I've had the conversation with other Cypher Avenue members in my groupme and everyone has their own thoughts about how to define relationships on levels from: 1) talking to someone, 2) dating/courting, or 3) calling yourselves officially a couple... It makes me less optimistic about dating because people look at dating in a very untraditional way. When I was growing up, the word DATING meant that you were exclusive to one another. Now it means "Netflix and Chill" and people are scared to have any sort of commitment... #bottomspodcast

The real question is... should you EVER take the condom off??? #bottomspodcast

I cannot believe that people try to break condoms or go without them... People take the condom because it is all about YOLO mindset. People want the feeling right now and then they do not think far ahead enough to think about the consequences that come with having bareback sex. Especially with someone you don't know. #bottomspodcast

I totally agree about the apps and how people make them and then you hit them up and they don't reply you! #bottomspodcast

LOL damn! Being turned on by fighting in relationships? Really though?! #bottomspodcast

The media portrayal of bottoms is really messed up though... especially from black gay filmmakers #bottomspodcast

I do like the media portrayal of black gay men on Love and Hip-Hop Hollywood though because the story is relateable #bottomspodcast

 

Good podcast. I've said this before, but, I still find it odd how much people have constructed an identity marker based on a preferred sexual position. "Bottoms do this." "Bottoms do that." as opposed to "Men who bottom." I'm an anomaly. Not down with the strict labels and the associated defining characteristics.

 

Yea, this podcast def played out a lot diff than our tops podcast. I love any opportunity to hear that fool @hannibal cut the fool, but i wanted to hear the who/what/why/how u felt bottoming was for u. Vers is one thing, i just couldnt imagine not using my pipe. To each his own, just honest questions/discussion

 

A good point is that there are different brands of condoms. I mean, people should try things out. You can actually get condoms from more places than Target and Walmarks.

It is possible to be turned on during a fight. How many times have people argued and the argument turned into a hot makeout sessions before? We see it on TV all the time. Though I do think that when it's two guys, there's the potential for things to get more physical than a female/male pairing.

I'm very disappointed that black content creators go to the simplest things because that's what they say people want. I'm going to guess that maybe it's because people use Grindr references as points to make it relateable to the audience in the "Oh yeah, I have used that! I know about this!" kind of way. It's pretty lazy. We are more complex than that. I can appreciate some cliche's but... come on. This is why I liked the HBO show Looking. It wasn't perfect but it was different from the typical bottomsel in distress who is looking for a mane in the all the wrong places until some super hot muscled up manly guy comes who is gay friendly at first and turns out to be gay and falls in love with him and they ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

 

Interesting podcast, I enjoyed hearing everyone's thoughts and experience. I would enjoy more roundtable discussions in the future. It's good to hear the varied experiences of being a black gay man.

But it made me though think about how much we put ourselves in these categories for no reason. I guess my take is you like what you like, it shouldn't be that big of a deal, whether that means you are top/bottom. I definitely agree we are all somewhat bisexual though. It sucks though that media does present these images that aren't representative of the varied experiences of a being a black gay man.

Also, I could see myself being turned on by being in a fight though. I think it has something to do with my first gay experiences involving going from this roughing around/fighting thing to like kissing. As an adult I've continued this to some extent I guess. I've gotten off to some sexual choking. So hey idk.

 

Yo..bein physical n bein violent are 2 diff things

 

true.

 

That "born a bottom" segment was funny. But made me realize...I have to find myself and have some decisions to make. I haven't bottomed yet but that's how I imagine myself to be, but my only basis is the hetero-normative role stuff; I'm a virgin. I'm just a regular dude but when I'm with another man more submissive behaviors/traits come out of me so I just think that a bottom is what I have no choice to be. I like dick but I just don't know if bottoming is my "calling" until I try I guess. The whole bottoming thing seems like it's a lot to deal with as far as preparation/life-style/confidence and I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that either. Not to mention I'm more of an ass man, that's what gets me aroused and that's all I look at but I don't even know if I want to be a top either.

This is a messy situation but I'll share my business anyway:
I've been dating a dude for four months but it's long distance slash one-sided open relationship, he's a strict top and we haven't had sex yet. He's respecting my decision to not have sex whenever we do link up and I know part of it has to do with the fact that I'm cool with him fucking other dudes when he's back in his city. We communicate so I know what he's up to, I get pictures of the dudes, I tell him about dudes that try to holla at me, we have a whole routine and it works for us.
If things do start to get serious/monogamous and he moves to my city after he graduates then I know that there's going to be a time where sex comes into play and I don't want to waste his (our) time if it turns out that bottoming is not my thing. I've expressed that I'm nervous about having sex and he seems to be understanding of my situation and tells me not to worry, if the time comes he'll make me feel comfortable, I'd like it, and all that typical top game ya'll be spitting. I'm thinking I'm just gonna give in and at least try bottoming with a random or call it quits with ole boy if things get serious.

I just want a masculine dude with no labels that just wants to do oral and be dominant in the sense that he's the one in the relationship that does the holding from behind but not stick his piece in me. Is that too complicated?

 

This was a great podcast. You guys made some really good points on this topic. I learned a lot.
Well done!

 

No it's not too complicated but perhaps you are not fully a bottom or a top. Sex is complicated so to me sounds like you are versatile to a degree or you may be not be into penetration at all.

Like the guys in this podcast said that tops should try different condoms, when tops who have either never bottomed before or only once before may not have bottomed for the right guy. But I'm not one to force people to do stuff they don't want to do so I only deal with verse guys.

You let the guy know that if things get serious and he moves to your area and you try to bottom and you don't like it or if you want to top him and he doesn't want you to, then you just have to pour out a little liquor and let bygones be bygones.

You may just have to get some experience points because otherwise you won't know if you two are sexually compatible and you two may just be better off being friends.

 

How do you make this 10 approved comments threshold. I am sure I have done this by now, LOL.

 

Oh My bad. LOL I see it.

 

Yeah, don't feel bad, I'm in the same boat. I don't know if I'd be a top/bottom or versatile or if I'd even like anal sex. I think what Controlled said was great, it may be hard but sometimes the only right way to go about doing something is to just DO it. I'm not saying to just go with anybody though I'm sure it's better with someone you know or like. At least you have somebody interested in you....(sigh)

 

I enjoyed being a part of this podcast. Thanks for the opportunity. As for some of the comments made...

I personally would only entertain the subject if we were married. No, it doesn't protect me from catching anything if he strays, but ideally if I'm married to someone I can trust him with both of our lives. I also think, since I'm not a virgin, that would be something special to share with him on our wedding night.

I personally like mine touched (and expect it to be) in myriad ways, but I have heard of some bottoms who are adverse to any contact there. I don't get it, but there are many things people do and don't do I don't get lol.

 

I hear u man

 

Let's do a podcast with versatile dudes, dudes who aren't into anal sex at all, or dudes who aren't into labels. I feel like there's a whole bunch of different issues that could get brought up. When I get asked if I'm a top or bottom, I'm not always sure how to respond.

 

I think as far as raw sex, I think it would be great but in this world can you really trust anyone with YOUR life? The highest incidences of new HIV infections come from those in relationships with those they trusted that ended up stepping out. That is a VERY scary thing. No heat, no judgment but what do you guys think @Discordant & @SB3?

 

That would be interesting!!

 

Thats no bueno. Really unfortunate way to get burned, literally.

 

Thanks for the advice/responses, I really appreciate it.

And great Podcast as always!

 

Great podcast. I love the analyzation of the myths, dynamics, misconceptions and realities of being a bottom. I learned a lot.

 

Just realized.... I haven't listened to the podcast in a few days but did they address dating verse guys at all? I know Transmen came up but I'd be interested in hearing the opinions on bottoms who date verse guys.

 

WTF, Dude? Why am I only seein' a 5:14min long Podcast? LOL

 

Yeah, but I didn't know that was the "new thing". LOL I just thought that was an option. I'll check it out when I get home from work, then.

 

It was a very insightful podcast. Are there really more bottoms then tops? Do you still get to be considered a top if you bottom from time to time?

 

Hey nick is there a way you can watch podcast directly on the website without downloading it? My itunes is messed up and I can't watch videos on there.

 

That intro song though had me cracking up at the office. had to check if i was on the correct podcast. @Nickdelmacy where is that from?

 

I think you can bottom occasionally and still be a top. Just like I top on occasion but still consider myself a bottom. It's about preference, not frequency lol.

 

That's the struggle and I understand the fear. But for me, we aren't just talking about relationships. We're talking about marriage. On a legal and spiritual level, you two are now one. If I can't trust you to make healthy/good decisions for the both of us, just as I would, we wouldn't be getting married in the first place.