Okay cool thanks man.

 

I can only imagine what '1/2' a time entails lol

 

Well I must say. As a bottom, I really wasn't too excited about a podcast on this topic because I already know what some of the things that was gonna be talked about. And not to mention that when I first saw the duration after I initially downloaded it, I thought to myself "TWO HOURS??!?! DAMN WE GOT THAT MUCH TO SAY???" But I gave in and listened to it about a week later, and I have to say that I liked it. I still think that the one with the Tops was better because it was like being on the outside looking in (hell that's how I consider myself with this entire website), but it was good, especially because it was like learning actual people and not basing them on solely being bottoms, and I love that. Trent was my favorite. I kinda felt like if I could, I could identify with him a little more in terms of being more interested in technology and computers and stuff.

 

Care to elaborate on that 1/2 Mr. Delmacy???

 

This podcast was interesting but I would really appreciate if we could be more honest about the influences that pervade our community. Throughout the podcast the phrases masculine/top and feminine/bottom were thrown around without much controversy. I believe this is a gross problem within the rhetoric of the gay black male community. For instance, in the black community at-large, white supremacy pervades our social dynamics and influences our perception of one another e.g. team light-skin vs. team dark-skin. Comparatively, hetero-normative values, (mainly patriarchal and sexist values) derived from the dominant heterosexual community, have dominated the social aspects within our own community. If we were honest with one another we would call out the insidious effects of the word masculine and how divisive it is within our community, but I digress. That being said, I still enjoyed the conversation and how open the panelist were about their experiences and perspective.

 

Whats so divisive abt the term 'masculinity'? I think the fact that ppl are so anti it is the problem. No one seems to care abt the term 'femininity', since its often associated w being 'brave' and 'standing in your truth', etc. I think the fact that ppl are so busy trying to do away w masculinity as a label (yet still want it on their backs) is the real problem. Cant a man enjoy being a 'bro' sometimes, and still like suckin dik?

 

Masculinity is divisive because it is equated with being a man and normally regarded as a positive trait. To be masculine tends to me that you are strong, confident, smart, etc. Being labeled as feminine has usually meant the opposite of being masculine i.e. weak, insecure, emotional etc. I think people are anti-masculine is because the word is used as a way of shaming others while making others feel special. Feminine, at the least the way you define it, wouldn't be an issue because you've defined it using only positive characteristics. Although I agree and appreciate it, I do not believe that most men in the gay black community view femininity the way you do. I disagree with your reasoning behind why people want to do away with the label of masculine. The real problem, and I think you've highlighted it, is the unapologetic use of terms like "bro" "dude" "man" etc. What I mean to say is that those words have connotations that are a reflection of the divisiveness of the male/female dichotomy. How can you say, "Cant a man enjoy being a 'bro' sometimes..." without evoking the divisive element of that word? When you say "bro" you are implicitly referring back to the male/female dichotomy. That word, bro, wasn't created in a vacuum. It's a link in a chain that stretches back to the oppressive from of patriarchy that has been an anathema on the world, especially the black community. I could be wrong though, what do you think?

 

I think that ppl need to learn how to call a spade a damn spade n stop trying to over think everything. Neither label (masc/fem) or what they 'entail' is going anywhere anytime soon, and thats ok. All Im saying is that masc men do not need, and will not apologize for not being feminine gay men. If a dude like derek j is representative of a part of what 'gay' is, then i def appreciate every image of a masculine gay dude that we can get, just to balance this thing out. Im not anti fem, but im 100%, unapologetically pro masc!

 

History and anthropology disagree regarding the etymology of words, specifically masculine/feminine. Cultures all over the world and throughout history define masculine and feminine very differently. All I'm advocating for is that we understand that those words can have harmful effects on our community. Moreover, I'm suggesting that we take a holistic approach towards how we define each other. In my opinion, we do a disservice to ourselves (the black gay community) and the whole human race when we play the false dichotomy game of masculine/feminine. Being gay is an opportunity to reject the heteronormative legacy of gender norms that informs our perception of one another.

That being said, I agree, in part, with your statement regarding a balance but I would suggest that the real balance comes from admitting that men, gay or straight, are masculine and feminine. Unapologetically "pro masc" suggest/implies that there's something wrong with being feminine or that men who claim to be masculine are not capable of being feminine. I know, and appreciate, that you're not anti fem, but that line of thought scares me. It is akin, but not the same, as saying: I'm not anti-black, but I'm pro-white. It's not racist, technically, but it makes me pause and think about what the underlying effect of those words are.

I do not believe I mentioned that "masculine" men need to apologize for not being "feminine". If an apology is insisted, then I think most "masculine" gay black men should apologize for the shamming, disrespectful, and hateful manner in which they discuss the topic of "feminine" men.

Also, I very much appreciate you taking the time to discuss this issue with me.

 

Thats what we do here. We discuss, laugh, talk shyt and everything else.

 

Oh God all of these feminine and masculine and all of these politically correct words and even all of these other big words! This does not require an essay you all! Just give your opinion and stop acting like y'all went to Harvard? Why are we so up in arms about the politicalness of it all (I know that's not a word but hell; these comments are too much!) Like, you should've known better when you saw that the duration was OVER 2 hours! Don't make it bigger than what it is because you already know the same basic questions that is discussed when the topic is about Bottoms, in general. Like, come on y'all.

 

What exactly are you trying to say? No disrespect, but it seems as though you're frustrated with the fact that there are people who have issues with the labels (and their connotations) of masculine and feminine. Are we not allowed to voice are concerns about the negative effects of those labels?

To your point about big words, if there were any "big words" used, then I think it would be in your best interest to support black men who decide to utilize a vocabulary that conveys a higher intelligence. Also, I find it complimentary for anyone to suggest that I write like I'm from Harvard.

 

I'm with you on that. No anal/penetrative sex for me at all. I've lost a lot of dudes after they've found out but who cares.

 

I think the best part of being w other men is that penetration isnt necessary. Sooo many options for a good time...ijs

 

Side Bar: Is the guy in the profile pic you? If so, you are a cutie!

I was with a guy months ago and he was honest about not liking oral sex. Though it was a deal breaker (i.e. you have to slob on the knob and eat the cake indeed ALL DAY!!!!), I had to respect that.
And there are some heterosexual people who are the same either with oral, vaginal, and anal. The principles of pleasure isn't on one track.

 

Nah, thats not roland, but i have been meaning to ask him who that is in the pic so I can push my moms down the steps trying to get to him...

But, if i may say so myself, if ur not into oral, kill urself!!

 

LMAO!

 

Don't be telling everybody that my profile pic isn't me. It most certainly is. HeHe

 

And mine is me..since CA is sooo known for mofos using their own pics..tho i would if i was as lovely as my avatar

 

#Cutie

 

Im still on the fence on whether there are more bottoms then tops, what if bottoms are just more confident and comfortable in their own skin while gay and bisexual tops are more discreet and afraid to have their sexuality known?

 

After all the replies I don't feel so ashamed to admit that I fantasize about fighting in a relationship quite often and as a submissive partner it turns me on a lot to be thrown, shoved and held against a wall or threatened with a punch

 

I agree, verse guys are great to get experience with no matter what you like, knowing what you like can open doors

 

Well this is kinda disturbing. I hope you leave it in your head.

 

I don't see what's disturbing, I'm not talking full on domestic violence, I'm talking foreplay. I suppose I should have elaborated on what I like.

 

I don't know why, but this really shocks me. It's interesting that you fantasize about both positions but your persona is that of a TOP. Nothing wrong with that at all. I know you've stated, multiple times, that you're open to and have dated soft/effeminate dudes before. I'm curious to know if the fantasies entail more masculine dudes because I don't see you allowing yourself to be topped by some of the more effeminate dudes you say you're dating. I've seen this dynamic before, admittedly on web series and some late night movie channels. Interesting dynamic to me for some reason but I ain't trying to be all up in your business. LOL

 

I guess you like the intensity and dominance, but don't want to truly feel like you're in danger?

 

@Jaa I'm going to add to your response and say that that is part of the problem. We don't spend enough time discussing and sharing ideas. Life is not really that simple.. at least not anymore. While we can limit our existence to the four corners of our block understand that will not effect change in, in the community or the world. If we limit our existence, we tend to be led by the media and those around us as opposed to leading ourselves. Why let someone else define or attached particular connotations to me based on who I love, how I love, what I look like and how I act?

As to the "big words", that's relative to ones personal experience. To many of us those were not big words. IJS

 

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I've been lightly bitten all over, slightly choked and smacked a bit before. But I'm with you. It's very sexy, just don't get crazy...lol

 

Oh. So y'all just talking about a little foreplay. A little roleplaying. That's different.

 

Exactly, its alot of fun, and foreplay prepares you for a better orgasm

 

@RolandG I find these type of men very interesting because they kind of turn gay sex on it's head. It's like dudes don't know what to do if penetration isn't involved. I prefer kissing, oral, licking, sucking, nibbling, rubbing, grinding, etc. I enjoy penetration with someone I have an emotional connection with, but I don't need to get penetrated at all. I need to find a group with these type of men specifically lol.