Be Honest, Would Y’all Date a 50-Year-Old That Bagged Groceries Full Time?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nick Delmacy, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    EC5D8612-A747-49B2-97B4-CBC512FE1277.jpeg

    Taking the whole Geoffrey Owens story out of the scenario, would all you successful (or current college attending) Black men date a 50+ year old who’s primary source of income was saying, “Paper or plastic?” Or “would you like fries with that?” :thinking:

    I know the politically correct answer: “All work is work. There is honor in being employed. Blah Blah Blah.”

    I’m asking as far as dating and relationships with a NEW man you meet on an app, club or in person.

    And don’t none of y’all add extra shit like, “He could be the manager/owner or he could be a millionaire and just working in his retirement.”

    No, we’re talking about a guy who is a cashier and cleaning up the public restrooms because it was all he could get in Trump’s economy.

    I would never shame anyone with a job, but dating is a different discussion. What say you?
     
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  2. ControlledXaos

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    Questions....

    How is the body , wet wet, and Thang Thang looking? Does he have worms? Are the pubes trimmed? They can be gray but gonna have to buzzed down some. Can't be down there with actual cobwebs.

    I'm am gonna say no for an average Joe type.

    I just feel like any viable person who is date able who is of a certain age needs to have some level of success and skills that have them not in an easily replaced position such as telling people there's 7 minutes on spicy or having to run outside and wrangle baskets.

    There should be some level of personal and career accomplishments at that age.

    In Mr. Owens case, being in the entertainment industry, I'd give him a pass. Mainly because he's definitely had some success. As I said before, bagging groceries while trying to do auditions when you've been on one of the most popular sitcoms in history makes sense. Trying to get your mix tape to dj Khaled when you've got 10 YT views in 18 months does not.

    At 50 you should be planning for retirement. What I look like retiring at 65.5 and I'm in bed after the Wheel goes off and you rolling in at 1130 when I'm getting good sleep, smelling like a two piece and a peppa waking me up? Cause you ain't retiring off my retirement monies.
     
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  3. itsumoconfused

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    If I'm completely honest, probably no. I met some dude at one point just to J/O and as we were talking I was just like we are in two completely different headspaces. I don't do it in a manner to judge another person as being "bad" or making "bad choices" perse, I just think some of the thinking processes don't feel like they mesh on an organic level. I think part of that interaction was physical too though b/c homie was a little to frail for my taste and even the porn on wasn't distracting enough. :(
     
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  4. OckyDub

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    ....BUT....

    If he is a cashier / bagger / fast food worker making $15 hr vs working in a factory or call center making $10-$12; how are these other positions "better"?
     
  5. RolandG

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    I'm gonna have to say no. Unfortunately, I do believe that most men should take themselves off the market if they are not in a position to give what they're receiving. Now, a grown man bagging groceries doesn't make him a bad person but I don't know many people who can pay rent/mortgage, insurance, car note, buy groceries, clothing etc working ONLY as a cashier. Most states are now requiring people to get their car exhaust checked before they can get their tags to drive legally reason being some people will drive dirt busters while polluting the air and endangering other motorists on the road. Some of those cars need to be taken off the road if they aren't up to par and some of us need to take ourselves off the market for the same reason. The problem is most of us won't do that because we have too much pride and we always want a nut. I say focus on getting yourself in a better financial situation first and then get the nut when you absolutely need it.
     
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  6. takeyourmeds91

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    No. I would have worked too damn hard in my life to be with someone who's complacent. It's one thing if you really just fell on hard times and you're in between proper employment for an advanced skill set but I'm not trying to be with someone who made a career on making sure to put my sauces in the bag.
     
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  7. RolandG

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    The awkward thing is trying to figure out why a guy is in the job that he's in. I've gone on dates with guys that were working jobs that paid minimum wage or close to it. I try not to judge but there is no way to know if they are doing it because they lack education and training to get something better or because they've fallen on hard times. Most will admit if its a second job just to make extra money or fill their time but the others I have to slick interview to find out. LOL
     
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    At face value, no. The general assumption is that a 50 yr old working in those positions is at an education/social level that you've 'surpassed' (I obvs use this term cynically). That could very well be the case. But that's the problem with trying to remove context and make it a blk and white question. He could be there for a myriad of reasons. Some might cause you to make an 'exception', if you will.

    The other thing that gets glossed over is ppls perceptions of 'the help'. Even if this guy makes $20/hr (whichever store Geoffrey Owens worked at pays that, which still isnt a lot in NY, but that's not the point), because he's working in a service position, there's an extra layer of judgement cast upon him that a guy making $14 in a call center, or $17 as a receptionist, is less likely to receive. Hell, (gay stereotype/associations aside, and considering the obvs perks) there are many ppl who judge flight attendants, simply because it's a service/support position.

    To each his own tho.
     
  9. Omega Level

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    No....the end
     
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  10. OckyDub

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    On a slightly different note.

    If anyone else would have stated what you stated above, I would have quickly given them a dap after reading their comment. For some reason though, I just can't help but be stingy with the daps for you. Being honest, sometimes I will even give you a dap just so I can undap you because it brings me joy.

    [​IMG]
     
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    That's the hard part of the question, because I don't like to put in a manner that feels judgmental. Like I feel like comparing apples to bananas in this particular instance. I think realistically you have to look at instances such as the one given above within the full context of that person's life. And I'm willing to do that after talking briefly or whatever the interaction is. But I usually do try to give the benefit of the doubt.

    Also like I said, at least for me, mindset is more fascinating to me for dealing with people, just because that passion that drives someone to perform in an overarching scheme of a career looks different than someone just trying to run around to do jobs. Now I will say one thing I've noticed are that the 20s-late 30s crowd are more career oriented just because of shifts that I think have occurred socially as opposed to when I think of my parents and their siblings (45-mid 50s) ar every job oriented. But I don't think either or is better, just something I've noticed.

    End rant.
     
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  12. OckyDub

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    To me the heart of the matter is this...

    Cashier / bagger = being in a poor financial position.

    This is why I used the other occupations and pay scale to inquire, is it pay or position / occupation?
     
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  13. SB3

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    No worries.

    :mynicca:
     
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    It's gonna be bout the same because they ain't never gonna give you enough hours at Church's anyways. At the factory you probably gonna get a full 40. 4 10s or 3 13s.
     
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  15. Sean P

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    I have a completely different take on this. My first job was at a grocery store. While I wouldn't quite have the life that I have now, I would have been able to more than sufficiently provide for a bae/family. To be clear, I'm not talking about working at a bodega here. If I was looking to meet and greet, there is no question that I would holler at a Brotha working at Trader Joe's (I would have said TJ's, but I'm triflin' like the rest of y'all and wouldn't step to a clerk at TJ Maxx.). Anyhoo, while I would like to be magnanimous here, I can't be. I draw a clear distinction between working at a national grocery store chain and a fast food restaurant. I couldn't do a fast food worker (I know... I'm a piece of shit too for drawing an arguably arbitrary line, but...I own it.). #teamGeoffrey and #teamtraderjoes. BTW, 50 is not ancient. I'd be willing to stake a grip that my Black is every bit as impermeable as the rest of you who are 34 or 35+ years of old.
     
  16. mojoreece

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    :lupe1: I mean if dude looked good and had a great personality
    I honestly would at least go on one a date with him.:yeshrug:

    I understand life happens, bad economy, mistakes, pitfalls, sometimes things just don't go the way u want them to do go. You have to still keep living life.100dap
     
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  17. Omega Level

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    Its interesting that many go above and beyond to place the scenario in VERY specific contexts for fear of seeming judgmental or superficial. Really? ok.

    While I think people shouldn't be disregarded as "less than" for having specific jobs / life circumstances, I also think its nothing wrong with wanting someone comparable to your career level if you are pretty "accomplished". Specifically when the gentleman is 50 years old as @Nick Delmacy describes in his post.

    And even more specifically Nick says would you DATE, not go on A DATE. There is a difference.
     
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  18. SB3

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    I don't think it's necessarily judgemental, but I do think it's a bit superficial to automatically dismiss without context. That's why I said you can't really remove context from a question like this, because the natural (at least, to me) follow up question is, 'WHY is a FIFTY year old working here?' We're not talkin 25/30, we're talking 50! That response can go a few different ways. Especially when you consider that if this is a potential dating candidate, you're probably not meeting him WHILE he's on fries. And if you are meeting him on the job, you know pretty quickly if this is a well spoken guy who makes you think 'why is he working here?', or if this is somebody's cuzzin.
     
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  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Recently one of my uncles back in Detroit, who is at least 54 years old, said that he didn’t want to risk smoking weed at a backyard party because his “good job” making $12/hr in a 100° factory does random drug tests.

    Def gave me some perspective. I don’t think he went to college or had any training besides working in factories and car plants.

    So one could look at it from the Heteronormtive POV...many husbands have made more money than their wives for centuries and it isn’t a problem. If I make enough money to support our household and he goes to work everyday, not just sitting around playing PS4...would that be an issue?

    I guess its like many others have said, depends on what he looks like, how well our personalities match up and how he committed he is to me.
     
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  20. ControlledXaos

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    I think it's totally fair to place what conditions one would need to be met to date someone who is bagging groceries.

    Let's say it's not even Trader Joe's but a regional chain or smaller chain like Piggly Wiggly or Winn Dixie. I think if one is going to at least consider dating someone in their 50s, asking them or trying to understand what lead them to this level of employment is reasonable. Based on that then one can decide if those reasons are valid enough for them to proceed.

    We have various non pc reasons why we don't date guys....don't have degrees, don't have good credit scores, hiv positive, uses Android, puts the toilet paper up underhand fashion, got 4 baby mamas, lives with their mama, got 2 roommates Etc. So let's shame it all if want to shame it.
     
  21. SB3

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    This is where that context comes in. Your uncle sounds perfectly happy in his position. Now if you, where you are in your life, dont want to 'date your uncle', that's perfectly fine. You can't knock someone IF they require a certain amount of ambition, especially if it's on par w their own. We ALL know gay men who'd rather be single than to NOT be a part of a gay status couple...

    That said, there's nothing wrong with 'what someone does for a living' taking a back seat to a bunch of other factors, like ___, ___, and ___. My Dr friend (who makes the most of all my friends, but is tighter than a virgin w a dollar...) couldn't care less if his dude worked as a sharecropper in 2018 as long as he ain't trying to share his wallet.

    I don't think there's a such thing as a wrong answer here. It's literally a case of 'to each his own '. The important part is ppl separating their own biases from standards, and owning them if they still sit will with them.
     
  22. SB3

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    Not uses android!! See.. and I was w you up until then, esp on the toilet paper...
     
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    I have heard and or read guys give all of those as a reason why they won't date someone.

    I will say my TP Needs to be hung underhand. This is probably why I will never cohabitate with another person. That or they will be forced to poop in the guest bathroom.
     
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    Im overhand (i think). Don't matter to me, cus im a proponent of being madly in love and still living separately.
     
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    À propos of nothing, can I tell you that Piggly Wiggly in SC has delicious fried chicken? For my grandmother's 100th birthday five years ago, folks wanted to serve Piggly Wiggly chicken at the party. I tried to be all bougie thinking that they should use my cousin's caterer, the same one that I used for old girl's 95th birthday party. My bougie self thought "go on country mice and do your thing and I'll sit back and observe." That chicken was delicious and I said to myself, "negro...you think you know some things; you aren't as smart as you think you are..."
     
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    Last edited: Sep 19, 2018
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    Yep, Im an underhand toilet paper dude as well. That wouldn't be enough for me to not date him tho. He'll just hear about it all the time.

    Now on the other hand, if that dude leaves ANY dried up toothpaste residue in the sink or on the mirror and never cleans it up?

    OH NICCA YOU GOTTA GO!!!!:camby:lol...(joking. somewhat)
     
  28. bpaisle

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    It would probably be a no for me. One of the main things that I look for when dating is someone who can at least match what I bring to the table. I am not sure how an adult can build a life bagging groceries. The way my life is at the moment, I would not be able to maintain on that amount of money. I also would not want to date someone that I would have to "take care of". Relationships should be 50/50, not 90/10.
     
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  29. @yahoo.com

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    PS. I have dated a 35 year old who works at my local Trader Joe’s. He is half Polynesian and Black and was super since and sweet and had an on point sex game. He worked there for the flexibility they gave him - as he was freelance journalist and worked there for the benefits. He also loved it. So yes, i would date a 50 year old who worked there.
     
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  30. Winston Smith

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    Your attitude pretty much sums it up for me. Being in fed govt, most folk my age got good paying jobs and look nice in that financial, on-paper, kind of way BUT are intellectually vacant, culturally shallow and stupid as fuck. In the words of the old Sex Pistols song “Pretty Vacant.” I judge people by their “mens rea” (shout out to @Sean P lol), that is, what is your mindset/goal/intent in life, not your wallet or CV on paper per se.

    if you’re 50 and at some position because you’re mad at the world and didn’t apply yourself and have no vision or conception about life, ok we can’t be friends. We would have nothing to talk or socialize about. However, like your dude, you’re working at Trader Joe’s because it helps you to reach other GOALS (in his case, writing); or you just actually like the low-paying gig but you still pay your way in life to your ability; or you’re just a REAL MAN who is going to take care of yourself and your family by legal hook or crook (Geoffrey Owens) you’ll always have a cheerleader in me.

    I don’t have time for shallow ass niggers, gay or straight. That’s why I avoid church niggas (90% of my relatives) like the plague. After reading E. Franklin Frazier’s classic “Black Bourgeoisie” as a college freshman, I swore off shallow ass niggas, for life. Negroes will quote MLK and “content of character” all day long then get get their grubby ass little fingers tweeting about a formerly famous black man with a work ethic and sense of pride bagging groceries. Like I said before, I love us black folk in theory, but the reality is fucking stench most times.
     
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  31. ControlledXaos

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    FWIW, just because someone makes less money than you doesn't mean that they need or what you to take care of them. They are making it at their level already. That's not saying people are not lookin for the Come Up but I don't think most gay men are like that. Part of being an American Man is being as independent as you can be. At least for me. I don't think many of us want to be "kept."
     
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  32. SB3

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    Speak for yourself! I'm still tryna get on Real Househusbands of Brooklyn so I can get a brownstone over where the Huxtables lived.
     
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