Going Limp

Discussion in 'Mental, Medical and Sexual Health' started by derrick-gordon-12327, Apr 15, 2017.

  1. derrick-gordon-12327

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    stock-photo-limp-downward-market-trend-arrow-9246016.jpg Ever since 2012, when I lost virginity, I have had a problem with keeping it up during sex, even when I lost my virginity. When i would enter I guy, (if it gets to that point) I would struggle to maintain an erection after a few minutes. I would have to just give up and beat off, to orgasm. Its like I desire sex, but my body turns against me. I find this so damn frustrating.
    Throughout the years, I would tell myself "Maybe I'm just a bottom and I need to accept it." But the problem with that is, I dont like the feeling of it, though I often fantasize about it. I dont trust viagras, and I'm not sure if my performance is effected because I have self esteem issues, or because I dont have a connection with the partners I go limp on. Also, there is a part of me that is kinda grossed out by anal sex.
    Because of my problem, I do not have good sex, often. I can count on one hand, the amount of decent or amazing sex Ive had, all the other times, I hate myself when its over.


     
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  2. OckyDub

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    My Two Cents.....

    Plenty of men are not into anal sex. If its not what you're into I think it goes with out saying no one is forcing you to do it. To help with alleviating the frustration, maybe stop getting sexually involved with dudes who want it (or want it on the regular) and link up sexually with guys who are into "frottage" or "sides"; we've shared this before on Cypher Ave Guys on the ‘Side’: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms

    Frot (slang for frottage; ult. from the French verb frotter, "to rub") is a non-penetrative form of male-male sexual activity that usually involves direct penis-to-penis contact.[1][2] The term was popularized by gay male activists who disparaged the practice of anal sex,[1][2][3] but has since evolved to encompass a variety of preferences for the act, which may or may not imply particular attitudes towards other sexual activities.
    *****************

    Also...(don't know if this is your issue) but some dudes have watched so much porn through out their lives and have become so accustomed to masterbating while watching, that they are not able to perform sexually due to the difference in stimulation and sensation.
     
    #2 OckyDub, Apr 16, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2017
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  3. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    I agree with @Ockydub. I think the whole idea of "top and bottom" has grown to be a standard with sex between two men, BUT it shouldn't be. There are things outside of anal penetration that can be just as stimulating based on the individual. Frottage is a good option.

    I think it's important to figure out what you like sexually
    , and then like @Ockydub said, find someone who you are sexually compatible with--probably easier said than done.

    This may be a silly question, but are you sexually attracted to the guys who you're going limp for? You don't have to answer that on here if you don't want, but answer it for yourself and that may be a good starting point.
     
  4. Omega Level

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    Good luck with that! Its ideal and nice to be optimistic and try to run into dudes only into "frottage" or "sides", but more than likely when dealing with grown ass sexual men, they probably won't be into having sex like their in the 5th grade.

    And the ones that are into that, may not be your type as far as looks. So you may have made a pool of difficult to find men even more difficult by looking for those who dont like anal only frotagge.

    I would suggest you explore what self esteem issues you say you have and try to resolve that as much as you can so you can feel good about yourself and confident. Once your confident in who you are, others are attracted to that. Your pool of men may change through your confidence and hot sex sessions could be in the works with two men who have mutual attraction and confidence. When all that comes together you would be surprised what your into, anal, oral, or otherwise.
     
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  5. BlackguyExecutive

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    I would recommend talking to a medical provider. If you have a doctor, tell them about what you're expericing. Erectile dysfunction is growing more common in younger men it could be something more serious that you may want to have checked out.

    With that being said, I cosign with the other commenters here.
     
  6. Rico

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    Ditto!

    And since this is a medical question...

    Paging Dr @NikR ...
    [​IMG]

    And as Ock said, don't feel pressured to engage in a particular sex practice if it's not your thing. There is no right or normal among consenting adults, you don't have to answer to anyone gay or straight, just be sane, careful and health-conscious.
     
  7. ColumbusGuy

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    One good thing resulting from the AIDS crisis back in the day(you know, back when if you got HIV you just died-that was t)was that guys were more willing to explore all kinds of other forms of sex and sexual expression than just fucking or sucking. Something that seems to have faded somewhat since HIV is not a death sentence anymore. It does not help that nearly all porn is focused on fucking and sucking, and almost everyone is defined by how they have penetrative anal sex(especially when at least a third of gay men do not even like anal any way.)
     
  8. takeyourmeds91

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    Yea, if able, therapy can work wonders. Uncover all types of shit that you had no idea were latent.
     
  9. derrick-gordon-12327

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    I do watch porn and masturbate a lot. I also thought that could be a reason I'm having this problem. Most of the time, when I masturbate, it feels like more of a routine, like brushing teeth every morning and night, instead of me really being horny.

    And speaking of masturbating, my most memorable experiences with guys, are when we are doing oral and masturbating. Not only am I erect the entire time, but im ejaculating two or three times with them. We actually have to tell each other "ok we have to stop at some point."
     
    #9 derrick-gordon-12327, Apr 16, 2017
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  10. derrick-gordon-12327

    derrick-gordon-12327 Squad Member

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    The guys I've gone limp for, aren't my type, when it comes to me topping. And this last guy was near his 50s. I only did something with him because I was horny and he was in walking distance from my house. I did something with him before. I gone soft after 4 or 5 minutes, this time my dick got soft as soon as it when towards him.
    I find myself performing better with slim, short dudes. I can't do anyone bigger than me. If i feel physically uncomfortable with that type then it's a wrap.



     
  11. Rico

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    And not to sound like some Mormon pushing abstinence on Fox News Sunday, but it's important to have non-sexual relationships with other gay/bi men, as well. I think the masturbation thing @Ockydub spoke to also had to do with those who foment "mainstream" gay culture pushing the "suck and fuck" centered ethos that @ColumbusGuy mentioned. Check out Meetup.com or such in your area as the mainstream gay organizations are occasionally corrupt. The "mainstream" center here in Chicago, a block from Cubs Stadium, is known to be a haven of drugs, crime and sexual predation behind a facade of "community service". I've met some decent LGBT groups through Meetup that get involved in arts, charity, gaming, etc. Having a healthy life all-around leads to a better healthy sex life too.
     
  12. alton

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    "Most of the time, when I masturbate, it feels like more of a routine, like brushing teeth every morning and night, instead of me really being horny."
    I concur. I feel like the issue is a combination of everything mentioned in this thread, starting with self esteem, then your level of attraction to said guys, your willingness to go all the way and have full on sex, etc. I'de suggest therapy and self reflection to start, dude. Everything else will fall into place afterwards.
     
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  13. SB3

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    Man, I just think ppl should do what works for them. The culture of these apps would have u thinking that every gay man is out here smashing 3 guys a day. What the entire fuk ever! If a dude has a major problem w what u like, maybe u can just be friends...or nah, and it's fukn ok, either way.

    Im not knocking looking into medical/prof advice if u think it might be physical, but it's perfectly ok to be in ur own lane man.

    Not always easy accepting the skin ur in, but it sure as hell makes life easier man.
     
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  14. alton

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    "Boy I'de ta throw some hot grease on you"
    [​IMG]
     
  15. SB3

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    ? Why?
     
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  16. alton

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    No reason, just felt like sayin that. LOL
     
  17. SB3

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    See...this is why ur still a 60 credit 'senior' in that CUNY basket weaving program, when the rest of us in bk are at brunch, being mature, great decision-making adults over unlimited booze...
     
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  18. alton

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    LOL! Im busy makin money, my dude
     
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  19. SB3

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    Even better! U can pay for my plate this Sunday! I ain't too klassy for a hand out!
     
  20. alton

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    LMAO!!!! "I'm reeeal klassy base"
     
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  22. Dante

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    It wouldn't hurt to see a doctor to get the ED elephant out the room.

    But @Ockydub said it the best.
     
  23. NikR

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    So apparently @Rico can conjure me out of thin air lol.

    Sex is fucking complicated- plumbing AND a mental component? And then you add at least one other person? I'm surprised anyone gets born.

    I'd say initially, don't panic. Erectile dysfunction is pretty common. I have young men, one who's 21, who come and ask about this. And it ends up being a long discussion.

    There are soooo many reasons why dudes can't stay hard, from structural to biochemical to poisons to mental stuff and everything in between. For most people, there are multiple factors at play, one of which is psychological. It doesn't even have to be about desire for your partner, it's just...something else. And that 'something else', performance anxiety and other feelings, can be as debilitating as physical problems.

    I'm sorry that you're having a rough time with this. Honestly, I'd be anxious too. But (and it's a big but) we know you can get hard. We know you can get a nut. Now all we need to do is optimize.

    You should talk to your doctor about this. Yes, even if she's a woman- they understand too! You'll need to review medical history, medications, drug and smoking history, have a physical exam (including a digital rectal exam-it's procedure), some limited bloodwork (ugggh 'low T' isn't really a thing), and some psychological screening tests (GAD7 and PHYQ9). And then you might need to talk to a sex therapist. They're phenomenal.

    Medicine is a team sport and people are around to help. But you gotta speak up.

    I'm glad you've taken the first step. Keep us updated
     
  24. OckyDub

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    Great information!
    [​IMG]
     
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  25. Rico

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  26. Nicholan

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    Bingo--that's you're probably right there. Lol
     
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  27. SB3

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    Thas my friiieend...
     
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  28. ControlledXaos

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    Well I know that I need to reduce the amount of fapping I have going on. That's why I couldn't care less about sex right now. I'm just too efficient and easily accessible. I have broken my gym, fap, shower routine. Since I have started to incorporate swimming, I shower at the gym. By the time I get back home I'm just not in the mood to whip it out, whip it up and get clean again.

    @derrick-gordon-12327 how much foreplay/build up do you have before sex? I need to get worked up because getting straight to it doesn't work for me.
     
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  29. Champagne_Papi

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    I disagree bro, you'll find more grown ass men into frottage. You'll be surprised yeh to find out how most dudes whom don't even know about frottage but when introduced, they start to want to do that more. And it's a lot more dude out there now who are into it more than anal penetration. Shit is real out there yeh.
     
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  30. derrick-gordon-12327

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    I dont really do much of foreplay, since im hooking up with guys i dont really care about. but when i did do foreplay, the experience was amazing.
     
  31. ControlledXaos

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    Ok. I mean, I still would get into foreplay with a rando. It just really depends on the chemistry on how intense it would get.
     
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