Best Posts in Thread: CA Coming Out Party!

Coming out be hard in Jamaica dude, well for masculine dudes at least. That context coupled with my particular situation makes coming out still that much harder. I am out to some people and not to others. I came out "ish" last year when my girlfriend at the time found some "questionable" texts between me and a gym buddy. This is after she suspected me and my best friend of being in a side relationship... that's another story, some Frank Ocean shit. After that and many a confrontation later I told her I am "bi" the relationship continued after that for a bit, but it didn't last, we are still cool today though. After that my best friend started to look my ex girl behind my back and even went as far as telling her some of my business ... but that's another story.

As for the complication, You have to understand that Jamaica has a harsh relationship with gay people, as It hinges on deep christian values. Although most young people dont practice what they preach, when push comes to shove they jump on the bandwagon. and I have heard though not seen many mob beatings and killings that have occurred, in fact my friend at one time had to fight off a mob and run to a police station to avoid being well ........ In this context my "Family" Exist as a popular figure. My Aunt is the head of the Legal profession , My uncle is the head of the churches of Jamaica and my Dad is a famous lawyer and represents the churches of Jamaica in their bid to keep the Buggery law legal in the island. The buggery law, criminalizes any form of anal intercourse. Though to be fair my dad is pretty liberal, he is cool with a number of things, for one he believes the personal lives of his children, me and my 4 other sisters, are our personal business. and though we have different mothers, except two, we were grown as a super close family.

That being said the break up with my girl friend of 4 years and finding out that I had 2 extra brothers, one 16 and the other 1yr, that were basically hidden from us (fucked up my medz) . So push came to shove and I had to tell someone, too much shit going onn , eventually I told my other good friend, who for the most part, having harsh views against gay people, stood by me, for the he has changed, through me I guess (similar to that cypher post about the short movie about homophobes) . He helped me come out to the rest of my bredrin (friends) who all didnt really give a fuck. I told my mom 6 months latr, who after a mini freak out just avoids the topic. I still havent told my dad for obvious reasons. Although he found out that my sis has a girlfriend, a son who is gay is a whole different animal down here.

This was pretty long, but its the condensed version of what happened. sorry for any grammatical errors, English and I have a troubled relationship.

 

I've been in a long coming out process for about 2 years now. I started coming out to my friends back in 2013 and that's been a fairly liberating process. I don't have too many qualms about coming out to strangers up front anymore either. Family has been another story entirely... I recently came out to my mother about a month ago and my father about a week ago (Hit's my Schmurda!!!! lol). My mom seems to be doing well. She worries & doesn't like it, but she's there for me and just worries that I'll be discriminated against or gay bashed.

My father on the other hand... is Mr. Macho & isn't particularly thrilled or happy. I had my mother have that conversation with him and we haven't spoken in about two weeks now. I don't know how that first conversation is gonna go but... eh, oh well. I've removed myself from my family back west & I've enjoyed living outside of their microscope out here in GA. I can't go back into that shell for their comfort. It sucks, but I'm glad to have that burden lifted. I just have to tell my super conservative grandmother next & I'll have officially made it past the hard part of coming out. It'll be all down hill after that... lol

 

I will say this, I have been out openly to everyone for about five years now and to tell you the truth it has probably been the best five years of my life. With that being said, as LGBT/SGL people we are constantly re-coming out in a host of situations. These mini interactions of correcting someone when they ask about your "wife" because you are wearing a ring or revealing to your primary care doctor your martial status or plain old general conversation. I use to get extremely nervous in these interactions because we are vulnerable especially when you don't know the person. In my job, in diplomacy, I meet new people every day and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I know I am going to have to say something about my husband but it gets easier and easier every time I do it. I say this not to suggest that I am a rainbow flag waving in your face gay man but I have come to my peace with the fact that I am gay, I shouldn't be ashamed of it, and my gayness is only one of many attributes that define me.

It brings me to my favorite Dr. Seuss line.



I know that it is cliché to say that It Gets Better but trust me, it really does get better when you let the fear and shame go and you stop living for other people and start living for yourself.

 

More diversity will definitely help. I know that Cypher Avenue has helped me so much!!! Being brave enough to meet other gay/bi/SGL men in public places and establish platonic relationships with them has been huge for me. Putting myself out there. The only way I can see myself coming out to family members is when I am financially stable but I will see what happens when I finish school. I feel like my parents know already because I've not talked about or been associated with a female for the past 5 or 6 years. People would joke about me being a ladies man or whatever in college but I definitely made sure to not waste my time with a female because I really knew what would come from that. Nothing positive.

What really helped me was meeting other Nigerian gay men where I come from in Texas and seeing that they were so far outside of the gay stereotype so to speak. I was glad to find people I could relate to. Now I'm in Florida and I've met some great gay/bi men of African/Caribbean descent out here and I'm learning a lot from them.

 

This thread is doper than some may realize...officially stickied now.

Big Applause Clapping by Nick Delmacy posted Sep 8, 2015 at 8:19 PM

 

I think the coming out is a on going process. I came at age 20 to my close friends. The reason I didn't come out before that was mainly religion, being that my mother and grandmother are pastors. So I spent previous years going through serious denial. I had girlfriends and had sex with multiple girls but I never got the hype and most time had trouble staying hard. I also had a guy on my basketball team I experiment with on and off in high school. I eventually started religion research that related to homosexuality and found a lot of misinterpretations, which lead me to rethink why I even considered myself a Christian. Fast forward to now, I'll be 25 in less than two weeks. My family and friends know I'm gay. There are people that I'm no longer close with because they just distance themselves. I'm in a going on 5 year relationship but he isn't out. Coming out was one of the best decisions I've made because I was tired of the double life and lying. I say coming out is a on going process because I still have hesitation with letting new people I meet know that I'm gay. I don't believe every one needs to know but I would like to get to the point where I'm not nervous about if they do.

 

I'm still not really "out" to people, but now I have gotten to the point that I don't really care as much if people find out. About 2 years ago, I was mad cautious because I didn't want people to hold my sexuality over my head or use that as leverage to hurt me. I realized through many of the people I have met here that the power that other people have over me is the power that I voluntarily give them.

 

I started early. I came out to a friend when I was 13 as bi. I knew I was just gay, but part of me was still hoping. Then I slowly started coming out to different family members and friends. And then I was dragged the rest of the way out of the closet in high school when my ex decided to tell everyone about our relationship. I was 15. I stopped caring at that point. Didn't broadcast it, but I was honest about it. Never really had any issues. I know it's difficult for a lot of people. I was just one of the lucky ones.

 

Actually letting those close to me know only happened 2 yrs ago, and as Ive stated before, CA/DC helped a lot. A big issue for me was feeling isolated and not connected in any way to the mass perception of what 'gay' is. Hopefully for others in those shoes, the growing presence of a more diverse 'gay landscape' will help them along the way.

 

I've tried telling my mom several times and each times her response was that it was a phase. I got caught growing up messing with boys all the time. I even got "banned" from using the public library because they caught me visiting gay porn sites in middle school and I was using my aunt's address so they sent a letter to her. I don't know where she stands but at this point I have given up caring. Most of my friends know as far as I know. Being an elementary school teacher I always have to be on my P's and Q's, but I think a lot of people have their suspicions as well, IDC.

 

Many of us know "Coming Out" isn't easy. I kinda hate the term honestly. But for the sake of the thread, let's help some C A Squads bros.




For me it was 2008. But as far as expression, definitely 2013. I considered my self bi-sexual for the most part my whole life. Recently, I could say I'm like 70/30 But after being married to a chick, I'm like 85/15 ...lol



I learned about this whole coming out through Ellen DeGeneres I was 14 at the time. But I knew, when I heard my parents talking, that whatever she did was connected to me in some way or another. So how about you. Were there any moments or people that sparked your great day?