Black Gay Fatherhood

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by acessential, Mar 8, 2020.

  1. acessential

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    So my husband and I have been actively pursuing fatherhood for some time now. During the process, we’ve joined some gay dad Facebook groups related to adoption and surrogacy. One of the things I’ve learned is that there are A LOT of different ways to become a gay dad.

    I’ve seen it all. Gay foster dads, gay adoptive dads, gay dads who coparent with lesbian couples or straight female friends, gay dads raising their younger siblings as their own, gay dads who are raising their sibling’s kids, gay dads through surrogacy, and gay dads through previous heterosexual relationships.

    Despite the diversity, there’s one group of gay dads that seems to be a bit rarer: black gay dads. Specifically, black gay men partnered with other black gay men raising kids together. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a few black gay dad couples, but I could probably easily count on both hands the total number I’ve come across in about a year and half. And I’m probably being generous. There’s definitely black men in the groups. I’ve seen a few black gay single dads. And for the black gay dads in relationships, the vast majority are partnered with white men.

    The thing is, I know there are black gay dad couples out there. I immediately think of some gaylebrities like Terrell and Jarius, Kordale and Kaleb (are they even still together?), and…..maybe that’s it……..

    I know kids definitely aren’t for everyone. Maybe it’s a reflection of relationship trends. Or maybe all the black gay dads are not spending their time on Facebook. But to be honest, as my husband and my journey to fatherhood slowly becomes a reality, I would like for our kids to meet with other black gay dad families. Dads in the Facebook groups are always planning play dates for their kids so that their kids can see that they’re not the only kids with two dads. That’s great and I would love to take advantage of that. But would we be the only black couple? Maybe I should move to Atlanta. Haha.

    What do you all think? What’s going on here? Have you experienced things differently? Can you see yourself raising kids with another black man? Have you come across a lot of black gay partnered dads raising kids? What’s up?
     
  2. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
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    Oh married men. I like reading about married men or committed men. Idk if I would want kids though. Without sounding mean, I feel taking care of kids are too burdensome. I'd rather enjoy life without kids and just my bf. This is strictly personal. Maybe my views will change when I get much older....?

    Now I could in fact raise a child, I had strong parental Instincts and all that jazz but I just don't want to do it. Kids are also ridiculously expensive. If you have the money to do it and all that, I don't see a problem.

    I've never seen nearly any black married gay couple with kids. They are usually interracial or a white couple adopting black kids.
     
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  3. takeyourmeds91

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    There's so much to unravel.

    Just for a quick reiteration, as black gay men, we are a minority of a minority meaning the relative population is extremely small. Take that in conjunction with the difficulties of even dating within our community and you can quickly see why examples of black gay parenting are basically non-existent in our daily lives.

    For a multitude of reasons, dating is very different with gay men than in the heterosexual world. Then even between races, in my experience, white men tend to be more relationship-oriented than black men. That's not to say that there aren't any black gay men who want to raise kids with a partner because I am one and and I've met many. But have they been a match for me and vice versa? Not necessarily.

    I'm a little disheartened at times when I think about our situation but I keep pushing so that when the opportunity comes, I'm prepared to be an amazing father and partner.
     
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  4. mojoreece

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    Its funny cause I was just randomly scrolling through this IG couples page (him and him) and wondering about this same subject.

    Even though, I dont want kids myself, i think the idea is admirable if they both have the resources and lifestyle to support kids
     
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  5. mojoreece

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  6. acessential

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    Yeah, this is definitely what I thought about. The community is just so small so any dysfunction gets magnified. It's a little disheartening though.
     
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  7. acessential

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    Being able to have bio kids with my partner would be a dream, but I imagine technology like this is decades away from approval. And just imagine the cost. Regular old IVF with a surrogate is at least $100k. Stuff like this could easily be double, triple, or more.
     
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  8. 2sweetchocolate

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    I've been having this debate with myself for some time and as my friends and family start families of their own, the idea of becoming a father becomes more attractive by the day.
     
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  9. acessential

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    Do it! Explore all options available to you. If it's something you really want, there's a way.
     
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