Can You Date A Man That Has Any Type of Interaction Whatsoever With Any Exes?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Nigerian Prince, Dec 28, 2015.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    I was at brunch in Houston with friends I've known since elementary school and we all believe that we cannot deal with anyone that has any sort of contact with any exes. What do you guys think?

    Do you still have any contact with any of your exes? Why or why not?
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

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    If I find out that a dude I'm dating is "best friends" with his Ex, we're usually are no longer dating shortly after that. I don;t date friends and I don't befriend Exes.
     
  3. Dr. Strange

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    Objectively, I don't see anything wrong with it. If two people can remain friends after a break up then I think that's good. This gay world is so small as it is already. And just cause two people don't work out romantically doesn't mean they can't platonic wise.
     
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  4. Nigerian Prince

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    THANK YOU! That's exactly how I feel. If I find out on the first date or anytime after, it's a wrap! I will SON that dude lol.
     
  5. Dr. Strange

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    Who do you date then Nick? From the outside looking in, you seem to cut off a lot ppl.
     
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  6. Nigerian Prince

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    I just think it is like this... If two people have been in a relationship and they've been sexual, then they want to remain in contact and still do all the things they did previously minus having sex and having intimacy, I just don't think it is possible to work.
     
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  7. Dr. Strange

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    Isn't that basically what a friendship is? Friendships are a type of relationship. The only difference is you're not having sex.
     
  8. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Just because it appears that I cut off lot of people that you like, that doesn't mean I have zero options.
     
  9. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Exactly. It means that they haven't actually broken up...they're just celibate...possibly temporarily.
     
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  10. Dr. Strange

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    So two people can't break up and not have sex with each other and be friends? That's just an impossibility is what you're saying?
     
  11. Nick Delmacy

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    I'm saying that I want no parts of that "friendship." You can have him though.
     
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  12. Dr. Strange

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    Aye ye ye, the world we live in.
     
  13. cypher21

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    I'm on the fence until I know more. Being "best friends" with your ex is a no-go for me but I don't see all romantic relationships ending so abruptly either. If you were with someone for a long time and spent alot of time together I don't see why you can't be acquaintances at least or care about the person platonically...I don't like it when I see meme of people saying "OOH I don't have exes" or "I don't know them" or automatically they become Public Enemy No. 1 lol. Now if they were trifling or cheated or something extreme I get it but not all your exes can be that bad...if they are, you need to take a break! lol
     
    #13 cypher21, Dec 28, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2015
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  14. Dr. Strange

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    Thank you! Not all exes are going to be still fucking each other. Some people are adults can break up graciously but remain platonic friends.
     
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  15. hannibal

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    I think it depends. I mean, if they are on good terms and speak periodically, why not. We grown. Sometimes people break up over petty stuff and get over it. Doesn't make either of them jerks that can't speak. However...if they going ot the movies every week or talking on the phone all the time...we have a problem.

    I have a friend who broke up with someone and then started dating someone else. His ex came down with congestive heart failure. Is he supposed to suddenly act like they didn't spend 2 years of their lives together simply because he is now in love with someone else?

    In my opinion it's not the exes...it's the "best friend" you have to worry about.
     
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  16. Discordant

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    It really depends on how close they are to their ex, how long they've been broken up for, and the reason they broke up (as well as who called it off.) Also, if the ex is single, I wouldn't be comfortable. Best friends is pushing it, and if it's been months and not at least a year, I would find that strange as well.

    I'm only acquaintances with one ex and, to be quite honest, I can barely stand him as a person. He's much younger than I am (which is part of the reason I broke up with him in the first place) but he is a decent fellow; I just can't stand to deal with his particular brand of BS anymore. I've recently double-dated with him and hooked him up with another acquaintance and they seem to be a better match.
     
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  17. Nick Delmacy

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    Gay men are the only creatures on Earth who will FIGHT for the right to remain friends with an Ex dude they were fucking long after breaking up. You rarely EVER see a straight dude telling his wife that he's going to the movies or "just hanging out" with his Ex-Girlfriend.

    Why you need to keep this nikka in your back pocket? You can't make other friends? Peen power is the only way you can acquire bonds?
     
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  18. hannibal

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    I think you're comparing apples and oranges. By virtue of being gay men, there's really not that many of us in the grand scheme of things. Also, I don't think straight men are as inclined ot be friends with straight women so they likely wouldn't be friends with an ex-girlfriend. As men are drawn to men platonically and sexually, I think if the sexual element is removed, it's natural for us to have platonic relationships.
     
  19. Nick Delmacy

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    "straight men are as inclined ot be friends with straight women." You're the one mixing Apples with Oranges...

    The question wasn't "Can you be friends with a gay man that you were attracted to?" It was "Can you data a man that is friends with his Ex?" So I used the direct comparison of heterosexual couples. Its no different in regards to: This is someone my man used to love and have lots of sex with.

    If my potential dude can ONLY seem to be friends with people whose penises he's seen and had inserted into his body, that tells me that we are not compatible in more ways than one.
     
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  20. hannibal

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    @Nick Delmacy you're confusing yourself and the point.

    Straight men don't have to be friends with their exes because they, likely, aren't inclined to be friends with women anyway.
     
  21. Nick Delmacy

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    This is false. Do you even know any straight men, bro? Of course straight men are friends with women. Work friends, College friends, neighborhood friends...stop viewing the world from the prism of Web Series, lol.

    I have observed, however, that straight men are typically not friends with their Exes like gay men are...Gay men usually act as if its natural to still be best buddies with Exes and will say you "lack maturity" if you question it.
     
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  22. hannibal

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    @ockydub can you back me u p on this please?
     
  23. Dr. Strange

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    Frankly, it just sounds like one is just assuming a lot of things. In this case, if you're friends with your ex then its assumed that they're still fucking or "will be fucking again" which is silly. You don't know someone is no good until you actually KNOW they're no good. Assuming things just says more things about you than that person.
     
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  24. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I wouldn't do it. What would keep popping up in my mind is the ex-lover/friend has seen the person I'm dating naked and that used to have sex. That is enough to rub me the wrong way. Is it possible for someone to be just friends with an ex? Yes, almost anything is possible. However this arrangement shows that certain boundaries has been crossed. That to me is big red flag. What's to stop them from crossing that boundary again? An ex is an ex for a reason. I think it's less messy and less complicated to cut all ties with an ex once the relationship is over. That's my take on it.
     
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  25. Jai

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    On some points I wouldn't care....The occasional chat or basic interaction, but you have to be careful these days. A lot of dudes love to "chill" with their friends & how many videos do you see now a days where folks are still fooling around with their ex because they had that "chemistry" in from past?

    I'd give my PAPI his space to be free but I'd keep an eye on that ex & how much they try to interact with my hubby. Haha
     
  26. Cyrus-Brooks

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    The issue of heterosexual men and women remaining friends even after a breakup is also different. Since there will be times when a man and a woman will have to be friendly or at least civil when there are children involved. That's a totally different arrangement than gay men who remain friends with an ex. Any time I see gay dudes who do that I automatically assume that they're keeping their ex around so they have some easy dick or ass on stand-by when ever they feel the urge.
     
    #26 Cyrus-Brooks, Dec 28, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015
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  27. Jaa

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    That's true, but I think a lot of straight men treat those female friends like good acquaintances. Yeah, they may talk at work or occasionally got to one of their gatherings or something, but they probably consider their time with their boys different, on another deeper level. Some consider platonic attractive female friends as potential future lovers if the circumstances are right. And some guys take the approach discussed in @African King's other thread where they approach someone as a friend hoping that it will lead to more, and many will become distant or end the friendship altogether if they're interest in more isn't returned.

    Gay men often complain about how it's hard to meet men not only for dating but also for friendship. People in general often state that it's difficult to make friends, especially as an adult. It makes sense that some guys might not want to cut someone off completely after breaking up if they really were one of their best friends. Sure, I'd prefer that my date not be in that kind of situation and it would feel a little weird knowing they have that kind of history, but if I don't get vibes that he is keeping him around for "break in case of emergency" sex, I'd be cool with it. Masculine gay men attracted to other masculine gay men for friendship and dating often have difficulty finding guys they really connect with, and I can understand some reluctance to let go of a rare connection. Now, if most or all of this guy's circle of friends have sampled the goods, I'd probably back off.
     
  28. Nick Delmacy

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  29. RolandG

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    Good luck. You'd think @ockydub was still slaving away in corporate america since he rarely comes on Cypher Avenue anymore. @Nick Delmacy is a single parent now.
     
  30. hannibal

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    @ockydub and I will always have facebook!
     
  31. RolandG

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    So what you're saying is that both of you have abandoned Cypher Avenue for the white man's social media? Figures.
     
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  32. Champagne Papi

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    ....such tunnel vision. You're literally zooming in on one factor of their relationship and maximizing it. Not to add, you're assuming on why they actually remained friends based on your tunnel vision.
     
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  35. Champagne Papi

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    ....that's just seems highly insecure to me. Wouldn't you want to be secure with yourself and the relationship that you have with your dude to not be frightened by any other relationship that he has?

    And wouldn't you want to support your dude in his friendships? If my guy had a best-friend, who just happened to be his ex, and they cultivated a relationship where they hung out and could talk all the time, why wouldn't I encourage and support him to value that friendship and continue to build it? It's not that easy to find a friend that you feel comfortable with to have almost constant communication with.

    Long story short, his friends came before I did....and any insecurities that I have, I would deal with myself and not punish him for them.
     
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