Six degrees of separation is the theory that any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries. So this theory rings so close to home for me, especially when one is a Same Gender Loving man. I will even take it a step further and say, in SGL the degree goes lower to a 3 or 4. Most gay men move in groups or have group of friends, might range from 2-7 guys. These group of friends are usually very close, they might have hooked up with each other at various aspects of their life usually the timeline of said hookup might be 1-2 years ago, so now they are just close friends or ''brothers''. They take trips together, have lunch during the weekends, go to the movies, talk about their dating and sex lives and with who it was with. They are usually very attractive group of friends. The Six degree of Separation comes into play here. I was seeing this dude a while ago and things were going good, conversation was flowing, made fun of each other often, kinda in a flirty way. We keep texting and stuff then I notice homeboy was drifting away, late with the replies or one word replies, than full sentences with gifs and emojis like before. I asked him what's going on, he says we should just be friends and nothing can ever happen between us. After I pressed on for the reason, he told me that he took my photo back to his group of friends and it turned out, like a year ago, I had asked one his homeboys out. The friend had rejected me saying 'sorry, you are not my type but thank you' if I remember correctly and that was it! which I told him but he said they have a rule in the group that no one dates or hookups with anyone who has or had any interest in any member of the group even if it lead to nothing. Told him I respect his decision 'bros before hoe's' however I asked him isn't that rule very limiting? I mean the dating pool is very small and you strictly date melanin, doesn't that make it even smaller? He said gay dating is very messy, he doesn't want his to be messy and he is only going to date a 'Fresh Face',meaning I have been compromised (used this word cos I just finished watching Westworld Season 2 lol) as I have approached a group member before. I told him I didn't know they were a group, if I did I would have NEVER approached him after being turned down by one member of the group.
I do think as I continue to be actively dating, I am going to come across situations like these and it will depend on how the dude I am dating. However he decides to proceed , I would respect his decision and not take it personal.
Don’t sweat it. Sounds like a stupid rule to me, maybe they’re a clatch of gossips? I don’t buy that “gay dating” (itself) is messy line, there are gay people who date that are messy...
I can understand a rule like this because gay dating can get complicated and messy. Good examples of this are guys who are still friends with their ex who they fuck from time to time, dudes who have "friends with benefits" aka fuck buddies. This particular situation seems silly because you didn't actually date or hook up with the guy in clique you're not "compromised." He even rejected you because you weren't his type. Sometimes we can take rules to the extreme. I'm of the belief that certain rules can be bent or ignored in certain situations this is one of them.
