Are you body conscious and when did you take notice?

Discussion in 'Mental, Medical and Sexual Health' started by Lancer, Aug 18, 2018.

  1. Lancer

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    I was listening to the latest Cypheravenue Podcast, which was 2 months ago, and one of the Host's said they first became body conscious when they started getting into the Gay dating scene.
    For me I guess it started when I was small. I was so skinny, tall and had broad 'Clothe Hanger' like shoulders.
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    My siblings always made fun of me and my sis would say, I had a Tapeworm that's why I never added weight. My aunts would join in making fun of the folds I had on the waist of my jeans, cos my belt almost went round my waist twice. One of my aunts will say 'Oh, even look how he doesn't have Nyash'( Nyash= Ass in Nigerian broken English). I would just smile and try to hide behind my elder brother. I never payed it any mind after this though.
    In high School, the guys were very big and I was still tall but more lanky. I would drink whole milk to try to add weight. I would mix whole milk and Malt, cos I heard it makes you add weight, and drink it 2-3 times a day. No change!
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    When I started to get into my sexuality, I thought it would never be an issue. Boy, was I stupid! I remember going to a Circuit Festival with a friend and we got Zero play, even when we walked up to guys. My friend after many failed attempts said 'lets go, this is not the place for ppl like us'. I can clearly remember his face when he said it. Few months after I met up with said friend, when I tell you homeboy was JACKED! I could not believe it. He had gotten a personal trainer and started using steroids, he went on to say its the lifestyle. Gay men are very superficial and he is going to play the game with them. Mind you homeboy was is accomplished, like top 3 in his professional field, but that does not matter in 'the lifestyle'.
    I was still skinny and I had many events where I would want to hookup with a guy and he will go 'you are really skinny'. I would laugh it off but then make up an excuse that I had to leave.
    Fast-forward now, I am as one guy put it when we were about to hookup 'Ahh, you are very fleshy'. Translation 'You is Fat' lmao.I did not make up an excuse like before and leave, but I told him I was only going to give him head with my clothes on. YAY,PROGRESS! LoL
    A few months back I had just finished at the gym, was changing, and as I took off my shirt this gay dude says 'Phew, you are fat too, thank God I am not the only one' dunno if that was some kind of bonding moment for him, cos the gym was filled that day with lots of muscular gay guys. I just smirked, while turning my back to him.
    Don't get me wrong, I have become more comfortable with my body.
    I go to the gym now, trying to eat healthy, use the stairs as much as I can, walk to the farmers market instead of driving, drink lots of water no sodas, cut off all sugar mostly use honey now, eat lost of vegetables and fruits, limit myself to a cake or two a month, no fast food.
    I do not think I will ever be completely comfortable in my body? No. Looks and body play a huge roll in the dating world and as I am actively dating, I am reminded of that very often.
    I do think I would come to that point of acceptance, where I am like 'Fuck it, this is me', but until then...
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Yeah I think the podcast is officially retired this time, lol. Our schedules are too incompatible and there aren't many more ppl I would want to interview for the Dopeness podcast.

    As for body issues, I was a lil pudgy when I was a kid but then hit a massive growth spurt at about 13 or 14 and leaned out. I remember my Aunts jokingly asking me what diet I did to lose my pudge. So I was super skinny and lanky all through middle school, high school and college.

    I got a little self conscious about it in college when I started seeing all these guys my age with GREAT bodies. Even guys with average bodies seemed better than mine. I've never had a six-pack in my life, always had the little paunch even when I was very thin everywhere else, so I was kinda envious when I would see my college roommate shirtless. He ate more junk food than me, smoked hella weed and never worked out, yet his "average" body was everything to me. (Fast forward to today tho, he's looks like Anthony Anderson)

    I wasn't as hanger skinny as you described but I was def thin with very little definition or tone. I joined a gym back then but never went after a few times. And this was back in the days when you had to sign yearly gym contracts, where if you stopped paying you were considered in default, which affected my credit.

    But I wasn't super aware of body issues until I started hitting the gay scene in my late 20s (around the time Ocky and I first met). I remember getting on the hookup websites and seeing dudes using headless pics of their abs and muscles as profile photos. I didn't have either so I used a closeup of my lips, a feature that others had told me was nice.

    It really wasn't until recently that the lbs started sticking. I blame the slower metabolism of age as well as me
    making more money now to treat myself to restaurant meals and plenty cocktails. Although I talk about body and weight a lot on the site and podcasts, I'm really not that bad physically. I'm not what anyone would call in great shape, but I'm also not "fat" in the traditional sense. I'm "gay fat."

    As a guy that primarily likes to Top, my physical weight gain def is not holding me back in the community. What's doing that is all mental. I look at myself in the mirror and don't feel attractive (even tho others may think I am) so it affects the self confidence. But that's the thing, even when I was thinner, I still had confidence issues. Back then is was financial...or not having a fancy car...or having multiple roommates...basically I always found something to be insecure about, even when I didn't need to be. I've thought about therapy for this but haven't been too serious about it yet.
     
  3. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
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    I was always pretty small and relatively thin. I think I had this problem once someone said a guy wanted to talk to me because I had a "nice ass".

    I also had issues other with one of my parents said I was too little and that I should beef up.

    Due to my somewhat curvy body, I was always labeled as gay or female without even saying a word.

    I remember in college I was walking and this guy was watching me with his mouth open but ya know I don't pay dudes any mind but I glanced over and saw this feminine guy who was with a girl and he was looking at me like he was disgusted, but when I turned and caught him, he turned his head quick like he wasn't looking.

    I ended up taking this negativiely more as I had been when I was younger thinking that something was wrong with my body.

    I ha d friend tell me that from a distance, I had a body like a b**ch (that allowed myself to get "thicker" from junk food) and oh boy I didn't even know how to take all that.

    I still don't like people watching me but I'm much better than I ever was in the past about my body.

    I did notice that at one point I was getting "fatter" way back due to just writing and eating...but I've incorporated a little exercise (just a little). You us black men. Food goes either too the stomach or the ass. I get deposits in both accounts, though I'd prefer not to have a little stomach I hear it's actually healthy to a certain degree...

    Now if I had a phatter or bigger ass again(all natural, which I did get from biking at one point a long while back before I stopped) like Nathaniel Noir...I'd be a beast. Hahaha.
     
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  4. Kardinal

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    As soon as you realize that the body will remain with you forever in this dimension and the game called “life”, accept this fact. It makes no sense to fight or reject - it is useless. Learn to transform your body. Turn it from a tight outer shell for your Self to an ally and lifelong partner. Your relationship with your body throughout life is very important, it is the fundamental basis of any other of your relationships on this planet.
     
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