CA Coming Out Party!

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Naturally10Me, Sep 9, 2015.

  1. Naturally10Me

    Naturally10Me Formally thatGuy
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    Many of us know "Coming Out" isn't easy. I kinda hate the term honestly. But for the sake of the thread, let's help some C A Squads bros.

    images.jpg
    obama_newsweek_first_gay_president.png

    For me it was 2008. But as far as expression, definitely 2013. I considered my self bi-sexual for the most part my whole life. Recently, I could say I'm like 70/30 But after being married to a chick, I'm like 85/15 ...lol

    Ellen_Degeneres_004-350x272.jpg

    I learned about this whole coming out through Ellen DeGeneres I was 14 at the time. But I knew, when I heard my parents talking, that whatever she did was connected to me in some way or another. So how about you. Were there any moments or people that sparked your great day?
     
    #1 Naturally10Me, Sep 9, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2015
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  2. BlackguyExecutive

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    [​IMG]

    Hiding...always wearing a mask. I really didn't have some defining moment or some grand occurrence but it basically stemmed from a disgruntled ex-boyfriend who threatened to out me to my mom and some really nosy members of my Coast Guard Unit, who were closely examining my FB. So basically in an effort to safe face, I took out my mask and told my family and the following week I came out to my unit in the Coast Guard (this was during DADT times). Fortunately, for me, my mom said she already knew because she read my texts when I was 18 after getting my wisdom teeth out and my shipmates really didn't care....in fact, a few other people came out to me later that year.
     
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  3. bisonboy

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    I've tried telling my mom several times and each times her response was that it was a phase. I got caught growing up messing with boys all the time. I even got "banned" from using the public library because they caught me visiting gay porn sites in middle school and I was using my aunt's address so they sent a letter to her. I don't know where she stands but at this point I have given up caring. Most of my friends know as far as I know. Being an elementary school teacher I always have to be on my P's and Q's, but I think a lot of people have their suspicions as well, IDC.
     
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  4. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    Actually letting those close to me know only happened 2 yrs ago, and as Ive stated before, CA/DC helped a lot. A big issue for me was feeling isolated and not connected in any way to the mass perception of what 'gay' is. Hopefully for others in those shoes, the growing presence of a more diverse 'gay landscape' will help them along the way.
     
  5. African King

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    More diversity will definitely help. I know that Cypher Avenue has helped me so much!!! Being brave enough to meet other gay/bi/SGL men in public places and establish platonic relationships with them has been huge for me. Putting myself out there. The only way I can see myself coming out to family members is when I am financially stable but I will see what happens when I finish school. I feel like my parents know already because I've not talked about or been associated with a female for the past 5 or 6 years. People would joke about me being a ladies man or whatever in college but I definitely made sure to not waste my time with a female because I really knew what would come from that. Nothing positive.

    What really helped me was meeting other Nigerian gay men where I come from in Texas and seeing that they were so far outside of the gay stereotype so to speak. I was glad to find people I could relate to. Now I'm in Florida and I've met some great gay/bi men of African/Caribbean descent out here and I'm learning a lot from them.
     
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  6. KritiKal Analysis

    KritiKal Analysis "Be the Standard, Not the Substitute..." DMCureton
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    I'm still not really "out" to people, but now I have gotten to the point that I don't really care as much if people find out. About 2 years ago, I was mad cautious because I didn't want people to hold my sexuality over my head or use that as leverage to hurt me. I realized through many of the people I have met here that the power that other people have over me is the power that I voluntarily give them.
     
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  7. acessential

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    I started early. I came out to a friend when I was 13 as bi. I knew I was just gay, but part of me was still hoping. Then I slowly started coming out to different family members and friends. And then I was dragged the rest of the way out of the closet in high school when my ex decided to tell everyone about our relationship. I was 15. I stopped caring at that point. Didn't broadcast it, but I was honest about it. Never really had any issues. I know it's difficult for a lot of people. I was just one of the lucky ones.
     
  8. African King

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    Yeah I think I remember you stating that on the podcast they did with you. You're so lucky. I can't even imagine coming out at 15. I acknowledged it for myself at 22 and now at 25 (going on 26 in November) I am the most confident I have ever been in my entire life. I am by no means out at school, work, family, etc but I am more than comfortable to go to Pride Center Florida and other places/events featuring a predominantly gay/bi male demographic.
     
  9. acessential

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    Yeah bro. That's great. Everyone does it at different rates. And I dislike the idea of "having to come out." People shouldn't be forced to do anything. As long as a dude isn't gay as fuck sleeping with men on the side while his wife and kids are at home, there shouldn't be a need to come out unless a person wants to.
     
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  10. acessential

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    Random. I just realized the boards automatically censor cuss words. I thought brothers were self-censoring for a while. lol.
     
  11. jusrawb

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    I think the coming out is a on going process. I came at age 20 to my close friends. The reason I didn't come out before that was mainly religion, being that my mother and grandmother are pastors. So I spent previous years going through serious denial. I had girlfriends and had sex with multiple girls but I never got the hype and most time had trouble staying hard. I also had a guy on my basketball team I experiment with on and off in high school. I eventually started religion research that related to homosexuality and found a lot of misinterpretations, which lead me to rethink why I even considered myself a Christian. Fast forward to now, I'll be 25 in less than two weeks. My family and friends know I'm gay. There are people that I'm no longer close with because they just distance themselves. I'm in a going on 5 year relationship but he isn't out. Coming out was one of the best decisions I've made because I was tired of the double life and lying. I say coming out is a on going process because I still have hesitation with letting new people I meet know that I'm gay. I don't believe every one needs to know but I would like to get to the point where I'm not nervous about if they do.
     
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  12. African King

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    I will be 26 in two months. I am living life but it is sort of a double life because none of my classmates know about me personally. I am just happy that at least I have the courage to go to Pride Center Florida and other gay-themed events/place to interact with other gay/bi/SGL individuals
     
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  13. jusrawb

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    Yea that's still pretty big because I know a lot of people will not attend gay functions.
     
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  14. sekou

    sekou I be Jamaican
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    Coming out be hard in Jamaica dude, well for masculine dudes at least. That context coupled with my particular situation makes coming out still that much harder. I am out to some people and not to others. I came out "ish" last year when my girlfriend at the time found some "questionable" texts between me and a gym buddy. This is after she suspected me and my best friend of being in a side relationship... that's another story, some Frank Ocean shit. After that and many a confrontation later I told her I am "bi" the relationship continued after that for a bit, but it didn't last, we are still cool today though. After that my best friend started to look my ex girl behind my back and even went as far as telling her some of my business ... but that's another story.

    As for the complication, You have to understand that Jamaica has a harsh relationship with gay people, as It hinges on deep christian values. Although most young people dont practice what they preach, when push comes to shove they jump on the bandwagon. and I have heard though not seen many mob beatings and killings that have occurred, in fact my friend at one time had to fight off a mob and run to a police station to avoid being well ........ In this context my "Family" Exist as a popular figure. My Aunt is the head of the Legal profession , My uncle is the head of the churches of Jamaica and my Dad is a famous lawyer and represents the churches of Jamaica in their bid to keep the Buggery law legal in the island. The buggery law, criminalizes any form of anal intercourse. Though to be fair my dad is pretty liberal, he is cool with a number of things, for one he believes the personal lives of his children, me and my 4 other sisters, are our personal business. and though we have different mothers, except two, we were grown as a super close family.

    That being said the break up with my girl friend of 4 years and finding out that I had 2 extra brothers, one 16 and the other 1yr, that were basically hidden from us (fucked up my medz) . So push came to shove and I had to tell someone, too much shit going onn , eventually I told my other good friend, who for the most part, having harsh views against gay people, stood by me, for the he has changed, through me I guess (similar to that cypher post about the short movie about homophobes) . He helped me come out to the rest of my bredrin (friends) who all didnt really give a fuck. I told my mom 6 months latr, who after a mini freak out just avoids the topic. I still havent told my dad for obvious reasons. Although he found out that my sis has a girlfriend, a son who is gay is a whole different animal down here.

    This was pretty long, but its the condensed version of what happened. sorry for any grammatical errors, English and I have a troubled relationship.
     
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  15. acessential

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    Respect. I can imagine how different life is for gay people in Jamaica.
     
  16. lyriq88

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    I've been in a long coming out process for about 2 years now. I started coming out to my friends back in 2013 and that's been a fairly liberating process. I don't have too many qualms about coming out to strangers up front anymore either. Family has been another story entirely... I recently came out to my mother about a month ago and my father about a week ago (Hit's my Schmurda!!!! lol). My mom seems to be doing well. She worries & doesn't like it, but she's there for me and just worries that I'll be discriminated against or gay bashed.

    My father on the other hand... is Mr. Macho & isn't particularly thrilled or happy. I had my mother have that conversation with him and we haven't spoken in about two weeks now. I don't know how that first conversation is gonna go but... eh, oh well. I've removed myself from my family back west & I've enjoyed living outside of their microscope out here in GA. I can't go back into that shell for their comfort. It sucks, but I'm glad to have that burden lifted. I just have to tell my super conservative grandmother next & I'll have officially made it past the hard part of coming out. It'll be all down hill after that... lol
     
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  17. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    I am still not out "out" yet, but I assume that there are speculations and gossips since I have never been associated with a female girlfriend for a long long time lol. I came out to a health care professional if that counts. I am still trying to find my way through this whole gay life.

    Everyday is more clearer than the last, about my life. One thing is for sure: I am bisexual and there is nothing I can do about it , other than embrace it. I came out to myself and to me, that's what counts the most.
     
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  18. BlackguyExecutive

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    I will say this, I have been out openly to everyone for about five years now and to tell you the truth it has probably been the best five years of my life. With that being said, as LGBT/SGL people we are constantly re-coming out in a host of situations. These mini interactions of correcting someone when they ask about your "wife" because you are wearing a ring or revealing to your primary care doctor your martial status or plain old general conversation. I use to get extremely nervous in these interactions because we are vulnerable especially when you don't know the person. In my job, in diplomacy, I meet new people every day and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I know I am going to have to say something about my husband but it gets easier and easier every time I do it. I say this not to suggest that I am a rainbow flag waving in your face gay man but I have come to my peace with the fact that I am gay, I shouldn't be ashamed of it, and my gayness is only one of many attributes that define me.

    It brings me to my favorite Dr. Seuss line.

    [​IMG]

    I know that it is cliché to say that It Gets Better but trust me, it really does get better when you let the fear and shame go and you stop living for other people and start living for yourself.
     
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  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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  20. wildreed21

    wildreed21 wildreed21

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    Is it just me or do other ppl find it offensive when ppl come out and the ppl they come out to say "I already knew..." Saying "I already knew" is like say "You couldn't pass for straight if you wanted too." And usually the person they came out to hasn't made any gay affirming comments to show their support, so coming out to them is like a roll of the dice. For a parent who hasn't made any efforts to be LGBT affirming or supportive in the presence of their child to be like, "I already knew." makes it clear that they hoped the kid stayed in the closet forever and that they would never live in their truth, and that instead - they hoped that their kid would live a lie and miserable life forever. #BadParent #BadBrother/Sister/Cousin #BadFriend
     
  21. acessential

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    I think it depends. Sometimes people may know but don't say anything because they're waiting for the person to feel comfortable. There's a huge difference between saying "I already knew." and "You couldn't pass for straight even if you wanted to."
     
  22. wildreed21

    wildreed21 wildreed21

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    Umm...obviously there is a big difference between the two, but how often do they make the distinction to clarify what they mean? How often is that same fukin line delivered with a haughtily arrogant tone as if they are saying to the comer-outer that they couldn't hide it from them (or anyone one else perhaps). And when delivered, it's often said with a chuckle as if the comer-outer is supposed to laugh along with them in relief. That response makes the conversation about the other person, and whether or not they could be "duped" into thinking the comer-outer is hetero. The reality is that the LGBT person never wanted to have to try to dupe anyone, and because society pressures them confirm, it's no compliment or relief to be told that they didn't successfully convince the ppl in their lives that they do conform.

    I 'm not saying that ppl should just ask an LGBT person if they think that someone is LGBTQ cuz that infringes on the LGBT person's right to control the sharing of their truth. What I say is that the parent/sibling/relative/friend should (esp if they claim to already know) regularly make statements that are supportive or accepting of LGBT people so that the LGBTQ person is comfortable to come out sooner rather than later. Waiting for them to be comfortable before confidently voicing their support or acceptance of LGBT people when they claim to already know the person is LGBT is not a very supportive thing to do. It's like seeing a person drowning and thinking I'll just watch and wait and hope for them to sort it out themself, rather than going into panic mode to help/save someone as soon as possible (without being pushy in the non-life threatening scenario). One of the longest lasting side effects of being LGBTQ in a hetero majority world is the effect on our sexual development and courtship skills. We don't learn and experience all that hetero's do from a young age. So the longer that so-called supporter waits for that LGBTQ person to be strong enough to tell them (without any indirect encouragement or support) the more likely that LGBT person is to be behind straight ppl in developing healthy relationships I think.
     
  23. acessential

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    I get your point. That's why I said it depends because there are different factors to take into consideration. Some of which you brought up. I also envisioned a parent who always suspected their child was gay, and did try to be supportive and pro-LGBT, but don't actually tell their kid that they already know. They want their child to come out when they're ready. Plus, they could be wrong about their sexual orientation so they don't say anything. That's what I mean when I say it depends.
     
  24. Kouncelor

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    I described in another post how I've been in then out.. then in and out.. and now, don't really care. I have always lived a discrete life. When I was with a women I didn't publicize my relationship details.. and I am the same way now.
    I am sure my parent know based on statements they have made, seperately -" There are these kids that live on the block that have two parents! And those kids are happy!!" That's the extent of our conversation.. they are 80 and 77, so I'm just not going there... lol. After what I went through with my ex-wife (they were relieved when I divorced her), they just want me to be happy..
    I have an older sister is a lesbian who threw it in everyones face back in the 90's... so I'm not repeating that performance and have a twin brother knows, and jokes with me about it.

    My daughters are 12 and 10.. and they will probably know, if they don't already, before the ex-wife.However, they've alwasy had an open and affirming household.

    Life is too short not to be happy. Decide what kind of life you want to live and start living it.
     
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  25. African King

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    I'm a twin as well! Identical! We are both SGL. I assume your twin is straight (possibly fraternal? lol)?
     
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  26. Kouncelor

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    LOL... for most of our lives my mother swore that we were idential... it was believable when we were much younger. Last year I did a DNA test to verify (even though we knew it... look like brothers, not twins). Yup, Fraternal.. and yes, he straight. Is funny, though, that we approach relationships the same way, just with different genders...lol
     
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  27. acessential

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    What? There's two of you? That's what's up. You should tell your brother to come around the forums too. lol.
     
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  28. Day'lon

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    I am only out to my family and friends, however I am not at work because I do not feel that I should have to wear my sexuality on my sleeve and I don't want to be treated differently. I have seen how being out in the work place can be hard and I have also seen how people are treated after people find out they are gay. When I get to a place in my life or in my career, I won't care what others think. I also feel that if there were more sites like this, when i growing up that I would have been more comfortable in my skin.
     
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  29. African King

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    lol i've tried and he just is not interested
     
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  30. HauteChocolat

    HauteChocolat Squad Member

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    No shit! There's 2 of you!! It's really cool though, having someone seemingly so connected to you share such an experience. Your Nigerian folks will be thrilled...I wonder how you found out about each other.
     
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  31. Kouncelor

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    Right, because twins are supposed to have the same interest...NOT...lol
     
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  32. African King

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    LOL yeh they are. He told me at 18 and I told him at 22. They still love him after he came out when he was 18. I still have not told my parents but of course they suspect because we are twins and I supported him when they did not support him.
     
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  33. acessential

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    Nick and Ocky need to do an "I have a gay twin podcast" and invite you both out.
     
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  34. HauteChocolat

    HauteChocolat Squad Member

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    I probably should have put [not] after thrilled. Are you Yoruba (or Igbo)?
     
  35. African King

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    Atlanta, Georgia
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Single
    Igbo. What do you know about us Nigerians? lol
     
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