Contradictory Gay Dudes in Dating

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nick Delmacy, Nov 15, 2017.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Spent the last THREE days long-chatting w a masculine gay Black dude trying to 'logically' explain to me that he wants "friends first" and prefers "just hanging out" (no official dates) when dating dudes but HATES when any of his gay homie friends view him as dating material and try to cross that line.

    Da fuk?!

    DMdhkyfV4AA6521.jpg

    That idyllic homie/lover/friend scenario is basically every episode of every gay web series, every black romantic film made in the 90s and 00s and all of @hannibal's Black & Sexy TV work.

    large_zQoCjIInTAmt7LTLRNOiPMAeb8E.jpg

    I mean, I get wanting monogamous friends only, especially since so many dudes do what @OckyDub calls "The Gay Handshake" (messing around sexually before getting to know each other) which sends mixed signals...but how can you also blur the lines and force your "dates" to act as "just homeboys" until YOU feel ready to call him a date?! And at the same time, you don't want any of your "just homeboys" to EVER ask you on a date! But you also want to be "Friends First" with the dude you get into a relationship with!

    :mindblown:

    Dis nikka contradicting himself left and right and basically don't know what he wants, like so many other black gays. Trust me, I don't want this dude in question for myself (for other reasons), but he exemplifies Black ghey nikkas in America: They say they want one thing on sites, apps and in convo, but go after the other.

    Shit is over-complicated and exhausting.

    People often roast me for being too logical, too analytical, too transparent and too straight-forward...But you will ALWAYS know where you stand with me, no games or screwy backflip rationale. Most black ghey nikkas are wack, yo.

    To (mis)quote Damon Wayans in Bamboozled: "I don't want to have anything to do, with anything (gay), for...at least a week."



    :mjlol:
     
    #1 Nick Delmacy, Nov 15, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017
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  2. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Maybe its masculinity bumping up against the Gay "heteronormative" fairy tale?

    Men mentally want to keep their options open thinking they may find something better - coupled with biology allowing us to bust multiple nutts in conjunction with heteronormative society and Gay Culture telling us we need to settle down, get gay married, have gay babies and gay dogs.

    Either way...I using this smiley :dame:
     
    #2 OckyDub, Nov 15, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017
  3. jusrawb

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    Dating these days seems so complicated sheesh... Just makes me appreciate my relationship even more.
     
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  4. jpo

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    You hit it perfectly when you wrote
    Too many guys just don't know what they want so they don't want to rule out any options. I agree with your reaction - it's frustrating. Problem is that I'm not sure there's a solution - do you wear a button with the word "unsure" with a red slash through it?
     
  5. Nigerian Prince

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    Yeah you do find many black gay men who say one thing via apps then in person it is another thing. I have not been on any apps like Jack'd or Tinder since last December. I simply refuse. I've had better luck bumping into men at the club and house parties/kickbacks here and there.

    I don't know why people like to make things so complex but the fact of the matter is that these days there is what is called "choice overload" especially with the advancements in social media and these dating websites. It is a proven fact that most matches, long-term relationships and even marriages these days do come from people meeting online first instead of meeting in person first (see my newly published 'Intro to Human Development' textbook). I choose to be single because I am tired of being broke at the moment so I am focusing on myself and expanding my network of friends and associates personally and professionally. I do have thoughts cross my mind about dating but I've come to accept that I am one of the very few black gay men who are currently single and his entire existence revolves around getting married, or at the very least being in a relationship just because.
     
  6. Cyrus-Brooks

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    What's wrong with having a date? Isn't that how you get to know someone? I'm confused.
    Movies-Get-Out-1200x610-1487261039.jpg No, better yet he's confused. This dude sounds like he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. Life is too short to be bothered with people like that.
     
  7. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I mean, I somewhat get it...That's the whole reason I go on my "straight dates," to be able to "hang out" with other men without the pressure/awkwardness that comes with "hanging out" with gay men whose friendship can be interpreted as "chemistry."

    But I don't apply that "straight date" logic to my actual dates. I could be wrong but based on my past dates they are all pretty chilled and feel like "bros hanging out." But I make it clear that I'm investing in a possible intimate relationship, unlike my "straight dates" and monogamous gay friend outings.

    I'm too old for anything else. Plus, I put on a different kind of charm and charisma for my dates than I do for my bros. If a dude says we're "just hanging out," imma treat it as such. No flirtation, no long gazes and I'm openly looking at every other fine nikka that walks into the sportsbar.
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

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    Well it may be that time to expand you dating horizons and start also dating non-black men.

    *runs from the thread after posting such heresy*
     
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  9. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I'm not against it. However, non-black men in my field-of-view are usually either not into me or we just don't find each other hanging in the same areas to meet in the first place.
     
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  10. ColumbusGuy

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    I mean 85% of gay men in the US are non-black, IJS. Even if only 20% were open to dating black men, that would double your options. I can understand though why black men might want to look for other black men in the US, more so than the same thing for other groups.
     
  11. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Your math and stats may be correct, but they still don't address the two points I mentioned in the comment you responded to...I'm not a lean, salt & pepper haired, white gay man living in San Francisco...I'm a bearded, fitted cap wearing black gay man living in Atlanta.
     
  12. ColumbusGuy

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    Which is why I put the 'if only 20 percent' ;) I think the tall, masculine, nice-looking, top, sane and employed, etc. work in your favor regardless, but your 'idiosyncrasies'(not judging), 'pickiness'(not judging) and, unfortunately since we are talking about gays here, age may work against you. And you can't do anything about who is checking for you really, but you can do something about where you hang and where you go to meet people...just sayin'(not judging).

    *and I imagine many if not most lean, salt and pepper haired, white gay men living in SF are completely insufferable and smug. JMHO (not to mention probably a feminist, identifies as 'queer', etc lol.)
     
  13. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Why would I want to hang out in places that I don't like just to meet gay men that most likely aren't interested in me?

    This thread wasn't about giving Nick Delmacy dating advice. I just wanted to share a general observation about Black Gay Men based on a recent conversation I had with one.
     
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  14. ColumbusGuy

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    Ok fine. nevermind. And I never said you should hang out in places that you do not like, please don't put words in my mouth. Just forget it geez.
     
  15. alton

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    LMAO
    [​IMG]
     
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  16. ColumbusGuy

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    4251b6c7decdba13e4785490b30b1d8153a143eed89d5e7f0c1c8fd156dd9b81.gif
     
  17. SB3

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    Yea, what everyone else said. Ill also say, it's this microwave world we live in, where you get to redefine whatever you want whenever you want. The only logical reasoning behind what dude is saying would be that he's tired of dudes who he isn't into, being into him, and having to address it. Trust, if he's really into dude that first time 'hanging out', he's going to make that clear.

    There's a reason why everytime you mention a friend to someone, they don't automatically go, 'so, how long have you guys been dating?'
     
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