Gay Men and Children

Im like u mostly, not pressed. I always imagined I'd be a father, but I also always imagined Id marry some bad bytch n have the picket fence n dog, etc...

The older I get, esp w all of these str8 friends, seeing how things have changed as ppl have become parents, Im not sooo sure I wana join the club.

I could see myself maybe adopting a child of a certain age at some point, but I cant imagine taking on the responsibility of a new born...or any age child that I can't leave home alone for a few hrs...

 

Great question!

It's on my "It May Happen...I Think" bucket list. I told two of my straight female friends several years ago that if they want a child by 35 and they are not already married or don't already have one, we can talk about it. I have no problem with giving either of them my sperm knowing that they would be great women to bring my child into this world. The Plan B is to be the godfather of their kids. Other than that, if either of those things happen, I already have 20 nieces and nephews and I'm semi-taking care of the 13 year old one (niece) and some great nieces and nephews also.

A friend/fuck buddy of mine became a Big Brother and Big Sister mentor and had to go through an intensive screening to be a mentor to his mentee (7 at the time, now 14), so I can only imagine the adoption process, let alone being gay or bisexual trying to adopt....geeesh!

 

Yeah I'm good on the kids. Whenever one of my sisters has kids, then I think I'll be happy with nieces and nephews. Or maybe I'll just get a dog.

 

Yes, I really would like to have children, but I don't know if I ever will/should. The pressures of society alone are enough to give me pause...I just wouldn't want my kids to end up as messed up as I am.

 

I don't think I would because if I would have my own biological child, he/she would never be able to be fully integrated into Nigerian culture. Long story short.

 

Yeah that was my plan too. Treat them like they're my own until its time to take their asses back to their parents lol

 

No. After spending brief amounts of time watching younger relatives. I don't think I'm cut out for it. They're cute in small doses, sometimes. Like @SB3, I once imagined having kids when I had the American Dream of a beautiful wife, a couple of rugrats, and a lovely suburban house, but that dream died a long time ago when I realized I didn't particularly like the ideas of marriage, children, or the suburbs. The only way I'd likely have a child would be if I were extremely financially stable and felt that I could positively change an older child's life by taking them in, but it would still be a tough decision.

 

The fact that you lead w this so emphatically made me lolol

 

Why does being integrated in Nigerian culture matter? Are you Nigerian?

 

I have plenty of nieces and nephews. I'm not pressed. But I did when I was younger. But I had to step in and take over raising my nephew when he was 15.

 

There's a enough kids in my life,and I like having a disposable income.

 

From everything I've read about gay men who become parents they actually tend to be good fathers. Which makes sense because if you are a homosexual man you have to consciously make effort to become dad unlike heterosexual men who can become fathers "by accident." All it takes for them is to have sex with a woman raw or to have a wardrobe malfunction with the condom.

Sometimes I do think about what it would be like to have kids I just can't see myself as a dad. Once I accepted being gay the whole notion of wife, kids, and living in a nuclear family was dead and buried. I'm content to be the cool uncle for my nephew.

 

I use to think about having just one child but then I worked in a school lol. No but honestly its just not for me. I would rather be a great big cousin or uncle. Just thinking about the cost of raising a child scares the daylights out of me.

 

I never really was pressed to have any kids. I leave that up to my siblings and close friends to handle.

 

I wanna have kids, but am not in a rush to have then either. I always figured it's going be one of those when am ready it will happen.

 

Definitely want kids. I have the paternal gene. I sometimes imagine what my future children will be like. My little daddy's girl, my little man, or some combination. I would like biological children, but I don't mind adoption and would love them all the same. I'm still young, so I'm not in a rush. Raising kids with a partner would be nice, but it's not required. I wouldn't mind being a single dad if I could handle it.

 

Yes

 

Ok cool.

 

No.

 

I'm not quite certain. I'm definitely not pressed about it. I'm definitely content with just being the awesome Uncle. However, if I do have them, then it would likely be in my mid 30s and there's more to it than just me. Is my lover fully invested? Are we financially well off? Do we have enough free time? Have I lived freely long enough? Like, I've already got the names picked out, but the possibility is up in the air.

 

Personally I do not want kids. I think I will mess things up. I will get so emotional and fuck up any kid that bullies them at school, I will be so done with their crying that i will just leave them to it, beat their ass up African style when they mess up they would call child Protective Services on me. Also it would save me lots of money and not spend it on baby clothes, dippers,bottles which in my opinion are WAYYY to expensive for something that you would not use in the next 6 months. NAH! ME NO WANT NO KIDS.

 

I honestly go back and forth on whether I want children or not. I ultimately would like some kids, but I don't know if I want them from the time they are babies. I might just adopt.

 

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 am on the border when it comes to kids. I think I like the idea of kids but at the same time I like the idea of not having kids. This continues to be a source of conversation for me and my husband. I have been in the solidly no category and he has been in the solidly yes category. It also doesn't help that he is a social worker by profession. In many ways we are blessed with 5 nieces and nephews that bring us much joy and at the end of the day we can send them packing to their perspective parents.

If we ever did decide to become parents I think we would definitely go the adoption route...other alternative methods are increasingly expensive, and even adoption is expensive. But there is always time. Right now at age 29 (me) and 32 (my husband) we are perfectly fine with our German Shepherd and hanging out from time to time with our nieces and nephews. But I don't know what the future may hold, as of right now, the thought of a kid/kids is not registering on my radar.





This is us for now:

 

Everyone's talking about how their good just being the gay uncle and as an only child I'm over here like:



"W-what about me? Hm? W-who's kids am I going to slick raise?!"

 

Why would you not want them as babies?

 

lol. Weirdly enough, I don't like watching other people's kids. Including my nieces and nephews. I love them dearly, but I'm not their daddy. But I still want my own. I think it's because when I do decide to finally have kids, it'll be a conscious decision and I won't be forced to babysit kids that I didn't ask for. If I'm going to adequately take care of another human being, I have to want them 100%, and I think that would only happen with my own kids.

 

Dead. I have found this way funnier than I should. This has me so tickled! Lol literally laughing.

 

Try having a bro and sister who's brother only has girls.

Im the end of the line for my surname.

 

That's gotta be tough because all the family pressure is really on you to reproduce. It's one of those things that adds to family disapproval.

 

Me too I'm afraid, have mostly female cousins as well.

Yep, they're all expecting it..I've even gotten pressure from a slightly older cousin once when she was basically like "Yeah grandma's getting older and doesn't have any great grand-babies!" Well you're the one with a man and a uterus, you figure it out!! lol

 

I got that guilt trip from my mom when I came out since I only have one sister.

 

I have 2 daughters and wouldn't change anything. I love being a father and feel that it is one of my callings. I get it from my own father, who at 80 years old is still and will always be my hero.

I don't know if I want any more of my own. If am married/partnered with someone who has kids that would be alright. As well, if they want kids, I might consider adoption. I like working with kids, so I could happen across a situation where a mentoring relationship turns in to a parenting relationship. I'm open to see what 's coming my way.

 

I have 6 brothers and sisters, and probably 45 cousins lol. They will have kids and I'll raise them.