"Dating" & Physical Attraction...or LACK of Physical Attraction

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nicholan, Feb 13, 2017.

  1. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    I thought about this on my drive home from work tonight. As a little background on myself and my experiences with dating, I have never talked to anyone who I was physically attracted to. It reallyyyy sucks...

    [​IMG]

    I'll be 29 years old this coming weekend and I've never talked to someone on a serious level because the mutual attraction just hasn't been there. Part of my frustration with being attracted to men is that I have always felt like my options were limited--which is kinda true, they are! Lol.

    But this is the case for most people...I think...?

    Around my mid-20's, I started to realize that my 20's were passing me by and I wasn't getting any type of experience in as far as sex/dating. As a result, I started talking to guys who I weren't attracted to--physically OR emotionally for the matter. I figured that I would try to keep an open mind, but my instincts always proved me right.

    "Damn, these dudes just aren't my type!"

    Long story short, they would usually start feeling me more than I was feeling them and I would just gradually fall off the map before they started getting too clingy. This is wrong I know, I shouldn't have lead them on but I still wanted to explore them as "options" just in case anything was there.

    ...yeah, that was a waste of my damn time.

    Now, I'm the only child so being single for the rest of my life doesn't scare me how it may scare others. I understand the situation for what it is--finally. Not that a relationship should always be the ultimate goal in life, but I see so many gay/bisexual men who are 40+ and living a single life. Were these guys once like me when they were in their 20's?

    Hell, I'm afraid to be that 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN who everyone laughed at in the theaters!

    [​IMG]

    I guess my question is, do you have issues dating because of the lack of physical attraction with guys who are attracted to you?

    Is physical attraction even that important to you?

    Any advice (...?) for me? lol
     
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  2. OhSheit

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    I felt like we've had a similar thread/article like this before, but pertaining to masculine men. This is still a good thread though, I think about this from time to time.

    I did pull a good looking dude in the past but that didn't last and anyone that I talked to on apps that I felt was out of my league, they had nothing else to offer or I got bored. I wish I had a type and was a go-getter because nowadays I just let dudes approach me, and typically they're not as attractive as I would like them to be. So I do everything you just mentioned. I tell myself to be open minded and not shallow but the shit ain't working either. I've even been catfished on apps and just went with it anyway. I don't deserve that and I'm a little too nice to these creeps out there.

    I think you should definitely be attracted to the person you're talking to. You shouldn't be settling for less in ANY department if you're really not feeling it and you don't want to lead people on either.

    Advice?
    1) Be upfront and honest with dudes you're not attracted to but don't be that stereotypically rude attractive person.
    2) Since you're wondering why no one attractive is hitting on you, you're probably gonna have to step it up and be the one that approaches - attractive people can be submissive, shy and insecure too.
     
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  3. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    That's good advice. I've been thinking thinking the same thing as far as me having to approach dudes more opposed to sitting back and waiting for them to say something to me. I've worked up the nerve to approach guys before and it's really nerveracking, but kind of fun at the same time. Maybe that'll be one of my New Year Resolutions.

    As far as you being catfished, we all have. That's the worse. I try my best to stay away from apps, but when I am using one, I require a photo. I even got cussed out one time just because I asked for a photo. Like he got really upset lol. But he still had zero photos even after all that. Needless to say, he was blocked. lol
     
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  4. acessential

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    Physical attraction is important and if it's something that is going to be a constant factor, you can't deny what you want. Even if you meet a guy who you're not physically attracted to and still choose to pursue something, eventually, it's going to catch up with you. You'll either ghost them, break their heart, or grow resentful. It's better to acknowledge how you feel and end things before folks get hurt.

    As far as finding attractive dudes, you have to me more active. Hit dudes up that you like. The worst thing that can happen is they reject you.
     
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  5. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    I agree, which is why I have never pursued anything too heavy. I won't even set myself up by pursuing someone who I wasn't into because like you said, "it'll catch up with me."

    Being more active is true. Rejection can be tougher to deal with than it sounds, but that's something that we all have to get over. We can't let that hinder us.
     
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  6. African King

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    Yeah I literally had a man ask me out for V-Day on the night of the Grammys and I simply was not attracted to him. Don't worry about virginity. I am still a "full virgin" at 27 years old. Physical attraction is important but I am not expecting a man to have anything that I don't have.

    The most important thing I learned at church on Sunday is that you should NEVER make finding a man the focal point of your life.
     
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  7. DC.

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    How do you guys get catfished? Lol. See I FaceTime before I meet someone. I'll be damned if I waste this gas I put in my car just to meet someone and find out they weren't who they said they were lol.

    But attraction is important in my opinion. My philosophy is if I'm gonna date someone I'm not sexually attracted to I might as well date a woman. But I try to not be too picky. For example I'm very comfortable with dating outside my race as long as the person is very well versed intellectually on racial issues aka as the kids would say "woke" lol.

    I mean I can relate Ive met guys before who have had everything on my checklist but the physical attraction. But if I can't bring myself to kiss you, it's gonna be a problem and eventually that issue will show over time one way or another.
     
  8. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    That's the worse--when you meet someone and the potential is there...but...looking at him doesn't make you think "I want to have sex with him."

    And just to clarify, someone can be attractive without you being "sexually" attracted to them. There's a difference. But there's someone for everyone...I guess...?...or maybe not, idk lol
     
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  9. DC.

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    Yeah that's what I meant by physically attracted to them. I sometimes use to the two interchangeably and by sexually attracted I didn't meant wanting to have sex with them but merely bringing myself to kiss them. If that thought alone doesn't excite me, it's like "Houston we have a problem" lol
     
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  10. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    LOL, right
     
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  11. OhSheit

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    Well, for me it's never been by a totally different person; same person just old pics. No facetime, no interrogation, no research, etc. on my part.
     
  12. African King

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    lol I must talk on the phone with you at the very least. Never met anyone off the apps though except for one time. He lied about his age and height but everything else was true. Had 3 dates with ol' boy. Good time.

    Now I do make sure to Video chat because I am not going to play around and get catfished hahaha
     
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  13. Aejae

    Aejae Socially Awkward Aejae
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    I just have a problem dating, period. I've never been on a date, and if it's like the time when my friend and I went to see Moonlight and awkwardly left and went on our separate ways after the movie was over, then I don't think I'm ready for a date.

    And I don't mean to be vain by any means (so please don't take this in an offensive manner because I'm coming from a nice place), but you're cute, and I don't know how you have a problem with finding someone attractive to get somebody to date.
     
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  14. mojoreece

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    Ive never been on a date (just not ready yet lol). But attraction for me is define by how a dudes faces looks.
    I see dudes online who I deem physical attractive but just not my type ie. too hood, too many tattoos to dumb lol etc). [​IMG]


    I also see dudes who I think have great bodies but Im not attracted to their face lol; I prob would go on dates with those dudes even-though I was just attracted to their body structure not their face.
    [​IMG]

    Then you have to the potential hubby/boyfriend; who has great face, body (and beard lol) and seems like would be a great catch to date :p.
    [​IMG]
     
  15. DC.

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    Why would you say your not ready to date if you dont mind me asking?
     
  16. mojoreece

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    Well.... its more of me being able to bring to the table the same things I want my potential partner to have. I need to get my money up, I need to be further in my career, need to lose weight & get an Instagram body lol. Im also introverted so i got to build my confidence up.
    100dap
     
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  17. NikR

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    Yeah, I hear you. Although companionship and love can be found in platonic relationships, an additional level of intimacy isn't. And that's where a partner comes in.

    Anyways, to the questions!

    1. No.

    2. Attraction involves more of an intellectual connection for me than whether he's conventionally haaaaandsome. If the dude is hella smart + black (+ bearded!!! lawwwd!!!), I'm 80% of the way there. The other 20% holds the physical and other components. Maybe his intellect compliments/compensates for whatever physical flaw he might have. It's hard for me to tell. All I know is that after my interest in 2 previous dudes crashed and burned, my friends were like "really, Nik? Him? You could have done soooo much better," to which I replied, "I really liked him, and he was soooo smart!" I suppose I don't put more stock into it since I think I'm average-looking.

    Every dude I've considered a relationship with has been attractive to me. We both wanna rip each others' clothes off...and then we do lol.

    A really attractive dude who is uninteresting, has no level of sophistication and has a mediocre attitude doesn't get any time or attention from me.

    3. Don't be afraid to approach. Do your best to be the person you want to meet--they might just show up.

    Cheers
     
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