BIPHOBIA within the LGBT community.

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by NickAuzenneNOLA, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I thought this was an interesting read about biphobia within the LGBT community.

    I can't tell you how many times as young, black, educated, attractive, and bisexual male it is assumed that I'm knocking down everything that comes my way. That I'm somehow greedy or an extreme sexual deviant.

    I've often been accused of being confused and selfish and not by those outside of my community but by those that are LGBT identifying.

    It always affected me most getting that push back from members of the LGBT community than it did those outside of it because I expected that from them but I believed among LGBT people I would find solace and understanding.

    For me that has largely not been the case.
    So I try to be a source of understanding for those that don't get it or choose to not understand that we are just as certain about who we are as anyone else. It is not a costume or a phase. It's part of our identity although it's been used as a holding stable for gays who are dealing with their own process we are real and there is sexuality variance, believe it or not.

    My question is... Are you biphobic or have you ever been?

    *** Are Bisexuals Shut Out of the LGBT Club? ***
     
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  2. SB3

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    Why do u care? Its ur life man! Like whoever TF u like!
     
  3. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    It's not about caring what anyone says/feels about my sexual identity but sense of community matters. We all want to feel we belong in a space that we are told should be welcoming.
     
  4. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Exactly....
    [​IMG]
     
  5. SB3

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    Yea, that space is right here. W a lot of atypical guys who happen to like guys. Idk if u were around, vut im 33, came out at 31 becus of this site. Made me realize I wasnt the only dude walkin around, attracted to the dude next to me. Clearly, coming out at 31 means Ive been around a few blocks w a few females. Just do u man. N remember u have a gang of guys here to relate to on CA man
     
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  6. SB3

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    N i personally hate kevin hart! I feel like hes only popular becus hes small n loud. I def dont get it!

    He's cute tho...
     
  7. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Again... community is important. Fostering understanding within the LGBT community is essential. Would you rather we all not be included? I'm all about community so of course I care if I feel I and millions of others feel pushed to the side based of not understanding who we are in a community that list us within their definition. Lesbian, Gay, BISEXUAL, and Transgender. The latter two being the ones that get the most push back. But aye we can all pretend this isn't real.
     
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  8. SB3

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    Yea, so what is the next step? All u/we can do is step the fuk up!
     
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  9. SB3

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    Lack of awareness is a terrible drug, ijs
     
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  10. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    And that's exactly what I've been doing. I'm here. I'm representing and often times the sole one in most spaces I'm in. I take the brunt of whatever pushback I get here on CA because I'm the most outspoken on bi issues and clearly not very understood because this wasn't an attack on anyone but more so giving a light into my lived experience and showing how common it is with the article.
     
  11. SB3

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    U is kind. U is smart. U is important. Real talk tho man, its just a struggle. We all get it. But unless we're ready to step up n be visible examples, it will remain Derrick J n bi ppl being jokes
     
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  12. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Dude, seriously....please tell me where/when CA has been on the attack against Bisexuals? Just the yesterday @ctforbes said:

    And no one batted an eye....

    Sounds like you want the site to be MORE Bisexual leaning and welcoming than it already is...but you can't articulate what that would look like...Give me some bullet point examples.

    Outside of that, this could have been a good topic of discussion but you phrased the original question in an accusatory tone:

     
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  13. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I listed a time I felt things weren't welcoming in your inbox actually. And there is always pushback whenever I bring up a bisexual issue. You can go back and read threads for that if you'd like. I'm not accusing anyone of anything. Asking that question is pertinent to the article. That's why I asked has anyone been biphobic or currently hold biphobic views. It's all relevant as far as I see. This site will be whatever you and Ocky want it to be I'm just speaking up for my little corner as I've already said and bringing content that I think they will understand and if you guys chime in so be it but no one should feel attacked. Honestly if it has to be this whenever I post something this may not be the space for me to share. Apologies to anyone who ever felt accused by my postings. ✌️
     
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  14. African King

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    I have never been biphobic but I have questioned myself about the possibility of dating a bisexual. I have learned more from your story and from other bisexuals I've come across on here.

    You're more than welcome here dude. Just do you. Know that you have support from us. We are all men that like men to various degrees. For me that just happens to be 100%. For you that happens to be maybe 50% or so.
     
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  15. SB3

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    Yo. U gotta get out of ur own head. CA cant change the world
     
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  16. African King

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    Yeah no need to feel like you accused or offended anyone. You're welcome.
     
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  17. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Oh no I'm good, this was in response to being told my initial post was accusatory so I wanted to express apologies if anyone felt that way because I wasn't intending that to be the case and it was expressed to me that I had. I don't believe CA can solve the worlds issues but I do believe it can be an escape from said world to be in the presence of like minded folk and in order for it to be that I feel everyone has to have a voice and feel they can express it. I've been personally told by many bi dudes on this site that they don't feel comfortable speaking up. I do so I try to represent. I assure you I'm not fucked up about it.
     
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  18. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    THIS. My 18-year-old nephew is the exact same way, just emo and angry even towards people who obviously support him cause he feels like everyone is working against him.
     
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  19. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Ok man, y'all got it.
     
  20. ctforbes

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    This article brought up some good points @NickAuzenneNOLA. While I don't feel like I've ever been biphobic, I have had my fair share of run-in's/convos with Str8/LGBT people who didn't think sexual fluidity exists, especially in black men.

    Just the other day my friend's straight sister was dumbfounded when I proudly told her I identify as fluid/bi and that my girlfriend is "okay" with it. It was funny watching her stumble to understand such a thing, but served as just one of endless examples of the fact that people are still coming to terms with the reality that black male sexuality isn't a monolith.
     
  21. Dante

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    To answer your question, I was on the verge of being biphobic or anti-bi at a point in my past, because of dealing with a few bisexual men, as well as a few gay men who are a part of the DL lifestyle and the baggage that comes with not being honest and not living in your truth. However, I took it upon myself to not let my personal experiences with those bisexual men (even the ones who felt identifying as bisexual was dirt on their skin and just hated the word) be my overall thinking of bisexual men in general. For me, I'm about honesty with no BS, gay or bisexual. Live in your truth.

    I get your stance. However, know that your stance is the stance we all are on as men who are non-heterosexual. The idea of being sexually and physically attracted to the same gender (even being bisexual) is still a mental frustration
    for a lot of humans in our society, especially with men. There are things like same-sex marriage legislation/legalization and anti-sexual orientation discrimination clauses in the workplace that exist, but those things are blanketed PC initiatives, yet the struggle still continues (with what the article points out and more).

    I would advise you to not feel blatantly alienated, being bisexual aside as you communicate and interact in any way on this medium. Breathe, sit down, and chill with us. ***All CA members give @NickAuzenneNOLA a big hug***
     
  22. OckyDub

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    Style of communication I think is what is a hindrance here. @NickAuzenneNOLA if you want to rant, absolutely go ahead. We all do it, in threads or within the profile updates. However your original thread starter kinda doesn't say much. I think maybe as one of the flag carriers of bisexual men so far on the site...the stage is yours. Share some experiences or brief testimonies like...

    "OMG me and this dude was vibin and talking about past sexual experiences. When I told him about onetime I was with this chick, his face got all balled-up. He was like, you been with women? I was like yeah, I'm bisexual. He then goes on this long ass tirade about how bisexual men are really just gay dudes trying to act straight. Yo squad members, how would you handle a dude you like if he told you he was/is still into females and possibly dating both male and females at the same time?"

    vs. the kind of vague/blandness that I think is being displayed in this instance. I hope this clears things up. And BTW since Discreet City up until now Cypher Ave, I can recall only 2 members in 5 yrs questioning the existence of bisexuality and one I had to let have it because of what I thought was ignorance on his part...so IDK if dudes here question bisexuality or have biphobia.
     
    #22 OckyDub, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
  23. OckyDub

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    1st I want to call horse-sh!t on this but if this is true then that is a problem. How and why out of all the shananagins and deep dope convo that kats on here spill their beans about would bisexual members feel uncomfortable? This genuinely confuses me. Did they tell you why or how? I can only recall less than 3 bisexual topics so far on the threads unless I missed something????
     
    #23 OckyDub, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
  24. OckyDub

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    ...did she end up understanding? But wait though...even if your girlfriend is okay with the fluidity are you "actively" fluid.
     
  25. OckyDub

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    Anyone reading this...if you care to, type "bisexual" or "bisexuality" is the search feature on the Cypher Avenue main site. I think I have written more about the subject (in support of) then anyone else here. Why bisexual dudes feel that this is not a comfortable space for them is beyond me.

    Search Results bisexuality | Cypher Avenue
     
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  26. Dante

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    I don't think she ended up understanding at that moment, if she did.

    In a heterostandard world, it's a GO if a chick can say she is bisexual or is sleeping/sexing another chick and her boyfriend/husband is okay with it. On the flipside, that's not acceptable, because of the double standard with sex and sexuality with women vs. men. A woman's boyfriend/husband doing another man is a "WTF?".
     
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  27. ctforbes

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    Like am I actively attracted to multiple genders? Do I still have sex with guys? Not exactly sure what you're asking, but my answers yes to both lol. She does too. As for the my friend's sister, I guess she has a better grasp now. I'm pretty sure I was the first "unicorn" she interacted with in real life, and it sorta shattered/made her realize her ignorance at the time.

    Personally, like most forms of cyber communication, I think this whole thread has gotten blown out of proportion from misinterpretation. I don't think the article/Nick's post was meant to be applied directly to the CA community, but rather shed light on his/our experiences with the LGBT community overall.

    I don't feel like CA members have been on the "attack" towards bisexuals either. However, I'm not surprised if @ockydub & @Nick Delmacy willingness to determine/solve problems/critiques (sprinkled with a dash strong opinions, quick-wit and shade) can come sometimes come across as defensiveness to some and lead people to not speak up. Like Ocky said, it all comes down to the style of communication and the context of which its said.

    At the end of the day, we're all here because we're seeking/have found a community of guys we normally wouldn't be able to reach/connect with.
     
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  28. ctforbes

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    Thats exactly what happened in this scenario, and part of the reason I used it as a teachable moment, flipping the standard and making her think about her inherent bias.

    I'm so glad you brought this up though! I think your experiences/response was along the lines of what @NickAuzenneNOLA was considering with his original question.
     
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  29. cypher21

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    Wow the Thread has already picked up a lot of responds so mind won't amount to much but for what it's worth I just wanted to say I've never quite understood the push back and stigma played on bisexuality. It's not a difficult concept to figure out, if a person can like men or women why is it sooo impossible to like both!? Too many people want things to be black or white but Technicolor been invented a long time ago get with it lol.

    I accept you and anyone who is bisexual or whatever as long as they're a decent human being! I'd be totally willing to date anyone...especially you! a bisexual man. If he cheats on me he just cheats on me *shrugs* gay and straight people do it just as often..
     
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  30. Nick Delmacy

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    Well said @ockydub

    The only reason I even responded to this thread (and the other bisexual one) was because he accidentally posted the question and this link on my profile and it came off as he was lumping this site into the article about gays "shutting out" bisexuals.

    I worked hard over the years to make this site and community what it is, so when new people accuse this place of being homophobic, biphobic, effemiphobic or whatever else, I get defensive and ask for proof. 10 times outta 10, they can NEVER provide it. The just "feel" unwelcome. Bruh, I can't help that. This place is VERY critical of Black Gay/Bi Men of all types, yet they still keep coming to talk shit and discuss the issues within our community.

    Besides preferring not to date them for personal reasons, I dare anyone to find anything negative about bisexual men in general posted ANYWHERE on the site by me or Ocky.

    If the bisexual men here collectively feel unwelcome, create a new space just for Bisexuals where 0% negative criticism is allowed. There will be no love lost from Cypher Avenue and we will support it 100%.
     
  31. Nick Delmacy

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    If @NickAuzenneNOLA had asked this (much better phrased and more interesting) question instead, I would have had plenty to offer to the discussion.

    This one bisexual dude revealed to me on a date that he had a newborn baby with his off and on again ex-girlfriend rocks

    I quickly paid for my drink and was like:

    [​IMG]
     
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  32. OckyDub

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    I agree and can understand the defensiveness and I wanted to take a step back and be objective to examine if this site has been giving side-eyes to bisexuals over the years and it hasn't. I got receipts.

    On a separate note...this dialog is an example of many times what is intended and what is typed or written don't match. I seriously feel that @NickAuzenneNOLA didn't mean any harm. I have seen a couple of times now on The Boards how things have gotten completely lost in translation. That is a downside to technology.

    Yes this has been me plenty of times...:bronbad::heh:
     
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  33. OckyDub

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    Not only is there potential baby-mamma drama but ex-baby-mamma drama? But wait though...how do you date with a new born at the house?
    [​IMG]
     
  34. Nick Delmacy

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    Yeah I doubt he meant any harm too but nikkas can still be challenged.

    I never denied his feelings, dudes can actually feel unwelcome here...I just asked for proof and specific examples...besides a couple dudes saying they wouldn't date Bi men, not much evidence for outright Biphobia and Bisexual discrimination/ridicule on Cypher Avenue came.
     
  35. alton

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    Exactly, my dude.
     
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