Causing scenes

Discussion in 'Mental, Medical and Sexual Health' started by Boaxy, Dec 11, 2017.

  1. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    Why are causing scenes or tantrums in public seen as bad?

    I remember the last few scenes I pulled and tantrums I did, and don't regret doing them.

    In fact I wish a motherfucker would record that injustice. me and put that shit on youtube. Make me famous.

    But I was working at this hotel as a clerk, and they made me like open the curtains and set the tables and bring towels to rooms and shit etc. I really liked this job. However my superiors and coordinators hated my guts for being black and gay.

    So a few months ago, they called me into the office and told me I was dismissed/fired.

    I went off like a match. I cussed them all out. I started throwing shit. Security had to escort me out.

    The next tantrum I had was weeks ago. I was having a really bad day. I went for a job interview for this bank. My interview was in like this vestibule of the lobby of the building the bank was in. The guy interviewing me was nice, but there was something about me he didn't like. Because I am black and gay. Because I was more than qualified for that job. Or else I would have gotten hired.

    I remember he asked me if I had any questions about the job which I did, I had a couple which he answered.

    Then there this this very long awkward silence, and he started taking swigs of his drink and was I guess hinting for me to leave, as he didn't feel I sold myself enough. I don't know?

    So I told him, "So will you keep in touch with me?"

    He just simply said, "Well I want to appreciate you coming out, and have a good one." So basically I didn't get the job.

    I remember I got kinda angry, as I was really hoping to get this job, as I'm still unemployed right now. I remember I grunted at him and was yelling to people in the lobby that this company was racist and homophobic and people were looking at me crazy.

    Another one happened was, I was riding the subway here in Los Angeles. I had my earphones on and was listening to music. I was miming and dancing in my seat to the music. I wasn't hurting anybody. I was just minding my own business.

    This white guy sitting in the row across, had a negative agenda on me for some reason. But he kept giving me angry looks.

    All throughout the train ride he kept giving me shit. Finally I had enough when there was another white guy who got on the train. He was a stranger, and he didn't know this man. He tapped on his shoulder, pointed at me, laughed, making angry faces at me, signaled with his hands that I was crazy and said along the lines, "why do they fucking act like that." Now I don't know if he meant they as in black people, or gay people or both. I don't know.

    But as soon as he did that, I went off on him. I got in his face and called him a cracker and all he did was move back in his seat as he was scared. He wasn't scared when he was making fun of me and talking shit. I then got of the subway and just waited for the next one to come. I didn't want to stay on.

    So I want to know why is causing scenes seen as bad? I felt really good after doing what I did. I was just under a lot of stress and things like that happen.

    Yet people say you're crazy, when you do that.

    On all these youtube videos, you see people going off and causing scenes. People are so quick to call them crazy, yet not fully knowing what the situation was.

    I don't have anybody to turn or talk to. No lover, or boyfriend or much family support. So I do things like that. It's bad enough been black and gay. Just being disappointing or being in those situations, I just don't know.

    But why is causing scenes and throwing tantrums seen as bad?
     
  2. ControlledXaos

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    Why are causing scenes or tantrums in public seen as bad?

    I remember the last few scenes I pulled and tantrums I did, and don't regret doing them.

    In fact I wish a motherfucker would record that injustice. me and put that shit on youtube. Make me famous.

    This is an interesting motive. However, everyone isn't going to be Cash Me Outside chick. Only non black people get famous for that type of thing.

    But I was working at this hotel as a clerk, and they made me like open the curtains and set the tables and bring towels to rooms and shit etc. I really liked this job. However my superiors and coordinators hated my guts for being black and gay.

    Do you have receipts for this?

    So a few months ago, they called me into the office and told me I was dismissed/fired.

    I went off like a match. I cussed them all out. I started throwing shit. Security had to escort me out.

    Did you honestly think something was positive was going to come out of that? Did they provide you with any reason why you were dismissed beyond they didn't like you? If you liked the job you'd want to have a good reference. You could have been a well performing employee but the only thing they are going to remember is you got escorted out. I can guarantee you that the staff is still talking about this. There's your fame.

    The next tantrum I had was weeks ago. I was having a really bad day. I went for a job interview for this bank. My interview was in like this vestibule of the lobby of the building the bank was in. The guy interviewing me was nice, but there was something about me he didn't like. Because I am black and gay. Because I was more than qualified for that job. Or else I would have gotten hired.

    Again: Receipts? Look, I understand. I hear this a lot at my job with people saying that they know they are qualified and if it wasn't for this, or if it wasn't for that they'd get the job. Hell I used to say the same thing. I had applied for countless jobs when I was laid off but there's always going to be another person who is either as qualified as you or better qualified than you or the less qualified person fits in with the culture better or the interviewer just likes them better. It happens.

    I remember I got kinda angry, as I was really hoping to get this job, as I'm still unemployed right now. I remember I grunted at him and was yelling to people in the lobby that this company was racist and homophobic and people were looking at me crazy.

    I can't blame them.

    Another one happened was, I was riding the subway in Los Angeles. I had my earphones on and was listening to music. I was miming and dancing in my seat to the music. I wasn't hurting anybody. I was just minding my own business.

    This white guy sitting in the row across, had a negative agenda on me for some reason. But he kept giving me angry looks.

    All throughout the train ride he kept giving me shit. Finally I had enough when there was another white guy who got on the train. He was a stranger, and he didn't know this man. He tapped on his shoulder, pointed at me, laughed, making angry faces at me, signaled with his hands that I was crazy and said along the lines, "why do they fucking act like that." Now I don't know if he meant they as in black people, or gay people or both. I don't know.

    But as soon as he did that, I went off on him. I got in his face and called him a cracker and all he did was move back in his seat as he was scared. He wasn't scared when he was making fun of me and talking shit. I then got of the subway and just waited for the next one to come. I didn't want to stay on.

    Getting off the train was the right thing to do here. Sometimes we, just a general 'we', not a 'we blackfokes' or 'we gays', can get paranoid. However, I need examples of the shit he was giving you.

    So I want to know why is causing scenes seen as bad? I felt really good after doing what I did. I was just under a lot of stress and things like that happen.

    Yet people say you're crazy, when you do that.

    On all these youtube videos, you see people going off and causing scenes. People are so quick to call them crazy, yet not fully knowing what the situation was.

    I don't have anybody to turn or talk to. No lover, or boyfriend or much family support. So I do things like that. It's bad enough been black and gay. Just being disappointing or being in those situations, I just don't know.

    Thank your higher being or whatever for this part because I was totally going to come at this from a different angle. IE Roasting but I'm going to try to give you some uncle like advice here.

    But why is causing scenes and throwing tantrums seen as bad?

    Because it shows signs of a sociopath.

    What I'm gathering from this is that you don't have skills in managing disappointment. Developing coping skills will do you well in life. Not everything that happens to us, negatively or positively is due to us being black and or gay. From your post I'm gathering it's obvious you are gay? CA is open to everyone but most of the guys here are discreet and even for us who are out, we don't wear our sexuality on our sleeves not because we've don't want to or choose to, it's just who we are. So excuse some of us if we have difficulty relating to these exact experiences you have had.

    Yelling at people is not going to get you far. You have to contribute how you react and treat people. Maybe because I'm from the south, I just don't give whypeepoe behavior that they expect. I'm not going to pop someone white in their mouth because they called me a nigger but what I will do is hit them with some wit and and laugh at they ass because the whyfokes who have the nads to call us niggers can't stand uppidy negros who outrank them educationally. Or just plain smarter than them.

    You don't have to tone down yourself. You can't control people. You can control how you react to them though. Do people not like gays?yep. Do people not like black gays? Yes. Do people not like black out gays? Hell yes. But There's plenty of out, flamboyant gay men who have jobs and get knocked down but one bad monkey don't stop their shows. And they know that you don't go off on people.

    My advice is to try to figure out what making you angry and learn how to handle it better.

    Trust me when I say that there are plenty of mofos I want to pop dead in their jaw. But I'm not trying to put myself in a position where I can not do what I want to do professionally.
     
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  3. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    The reason why causing a scene or throwing a tantrum is seen as bad because that is something an adult especially a grown man shouldn't do. It shows a lack of maturity, self discipline, and a lack of emotional self control. Also it often times doesn't yield a positive result. Throwing a tantrum in a public setting will only serve to harden opposition to what you're trying to accomplish and cause bystanders to see you as rude, unreasonable, and childish. Everyone looses their temper from time to time but using a tantrum or making a scene as your go to move will only serve to reinforce the stereotype of the loud ghetto negro, or the overly dramatic, emotional, effeminate gay. Most people will simply dismiss what you have to say and they will tune you out even if you're in the right.
     
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  4. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    You can get non verbal cues and non verbal communication if people don't' like you. In lunch nobody wants to sit by you. The guys are more strict and stern with you, whereas with the other guys in the company they are buddy buddy and bros with. It's just the way it is.

    They told me they didn't trust me as apart of their company. They also made up lies and said I was stealing and not counting my lunch breaks. etc. Shit like that.

    No, but I'm not gonna sit there and just take that stuff. I'm not filthy rich, but I really liked this job, and it was nice to have it. I just couldn't control my emotions.

    Are you always gonna get what you what? No of course not, but sometimes I just lose it.

    He was just very unprofessional. He didn't even say "excuse me, I need to talk a drink" etc Or I don't remember him saying something like that. He just started drinking as if I was bothering him or he was bored.

    You can get non verbal cues from people a lot once again.


    He was just giving me ugly looks. The train was kinda packed and crowded, so you couldn't move to another seat or anything. I was just minding my own business.

    But I guess the way I dressed, the way my style and attitude was, he just didn't like it.

    So you're calling me a psychopath/sociopath? You wouldn't be the first. I worry that I am one, and beginning to think I am one anyways, even though I'm scared of being labeled that and they say people who are sociopaths don't question themselves as being one, but I don't know.

    I do think I have some mild cases of borderline personality disorder and depression. But it is what it is.

    Well I feel being black and gay, that's already a disappointment in life. So now I have to go through more.

    When my mother died when I was 9, and my twin brother died when he was 14 of cancer, I'm 27 now, it's jsut been terrible. I feel like I can't catch a break.

    I just wish I had a boyfriend or someone for support.

    It would make disappointment and rejection easier.

    I see.

    I see. Thank you.
     
  5. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    But it makes me feel better. I feel if you're already screwed in life, why not?

    If that makes me a bitching queen negro appropriating a stereotype, then oh well. Ugh.
     
  6. TheGrotesqueLestat

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    Based on this thread you'd be a perfect drag queen!

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. alton

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  8. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    Feelings are overrated. They often get in the way of rational thought. Relying on feelings often gets people into trouble. I urge you to consider a more stoic approach to life. It's a disadvantage to let adversaries know they can get to you emotionally. While it may make you feel better in the short term to cause a scene it's counterproductive in the long-term. Experience has taught that no matter how bad things may seem they can always be worse. Experience has also taught me not to let people know they can easily get a rise out of you.
     
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  9. ControlledXaos

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    Having a bf is fine but imo based on what has been said in this thread thus far, you probably need a platonic friend to talk things out with.

    Clearly I can't say you are a sociopath and write up an rx over the internet, but if enough people have told you that, it's time to sit back and reflect on things.

    I'm sorry things with your family life has been rough. That's a lot to handle. Maybe you can look into getting into a support group?
     
  10. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    Why is it a disadvantage? I don't always like to, but if I have to, then I wouldn't mind a fight. I wouldn't mind a battle. Even if nobody wins. If it's a tie, whatever. If someone doesn't want shit, they don't start shit, really.

    If I wanted to leave, or was getting hints that I wasn't liked, and my emotions were being attacked. In other words, if I simply wasn't happy. I'll put my two weeks notice in, and shit. I'll leave with dignity.

    But I liked my job, it was paying the bills. No it wasn't buku money, but I still liked giving my time towards working.

    But If I'm a good worker, and you dismiss me and fire me, then you damn right I'm gonna go off. I'll have my episode and that's it. I don't have to deal with them anymore. I just want to at least mark my territory to prove a point.

    Words do have power I'm afraid, and so do actions. So you're supposed to not be powerful in these types of situations?

    I don't know man.
     
  11. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    That's why I'm on this forum so I can talk to perhaps other black/afro centric and/or queer black men.

    It's hard making friends, romance, whatever as a queer black man. So. It's really easy for you to say, no offense, that I need a friend.

    I tried gay support groups. I just don't like them, and they don't like me. I don't know.
     
  12. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    Wow. Okay. Smh.
     
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