Dating sites and apps seem to be of the devil. How many people do you know(anyone) who has a successful long term relationship from meeting on one? I don't date now but if I did I would do it the old fashioned way. Go to places to meet gay people who may have the same interests and try to meet a variety of people. Meet more people(and in the right settings) and you are going to have better chances. This is going to be harder for black gay men because there are fewer of you-for every gay black man there are five white ones. It is going to be hard-especially if you have a busy life and do not live in or near a large city with a large black population.

Find out where masculine gay black men(or whatever you tend to like) go, what they like, look for groups that meet, like minded individuals who have interests to the point they are willing to get up off the couch and physically go to meet up. Sports are a good example-you have to physically get up and go somewhere to play, from softball to bowling. You don't truly meet someone until you meet them, and online stuff just does not count until you meet. It can get the ball rolling in the right direction though.

When I first came out I did not want to do the 'bar' thing. I went to a place that was an alternative, where all kinds of gay men could go to have discussions, talk about different subjects, kind of like encounter groups?lol..similar to that. And most of the people there were there for the same reasons, and although there was a variety of people, most seemed to be just 'regular guys' who happened to be gay.

What did people do before the internet? They met people going about their everyday life, and if they needed to they increased their social activity to meet more people. You met someone and you started from their without a lot of preconceived notions of what that person needed to be. It seemed to work(and even 50/50 in marriage is still as likely to stay together as to not stay together(glass half full).

People seem to do the online/app thing because it is what everyone else is doing and it is easier to just sit and do stuff online. But easier, or newer, does not equal better. If you are looking for good food, how much luck are you going to have if you don't put in the effort to find it and just hit up the fast food joints because that is what most people do and it is easy and you don't even have to get out of the car. How likely are you to get a quality meal? How likely is that food to not be only what you like, but what is actually going to be good for you?

I actually think that we may be going back to something almost like arranged marriages, except people are doing the arranging themselves, lining up 'expectations' just like a matchmaker would. In my experience, life just does not work like that(and I don't care how much we are spoon fed the EHarmony/Match.com bull commercials of couples who met that right one-yeah there are successes-but what about the more numerous failures-that is just advertising bull!).

I am older, from a different era and from pretty much a different culture. But my parents(God willing) will be married 60 years in June, both of my brothers are approaching 25 years of marriage. My longer than a decade relationship ended because of death. And everyone met someone who they just happened to meet, not someone who fit a long laundry list of what they wanted. Sometimes you can 'fit' in a relationship without having so much in common-when it comes to much of the laundry list of similar likes and dislikes, hell I think a lot of that could or even should be met and satisfied by friends, not someone you want to 'love'. Unless you just want to date yourself/a clone of yourself.

Maybe this applies, maybe it does not. And I think it will be more difficult for you because everything seems to have more obstacles in the way if you are black, at least that is how it seems from the outside looking in. Nick was right, there is no reason for the guys here to have to be involuntarily without sex or without a relationship(that including him). Putting yourself in real life situations where you can meet like minded individuals to not only look for a guy but to meet people and from them, meet more people is the tried and true way. It just takes more effort now because so many people are attached to the hip with their devices and the net, etc. None of the people I dated were from online-even this last one five years ago I met through a coworker.

Regarding the Oscars, forming another group is ok, but still fight for representation in the Oscars-it is simply a matter of fairness and what is right, and that is never a 'wrong' fight. Things are not fair in Hollywood and everyone knows it. whether or not they admit it. I am sure many whites know it is not fair, and are perfectly fine with it that way. but just as many are not ok with it. Allies are always important, especially if you are a minority that is 15 % of the population, and especially if you are a minority within a minority within a minority-masculine leaning/liking gay black men.

*sorry this is so damn long. Just my possibly outdated own viewpoint- if anything fits, great, if not, then discard it.
I appreciate the ability to be on this site and interact with all of you.

 

I definitely enjoyed the podcast and thanks for the shoutout in the main Podcast #49!!!!

 

Dating out there is vicious. I am open to dating all races, however I really want to date a black guy like me. From my experience black guys are not checking for me AT ALL. No replies, even straight up Blocked me when I try to start a conversation.
Guess i will cast my net EVEN wider, Muhammed Bin Wadad Al-Baghdadi here i come!!!

 

So why are all these black guys on these sites not wanting other black guys? Who are they wanting instead, and more importantly, why?

I understand this is happening...I just never have been on sites in a long time, and even then just a few, and I just don't recall seeing the 'no black guys' from black guys. I just don't get it?

None of the black guys replying, blocking other black guys, that experiment where they all responded to the white guys and NONE of them responded to the white guys? Why? I didn't see much 'no blacks' from white guys but that is probably due to the sites I have been on in the past, and this stuff is completely new to me and I only know of it because of this site.

I feel like doing my own experiment to find out why this is happening. And white men are no great prize either..trust me. White gay men are just as f@cked up as anyone. Lots of crazy, nasty, lying, and just downright evil white gay men out there.

 

Maybe I am just tired, but what are the aforementioned groups again? Blacks who only want to date non-blacks, and people who are against any interracial dating?