 by God's grace.

 

You cannot just give up on having a sexual or romantic life because of the fear of disease. There are concrete things that you can do to prevent this.

-Get every vaccination that you can. There are ones for a variety of things including Hep B, I believe Hep A, etc. and you can usually get them cheap-I got nearly everything possible before nursing school and less than $100.00 out of pocket with no insurance at my county health dept.

-Use protection always with anal sex.

-If engaging in anal sex, if at all possible, get on Prep.

-Be selective about your sexual partners

-Do not be afraid to be open, honest, and ask questions, including questions about testing, results, and even involving inspecting a person's body for signs of disease. They should not have a problem with this if they have nothing to hide or are being honest and upfront. Included in this are anal and genital areas and even the mouth. What do they have to hide?

-You are a catch so be proactive with the dating thing. Again(as with so many on here and I am not knocking it)but you are pretty picky when it comes to certain things that are kinda hard to find(masculinity and not obsessed with stereotypical gay culture, etc.-although you are not as bad as a certain someone on here and you KNOW who I am talking about lol). That just means you are going to have to put more effort into it, not less.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Listen I went through two slut periods in my life and was crazy promiscuous and I did get a couple things that I know of(cured) but I did not get HIV or Hep or anything like that. And most of the stuff that can't be cured (if you get really unlucky) can be successfully treated and It is puritanical cultural mores and sex shaming why getting one of these is different from getting something like diabetes or high blood pressure or anything else that is primarily due to lifestyle choices. Why fall for that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*I have been celibate for 6.5 years now not because of any fear of disease or anything, but It is more really to do with just declining interest in actually having sex plus not really wanting a romantic partner because I have too much baggage for that and would rather just have gay friends

-and gay friends is another damn thing. They want to be friends if you want to date or have sex, but as soon as you just want to be friends, then they want sex or dating smh. Gays are messed up lol.


tl;dr...

-then fuck you for being too shallow and short-attention spanned to be bothered.

 

Bwahha! Ya know I act up as much as I do cause I wonder if I missed my opportunity to be a thot when I was younger. I avoided men and sex for a loooooong time. I have never even been on a date...Not an official one. I was a virgin for a loooooooooooong time too. I havent seen another naked man in person, in my face, for almost 2 years. I'm kinda prudish but I'm also the kind of individual that is majorly freaky behind closed doors but I just couldn't be with multiple dudes. It has to be ONE that I like.

As far diseases, I'm noticing a "I don't give a f**k" attitude about catching diseases and stuff a lot these days because some are treatable or some things about PreP. Folks seem to forget about STIs or don't care about them. You can catch all kinds of stuff even if you can deter HIV.

Oral sex isn't even safe. There's no way I'm giving a guy a world class blowjob unless he's my world anyways. Glory holes are a no no too.

Idk... sometimes I low-key worry that I am toxic to myself because of my reclusive habits and nature. I'd hate to have to get terminally ill one day and be wishing I had did this or that, went here or there, dated or f**ked Trey Songz when I had the chance...or maybe, telling some youngsters one day to enjoy life while they can and don't take it for granted like I did. The "I was once your age." speech....*Twilight Zone moment* eeekk!

 

Very sound advice! I'd use the analogy of driving on a highway.

Being in a metal tube going 60-90 mph alongside these crazy drivers out here sounds pretty dangerous to me, but you gotta get to work.... however, if you wear your seat bell, drive defensively and sober, and avoid driving during a storm, you'll mostly like be fine.

Life is a little dangerous. If you use common sense, everything will be just fine.

There's a 100% chance that you will make mistakes or have bad luck. That's just life.

 

Having been "married" for years in a small town and then moving to Atlanta, I'm constantly surrounded by available sexy gay men which is something I have never had the opportunity to do. While I'm dating a stand up dude, I'd be lying if I said these guys are not tempting to just be like f this, Imma just be a hoe.

But then I can't help but think about the high density of hiv positive gay men here and by extension, the host of other diseases these men may carry knowingly or not.

My "raw days" are over at least until or unless I am in a space where I can trust a monogamous partner. And I have sex so infrequently that that's a non issue for me anyway.

Some of the members I have met in person I also compare myself to..." If I had a personality like him I'd....if I had a body like , face like , voice like , job like etc I'd....."

So with that, I just can't imagine that all of the single, good catch dudes here on this site are going to be forever single, even if you're not at that golden, peak age of 26, you're still good catches at 35, 42, 50.

We all know that the issues gay men and specifically gay urban men of color have keep us from fully investing in relationships and other men and it is very hard to find that balance, being vulnerable, trusting, compromising to make a relationship work. It's not impossible but it's an investment.

 

Bruh!! My life!

Applause4 by DreG posted Aug 22, 2015 at 2:27 AM

Applause3 by DreG posted Aug 22, 2015 at 2:26 AM

 

Well...I can't say I missed my 'T.H.O.T.' days because I had quite a few LOL. But yeah, man...in my 'old age' I've calmed down a LOT, and there is a slight fear of STI there. I'm now the ONLY one of my original 4 Musketeers crew that doesn't have HIV, THANKFULLY, cause I did some reckless a$$ sh!t in my 20's and dodged a WHOOOOOOLE lotta bullets. I'm goin on 5yrs self imposed celibacy, and honestly it don't bother me. I ain't seen a real d#$k or a$$ since Obama's 2nd Oath of Office, just bulges on the street, smfh. LOL Anyways...I don't know what you look like (I think I've seen your pic, but I can't remember), but you seem like a chill dude, good {online} personality, etc....you be ight, bruh. I do agree with everyone else tho, you gotta be more proactive, if dating, etc is really what you after. I'm workin on this, myself.

 

Damn bro ^.

But even as a younger guy, I'm very envious of my peers who are more sexually liberated than I. I'm too familiar with the risks plus my peen don't go solid for any Joe Blow, I have to be into your vibe or very attracted to you physically. I had sex a couple weeks ago that was verrryy dissatisfying; I wasn't into him and I honestly could have done without. I've only had sex twice this year - the other person was my ex while we were together.

 

The only HIV negative one out of the four? Damn. Yeah the self imposed celibacy is sometimes a good thing-kind of a crossroads of figuring out just exactly what you want or don't want with sex or a romantic life.

 

I've met so many hoes who are 100% disease free and then I've met people like my ex who contracted HIV from one night. Basically, the world is funny. If you wanna be a hoe, I encourage you to be the biggest hoe there is. Technology has advanced itself so well that if you know how to take care of yourself, you'll be fine. Being fearful is not going to save you unless you close yourself off completely from the world. Which in my opinion, is a worst outcome than anything that could potentially happen.

 

But bro, this dating thing is so emotionally taxing and quite honestly draining so I can relate to somewhat of how you’re feeling. Keeping it 100, I just think you’re being hard on yourself. 35 is young as shit. Plus, you are fine as hell. Not to mention, the area you live in has a huge market. So go out & hoe away my guy; you seem to be bright so you know the steps you need to take in order to keep yourself safe. But before you even do that yeh, just try to figure out an idea of what it is that you want to gain and why that is. A lot of the times, we just want shit because there’s nothing else for us to do.... & if that’s a good enough reason for you, go for it bro.

I don’t get this emphasis on “living one’s life to the fullest”....shit like happiness, excitement, adventure, etc. are temporary states of being, they are not meant to be constant. Regret comes from chasing these things to make them last forever instead of allowing them to complete their cycle.

 

Look, dude, if you want me to marry you then just ask me. It's that simple!

 

Go back out there playa playa! Don't let your age stop ya! You need to show these fake Breed It Raw 'thugs' what a real man is!!!

 

I can relate in a way. Over the years, I've learned things about myself and how others perceive me that make me wish I would've known those things back in my 20s and not just over the last few years. What this would have done to my confidence when it comes to "thotness" and the situations I could have taken advantage of...? BRO! For example, some folks think and have always thought I'm sexy. Fuck, I wish I had the memo! I know I'm not ugly, but behind these nerdy ass glasses, my lameness and goofiness, it seems that I turn a few folks on. Lol. Someone once told me that my naivete about my appearance makes me even more sexy. I can see that, given that I've felt the same way about men and women I've encountered. Another example--I've always lived a healthy lifestyle since high school and have worked out since then. The problem is, I never had a flat stomach and have never been chiseled, so that affected how I perceived my overall fitness and physical appearance. But even with my belly, I've seen a couple old pics recently and I looked like I worked out and was muscular and fit in my 20s...more than what I realized. I looked good.

All this said, on some level, I feel like I wasted thot years because of things I didn't know about me that I know now.

 

Whenever I'm dating someone I'm always doing ish I don't wanna do like holding in farts and pretending to care about his stories about stuff he did with his Exes (aka "best friends"). Being single is so much more stress-free.

 

Well of course you don't want to be miserable when dating or in a relationship, but part of being in a relationship and dealing with another person intimately in your life is compromising. It is just that the good things from the relationship should make the compromised worth it. You cannot deal with other people without having to compromise part of yourself.

This 'compromising' gets harder as you get older and more 'set in your ways'(yes I know you have a more youthful appearance and maybe outlook) but you are still 40 now and it does get harder to do it. It is harder to be flexible and comprising when you have had a certain amount of life experience I think, especially when it is in the early stages of dealing with someone. JMO of course. It is also much easier to get jaded as you have more 'life experience'(which sounds so much better than "getting older", right lol).

*my grammar sucks but I just don't care enough to fix it lol.