BIPHOBIA within the LGBT community.

I'm not "Bi-phobic" however, I honestly couldn't see myself seriously involved with a Bisexual dude just because, and this is largely in part to my ignorance of bisexuality, I'm a very relationship oriented dude and if I'm gonna get involved with someone I'de like for it to be for a while, feel me. I just can't see how someone whom is attracted to both genders could ever be faithful to one. In my mind, sooner or later a dude gonna get an itch for some "sloppy gash" and I've never been good at sharing. LOL! Again, my man. It's mainly ignorance on my part, and lack of exposure to bi-sexual men so please don't think Im tryin' to be a d@#k to you or other bisexual dudes.

 

Where's @ockydub? Should I take this one or should you?

 

I will respond in a sec

 

Let’s start over and move forward. This is an easy, solvable issue and this back and fourth is repetitive at this point.

*This site is run by two homo dudes…not two bisexual dudes. Outside of us both showing support and sticking up for bisexuality, our voices are limited because bisexuality is not our experience.

*Due to the fact that we both have limitations not only as it pertains to bisexuality but also running two sites and all that they entail, we have over the years ALWAYS solicited guest writers, bloggers and regular kats to please email us their submissions on any subject matter that falls in line with the vibe of our site. Even though we appreciate all that we have received, that number has been very small, regardless of subject matter or content.

*As it relates to bisexuality…we have had ONE dude give us two good submissions in 2013 after I reached out and solicited him.
Does Bisexuality Exist?
Bisexual Pride Day. Did You Know About This?

*@Nick Delmacy and I have only written one bisexual posting each (in 2011 and in 2012) and both were positive. This was done to let the interwebs know that Cypher Ave supports Black Bisexual Men and come over here and sit at our table.
Bye Bye Bi-phobia – Bisexuality is Real
The MYTH of the BISEXUAL

* The bisexual space here is lacking because there isn’t anybody stepping up to fill the space. I don’t fully agree with “if you don’t like it, start your own” in ALL cases and not in this case. Those complaining literally have a place and two dudes that will do everything for them except write their story.

*Now getting back to submissions falling in line with the vibe of the site, @NickAuzenneNOLA , your subject matter (bisexuality) is fine and there was nothing technically wrong with anything you posted. Honestly, I think the reaction you got was carry over and static feedback reminiscing from the tone in your previous "what about the bisexual space on Cypher Ave" post. So to repeat, the subject matter is needed but your delivery was bland as hell. Like white folks collard greens. I think/feel a bisexual man has some very interesting complexities (as I’m sure you do) but I didn’t feel anything.

*As far as the multiple kats inboxing you with their concerns, did you or have you encouraged those kats inboxing you to start a thread or send us a submission for the main site? If not, why not? Instead of you all complaining via inbox, you all start your own threads and label them “bisexual” in the tag line under the posting, so current or new bisexual members can search and be directed to the specific postings. You all can literally build a small following or community space within the space provided here. That is why @Nick Delmacy spent the time and our monies building it so you can use these features.

But wait though…Where are the threads and topics like:
*Bisexual Thirst Trap posts?
*If you could smash a guy and girl at the same time, who would it be?
*How do you navigate your bisexuality while dating?
*Do you use dating apps and if so, do you let men and women know up front you’re bisexual?

*There are plenty of threads here that I don’t comment on because I’m not interested. I say that to say, create threads specifically for bisexual members and who cares if the gay kats here interact. Maybe they will or maybe they will not. Who cares... They got their own threads.

************
Again, this is an easy solvable problem within the space that has been created. Instead of focusing on the lack of bisexual voices or subject matter from the gay kats here, continue to be the one of two voices until others feel comfortable. Don’t be scared of the creators of the site or worrying about negative push back from the gay dudes here.

We moderate while we review and don’t play that BGC foolishness and will shut shit down quickly if anybody gets out of hand or disrespectful.

Now, I don’t wanna here nothing else about this here and Dammit I mean it.

 

So @NickAuzenneNOLA what are the topic two things you think LGT people need to know about B people?

As @alton said, I think the concern a lot of exclusively homosexual men would have with dating a bi sexual man would be concentration on what isn't possible with them that is with women, children, boobs, external "heteronormality".

I know a few bi guys, at least online. And I learned a lot from them. Oddly enough, older white men. Whole most of them have more sex with men than women, (which I attribute to men generally be in more sexually available), when it comes to being faithful, they can no doubt be monogamous.

I think with gay men, a lot of us can't see gay men being monogamous so adding in the bisexual aspects and that thinking multiplies. So a lot of the fear/concern that gay men have about datinng or entering relationships with bi men, not including DL men, comes from just being ignorant about what bisexuality is.

 

@ockydub be like:

 

LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Dude, where do you find these memes??!! LMFAO

 

How would you define biphobic? Me personally I don't have a problem with bisexual men in just don't want to date them or have sex with them. As for the question of Bisexuals being shut out of the LGBT club. If bisexuals are shut out of the club it's because they often times don't want to be in the club to begin with because often times they can more easily pass for "straight" than an exclusively homosexual man, woman, or transgender people. Many of the bisexual people I've encountered, both men and women try harder to fit into the straight world than the "LGBT club." That said I'm not a fan of the whole LGBT alphabet soup anyway. Lesbians for the most part live in a different world than gay men. Bisexual men and women are in their own world and transgender is different from all those other things. At certain times and in spaces the different non heterosexual worlds, and transgender world overlap, but really all these different groups are different and to be honest don't care for each other too much. We're just lumped together out of political necessity I think.

 

If there are bisexual men on CA who feel uncomfortable speaking out on the site they need to just grow a pair and sound off.

We're all supposed to men here speak your peace. People may disagree but that's life. Quite a few people on CA disagree with what I have to say on various subjects but I'm gonna say it anyway.

 

@ockydub, @hannibal and I have often said that the Transgender issue shouldn't be lumped in with gays because its more about gender identity than sexuality. But I do get why it has been, we were all ostracized and lumped together by bigots back in the day so we banded together in unison for support. The Queers.

I never really thought about Bisexuals being seperate from Homosexuals...mainly because most biseuxual men that I've known, they more explored their gay side...they're even in long term reletionships with gay men. At the most, they just dated women in their teen and college years, eventually shedding that for a life with men. The Bisexuals I've known who more embraced dating women were like you said, distant to the gay community, gay people and pretty much lived heterosexual appearing lives.

Even @NickAuzenneNOLA's persistent insistence and pleading for a Bisexual perspective and space demonstrates that he (and others apparently) doesn't fully fit in with all this gay shit and us gay men. So you may be on to something I had not previously considered @Cyrus-Brooks. Maybe LGBT is like trying to lump blacks, latinos and asian americans into the same category.

Maybe in addition to the Big Banks, future President Bernie Sanders should break up the Big Acronym for Queers since we are not the same.

 

Lemme say this last thing just for the record. @NickAuzenneNOLA, the last thing I wanna do is run you off or feel afraid to comment. Me challenging you is not meant as a personal attack. Please keep sharing your story, interests and perspective here on the site.

But like @ockydub said, just be careful about the tone in which you post and ask questions. Share bisexual related posts not from a "since no one else is stepping up and doing it" perspective. Just share without being accusatory or judgmental. We are not your enemy. And if someone says some specific bullshit about bisexuality, call them out on it and debate it.

If you think Cypher Avenue is unwelcoming, take a look at Lipstick Alley, Bossip, Mediatakeout or even the site that inspired this forum, The Coli. They rip gays and Bi men to shreds (Lesbians and Bi women get a pass though).

You and I have butted heads the most but you're still my little brother. As a Frat, you should understand what I mean. We take this Squad Member thing seriously. Love you lil bro, keep speaking your mind even if we punch you in the chest from time to time.

 

Awww....

 

I don't believe that I am bi-phobic. I tend to see people for who they are, and accept them for what they are. Have I been involved with someone who is bi-sexual man? Yes! Did it work out? No! Speaking from a gay man's perspective, some of us gay men tend to distance themselves from bi-sexual men out of fear of not knowing what role we are going to play in the bi-sexual male's life (i.e.: being the main squeeze or a side piece). I believe it takes a lot of maturity to approach a relationship with someone who identifies as bi-sexual. Especially, if they are the type wants to bounce between both male and female every other day. However, I think expectations should be put on the table up front if you are bisexual and all parties involved should be aware of the role they are expected to play.

 

I have a question, my dude. And please forgive my ignorance beforehand as I stated before, I've no interaction with any Bisexual men what-so-ever so I really know NOTHING of the situation. Lets say you end up in a "monogamous" relationship with a dude, how do you go about quelling your desire for sex with a woman? Do you just become "gay" until shit goes down hill and you and homeboy break up? Do you let dude know, I'm get me some trill here and there, so either you cool with it or you not? I just know its hard enough for a dude that's only attracted to ONE gender to be faithful, so bisexual dudes (in my mind) must always be in some kinda mental conflict.

 

I understand why many men feel this way because of their experiences, but I think it's somewhat problematic because every bisexual doesn't feel an inherent need to be with both sexes at all times. For many, I'm sure it simply means that they have a broader dating pool within which they're seeking a monogamous relationship like anyone else. The problem with the "type that bounces between males and females everyday" would be better attributed to infidelity, being down low, dishonesty, or wanting the relative comfort of a heterosexual relationship while selfishly indulging their other desires.

That last one sounds somewhat like married, straight cheaters. They want the perception, prestige and fulfillment of marriage and family but don't want to be monogamous and indulge themselves in secret. In reality, these bouncing men are probably just selfish freaks. They'd probably be unfaithful even if they were just straight or gay. If a bisexual person really feels a need to be with the other sex from time to time than yes, they should negotiate with their partner before stepping out on them. (EDIT: In a more honest, direct world, stepping out wouldn't be a factor because those who believe they can't be totally monogamous, whether it's because they want to occasionally play with another gender or they're one of those types that justifies cheating by saying "monogamy is unnatural, we're sexual beings", would mention it upfront or simply seeking someone who is open to nontraditional dating patterns. Anyway, this desire for both is not an inherent bisexual need.) We do live in a world with swingers, open relationships and couples who sometimes add other partners to the mix, so it's possible to find people who would indulge such feelings. But I'm sure there are plenty of bisexual men who just want one guy or girl like anyone else. They just have more options. Women seem to get a pass on this if they tell a dude they dabbled with a girl in the past.

I think a lot of gay men, or even people in general, have encountered or heard horror stories about so many messed up, selfish, dishonest, confused or unfaithful men that it's hard to fathom how bisexuals function. Many people don't trust men that like one gender, so adding another is confounding. It's understandable that some may simplify their dating lives and ease their minds by simply disregarding the bisexual portion of the dating pool. People do it all the time based on other characteristics like race, wealth, cultural background, upbringing, location and other factors. People's minds are eased when they compartmentalize, simplify and classify or act based on anecdotal experience..

 

" I can control my dikk! Every hole I see does not tempt me! "
Aight, thanks for the response. I'ma leave this topic alone now, because I see from your exclamation marks you seem to be gettin' a little heated. So, my best to you my man. Thanks again for the clarification.

 

I wouldn't even give him that, I don't think he is cute lol.

 

Its not that simple, I think I get what @NickAuzenneNOLA is saying about community and wanting to be accepted. It's easier said than done to just live your life and be confident in who you are regardless of what society thinks. At the end of the day we all want to be accepted by someone, just to know that we are loved for who we are. This is one reason why there are so many guys on the DL, they are afraid of not being accepted by their peers or family and the ridicule they will face. But I do also feel that you shouldn't be consumed with wanting others to be totally on your side and accept you and your sexuality. I say once you find a group of people who accept, bump what the others say. There will always be people who don't agree with your lifestyle and it's fucked up, but what else can you do?

Also I've been a follower of cypher ave for a minute and I never recall seeing any post that talked about bisexuals in a negative light, for real I want to see the post that did this. I was confused the whole time I was reading this post and scratching my head trying to figure out what post criticized bisexual dudes. I never got the vibe that cypherave made it uncomfortable for bisexual guys to be one here.

 

Yea, I've always wondered about this also. This is a good question. I think this would be a concern of mine if I was dating a bisexual dude.

 

Well as long as the bisexual party is clear about wanting a monogamous relationship with his partner male or female then hey do what you do don't let me stop you.

 

At first when I read this question I was thinking, "what does it matter, monogamy is monogamy." But then I thought about the whole Top and Bottom thing. What if a 100% Versatile dude who loved azz was dating a total Top....could he be faithful in a relationship without the opportunity to fulfill his full sexual desires? Would he cheat? Would they have to have occasional threesomes? Is inviting women in to the bedroom occasionally the key to maintaining a relationship with a fully bisexual man?

 

I was wondering when the top/bot/verse door was gonna get opened TBH.

It had a crack a few comments ago but I only replied with smilies.

 

I have my thoughts, but I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable.