This is where there is confusion. A truly bi-sexual identifying man that is monogamous does not bounce between the two. There is no side piece/main piece etc. Being bisexual means that I can be just as attracted emotionally, sexually, spiritually etc to you as I am the girl next door and if I choose you you are my focus and there's nothing any woman could give me to change my mind and vice versa. There is a difference between CONFUSED and Bi-Sexual. Everyone has to be careful not to lump those two. There should be an expectation of respect and monogamy as in any relationship and if you accept anything less that has little to do with the idividuals sexual identity and more to do with your tolerance for BS.
Best Posts in Thread: BIPHOBIA within the LGBT community.
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This article brought up some good points @NickAuzenneNOLA. While I don't feel like I've ever been biphobic, I have had my fair share of run-in's/convos with Str8/LGBT people who didn't think sexual fluidity exists, especially in black men.
Just the other day my friend's straight sister was dumbfounded when I proudly told her I identify as fluid/bi and that my girlfriend is "okay" with it. It was funny watching her stumble to understand such a thing, but served as just one of endless examples of the fact that people are still coming to terms with the reality that black male sexuality isn't a monolith.XisNotJupiter, questforknowledge, SB3 and 3 others dapped this. -
That last one sounds somewhat like married, straight cheaters. They want the perception, prestige and fulfillment of marriage and family but don't want to be monogamous and indulge themselves in secret. In reality, these bouncing men are probably just selfish freaks. They'd probably be unfaithful even if they were just straight or gay. If a bisexual person really feels a need to be with the other sex from time to time than yes, they should negotiate with their partner before stepping out on them. (EDIT: In a more honest, direct world, stepping out wouldn't be a factor because those who believe they can't be totally monogamous, whether it's because they want to occasionally play with another gender or they're one of those types that justifies cheating by saying "monogamy is unnatural, we're sexual beings", would mention it upfront or simply seeking someone who is open to nontraditional dating patterns. Anyway, this desire for both is not an inherent bisexual need.) We do live in a world with swingers, open relationships and couples who sometimes add other partners to the mix, so it's possible to find people who would indulge such feelings. But I'm sure there are plenty of bisexual men who just want one guy or girl like anyone else. They just have more options. Women seem to get a pass on this if they tell a dude they dabbled with a girl in the past.
I think a lot of gay men, or even people in general, have encountered or heard horror stories about so many messed up, selfish, dishonest, confused or unfaithful men that it's hard to fathom how bisexuals function. Many people don't trust men that like one gender, so adding another is confounding. It's understandable that some may simplify their dating lives and ease their minds by simply disregarding the bisexual portion of the dating pool. People do it all the time based on other characteristics like race, wealth, cultural background, upbringing, location and other factors. People's minds are eased when they compartmentalize, simplify and classify or act based on anecdotal experience..Cyrus-Brooks, scooter, ctforbes and 2 others dapped this. -
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I appreciate you both. Not only for creating discreet city/cypher avenue but for being so diligent in maintaining this space for mostly masculine identifying men to have a zone where we can discuss issues that we find important our way without weeding through the fluff & frills of most LGBT websites. I'm proud that you guys have maintained this for the number of years you have and would never wish this endeavor anything but the best rather my voice is included or not. I have grown from a lurker to an active member of a community I have long admired and you two gave it to us so you will always have my respect.
Nick D. and I bump heads often I'm almost convinced it's a Nick thing because it appears we both have strong opinions and aren't bashful about defending them to whoever. At the end of the day I have grown to view everyone here as family a few of which I talk pretty often with and appreciate their friendship/brotherhood. As Nick D. Said I'm a frat member so I know the importance of brotherhood and although we all may not understand one another I hope it continues to be all love. Love you too Nick 1 and as I think about it maybe part of the reason I defend so vehemently is because I do feel like the little brother that has to prove their points to that older sibling that's like "yeah nigga whatever." And maybe that's something I've got to get over. Peace to you all.questforknowledge, ctforbes, Nick Delmacy and 2 others dapped this. -
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Lemme say this last thing just for the record. @NickAuzenneNOLA, the last thing I wanna do is run you off or feel afraid to comment. Me challenging you is not meant as a personal attack. Please keep sharing your story, interests and perspective here on the site.
But like @ockydub said, just be careful about the tone in which you post and ask questions. Share bisexual related posts not from a "since no one else is stepping up and doing it" perspective. Just share without being accusatory or judgmental. We are not your enemy. And if someone says some specific bullshit about bisexuality, call them out on it and debate it.
If you think Cypher Avenue is unwelcoming, take a look at Lipstick Alley, Bossip, Mediatakeout or even the site that inspired this forum, The Coli. They rip gays and Bi men to shreds (Lesbians and Bi women get a pass though).
You and I have butted heads the most but you're still my little brother. As a Frat, you should understand what I mean. We take this Squad Member thing seriously. Love you lil bro, keep speaking your mind even if we punch you in the chest from time to time.
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Style of communication I think is what is a hindrance here. @NickAuzenneNOLA if you want to rant, absolutely go ahead. We all do it, in threads or within the profile updates. However your original thread starter kinda doesn't say much. I think maybe as one of the flag carriers of bisexual men so far on the site...the stage is yours. Share some experiences or brief testimonies like...
"OMG me and this dude was vibin and talking about past sexual experiences. When I told him about onetime I was with this chick, his face got all balled-up. He was like, you been with women? I was like yeah, I'm bisexual. He then goes on this long ass tirade about how bisexual men are really just gay dudes trying to act straight. Yo squad members, how would you handle a dude you like if he told you he was/is still into females and possibly dating both male and females at the same time?"
vs. the kind of vague/blandness that I think is being displayed in this instance. I hope this clears things up. And BTW since Discreet City up until now Cypher Ave, I can recall only 2 members in 5 yrs questioning the existence of bisexuality and one I had to let have it because of what I thought was ignorance on his part...so IDK if dudes here question bisexuality or have biphobia.Cyrus-Brooks, ControlledXaos, Nick Delmacy and 2 others dapped this. -
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I get your stance. However, know that your stance is the stance we all are on as men who are non-heterosexual. The idea of being sexually and physically attracted to the same gender (even being bisexual) is still a mental frustration
for a lot of humans in our society, especially with men. There are things like same-sex marriage legislation/legalization and anti-sexual orientation discrimination clauses in the workplace that exist, but those things are blanketed PC initiatives, yet the struggle still continues (with what the article points out and more).
I would advise you to not feel blatantly alienated, being bisexual aside as you communicate and interact in any way on this medium. Breathe, sit down, and chill with us. ***All CA members give @NickAuzenneNOLA a big hug***LeMignon, questforknowledge, ControlledXaos and 2 others dapped this. -
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I can't speak for everyone but as for me. I can control my dick! Every hole I see does not tempt me! I wouldn't commit to anyone I didn't think could fulfil me sexually or at least care enough to try. My attraction to someone encompasses more than sex so I'd need to have everything align regardless of gender.Discordant, ctforbes, ControlledXaos and 1 other person dapped this. -
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I never really thought about Bisexuals being seperate from Homosexuals...mainly because most biseuxual men that I've known, they more explored their gay side...they're even in long term reletionships with gay men. At the most, they just dated women in their teen and college years, eventually shedding that for a life with men. The Bisexuals I've known who more embraced dating women were like you said, distant to the gay community, gay people and pretty much lived heterosexual appearing lives.
Even @NickAuzenneNOLA's persistent insistence and pleading for a Bisexual perspective and space demonstrates that he (and others apparently) doesn't fully fit in with all this gay shit and us gay men. So you may be on to something I had not previously considered @Cyrus-Brooks. Maybe LGBT is like trying to lump blacks, latinos and asian americans into the same category.
Maybe in addition to the Big Banks, future President Bernie Sanders should break up the Big Acronym for Queers since we are not the same.Dante, ControlledXaos, OckyDub and 1 other person dapped this. -
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If there are bisexual men on CA who feel uncomfortable speaking out on the site they need to just grow a pair and sound off.
We're all supposed to men here speak your peace. People may disagree but that's life. Quite a few people on CA disagree with what I have to say on various subjects but I'm gonna say it anyway.Dante, Nick Delmacy, ControlledXaos and 1 other person dapped this. -
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How would you define biphobic? Me personally I don't have a problem with bisexual men in just don't want to date them or have sex with them. As for the question of Bisexuals being shut out of the LGBT club. If bisexuals are shut out of the club it's because they often times don't want to be in the club to begin with because often times they can more easily pass for "straight" than an exclusively homosexual man, woman, or transgender people. Many of the bisexual people I've encountered, both men and women try harder to fit into the straight world than the "LGBT club." That said I'm not a fan of the whole LGBT alphabet soup anyway. Lesbians for the most part live in a different world than gay men. Bisexual men and women are in their own world and transgender is different from all those other things. At certain times and in spaces the different non heterosexual worlds, and transgender world overlap, but really all these different groups are different and to be honest don't care for each other too much. We're just lumped together out of political necessity I think.Discordant, Dante, OckyDub and 1 other person dapped this. -
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So @NickAuzenneNOLA what are the topic two things you think LGT people need to know about B people?
As @alton said, I think the concern a lot of exclusively homosexual men would have with dating a bi sexual man would be concentration on what isn't possible with them that is with women, children, boobs, external "heteronormality".
I know a few bi guys, at least online. And I learned a lot from them. Oddly enough, older white men. Whole most of them have more sex with men than women, (which I attribute to men generally be in more sexually available), when it comes to being faithful, they can no doubt be monogamous.
I think with gay men, a lot of us can't see gay men being monogamous so adding in the bisexual aspects and that thinking multiplies. So a lot of the fear/concern that gay men have about datinng or entering relationships with bi men, not including DL men, comes from just being ignorant about what bisexuality is.Tyroc, NickAuzenneNOLA, Nick Delmacy and 1 other person dapped this. -
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Let’s start over and move forward. This is an easy, solvable issue and this back and fourth is repetitive at this point.
*This site is run by two homo dudes…not two bisexual dudes. Outside of us both showing support and sticking up for bisexuality, our voices are limited because bisexuality is not our experience.
*Due to the fact that we both have limitations not only as it pertains to bisexuality but also running two sites and all that they entail, we have over the years ALWAYS solicited guest writers, bloggers and regular kats to please email us their submissions on any subject matter that falls in line with the vibe of our site. Even though we appreciate all that we have received, that number has been very small, regardless of subject matter or content.
*As it relates to bisexuality…we have had ONE dude give us two good submissions in 2013 after I reached out and solicited him.
Does Bisexuality Exist?
Bisexual Pride Day. Did You Know About This?
*@Nick Delmacy and I have only written one bisexual posting each (in 2011 and in 2012) and both were positive. This was done to let the interwebs know that Cypher Ave supports Black Bisexual Men and come over here and sit at our table.
Bye Bye Bi-phobia – Bisexuality is Real
The MYTH of the BISEXUAL
* The bisexual space here is lacking because there isn’t anybody stepping up to fill the space. I don’t fully agree with “if you don’t like it, start your own” in ALL cases and not in this case. Those complaining literally have a place and two dudes that will do everything for them except write their story.
*Now getting back to submissions falling in line with the vibe of the site, @NickAuzenneNOLA , your subject matter (bisexuality) is fine and there was nothing technically wrong with anything you posted. Honestly, I think the reaction you got was carry over and static feedback reminiscing from the tone in your previous "what about the bisexual space on Cypher Ave" post. So to repeat, the subject matter is needed but your delivery was bland as hell. Like white folks collard greens. I think/feel a bisexual man has some very interesting complexities (as I’m sure you do) but I didn’t feel anything.
*As far as the multiple kats inboxing you with their concerns, did you or have you encouraged those kats inboxing you to start a thread or send us a submission for the main site? If not, why not? Instead of you all complaining via inbox, you all start your own threads and label them “bisexual” in the tag line under the posting, so current or new bisexual members can search and be directed to the specific postings. You all can literally build a small following or community space within the space provided here. That is why @Nick Delmacy spent the time and our monies building it so you can use these features.
But wait though…Where are the threads and topics like:
*Bisexual Thirst Trap posts?
*If you could smash a guy and girl at the same time, who would it be?
*How do you navigate your bisexuality while dating?
*Do you use dating apps and if so, do you let men and women know up front you’re bisexual?
*There are plenty of threads here that I don’t comment on because I’m not interested. I say that to say, create threads specifically for bisexual members and who cares if the gay kats here interact. Maybe they will or maybe they will not. Who cares... They got their own threads.
************
Again, this is an easy solvable problem within the space that has been created. Instead of focusing on the lack of bisexual voices or subject matter from the gay kats here, continue to be the one of two voices until others feel comfortable. Don’t be scared of the creators of the site or worrying about negative push back from the gay dudes here.
We moderate while we review and don’t play that BGC foolishness and will shut shit down quickly if anybody gets out of hand or disrespectful.
Now, I don’t wanna here nothing else about this here and Dammit I mean it.
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Why do u care? Its ur life man! Like whoever TF u like!
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