Being SGL In A BGLO.

I have a gay Nigerian mentor who is one or two years my senior that is an Alpha. He told me a story about how after he crossed that eventually he was with one of line brothers in a room. He let his line brother use his computer and unknowingly his line brother saw his internet website history. His line brother took him into a room of about maybe 5 other Alphas. He had no idea why he was in there. Then they all told him that they were all gay/bi. He was so shocked! As the years went on, he started to meet more Black American and first-generation Africans that were gay/bi and they all look out for each other and have gatherings to support one another. I think that is a beautiful thing.

I was recruited to join Sigma twice and I was asked about interest in becoming an Alpha once. Sometimes I wish I joined but it is still all good though. Everything happens the way it is supposed to happen.

 

Where's @hannibal for this topic?

 

Hmmm...

 

Used to be friends with one. Friends only, never messed around. He was/is a Discreet Bisexual Sigma...who rarely ever dated women from the hookups and sexcapades he told me about in detail.

We were close, or so I thought. Would talk on the phone for hours. Favors for each other, all that. Eventually we spilt apart when I noticed he only wanted to talk on the phone or hang out with me in private or dark places like movie theaters, yet he was always telling me about the parties, events and bars he would go to with his frat brothers. He had me actually second guessing if I was a clockable fem that he was embarrassed to be around. When I asked him out to bars and clubs, he would always be too busy or too tired.

I eventually called him out in it, he got defensive and that was the last we spoke.

2+ years of friendship gone just like that because he feared his Frat brothers would discover that he liked men.

When we were friends, his brothers found out a dude in a different chapter or whatever was gay. They clowned the dude bad amongst themselves. He said he didn't add to it but who knows, he def didn't defend the dude.

I know he is not representative of Greek or Bisexual dudes as a whole, but both of those attributes affected us no longer being friends.

 

That was a great post Nick er other Nick? Lol whatever! I was very interested in joining a fraternity back in high school when we had a junior Kappa Leauge. Didn't try to join though because most of the guys in it were the uber popular ones and at the time I wasn't very sure of myself and thought I'd be out of place there...my best friend however swears up and down that most of the guys in the League were closeted so maybe I should have...she didn't really have any evidence to suggest this( mostly her own paranoia about gays) but still I wonder sometimes. As an art student at a school with no fraternities I sometimes feel like I missed out on something too but your story has shown me the grass may not always be greener on the other side. If I may ask..how did they "weed out" the gays by asking? Or by just obvious mannerisms??

 

He was Haitian, well his family was from Haiti, he was born here in Florida...so that likely played a part in it...As for his friends, they seemed to be the Young Urban Black Professional types, always going to Day Parties and Kickbacks. The heterosexual BlackPeopleMeet crowd.

The charters (or whatever) that he interacted with didn't seem very gay from what he spoke about. Maybe its different from the inside looking out. He always told me that the "gay frat" were the Kappas, the ones with the canes...So I guess perception is everything.

 

Wow ok I just wondered..we had a strong Omega presence (although we weirdly only had a kappa league lol) at my school (all black high school) and male teachers there highly encouraged us to make that commitment..it is truly that I see!

 

Why would anyone want to voluntarily do this? Seems like a lot of fuss to join a club full of people you wouldn't voluntarily be friends with otherwise.

 

No. Our standard to entry is not as extreme as the fraternities. You yourself said the "process is secretive and...each potential member is vetted." This is not the case for Cypher Avenue. We don't ask a series of questions before a person can join or leave a comment on the site. If a Transgendered person joined the site today (if they haven't already) we would not ban them, no one here would ridicule them, and we def wouldn't "investigate them" and punish you if you've lied as you said Greek letter organizations do.

 

This all seems rather ridiculous. As a person who has actually been vetted by the United States Government it seems absurd to me that anyone would subject themselves to that kind of unnecessary scrutiny all to be part of some "fraternal order" whose benefits vary from organization to organization. I at least have a national security clearance and a decent job that cannot be said about membership in the Divine 9.

I never really understood the desire to be part of any kind of Greek System. But I was involved with a Morehouse Alpha at one point in my life and his level of paranoia and the ways he evaded being detected would have made him a perfect candidate for the Clandestine Service.

 

I don't understand why so many in greek organizations are so focused on who is and who isn't gay. I know or know of several bi, gay, and DL frat boys across all brands of greeks. So I think trying to eliminate gays/bis out of the rankings is pretty much futile.

Which leads me to wonder why these organizations don't want non heterosexual members?

 

In undergrad I was approached by both the Kappas and the Alphas, but never really felt a need for the politics of a fraternity all in the name of "brotherhood." Something about the secrecy of the black frats, combined with the elitism and culturally endorsed bias inherent within the system, just never sat right with me. As I've gotten older I've learned that some chapters care more about sexuality than others but from talking to most of the frat guys I know, they created secret fraternities within their fraternities to feel that true "brotherhood" that they supposedly sought. That said, from personal experience, it seems the Kappas and Sigmas have the most openly gay members of various degrees of masculinity.

 

I have also noticed that gay black greeks, regardless of whatever organization they chose, find each other and bond.

 

Sigmas are the gayest fraternity no one knows about!

But anyway I am a member of a BGLO and faced intense scrutiny in undergrad over my suspected sexuality. I mean online, afterward and some of those feelings linger to this day. It definitely has caused a wedge between me and my chapter to some extent that has never been healed. For the most part it was older brothers the brothers I went to school with didn't make it a big deal. These days I've connected with other brothers who are gay and it's been a huge relief. I also just don't care as much.

 

I belong to a Greek Letter Organization and I have seen in more recent years that there is more an influx of Gay/Bisexual brothers joining. In a world where all of your big brothers flood your head with "Now the real work begins..." after you cross, I have also found that the gays/bisexuals are some of the most hardworking brothers but the ones who are scrutinized much more.

 

Exactly Nick. There is a big difference between my brothers (who I call my frat brothers, the ones who give a damn about me, and ones I consistently connect with) and the fraternity members (who are called bruhs/bruhz, and the ones I may know of or just communicate with during conventions/conferences). It's interesting how many of our members have not made the distinction.

 

I have spoken to fraternity members young and old (50+). Gays and bisexuals have ALWAYS been part of these organizations. This is nothing new. What is new is that many feel that there is no longer a need to hide it. I am finding a split between members that are just fine with having a gay/bi bro and those who are against it. Most of those who speak out against it do so primarily because of religious belief, fear of being discovered or suspected, an insecurity, or because the brother is public about his sexual orientation.

In my conversations with many individuals from all most all of the fraternities (except Iota.. no offense) I also find that the individuals that actually keep the organizations functioning.. the ones that make things happen, and leaders are "in the life".

Furthermore, there is coming a time where fraternities will have to take an official stance on SGL members and membership. Some already have.