Best Posts in Thread: Being A Virgin Makes Me A Commodity???

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I'm a lil suspect about this "mentor" you keep mentioning and what he's filling your head with. So your virgin booty hole is somehow more valuable than a person who's only been with a handful of dudes? That's heteronormative at best and slut-shaming at worse.

    [​IMG]


    But regarding your question, TO ME, being a virgin is not really a commodity.

    If you're a Top (or even versatile), the Bottoms I've met prefer dudes with experience. But even as a guy who has primarily Topped in my life, the wackest sex I've had has been with the inexperienced. They just kinda laid there, not knowing what to do or where to put their legs.

    The BEST sex I've EVER had though, was with a Bottom....a Bottom who (as I would later find out) had LOTS of experience. Had a nikka sweating from the mutual workout...on top of that the Head game was immaculate! Had me like:

    [​IMG]

    I didn't even tell the dude I let penetrate me that he was my first to until AFTER we did it. Sex has never been this rare gemstone to me, it was something other people were doing that I hadn't yet experienced, so I had to change that ASAP. Once I met the dude who fit the requirements and was willing and able, we did it. He wasn't Mr Right, but he was a Damn fine Mr Right Now. We did it and I moved on (I was the one that dumped him). I discovered that I didn't love it so I didn't do it again for another 5 years.

    Again, the squad may disagree but just as not every dating situation has to lead to marriage, not every sexual experience has to be this magical thing.

    BOTTOMS HAVE NOTCHES IN THEIR BELTS TOO! I've been used for dick by many a dude so tell your "mentor" to fuck off with trying to make you think men who get penetrated are lesser than.

    Do what works for you, though. I'm done, lol.
     
  2. ControlledXaos

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    I think that you are idolizing and over valuing virginity in to market that couldn't care less. It's like getting a fresh 20 out of the ATM. It's cool to see but it still spends no more or any less than the older cash you already have.

    However, it is important to YOU. So hold on to the value that you have given it. I can tell you that it is likely your first time won't be magical from either a top or bottom position. As a bottom you will probably have to take a while adjust and dilate or you may not be as.... Prepared... As you think you were and some... leavings may still be back there and as a top, unless you are a good dancer and have been practicing, stroke game could be awkward and it's highly possible you'll bust quick. Those are probably the worst physical things that commonly occur but are expected, all things considered.

    Emotionally, you may feel different when you reflect on the event. But this is going to depend on the guy. The likelihood you'll find another Virgin in your age range is low but you could also find someone who just isn't that experienced. Not all non virgins are hoes or have high body counts.

    So for you it'll be emotional but once you process the event, you'll be fine.

    As far as who to toot up to first... Maybe you should not worry about that so much. It's likely your first sexual experience may not even involve full on penetration anyway. I would like to think that you'd not want the whole enchilada the first time you get nekkid with a guy. But if you do, hey, ain't nothing wrong. There's levels to this too if you like. So don't feel you have to hit every sexual bullet point the first time.
     
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  3. SB3

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    Im a lil surprised abt the fact that ur mentor was so dismissive of him. U been talkin to this dude for like, 2 weeks. Dont be 'gay' n treat that like 2 months! Just keep getting to know the guy if u like what youve seen so far.

    As for the virginity, Ima join the choir n say that I dont think its a big deal in 2016. I rly dont think most grown men are running around pressed to bed a virgin. Point tho, is that ur virginity matters to u, so it is what it is.

    Like I always tell u tho, dont sit around waiting for everything to be 'perfect' before u get out n live life.
     
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  4. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    @African King I guess everyone agrees that virginity for gay men is really only important to the virgin himself. No one views you as more valuable or even really cares that you are a virgin, tbh.

    Sometimes I view you like a dude who proudly proclaims that he's never seen a single Star Wars film. I'm like, "oh well, your loss, I've seen it many times and love it." Same applies to sex.

    I guess the difference here is also if we were talking about a 16 year old, we'd be singing in unison to "just wait." But we're talking about a 26 year old man who like you say is handsome, intelligent and all that...Not to mention that he's a 26 year old man who has a GAY TWIN BROTHER who is far from being a virgin.

    Guys are being nice here because you're a nice dude, but I bet many of them are thinking the same thing, just not saying it: "Just do it already, don't overthink it, enjoy your youth."

    As for not wanting a dude who's been with a lot of dudes, you mean to tell me that if you found a fine ass African born, American raised young 30-year-old doctor who clicked with you on EVERY level yet he had an active sex life in his 20s, you would reject him?

    I think once you do-the-do, you'll discover that while sex and sexual interactions are great, they are not the end all be all. I'm not suggesting that you become a whore or lower your standards...just to remember that having 1 or 5 or even 20 men on your eventual lifetime list of men you've had sexual experiences with does not make you less respectable, dignified or moral as a person. All it does is make you a human being, just like the rest of us.
     
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  5. Dr. Strange

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    I get what you're saying. But like I said there's only so much vetting you can do. All of this is basically a roll of the dice and hoping for a 7 or 11. But sometimes you get snake eyes.

    Say you do have sex with someone who ended up really just wanting the hook-up. That says more about them than you. You're still you, your intentions were genuine, and you wouldn't have anything to feel bad about.

    Furthermore, even with all the mentorship your IRL friends and people on here can give you, you're still going to have to have your own experiences. Abstaining from an experience simply because it might not be perfect seems a bit erroneous and detrimental to me.
     
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  6. Dr. Strange

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    I can't say that simply being a virgin makes one a "commodity" per say, all it really says about a person is that they haven't had sex. The reason for it matters the most. I could probably date a virgin, but if they're physical unavailable (completely, not just sex) then I will probably end up being emotionally unavailable.

    Personally, I don't really understand this "I don't want to be a notch on someone's belt" or whatever. The principal works both ways, as it takes two to tango. Furthermore, one becomes a notch regardless. Two people can get together a be significant notches on each others belt but regardless will become a notch.

    If you want to wait till you're in a relationship to have sex then stick with that. But there is only so much vetting one can do to see whether someone is "worthy" or not. And even then it might not work out. It's all chance really.
     
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  7. alton

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    Ok so, I'm surprised this thread stretched out as long as it did. LOL @African King - Kudos to you. Now with what I'm bout to say, I don't know if you gonna be cool or come out of a bag on me (you too young for this reference LOL), but oh well. I don't agree totally with your mindset, but I'm absolutely nobody in you life that it matters one way or the other. Also, I'm kinda of an asshole about many things, virginity being one of them. I think I've mentioned on here; my first time was toppin' this Mexican dude I had been chattin on AOL with for a few weeks. My first time bottomin' was for some dude that looked like 90's Damon Wayans. Me and homeboy had also been chattin for a few weeks. In all honestly, I can't remember which "loss of virginity" came first because both instances were really close together, the summer right before I got stationed in Korea ('98). Anyways, long story short, I had also valued my virginity in the years before that, but I came to notice 2 things...1. The only other people that really valued it were dudes that were just trying to dig me out, and 2. the majority of dudes either didn't give a f#$k or, were OVER hearing me say that I was a virgin. Not sayin' that YOU do this, but people people that constantly display the "virgin card" tend to start sounding like people that start every sentence with..."Well, I'm a Christian, so...". Nobody in this day & age really cares. So I say this to say, do you, bro. because in the end only you are going to be the one to truly value your virginity. I honestly just got rid of mine on whim. The guy that I topped fell in love, but I wasn't into it like that. I just wanted to know what it felt like to plow someone. Damon Wayans didn't fall in love with me, nor I with him. We were cool for a minute afterwards but again, I really just wanted to experience bein' a bottom. Some could say I "wasted" my viginity, but dude, at 21yo I was like f@$k it, lets get this s@#t out of the way LOL

    Side note, and totally off topic... which of you (you and your twin) is tayewo and which is kehinde? LOL
     
    #71 alton, Feb 1, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2016
  8. Discordant

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    I was a virgin until I was 21. Complete virgin. Wasn't even naked around another adult outside of a locker room scenario. I met this guy. We dated for 3 months. I really liked him. Convinced myself I was falling in love with him, kind of like. I thought he was the right one to give it up to. He broke up with me the next day. I later found out from his best friend who I hooked up with my best friend that he'd wanted to break up with me for a long time, he just wanted to get some booty first. You can't control how other people will react to anything you do or how people will receive the gifts you choose to give them.

    If you feel like you're ready and that he will give you the right kind of experience for your first time, whatever that experience looks like in your head, go for it. But also understand that he's his own person with his own agenda and motives. Would I date a virgin? I'm not opposed to it at all. But I know several guys who feel the exact opposite. For some there's more pressure for them to be someone's first. For others they don't want to deal with you trying to figure out who you are and what you like sexually. As others have said, the virginity is only truly precious to the virgin, no one else. So when you contemplate sex, operate with that understanding. It will limit your regrets.
     
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  9. cypher21

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    Now it's time for a fellow virgins thoughts( because yes my opinion is valuable too) after reading what everyone else has to say.
    I absolutely understand where you're coming from as being a virgin can put you in a very conflicting mental state at times. You value it for your own reasons and want to uphold your values but at the same time you can't ignore all of the influences and realities of how the world is especially the "gay dating" world, not to mention your own cravings from time to time.

    For me, I'm not waiting for the "perfect guy" or situation to happen, I'm waiting on the right guy, there's a difference. I just want to do it with someone that means something to me, preferably someone patient lol, but also someone that cares about me too. Growing up I didn't have alot of stability at home so I went looking for it in everything else and I think that eventually carried over into my precision of relationships later on. Being with someone I know will try to be there for a while became a priority so losing my virginity to just anyone was out of the question. I say all this to say Ask yourself why you want to be a virgin and if that reason still holds up in your mind as a value worth believing in just keep at it. Know why you want this, don't just follow what we're saying, this kind of thing is highly individualistic IMO.

    Also an important thing right now like others have stated is to not focus on that aspect of your relationship with this guy yet and just keep building on it. Find out more about him, spend more time with him...don't jump the gun on all this, you two are still in a budding stage it seems. If the topic of sex comes up I think the best approach would be to simply be honest and open about your reservations. If finding someone special to you is important to you then you should not compromise...being a virgin in itself is not a noble or valuable thing, its the person motives for being one that are. I feel like its part of who you are...I understand the points guys above me have made but in the end @African King only you can say what the right decision for yourself was.
     
    #35 cypher21, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
  10. Jai

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    Blah, I waited a long time to have sex..it wasn't magical or made me feel different. All I can say about being a virgin for so long really says noting or places you above anyone else.

    I bottomed for this 22 year old guy....my first time having sex. The entire scene was like the scene between Halle & Billy Bob Thorton in Monster Ball movie, couch and everything.

    Idk wtf I was expecting but this wasn't the Disney ending I made up in my mind...cause after that he got what he wanted & departed...I, on the other hand was left shaking on the couch like a desperate housewife, right before I went and soaked in the bathtub for the rest of the night.

    I always though keeping my virginity for so long made me special...My friend's response, "It's about damn time!"

    Idk what else to say about it other than if you want to do it with someone you consider special, do it, if you want to get down to business with a random guy, do it. Just wrap it up. lol
     
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  11. SB3

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    Btw, u also have to remember that there is a lot of space btwn 0 and penetration. No reason to be the 40 year old TOTAL virgin whos never been kissed.
     
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  12. alton

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    [​IMG]
     
  13. @yahoo.com

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    Yes - this mentor seems a little suspect. I would say be careful of dealing with those older gays... they are bitter about something or another and never have your best interest at heart. Times have changed and many of their thought process / thinking about issues have not. IF you start thinking like them, it may not turn out so well for you. My 2 Sense.
     
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  14. ControlledXaos

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    Ok. I don't see location using the site from my phone. (Y'all be on folks location huh?)

    Well regardless, the gay community is still small as it is. Word gets around when you are on hoeism. Nothing to be paranoid about if you are not out there life that but still.
     
  15. cypher21

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    Everything should be taken in moderation... Everything.Some people can overcome their bad pasts and do. Others will not.
    I've seen it..we all have. People have patterns and sometimes those shouldn't be ignored.You shouldn't be judgemental about the things a person has done in the past but you should be mindful of it.

    Every person is different, I see wisdom in both arguments.Balance is key, don't limit yourself or your opportunities and don't let just anybody in..that goes for everything..
     
    #67 cypher21, Feb 1, 2016
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  16. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    For me, absolutely not. If I choose to not want to seriously be with someone that has been with a ridiculous amount of people that is my standard that I have set for myself. Facts are that who you lay with follows you and the person you decide to be in a relationship with is also linked to all of those people. It can be both embarrassing and and a stressor on the relationship so for me I believe it's unnecessary to pursue when I know my limits. I won't get into semantics about trigger words like slut-shaming because that isn't my attempt here. What is is to provide the person a realistic outlook and facts are that people are judged by who and how many as you said "dicks they sit on" now rather that's fair or not is debatable but it's fact. I'm a professional man in a highly competitive industry, I'm also young, black, and openly bisexual. My partner has to be a direct reflection of me as he or she will be yet another thing I will be judged on and if that persons past is littered with dozens upon dozens of people someone will find out and that will reflect on my reputation so I'm not interested in that type of person that would be so careless with themselves. That's for my personal life.
     
    #55 NickAuzenneNOLA, Feb 1, 2016
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  17. OhSheit

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  18. Tyroc

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    i respect both your dedication and determination on this front even if I don't get it but from what little I've read from you here on the boards. It seems like you're strongly dedicated to your goals and ambitions, which is incredibly admirable and rare in one so young. I hope you do get that right first time.

    Younger days bring back memories of girls who claimed the V card even though they had worn out sphincter muscles and stretch marks about their lips but an intact hymen. Ah, good old Catholic School.
     
  19. acessential

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    I think we place too much value on virginity. People should just do it when they personally feel like it. In my experience, everyone will have weird thoughts even if it's not a casual hook-up. And like someone said earlier, the first experience might not involve penetration. I don't think there's much value into waiting to see what each other's penises look like. Be like Nike. Just do it...if you feel like it.
     
  20. cypher21

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    You. Are. Ridiculous. :sabu:
     
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