Gay Men and Children

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Nick Delmacy, Nov 7, 2015.

  1. callie_bear_3

    callie_bear_3 Lurker

    Age:
    24
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Daps Received:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Modesto, CA
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Single
    I got my brother when I was 10. Now that I'm 20 honestly he's my first born. No offense to my mom she's my angel but she's single parent and I've only ever known her to work or be sick, so a lot was left on me. I don't know how she even raised me by herself. Albeit I was a morning-afternoon care then latch-key kid. But fuck I've had to cover house expenses for months at a time between financial aid and my job, and then figure out how to synchronize drop off pick up for my brother at the same time with my work and school schedule--that shits a bitch. Now my brother's almost in middle school and I'm trying to figure out how to help pay for his sports league fees and tutoring to get him ready for high school. It's a lot, even with 1.5 incomes in the house (mine is obviously the half). And I don't know how my mom managed all of those things for me as a kid. So it just makes me want to ensure he gets the same opportunities I did. Makes me want to wait until he's in college for me to take any more attention away from him. And definitely makes me apprehensive about raising a kid. So I already understand the logistical anxieties towards children and the worry if your partner might become overwhelmed or resentful. Yet I am a little relieved having a child is a choice per say for me and not a risk.
     
  2. Sean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    40
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    491
    Daps Received:
    753
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    So I'll throw an interesting dynamic into this conversation. Up until age 25, I expected to be married and have kids. But a diagnosis with a chronic illness right after I graduated college and multiple surgeries after that left me unable to father kids naturally.

    When this was confirmed--at age 25, less than a year and a half after my initial medical diagnosis--my outlook on kids was totally different. Initially, I was just happy to be alive, so I really didn't trip over the fact that my desire to have kids didn't matter, because I couldn't. For a long time, I rationalize why I didn't want kids. We are naturally prone to procreate, but as rational beings, I started to come to the perspective that it is selfish to want kids without offering them an optimal family and social environment to come into. Kids don't ask to be here and although no ones life will ever be perfect, I held the opinion that a child should be brought into the world having a mother and father who love and respect each other and, ideally, who are married, and financially and emotionally stable to raise the child together.

    But as I got older, I started thinking more about my pure human desire to have a kid...my desire to want to be the father my dad wasn't to a son. And hell, just my manly physiological desire to spread my seed. lol. But then, I wasn't sure if this was something I was romanticizing because I can't have kids the regular ole way.

    Part of me feels like if I knew I could have them, I wouldn't want any. But because I can't, I do.
     
    Tyroc and grownman dapped this.
  3. Kouncelor

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    268
    Daps Received:
    328
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston, MA
    Always wanted to be a father (2 girls). I absolutely love being a dad. I wouldn't trade if for anything in the world. Furthermore, if my future partner wants children I MIGHT consider adopting an older one.

    Having your own kids and babysitting someone else's are two VERY different experiences. No comparison.
     
    Tyroc dapped this.
  4. nikko92

    nikko92 Lurker

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Daps Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    chicago
    I want kids so bad, man i know its in me, not now, but maybe when im more well off, and established. See here is the thing though, im not about to drop a quarter million for in vitro so that's out of the question, and me being a black gay male, my chances of adopting any child, are slim next to hell no.
     
    #39 nikko92, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
    Kouncelor dapped this.
  5. Kouncelor

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    268
    Daps Received:
    328
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston, MA
    @nikko92 , have you actually investigated the chances of adoption? I know of several single black men who have adopted children, gay, bi, and straight. Also, reconsider the well-off and established thing and what that actually means to you (It means many things to different people. - no judgement whatsoever). So many people base having a family on how much they have and what they have. There are kids out there who just want a loving parent, a warm home, clean clothes.
     
  6. ColumbusGuy

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2016
    Messages:
    2,421
    Daps Received:
    2,991
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Backwater, Ohio
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Fortunately for me I have only brothers and only nephews. Never had that pressure fortunately.
    Have your beliefs about what children need in this world changed a lot since you were 25? The optimal family life and social environment thing?
     
  7. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    44
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,528
    Daps Received:
    7,139
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    I don't have any pressure fortunately. My dad has passed. I have not ruled children out yet, either surrogate or adoption but there's some things I'd like to have in place before that happens anyway. It's nothing high on the list and there isn't a guarantee that I'll have to male child, let alone one who procreates anyway. So it's really no big deal.

    Though I think I'd be a great father.
     
    ColumbusGuy dapped this.
  8. ColumbusGuy

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2016
    Messages:
    2,421
    Daps Received:
    2,991
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Backwater, Ohio
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Well that is good that you have your options open. I guess I just assumed there was some kind of pressure.
     
  9. Discordant

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    34
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    305
    Daps Received:
    357
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DMV
    I used to be adamant about not having kids, even when I was dating a female. I figured I'd just be the cool uncle to my sister's kids when she finally had some. But the last couple of years has got me to the "I'm okay if I have them" stage. My beau wants three of them and he wants them to be biological but my biggest issue with that is that it can get messy in a lot of ways. I've thought of adoption but that has its own set of challenges and risks.

    Either way, I'm not even entertaining the notion of children if I'm not married.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Children Forum Date
Chicago Police Raid Wrong Home During Birthday Party, Point Guns At Children Race, Religion, Science and Politics Mar 27, 2019
Teen describes smelly, crowded conditions for detained immigrant children Race, Religion, Science and Politics Jun 23, 2018
Two White Women plunged off a cliff with their adopted Black Children Race, Religion, Science and Politics Apr 1, 2018
Telling children 'hard work gets you to the top' is simply a lie Career, Work, Finances and Education Nov 4, 2017
SEX, DRUGS & STDs Inappropriate CHILDREN'S Books REACTION Comedy Jun 27, 2017

Share This Page

Loading...