Best Posts in Thread: GAY FRIENDS: How Many Of Us Have Them?

  1. ControlledXaos

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    This guy seems like he is the type of black frat dudes I can't stand. They are totally socially dependent upon being in their frat as if they didn't have friends and lives before joining a frat or afterwards. Like they have no idea how to deal with people other wise when, hell it's likely at least 2 of his line bros were gay or non heterosexual anyway.

    I do have platonic friends who I have not gay handshaked. Bonding is something that has to be worked on and boundaries set up to maintain that. @KritiKal Analysis @SB3 @acessential and I all kicked it in LA this September. It was cool as hell and the best trip I have had in a good minute.
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    [​IMG]

    I think I lost another gay friend this year, I’m def partially to blame but not 100%…We could def still be cool, but he’s in a different lane now.

    [​IMG]

    It just occurred to me that Ocky Williams is not only one of the gay friends that I’ve known the longest (nearly 9+ years), but we’re also still pretty tight…and never hooked up or messed around with each other like many Gay “friends” do.

    [​IMG]

    I stumbled across this clip from a Tyler Perry Madea play that def struck a nerve.



    Madea Be Dropping Gems On ‘Em Though… :whew:

    Gay friends (and friends in general) are hard to come by, especially ones that don’t secretly want to date or hookup with you.

    I had a really good friend around the time we started Discreet City…he was Bisexual and one of the few ppl that I originally approached to help create it. That was my boy, never hooked up, we used to spend hours on the phone like two chicks, we would share sexcapade stories, dating advice, discuss movies, sports, etc…help each other out with favors and all that (ie Dentist trips, furniture moving, etc). Brother type shit.

    But he was like Madea described in the video, I eventually realized he didn’t wanna be seen with me in public because he was Frat and super closeted.

    [​IMG]

    He was cool with going to dark movie theaters (sitting 2 seats away), but never a club or bar….unless it was with his Frat brothers, not me. At first I didn’t mind because we weren’t dating, not a big deal, we still spent a lot of discreet homeboy time together…

    But then I started to hear more and more stories about all of the nights out with his non-gay friends, yet when I asked to hang out maybe once every 6 months it was like pulling teeth. Yet he was going out with his Frat buddies all the time and then telling me about how homophobic they were to gay waiters and bartenders. He would vent to me about his homophobic Frat Bros for hours…

    Then it hit me:

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    Eventually I told him I wasn’t interested in being his secret gay best friend, hell I was discreetly homosexual just like him…But it was as if he was ashamed of me, that was a different story. One that I didn’t want to be a character in.

    I guess even though I was masculine and discreet like him, I was more “known” by gay men in the city given that I had been to gay parties and gay clubs. So maybe that spooked him, being “guilty by association” which could get back to his Frat brothers (many of whom were probably gay or bisexual as well).

    After that conversation, that was the last time I heard from him, proving that we probably were never really friends in the first place.

    [​IMG]

    How many of you have REAL gay friends? And I don’t mean just hangout buddies or numbers you’ve collected in your phone and Facebook list…
     
  3. ControlledXaos

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    Well I don't want 26 close friends but I have wanted that typical movie bro set up where its 4-5 guys who are all good friends. A black Broken Hearts Club or Queer As Folk. Obvi you'll be closer to some of them than others but everybody gets along.
     
  4. ControlledXaos

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    I disagree. Not a better question but an secondary one m

    I think gay men need to learn how to form platonic bonds with each other, learning how to separate friends from potential romantic partners. There needs to be a brotherly/family type of friendship with one set of men and another set that's only romantic or sexual. I think people get this twisted up too often when we a lot of us don't accept our sexuality until after our teens, some well into their 30s and beyond. It's one thing just being DL or a loan gay ranger with tons of straight friends and active gay dating life, closeted or not, but they are never going to fully understand and relate to what it's like to be a gay man.
     
    Nick Delmacy, SB3, I-Stay-Woke and 3 others dapped this.
  5. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Je suis diplomate
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    I use to be part of a relatively large group of gay men and a few lesbians. We were those gays who rotated hosting dinner parties and attended brunch on Sundays religiously. For nearly four years we had a routine, most of us emerging as professionals in our post-undergraduate years. All of a sudden two of the couples broke up and that split the group into several factions. That subsequently resulted in my gay friends' group going from nearly 20 to 4. Today, I have just four go to gay friends that I regularly communicate with and we are spread out across the world and only see one another in isolated meetings.

    I am affiliated with LGBT employees group where I work but I am not an active member. We were able to tap into the LGBT community in Paris but we don't really make real friends because we pack up our lives every couple of years and start over.

    I do think the key for gay friendships is to keep friendships platonic. I see too many friendships get ruined because sex and romantic love is introduced.
     
  6. Lancer

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    I have never had Gay friends. I think Gay guys try to have gay friends but keep them as 'Potentials'. 'He is kinda cute, I might/maybe hook up with him sometime so I will just keep him around' I feel is mostly their approach.
    Most of the gay guys I approach are in a romantic way. After I see it is not going to go in that direction I try to move it to the strictly friends part but it never works. I also have been on the other end too, of the guy trying to keep it just friends but I want to make it more so we stop talking.
    I am mostly a lone wolf now.
     
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