Best Posts in Thread: Rant: Can we be more than just our bodies???

I'm not into the whole gheeeey scene but I've found that although people say that this is what they want, in actuality, they don't. Most people want the image and trappings of wealth, the image and trappings of a perfect life, the image and trappings of having 'made it'. And quite frankly, it's easier to work out, put on makeup and post pics on IG than to sit and read The Guardian or Ottawa Citizen or Brookings so that you're intelligent about the world you explore.

I hear your rant. I feel your rant. Unfortunately, there isn't a fix; all you can do is be open and vulnerable enough that another likeminded dude takes notice.

 

So I love this page and its display of sexy black men. Whenever it comes on my feed I am happy and excited to see another handsome, masculine?, chocolate brother they uploaded. However I am getting REALLY pissed off and tired that its JUST guys with great bodies!!!
I mean I am not acting brand new. I know good looks, classically handsome guys, great bodies, bubble butts and a big dicks are like Bitcoin for same gender loving men and if you are blessed with one or even all off these, then you have ''made it''. However what about intelligence? creativity? passion for the non-physical?. I would like to know these guys views/thoughts on Israel and Palestine, the Cyber war Russia is waging on the world, Religion, the Prison system, Europe's growing tension, bleaching of the Great barrier Reef, Global warming, travelling and experiencing ones blackness in a completely different light, Lord of The Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars heck any star in the galaxy.
I met this gymnast on the apps and I was 100% sure I would hookup with him. The poses he sent me really got my mind racing. So I tell him we should meet up for lunch then we hookup after, I mean it was sure thing! We sitting talking and I tell him I am African. He says he doesn't know countries in Africa, which is cool with me. So I say I am not South African though, he has a blank stare on his face, I then say Apartheid? nothing...Nelson Mandela? he replies who's that?

I just could NOT hookup with him. Look I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, we all know that, however there are somethings folks and most of all black folks should know. That excuse of 'oh, its just happening or happened over there so it doesn't concern or affect me' is utter bullshit and just lazy. Maybe its just me, but as I grow older a hot body or a bubble just does not do it for me again. The mind and intellect has to be on fire too.

 

I think this is bigger than gay culture or black gay men. I'd go as far as to say that black boys and men a deliberately taught not to develop their minds and intellect from an early age. If a black boy shows any interest in anything that isn't sports he's mocked as either being a "sissy" or trying to be white. Even adults in the community will engage in this behaviour. As a culture we've got to do better at developing our minds. There needs to be a better balance between body and mind.

 

Dudes say they want a man with intellect, but does that intellect make your dick hard? If it does, than thats good. But my point is yes, you dont want a dude dumb as a bag a rocks but looks gorgeous. Not if you are pursuing anything more than a hookup.

However @Lancer when you say,

If its just a hookup off an app why do you really care about his intellect?

I think many gay men are not honest with themselves because that intellect can often come with a person they are not attracted to and they don't give that dude the time of day.

 

I agree. I usually try to gauge a person's level of intellect during the first few conversations. I'll drop a factoid about a current event or something from history and see how they respond. If things go smoothly, we move forward. If not, it's a done deal.

A hot body fades a lot faster than a strong mind.

 

I thought about this post as I left gym yesterday I held the door for this dark skin brutha I see in there all the time. He has a chiseled hardbody, definitely fits the description of a "gym rat." He said thank you as he exited the door. I was taken aback for a moment. Not because of his courtesy but because his voice didn't match his appearance. He had the softest most effeminate voice it was not what I would expect from his look. It occurred to me that as it relates to gay men having a certain body image is social currency. Men regardless of sexual orientation get the idea pounded into our brains from the time we are little boys that a man is supposed to behave a certain way and look a certain way. I think we as gay men take that idea to the extreme because 1: we are attracted to men and manliness. 2: we constantly have our manhood questioned. 3: Because of points 1 & 2 there is pressure to measure up to a masculine ideal that often times becomes distorted or exaggerated. We see that in its most extreme form in leather, bear, fitness/muscle worship, jock/sports, uniform fetish, BDSM subcultures in the gay world. Investing time and effort in our bodies comes with other benefits besides the obvious health benefits. It becomes a defense mechanism and it becomes a way to facilitate our sexual appetite by attracting what we find attractive. It's social capital because it allows one to find fellow travelers that's why people in different gay subcultures tend to hang together.