Can You Be Cool With Someone You're Attracted To?

I know you're probably tired of me lol but

1) Hmm if do contact him via social media use Facebook instead of Jack'd. It would look alittle more platonic. Seeing him in person is good, you could casually get his number and it wouldn't seem out of nowhere.

2) I think it depends on you. I'm not very aggressive unless I really really was something and I'm shy in person so I most likely wouldn't be the one to just go for it. Being friends and establishing shared interests is better to me.

 

I would approach him in person. It's a little more bold and you'll probably stand out from others. Idk if y'all have had a conversation yet but at the next meeting chat him up and see if y'all click.

I always go the friend route but that's because I'm rejection adverse and if doesn't work out you could still be friends. Of all the guys I've dated(and that's only 3 1/2) only one of them did I approach in person and we just hung out the first Time and instantly clicked. Do what you feel most comfortable with.

 

Personally if I see a guy I like and have interest in I will avoid getting at him via any form of social media. I will see him in person, invite him for a drink/coffee and from there I will give hints that I am trying to get to know him better. If his antenna's are weak and he is not picking up my signals I will word it to him,face to face, before inviting him like to the park or a walk over the Christmas lights.
Your Second question I will try to see if I can start a good rapport and then go with the flow. You can learn a lot just by simple interactions and that will make you know if you want to go further.

 

I have a situation like this now.
I work with this dude that I'm crazy attracted to but It can never be for several reasons.

1. He's straight and not just straight but very homophobic straight.
2. He's a co-worker and I don't believe in crossing that line.
3. He's married!

We vibe on many levels and he always seeks me out to talk to because he says he likes that I'm able to "conversate" on many different topics.
I keep my attraction and enthusiasm towards him to myself and come home and give my arms a vigorous workout!

 

It's always been very easy to be cool with someone I'm attracted to. I would do what feels right and what you're most comfortable with. Reaching out on Facebook might be innocuous enough. As far as Question 2, DEFINITELY friends first...see how things develop. As my dad used to say "I've got more time than I've got money"....

 

Do I know this story!!!!!!! I have that situation now 2x. The only thing I'd add to your numeration is that he's white. For the second crush, he's a maintenance guy and the ones at my job are EXTREMELY homophobic. He was in my office fixing a leaking drain one day and I almost let my guard down...Talk about a good workout THAT day. LMAO

 

There is a guy on my job too, he is older probably early 30's, he does have kids so I assume he is married.
Brotha is really fine, he is average height, like myself. Got the beard game going on & he is a professional. He gives off nothing but sophisticated grown man. I may say hello in meeting, but I admire from afar. Shezz some straight guys are just going to be eye candy and you got to accept that.

 

Some!?!
Too damn many. That's always been a problem for me.

 

Just hangout with him...get hammered...then go for it!


If it backfires...just...

 

I have taken up permanent residence in the friend zone. I even made a post about it here a awhile ago. I tend to be attracted to my friends because in general, I wanted to be friends with them because I was attracted to them. Go figure.

 

I had a buddy who used to do just that.
he'd get hammered and then he'd get nice and "hammered".
It always seemed to work for him.

 

IMO if you get to know someone you are attracted to eventually you get over the beauty of them. I have met mofos Sexy as hell but they have horrible personalities.

 

I think it depends on the kind of attraction. I believe if I'm physically attracted to a person but it's obvious we can only be boys I can accept that. If I'm sexually attracted to the person, because the two are mutually exclusive for me, I could never be a friend because everything below the belt wouldn't let me. I'd have to let them know that we wouldn't be able to be friends because of that tension.

 

But take a chance, as they say the only thing someone can say is yes I'm interested or no I'm not. You get an answer either way and don't have to be left in wonder.

 

1 of my bffs is a str8 who looks like an even more attractive Tone Bell. I call him Tone n he calls me Tyson, n we're thick as thieves. We're homies (tho i'd still do some quick ho shyt w him if we the opp arrived, shoot me) but now that I type this, I guess him bein str8 doesn't apply to this convo...carry on

 

Damn, that sucks, yeh.

....straight guys just don't do sh*t for me. Either than the initial attraction of 'damn he fine' or 'he's got a nice ass', there's really nothing else to it. I don't know, the unavailable-ness is extremely unattractive to me.

 

....because you literally described how I would go about this.

I can understand about wanting to become friends with someone before dating them, but that's just a bit redundant to me. If I'm sexually attracted to you and would like to date you, I don't want to be your friend first; that's something we can develop afterwards.

But, if I'm just physically attracted to you (which the two are mutually exclusive), sure why not develop a friendship first, I can deal with the psychical attraction...but if things change and I become sexually attracted to the person (which can happen yeh), I'd have to let them know how I'm feeling and that if they still just wanted to remain friends, I'd respect that but wouldn't be able to continue being friends.

 

Yeah I've been to many situations like that then you are attracted to a straight guy and it's not fun. When I find out some is straight I mentally and emotionally cut them off almost immediately now..I feel like I have to. I don't think I can be friends with someone I'm attracted to because I couldn't just ignore my feelings the more we spend time together. I can control myself of course and be respectful towards others but it would be so uncomfortable for me..

 

I'm cool with this one guy who I've been attracted to for quite sometime. However, I never pursued anything with him romantically b/c I'm not his type being that he's always favored white boys and light skinned guys over me during the time I've known him. I try to maintain a certain amount of distance from him at times b/c of my "feelings" for him, but it is what it is.

 

1) I personally think direct personal interaction is stronger. Body language will help both of you develop a better understanding of each other and situation. Plus, as a dying art form, he'll appreciate it a lot more and it makes you look more confident, which most men can appreciate.

2) I would go somewhere in the middle. I typically ask if they'd like to hang out, go someplace to eat or drink, see a movie and then see how that flows. You can typically tell if there's some sort of attraction/connection/chemistry if you're paying attention. That also helps take some of the pressure off of you.