QUESTION: In High School Were You Openly Gay, Openly Bisexual Or Were You Pretending To Be Straight?

In H.S. during the 90's I was in the closest. I knew I liked dudes but I would say to myself that I was bi. I never did anything with a guy until the summer after H.S. I dated two girls for a short time in H.S., I probably could have dated/messed around with a few other girls, but didn't. I did have some crushes on few guys in H.S. but did nothing. I didn't know of any other dudes who where gay in H.S.

Running Track was a blessing and a curse in H.S. It kept me busy after school, but some of my teammates and some from other schools where fine as fuck. Especially when we would compete in Boston. A lot of eye candy during the Boston meets with dudes from all over the state.

And with our track uniforms like this...


There were a few wardrobe malfunctions. This one hurdler on my team, it seemed like his peen would pop out a lot of times.

I had a huge crush on one of my track teammates. I thought he was the most beautiful. He's black about 5'9" or 10. He had a very funny personality. He would always be making jokes and stuff. He played football in the fall and track the other seasons. He also lifted weights because he said it made him more popular with the girls. He had a very nice body. A lot of muscle for a high school kid. We would hang out sometimes. Since we both were on the track team, I would occasionally get a few glimpses of him naked in the locker room. I think he might have suspected of me. I think he caught me a few times checking him out, which he didn't seem to mind and never said anything to me. Another teammate did notice that I liked this dude and mentioned something, but more like joking around. I ran into him a few years ago and he still looks good.

Also, Looking back, I wonder about this one dude. During freshman year. He might have liked me a little to much. He would always give me compliments and he seemed to stand a little too close to me. But I will never know. He moved after freshman year to live with his Dad.

 

Openly gay in my old H.S.? If I had been, times were...different, I likely wouldn't be alive now to answer this question.

My first "gay" experience was in college with a really old dude. He must have been at least 29. He stayed in the dorm, and he always had weed so we became fast friends, there was a real attraction, but "no homo"....naw...non of that. Besides he had a fiance, end of discussion.

The following summer, I returned to town for his wedding, and one of our mutual RA buddies let a bunch of us stay in some empty dorm rooms. We partied and I got drunk and drugged way past my normal ways and he ended up helping me back to my room.....well once that door closed behind us he was all over me and its not like I fought back, he came quick and passed out before I really got engaged tho, him having caught me off guard an all...I kinda felt cheated but also glad because I figured, least I wouldn't catch "the AIDs".

So, ok after that surely I beat a path to embrace and own my attraction to other men, you might be thinking......well no....you would be very wrong. I knew I wasn't gay, I mean those "gays" were all too rainbow flag, too feminized, and too "faggy" to have anything in common with me, not to mention that "AIDs" death thing. So, I spent at least 8 more years, a wandering repressed homo in a hetero desert.

A failed marriage, and several ridiculous mental twists, insane rationalizations, and stupid drug use later....I found the "courage" to go in a New Orleans gay bar. Not because I was gay, I was just there to dance, yeah, to dance....don't get it twisted!

Well....it totally freaked me out, being fresh meat oogled by other men. I didn't have no mental framework for that, but just when I had determined to bolt, I made eye contact...this virtual tunnel sprung up between me and him. The room...dissipated,random voices faded, and I froze in my tracks, I was totally ohhhh, shit overloaded....fucking paralyzed by a painfully fine Italian man who turned out to be from Pittsburgh.

They say addicts always chase the blast of their first high, never quite reaching it again. If that's true, then the Pittsburgh man was my gay "crack"....sorry I can't put words to him its beyond me.

We saw each other over the following year, thing is he was a guy kinda guy just like me. I went up to Pittsburgh and we went hiking an camping in the woods, we worked on his piece of shit car, and we had real shit in common, oh and there was that mind blowing sex...It was a revelation.

I came realize I could be attracted to and be sexual with other men and still be me, warts and all (no warts here its just a phrase). Not a stereotype fake hyper masculine, or shrieks super fem...just a guy...this was my first true gay Epiphany.

 

And yet another old thread I never participated in lol

So nah, I wasn't out in high school and was paranoid about anyone finding out. I couldn't fake an attraction to girls for my life, so my straight acting strategy was to simply not date anyone. I had crushes, but that's all they ever were.

Sad to say, I cared a lot about what people thought about me in high school. There were only 2 or 3 guys who I assumed were out, and they didn't seem to get any trouble for it (to their faces, anyway). Still, I stayed lowkey because I couldn't handle anyone thinking badly of me.

The real tragedy is how this carried over into college - an art school in Atlanta, of all places. It was only a couple days into freshman year and I was with my new group of friends. While talking about relationships, one of the guys asked if I'm straight or gay because he didn't want to assume. Right there with a completely fresh start and people who would be accepting, I lied and said I was straight. Stayed in the closet until my junior year when I'd come out to my friends back home.

I went back to my dorm room simultaneously relieved and disappointed in myself that night.

 

I am in this thread and I don't like it lol @Artistic Arsonist boi, stop reviving old ass threads

re your response though - can completely relate. I always feel disappointed when I get an opportunity to start afresh with new friends without all the lies and deceptions but blow it out by saying that I am straight just to avoid going into that conversation. Have gotten better at it(society has fortunately too) but still work in a progress

 

I didn't have an inkling about my male proclivities until second year in undergrad. Never had a same sex experience until two years after I moved to the A. I felt brave and safe enough to explore my budding curiosity away from home and everyone I know. I was super cautious and grateful that I never encountered a problem or terrible situation.