He Ghosted me. Should I let him be a plus one at my party?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by RolandG, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. RolandG

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    So me and this dude talked for a few months a little over a year ago. Went on several dates and even took a weekend trip together but we were never an exclusive couple. I thought he was a cool dude and we FaceTimed almost every day. One Saturday, we text each other non stop that morning and then he stopped responding. Just out of the blue he no longer responded to texts or even calls. I left more than a couple text messages asking what happened and NOTHING. Fast forward to now. I decided to throw a small party for some friends for the next Falcons game and said they could bring a plus one. Nothing huge but about 15-20 people. One of my new acquaintances text me today and said he knows this very dude and was wondering if he could bring him as his plus one. Now, for him to call and ask, he must've told dude who I was and that i was throwing a party and he could come. I'm sure dude filled him in on the fact he ghosted my ass a while back. In order for this new acquaintance to even call and ask means ole dude actually wants to come to my party knowing he ghosted my ass.

    Question: Would I be petty in telling this new acquaintance that he can come but leave ole boy at home? A good friend said I am being petty because this was over a year ago and i moved on long ago and that Im acting like a hurt wife getting back at my cheating husband, but i'm like naw son. You not gonna ghost me with no explanation and then come up in my crib eating my food, drinking my alcohol and socializing with my friends after that. What y'all think?

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  2. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Why would dude want to bring him in the first place most likely knowing the history? Nonetheless you have to ask yourself why you're bothered?

    When I come over there for the party imma be looking at them and at you like...

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  3. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    No, its your party and your house. Dude had his chance to end the relationship with you guys being “just friends” but he chose to do the opposite. He’s the petty, immature one, not you.

    Even if the dude had broken up with you the correct way, he’s an Ex. You have the right to not want him in your home. This isn’t a public party at a club or even a mass text house party, sounds like its an intimate invite-only gathering IN YOUR SPACE! Having a nicca in your space that will even give the hint of “drama” or awkwardness should be an easy decision.

    Again, he had his chance. I’ve ghosted tons of ppl in the past but never would I then plan to attend their private house gathering a year after no contact. Hell, even if they were having a Birthday Party at a club, I wouldn’t go nor would I ask a friend to ask you if I can go. This sounds very high school and messy, just my opinion.

    I would rather be called “petty” by my friend than spend the whole night being awkward and watching this dude act like nothing ever happened.

    I will ask this follow up question though, and you can not answer if its too personal.

    Was there sex (or sexual activity) involved? Sometimes we hold less weight to “dating” if no fluids were exchanged. It’s almost just a buddy/friend thing until the dating is christened with a peen entering an orifice...even then it can still be seen as ‘just friends hanging out” since a lot of gay guys use sex like handshakes. I say all that to say, maybe he just viewed your time with him as new friends getting to know each other, and then he either got back with an Ex or met a new dude so he ghosted.

    Either way, he shouldn’t be allowed to come to your party.
     
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  4. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Also, what kind of friend is this that wants to bring him at all. If this were me and @OckyDub, there’s no way he would consider this...or if he did ask me, he would hear me voice reservations and Instantly rescind the request. And vice versa.

    Again, its not about being petty and a jilted love...its about respect. Dude had a chance to bow out gracefully. He blew it.

    There’s a science to ghosting while still staying on good terms with the other person.
     
  5. Apollo

    Apollo Enemy of the Status Quo

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    Are they dating or are they just friends? How close of a freind is this acquaintance that wants to bring him? The acquaintance should not have invited the guy who ghosted you to your party.

    And if he ghosted you why would he want to go, to apologize? Maybe you should ask your acquaintance or the guy who ghosted you why he wants to come? It just seems a little weird that the dude who ghosted you would want to go.

    I would say no he is not allowed.
     
  6. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I mean, seems to me its not even about being petty or feeling jilted... The dude made a decision: I don’t fuck with you no more. Stop texting me. Stop calling me.

    He can’t just take that back because he wants come to your Football game watch party a year later.....especially without first reaching out to you HIMSELF and apologizing or explaining what happened.

    The last dude that ghosted me did it the right way. He gradually went from hot to cold, slowly texting back until the it became clear that he was no longer feeling me as much. While future invitations to meet up were coincidently missed until after the fact, no texts went ignored or unresponded. So if I saw him out in public, I wouldn’t have hard feelings. To go from FaceTiming every day to not even being able to get a Proof of Life response, that’s foul. LOL.
     
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  7. takeyourmeds91

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    He wouldn't be welcomed in my home, point blank. He wasn't interested in having anything to do with you so even if he was given the okay, he shouldn't feel comfortable coming to your house in the first place. I think that's the part that angers me, is the audacity of it all.

    I'm not into grudges and I think you should ultimately forgive people but folks do trifling shit and expect you to forget about it. That's not how this works.

    So no.

    And I'm side-eying the friend too.
     
  8. ControlledXaos

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    This is one of the most Facebooky discussions here.
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  9. OckyDub

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    :mynicca::lawd:

    Dude wouldn't even be in the D-List group of 'plus-ones' for me.
     
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  10. Nick Delmacy

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    @RolandG I vote that you live up to the petty he accused you of and disinvite both of them!

     
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  11. takeyourmeds91

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    You're completely feeding off of this discussion...why both can't come hahaha
     
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  12. RolandG

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    To answer your question, there was sex involved. So obviously i wasn't thinking of him as just a friend. Definitely not an exclusive boyfriend but definitely more than just a platonic friend. I'm not sure the reason for the disappearing act and I don't even think about it anymore.
     
  13. RolandG

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    The guy that I invited, specifically, isn't one of my best friends but we have been hanging out just as a friendship type thing for maybe six months. Nothing sexual at all. I did tell him today that he will have to leave ole boy at home and that he's welcome to invite another friend so he knows someone there besides me. He's being introduced to some of my other friends that he doesn't know well. And he understood. He just thought, like a lot of dudes here, that I would be cool with fraternizing with old exes. I had to let him know that I've never rolled like that.

    And you're right about there being a science to ghosting while staying on good terms with the other person. He didn't even taper off with excuses like work is getting crazy or he going through shit and just chillin. It was a complete disappearing act with no explanation after a few outreaches. That's a sign that you didn't wanna be cool so don't be trying to come around now. He would probably be up in my crib trying to talk to other dudes anyway. Just being messy.
     
  14. Nick Delmacy

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    :tears: It was a slow day at work today
     
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  15. RolandG

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    See, this is why i'm glad there is a CA squad. The dudes I know would be giving me all types of bad advice. Calling me bitter and angry and vengeful. LOL They've been here too long so they don't see anything wrong with exes hanging out at each other's homes. Exes are hanging out with the new boyfriends and nobody even blinks. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. This is why i've made it a point not to ghost anybody anymore. I'm straight up with a dude if there is no romantic/sexual interest. I never know when that nigga might throw a dope ass party that i want to attend. LOL
     
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  16. takeyourmeds91

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    This thread is so ironic because I literally just apologized to a dude last night after ghosting him back in January - I gave him the whole, "oh school is so busy" but we both knew what it was. We randomly reconnected a week or two ago and it's been sitting slightly heavy on my heart, the way I did him so I'm glad he allowed me the chance to apologize.
     
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  17. OckyDub

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