Best Posts in Thread: Is It Offensive To Ask, "Are You Masculine Or Feminine" on Dating Apps?

I don't think it is offensive.

I think it really boils down to the execution of the ask. I think people who make public declarations like MASC for MASC are kinda pathetic. I think there is a lot of nuance in courting or seeking dates or whatever. The spectrum is pretty big when you think about it. I think these kinds of question only work for those who prescribe to stereotypical gender-roles and gay-archetypes.

I have seen men who on initial observation looked totally masculine and as soon as they opened their mouth or walked the illusion went away. Also, I think the vast majority of gay men are somewhere in between and every single one of us does something that would be considered masculine or feminine. No one is 100% anything.

 

I dont think its offensive. Ppl know what they like and its best to be upfront about it so ur not wasting time.

Im attracted to men that are more masculine leaning. So its def a question that I would ask. And wouldn't mind if someone ask me that same question.

The point of dating is to get to know what things a person is attracted to. U can't know that unless u ask people questions.

 

I don't think it's offensive it's best to get it out of the way early if someone not being masculine is a deal breaker. It'll be even more offensive and awkward for both parties if they show up for a date looking like this.

Dating is about what you're looking for in a potential partner. I say fuck who ever gets triggered. This is the real world not a college campus. Caution....they won't always be honest so you're gonna have to do some detective work before hand, extensive questioning, and some phone conversations before agreeing to meet.

 

People, gay men rather, have really loose views on what they consider masculine. Some guys are not swishy swishy and think because of that they are not feminine. And now that facial hair is in a lot of guys are looking really masc on ig but the voice and mannerisms reveal a lot.

 

When I was dating, every fem kat I came across lied about being masculine.

 

I don't think its offensive. But ask/discuss it in a respectful way. And be honest. I would much rather know sooner than later so you are not wasting each other's time, and It may sting a little when someone is not interested.

Another related issue is people have a different threshold/definition/criteria of what masculine and feminine is. Where exactly is the cut-off point between the two? This may more affect people who are in the middle. How masculine do you have to be to call yourself masc?

 

This is such a tough one because if you ask the guy and they lie, they will try to perpetuate an image they think you will like. I think the best thing to do is just keep talking to the guy. Even video chat. Watch their mannerisms. See how they respond to certain topics. I know that Nick and Ocky talk about asking about Real Housewives or favorite divas but even with that, some of the most masculine men I have met in Atlanta GO IN on their favorite housewife or female R&B singer.

You will only know the truth with time. At the very least, if you find out the guy is not, you can just move on.

If someone asks me, I acknowledge that I am but that I believe all gay men have their ways! And they do! At some house parties, the masculine men can get drunk enough and before you know it, they are discussing things you would not expect them to discuss.

 

I think it's not offensive. It's just a part of the getting to know you process. There is nothing worse than finding a dude fits all of the check boxes you have ( c'mon we all do, "You ain't gotta to lie Craig!") then he is not masculine like you want him to be. I'm for a dude being himself, but the wind in my sails just goes down with a quickness. I agree to try and be respectful, but remember we are men and there is no such thing as being tactful with it. You want to know so just ask the dam question and get the shit over with. jm2cnts

 

in my heart of hearts, i do think it's problematic, but i continue to do it.

as others have said, better framing can be somewhat helpful though. in my experience on jack'd, profiles are framed negatively rather than positively. it's helpful to express interest in "masc men who work out regularly" rather than "no fats, no fems".

 

Both.

Some I have no doubt intentionally lied. I think others thought because they were not Ru-Paul / Boy George fem, they were masculine.

 

This. I think the real question is, "Will asking even get you accurate information?"

 

If you are masculine, it is offensive to ask. If you are feminine it's perfectly okay.