BIPHOBIA within the LGBT community.

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by NickAuzenneNOLA, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. Tyroc

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    image.gif
     
  2. alton

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    I can hear it sizzlin' in the distance...LOL!
    [​IMG]
     
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  3. ctforbes

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    I mean this is a "safe space" right? How could anyone feel uncomfortable?
     
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  4. Discordant

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    This raises a question I've had for some years; is there a difference between bisexuality and biromanticism? You feel completely attracted to both sexes, but does that include that emotional component as well? Is it easier for you to fall in love with a woman or a man or is that truly even as well? I ask because I know a guy who claimed bisexuality (he was really just using that as a way to soften the blow for himself that he was actually gay) but one of things he told me was that when it comes to men, it's about sex and physicality, but when it comes to women he can see an actul relationship with them.

    I do believe bisexuals exist, but I'm just curious on your take on biromanticism vs. bisexuality. Is that a thing that is/can be mutually exclusive?
     
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  5. questforknowledge

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    Yea exactly man. I guess that's the one thing I'm curious about is even for those bisexual guys who are monogamous if they like both women and men, when they are dating guys how do they deal with the sexual desire to be with women? But the scenario you described about the top/bottom deal is interesting. I would wonder how a relationship like that would even function since they aren't sexually compatible. And I was just thinking if you are in a relationship that makes you happy and you are sexually satisfied you shouldn't have the urge to sleep with other people right? But then again everybody responds differently to their sexual desires whether they are single or in a relationship.
     
  6. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Who started this rumor that Cypher Avenue was a "safe space"...I wanna gay bash him for spreading those lies, lol. We're about as "safe" as a Black Barbershop during the playoffs.
     
    #76 Nick Delmacy, Jan 20, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2016
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  7. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    This seems like more of a question for the bisexual dudes to answer (@ctforbes is posting in here but being silent on the subject for some reason)...Part of me thinks though that its (kinda) like any other preference. For example, I LOVE skinned black guys with freckles, but I also LOVE dark skinned black guys with beards. If I'm dating the light skinned dude and I happen to see an attractive bearded dark skinned man, I'm not gonna go cheat just because I'm attracted to both. I can easily look and not touch (or even flirt). Bad analogy, but the same concept maybe applies to Bisexual guys.
     
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  8. ctforbes

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    I had a feeling this would come up, so I'm glad you raised the question @Discordant. In short, bisexuality and biromanticism are not necessarily equal to one another, but can operate in tandem depending on the individual. Personally, I've only felt romantic feelings for women, my current girl specifically. Prior to her, I didn't date (women or men), so I'm technically not sure if I'm biromantic, even though I'm completely open to dating/pursuing a relationship with a guy.

    All this to say, a person's sexual orientation is not directly linked to their romantic orientation, similar to how a (monogamously partnered) gay guy's attraction towards another man isn't equal to their desire to fuck them. Not to get too academic, but check out this link for a better breakdown of and see below for a visual.

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Dante

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    What the fuck is a GREYSEXUAL? So sexual feelings has a race now? #CreativityGoneWrong
     
  10. ctforbes

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    Lmao. Yeah that whole "greysexual" thing was a new one even for me. Not sure what you mean by the whole race thing though
     
  11. hannibal

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    Ok...I'm sure there are genuinely bisexual males out there that are equally sexually attracted to both sexes.

    BUT I DONT KNOW THEM!

    In my experience, "bisexual" is usually code for "I'm not comfortable being considered gay so I'm just gonna say bisexual."

    I see this all the time. I've had friends of mine that are the last queens on Earth talking about they bisexual...but have never been with a woman.

    Chile please.
     
  12. questforknowledge

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    Yea @hannibal I've met guys like that, those that claim they are bisexual but they really aren't. On the flip side I've met guys that are genuinely bisexual, it definitely exists. But a lot of those dudes that I met were semi-closeted and on the down low no surprise there lol.
     
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  13. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Yeah I call these men Fake Bisexuals. Wrote an essay on the site about them in 2012: The MYTH of the BISEXUAL

    But real Bisexual men DO exist.

    But who am I to argue with how people identify themselves. Technically I'm bisexual since I've had relations with women and still attracted to them (tittays mostly) although not as much as I'm attracted to men. So I just call myself Homosexual since I have no desire to be in a relationship with a woman, or really even just have NSA sex with women, even though I still fantasize about them from time to time.
     
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  14. hannibal

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    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
     
  15. Dante

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    So if a guy says he's technically homosexual or bisexual, because he has been with men (1st and 2nd base don't count) before and still is attracted to guys (abs mostly), but just says he's straight, because he is attracted more to women and he doesn't see himself being with a man or have a NSA with a man; however, still fantasizes about guys from time to time, would he be a Fake Heterosexual? Is he indeed bisexual?

    We all know that the physical act of having sex doesn't confirm anything (any gay man in CA who has gone 3rd with a female at least once can attest to that). Should you sexually identify with what you are sexually and physically attracted to or just infatuate/fantasize about? And if you don't, are you Fake or imposing? I guess I'm technically bisexual, because that chick in Popeyes yesterday had a nice pair of titties and a phat ass and the two chicks who were in my dream a week ago sucking off a guy were very sexy. But I'll say I'm homosexual, because I'm not going to have sex with any of them. Does admiring someone's physical feature constitute sexual/physical attraction? And if you are bisexual, should you sexually identify with gay or straight to align with the gender you have a higher percentage of attraction (not admiration/infatuation) for? Should we care about guys identifying as they choose, even being in the closet or DL? Does the Rachel Dolezal Theory exist pertaining to sexuality?
     
    #85 Dante, Jan 21, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2016
  16. Jaa

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    Some would question his heterosexuality. Bisexuality isn't easily apparent or demonstrable while there are abundant stories of men with gay pasts continuing that behavior while in straight relationships or delivert men backsliding into gayness. Or guys like Hannibal mentioned, claiming bisexuality yet always opting for men, which doesn't necessarily mean they aren't bi; circumstances could have lead to them entering consecutive relationships with men, but their behavior hasn't presented any opposing evidence. (I'm not presuming anything about Hannibal's friends. If I met them I might feel the same way, especially if he describes them as queens.)

    I think bisexuality suffers an impossible burden of proof in a way. It's difficult, if not impossible in some eyes, to prove you're bi. Even if you can demonstrate that both get your dick hard, there are numerous gay/SGL guys with hetero pasts (and presents) that may argue that that doesn't prove anything.

    People don't care if you identify as gay but mention a mild liking of females. They just think, "Basically, you're gay." Your gay interest must be serious because no straight person would opt for for a more complicated life for no good reason. But there are lots of reasons why a gay person might want to be perceived as straight and it's difficult to distinguish an honest person from a dishonest/confused one. You have to take their word for it and many people's words aren't worth much.
     
    #86 Jaa, Jan 21, 2016
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  17. alton

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    LOL Maybe its just me but, why is this so complicated? Isn't "Bisexuality" defined as one who "has sex with both genders"? Just like Homosexual is one who has sex with his/her same gender. Not, "I have sex with one but I fantasize from time to time about the other" or..."I feel more romantically towards one, but I experimented the other one time in Band Camp and it was ok but I don't know if I'de do it again, but every time I pop one off I think about it" I just don't think the base definition of it should have to be so complicated. Two guys that share a "Bromance" but have NEVER had sex with one another nor intend to, are NOT gay. They're straight dudes that love each other, deeply. A dude that feels emotionally drawn to women and likes to cuddle up and hug up on and kiss/ make with them, but has NEVER put his d!ck in one and doesn't EVER intend to, but is consistently gettin' it in with dudes that he may not feel shit for emotionally, is a HOMOSEXUAL. If you f#$kin' niQQaz AND b!t@es and you enjoy both even semi-equally, you're BISEXUAL. The whole emotional/ romantic side is something onto it's self and IMO is B.S. psychological semantics that people use to try overly complicate sh!t. I've had GF's all through school, even tongue kissed a few. I admire titties of ALL shapes and sizes and even some asses, I prefer to portray the female figure in my art over men because the female body is beautiful to me, and I recognize a fly a$$ chick when I see one but, I'm gay. Stop makin shit so unnecessarily complicated. LOL
     
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  18. Nick Delmacy

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    So by this ancient and simplistic rationale, a man who fantasizes and is attracted to men but is married to and only has sex with women is 100% straight? Gender and sexuality can be very complicated, as is race and identity in many ways.
     
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  19. Dante

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    To correct you, bisexuality is the natural sexual attraction to both genders and homosexuality is the natural sexual attraction to the same gender. It's not about the physical act of having sex.

    But I agree 100% with everything you stated. And Yes, this shouldn't be complicated at all. That's why I asked those questions.
     
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  20. alton

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    Yes. If he's not f$%jkin a dude, then yes. Why does it need to be so f#$kin complicated? NONE of this, sexuality, race, HAS to be complicated. People make it complicated.
     
  21. Nick Delmacy

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    :what: This makes no sense and is very myopic. I've had sex with women. So has @ockydub...yet neither of us consider ourselves to be Bisexual. Sexuality is not just about the act itself. That's like saying a person with liberal leaning thoughts are not really liberals until they actually cast a vote for a Democrat. Or that the young virgin men here on the site are Asexual until they finally have sex with a man or woman.
     
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  22. alton

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    It's just my opinion, dude, and my way of looking at things, old-fashioned as they may be. We're each entitled to our own view of 'the world". I just don't see the purpose of taking something that already has a "cut & dry" label, so-to-speak, then categorizing that, then sub-categorizing those categories, and then adding sub-genres to the sub-categories. Again, it's just my "archaic" view, not expecting you (or anyone else for that matter) to agree, nor am I trying to change your's or anyone else's view, either.

    Side note, I said someone that consistently has sex with women, meaning at this moment in time has sexual desires toward and acts out those desires are a fairly normal basis.
     
  23. Dante

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    The physical act of having sex and your sexual attraction are two different departments. That's not the complication. The complication is when someone explains their sexuality with adjectives differing from the point-blank of homosexuality, bisexuality and heterosexuality to stray away from what is.

    If you are sexually attracted to both genders, whether you deal/have relations with one gender over or more than the other, you are bisexual. That's as clear and 100% as you can get. You can Rachel Dolezal yourself and your sexuality all you want. And that's what needs to be understood addressing the question of this thread, even if you are honestly explaining your sexuality.
     
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  24. alton

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    " You can Rachel Dolezal yourself and your sexuality all you want."
    LMFAO!!
    [​IMG]
     
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  25. Nick Delmacy

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    But even your "side note" is cherry picking and complicating your original "simple" definition. Why are your criteria and prerequisites the end-all-be-all to defining sexuality?

    And what if a man had all gay sex in his college years but since has been married to a woman and faithful for 10 years? Is he now 100% straight (and not bisexual) just because he's been consistent, even tho he still is attracted to men?

    Or do your arbitrary rules only apply when woman are involved? If a man used to be a hetero whore but now ONLY dates men, is he 100% gay in your eyes?

    These are all rhetorical questions, mind you. Like you said you're entitled to your opinion but we're also entitled to challenge that opinion.
     
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  26. alton

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    I don't mind the challenges, bro. Challenges help one to re-examine their personal views and possibly change their stance. I'm starting to change my stance (a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit) on this subject just based off your response. I still dont think it needs to be ANYWHERE as complicated and layered as people make it, but yeah, I'm looking at it a little more leniently.

    I actually replied to each of your points, but my dumb a$$ didnt copy your points first. smh
     
  27. OckyDub

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    :babylawd:...if only more people were open to this.

    This is some good damn convo and back and fourth going on here...:lawd:
     
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  28. ctforbes

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    It def took a while, but I feel like we're finally discussing some of the points @NickAuzenneNOLA probably had in mind when originally posting this topic lol.

    My 2 cents: Sexuality is not, has never been, and will never be something "cut & dry". It's on a spectrum, so no one can truly be 100% anything. Other than that, @Dante pretty much hit the nail on the head.
     
  29. Tyroc

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    On this, I agree with you 100%!

    This however, I don't know. I've known some dudes (no names) that get physically ill at even the thought of Tacos.
     
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  30. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    For me it is one in the same. I feel a lot of guys that operate as if bisexuality and biromanticisim aren't synonymous are not really bisexual but rather as you said gay claiming bisexual to soften their reality or a fluid person that doesn't have the terminology to voice what they feel.

    Just like gay and straight folk not all bisexual men are monogamous or looking for a relationship to come out of every sexual partner and they should be allowed that like everyone else without being looked at critically.

    I will say men tend to be more sex driven where as women tend to be driven by the heart so in some cases it's easier to emotionally connect to them.

    For me I am open emotionally to both.
     
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  31. bpaisle

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    Maybe don't take it so personally man...there'll be pushback on things from other people no where or when you voice your opinion...you could say something simple like "my favorite color is red" and then someone else will say" Well why do you like red...don't nobody like red" that's just life...just say fuck it and do want you want...
     
  32. Tyroc

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    Upon self examination, I admit that I do have a bit of biphobia and I base it on the the self claimed bisexuals that I've known.
    I'd never have taken the majority of the dudes that I've personally known to claim bisexuality because they were always making it an in your face issue or announcing a constant disclaimer.
    I get it, you like both, but I'm not giving you an extra cookie.
    Most never had not seen any parts of a female since they came from their mother or that one time in college but would insist (usually lisping) about how much they love females and all of the ways that (insert name of a popular actress or singer) is their "type of chick"

    The dudes that I've met who didn't make it an issue, I believe were honest in their fluidity and enjoyed whomever they felt attraction to.
    There was no need to constantly try to make a show or hold up a front.
    I'd have had no bias in being with someone like that after we established what they were looking for and how they wanted to incorporate me and us into that.
     
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  33. ColumbusGuy

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    It seems like it is not so much what you do, but what you think. It seems to be about attraction-if you are attracted to both men and women in some sexual way(as in wanting to have sex with them) then you are somewhere along the bisexual spectrum.

    As has been pointed out, gay men who are virgins are still gay men( I sure know I was..I just didn't suddenly become gay at 22 when I first had sex with a guy, and when I had sex at 16 with a girl I sure wasn't straight. I was just a horny teen who went along with something I was not really into(maybe to prove some futile point)?

    I have been with bisexual men, and I always thought that if you were in a relationship with one, it would probably have to be something equivalent to a gay open relationship. Unless the bisexual guy just did not act on his urges for females. But that just seems to be setting the relationship up for failure. If the bi guy is craving something you(or any guy) cannot provide it would seem to make cheating much more of a probability,

    I have kind of always thought that bi men would be best with other bi men and then they could always add in a girl and have a threeway lol. Otherwise they would need an open relationship with a gay guy. It would depend on the guys involved and if they could handle it.

    Of course the key to anything like this is openness and honesty about everything-including knowing yourself and what you can deal with and accept, and what you can't. I do think a lot of gay men have been negatively involved with gay men who were in the closet/down lo etc who were not being honest about themselves and those people(the gay down lo's) are sometimes confused with open and honest bisexual men to the detriment of the open and honest bisexual men.

    Of course this is just my old fashioned view of things and I could be wrong about much of it. I don't know?
     
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  34. XisNotJupiter

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    I understand where OP is coming from. A lot of bi people run and hang in mixed circles and that fact has revealed to me the biases that are ever present in LGBT communities and Straight communities. It can be difficult to decipher what is a safe place. however, the world is your oyster my dude so do you regardless of peoples thoughts and opinions and in due time things will be different.
     
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  35. Dante

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    Single
    Biphobia, just like homophobia, is a continuous issue that won't disappear overnight. Then there is internal homophobia and biphobia, too. Adding the DL lifestyle and people practicing the Rachel Dolezal Theory with their sexual identity and sexuality, it's a parked car going nowhere.

    As a gay or bisexual man, you can only make personal efforts in your life to set a positive and honest stage to crush those phobias to only expect intermediate change.
     
    ctforbes dapped this.
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