Is It Offensive To Ask, "Are You Masculine Or Feminine" on Dating Apps?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nick Delmacy, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Before you've exchanged numbers and spoken on the phone or met in person....Is It Offensive To Ask, "Are You Masculine Or Feminine" when meeting guys on Dating Apps?

    The old "Discreet City" Nick would have said 'no,' but that was before the world (and gay men) became so hypersensitive on gender politics.

    I think the "Are you a Top or Bottom" question on apps is still somewhat frowned upon, at least in the beginning, because it assumes you will make it that far for the answer to matter.

    But is the masculine/feminine question the equivalent to "toxic masculinity?" What if a masc guy is LOOKING for a femm dude, is it just as offensive and off-putting?
     
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  2. mojoreece

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    I dont think its offensive. Ppl know what they like and its best to be upfront about it so ur not wasting time.

    Im attracted to men that are more masculine leaning. So its def a question that I would ask. And wouldn't mind if someone ask me that same question.

    The point of dating is to get to know what things a person is attracted to. U can't know that unless u ask people questions.
     
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  3. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I don't think it's offensive it's best to get it out of the way early if someone not being masculine is a deal breaker. It'll be even more offensive and awkward for both parties if they show up for a date looking like this.
    Slide17-e1305918418101.jpg
    Dating is about what you're looking for in a potential partner. I say fuck who ever gets triggered. This is the real world not a college campus. Caution....they won't always be honest so you're gonna have to do some detective work before hand, extensive questioning, and some phone conversations before agreeing to meet.
     
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  4. Jai

    Jai I love me a dark skinned chocolate bruthas.
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    I don't think it's initially offensive, it can be though, depending on how it's brought across and if you're rude with it.

    I'm not attracted to feminine men but when I had a Jackd profile, I said that I am attracted to masculine men only. I'm VERY upfront about what I'm attracted to, no doubt.

    I mean masculine leaning to the point of a regular guy. You don't have to like sports cuz I hate almost all sports, and a few things "traditionally masculine", but I'm into things like astronomy, nature, or creative arts and stuff like that.

    If a guy asked me if I was masculine, I'd tell him, well, I'm not feminine. Some guys might think Im "feminine" cuz I'm small with "some shape" to my body, passive, nerdy. Getting to know me, really shows my masculinity or that I'm just a regular guy but pretty passive (unless you piss me off) and not into "traditional masculine" things.

    I had one experience where a guy had a 100% masculine picture and made some comments about him being a "mascy" and wanted to meet.

    I got the urge to randomly call him out of the blue one day...I found out he was 100% feminine. He answered the phone with a very strong lisp and said "bitch" thirty times to the person he was in the car with and seemed to have an attitude with them as well.

    I stopped talking to him after I got off the phone.

    I think it's a good thing to state what you're into right off the bat. At least I do. A lot of guy are into feminine men though, just depends.
     
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  5. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub Fair Use Nigga....Fair Use
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    When I was dating, every fem kat I came across lied about being masculine.
     
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  6. BlackguyExecutive

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    I don't think it is offensive.

    I think it really boils down to the execution of the ask. I think people who make public declarations like MASC for MASC are kinda pathetic. I think there is a lot of nuance in courting or seeking dates or whatever. The spectrum is pretty big when you think about it. I think these kinds of question only work for those who prescribe to stereotypical gender-roles and gay-archetypes.

    I have seen men who on initial observation looked totally masculine and as soon as they opened their mouth or walked the illusion went away. Also, I think the vast majority of gay men are somewhere in between and every single one of us does something that would be considered masculine or feminine. No one is 100% anything.
     
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  7. Cyrus-Brooks

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    Cosign!!! Which is why I say you gotta interrogate them. I learned the hard way that fagotrons be trying to run scams on a brutha. There's no need to run scams there are plenty of dudes out there who like feminine guys. I'm just not one of them.
     
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  8. African King

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    Most people find it offensive. I have been off of dating/online apps for almost over one year so whenever I decide to get back into all that then I will tread carefully.
     
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    Not offensive at all.

    The only people that generally find it offensive are feminine men who assume that the question is being asked to X them out of the equation to the point of discriminating them.
     
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  10. ControlledXaos

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    If you are masculine, it is offensive to ask. If you are feminine it's perfectly okay.
     
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  11. Apollo

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    I don't think its offensive. But ask/discuss it in a respectful way. And be honest. I would much rather know sooner than later so you are not wasting each other's time, and It may sting a little when someone is not interested.

    Another related issue is people have a different threshold/definition/criteria of what masculine and feminine is. Where exactly is the cut-off point between the two? This may more affect people who are in the middle. How masculine do you have to be to call yourself masc?
     
  12. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub Fair Use Nigga....Fair Use
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  13. acessential

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    This. I think the real question is, "Will asking even get you accurate information?"
     
  14. mojoreece

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    :patrice: I didnt think about that Ur right. Ppl do lie. But I guess U can determine if their honest or a lie.:umad:
     
  15. ControlledXaos

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    People, gay men rather, have really loose views on what they consider masculine. Some guys are not swishy swishy and think because of that they are not feminine. And now that facial hair is in a lot of guys are looking really masc on ig but the voice and mannerisms reveal a lot.
     
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    Do you think they were lying intentionally or do some really think they are masculine especially compared to other dudes that are completely fem?
     
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  17. OckyDub

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    Both.

    Some I have no doubt intentionally lied. I think others thought because they were not Ru-Paul / Boy George fem, they were masculine.
     
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  18. machoBLKnerd

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    in my heart of hearts, i do think it's problematic, but i continue to do it.

    as others have said, better framing can be somewhat helpful though. in my experience on jack'd, profiles are framed negatively rather than positively. it's helpful to express interest in "masc men who work out regularly" rather than "no fats, no fems".
     
    #18 machoBLKnerd, Jan 4, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2018
  19. ColumbusGuy

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    Well it might help if one asks to also ask about "inbetween" as well given how people define things differently. It is one of those things that you are going to find out about anyway. I think the main thing is in how it is asked vs whether or not it is asked-just like many of these things on apps and such. Have some tact and dignity(both of which are apparently lacking on these sites apparently). Be the exception.
     
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  20. Omega Level

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    Nicely said @BlackguyExecutive. If I were asked this question it would kind of confuse me for the simple fact I would think, "What exactly is masculine?" or more importantly "What is your definition of masculine?" from the person thats asking.

    Yes, there are simple stereotypical ideas of what masculine is and I may be reaching a bit reading too much into the statement, but some of these dudes think if you don't watch sports than your are not masculine. And some others think if you wear a shoe that is considered expensive your a flaming queen. And everything in between.

    I wouldn't find the question offensive, but I would find it kinda lame. I would never ask it.

    I'll be open to meet and see wassup. If they don't fit the masc or fem spectrum I'm interested in they just won't get anywhere with me or another call. Done and Done.
     
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  21. SB3

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    See that leads to another issue tho, which may not even fit into this thread. Nevermind..ima just start a new thread on yall!
     
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  22. SB3

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    I obviously don't think there's anything wrong w finding this info out. I do, however, think there's a, not so off-putting way to ask that info. Back in the 60s when I fooled w the jakd, I used to ask 'so what's ur vibe like? Would you consider urself, masc/fem/inbtwn' and no one ever expressed any sense of being offended.

    However, I do think that if you're old enough to be on an app trolling for sex/dates/love/someone to talk to/wtfever, you're old enough to be able to swallow someone simply not being into you. Whether it's written in a profile or during an exchange, ppl have to stop crying everytime they're not on the list.
     
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  23. LeoBlack22

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    I think it's not offensive. It's just a part of the getting to know you process. There is nothing worse than finding a dude fits all of the check boxes you have ( c'mon we all do, "You ain't gotta to lie Craig!") then he is not masculine like you want him to be. I'm for a dude being himself, but the wind in my sails just goes down with a quickness. I agree to try and be respectful, but remember we are men and there is no such thing as being tactful with it. You want to know so just ask the dam question and get the shit over with. jm2cnts
     
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  24. Devonte

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    that's as arbitrary as asking do you like kit kats or butter fingers. honestly. if that isn't offensive, why is that question? truly, it depends on who you ask. something will only be offensive depending on the individual's subjective perspective. so all anyone here can do is answer for their self, which as we can see, most do not find it offensive. you could ask something in the most pompous, grotesque way, and it still may not be offensive depending on the person's reception to it. we know what we like, we inquire to learn of things that would satiate our quota or interests. if that is narrow-minded then we are ALL narrow-minded by default
     
  25. Ora Obi

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    This is such a tough one because if you ask the guy and they lie, they will try to perpetuate an image they think you will like. I think the best thing to do is just keep talking to the guy. Even video chat. Watch their mannerisms. See how they respond to certain topics. I know that Nick and Ocky talk about asking about Real Housewives or favorite divas but even with that, some of the most masculine men I have met in Atlanta GO IN on their favorite housewife or female R&B singer.

    You will only know the truth with time. At the very least, if you find out the guy is not, you can just move on.

    If someone asks me, I acknowledge that I am but that I believe all gay men have their ways! And they do! At some house parties, the masculine men can get drunk enough and before you know it, they are discussing things you would not expect them to discuss.
     
  26. Sean

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    Maybe not the majority of straight men, but bitch ass ninjas come in all sexualities.
     
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  27. NikR

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    well damn

    nuclear-atom-bomg-explosion-animated-gif-4.gif
     
  28. Nicholan

    Nicholan thencrowd14.com
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    This is tricky...

    I haven't gotten that question in YEARS, haha, but I remember in my early 20's and late teens getting this question a lot.

    The thing is, masculine is looked at as being more desirable. I'm guilty because I find it more desirable as well. However, there is a spectrum of masculine/feminine and when someone ask you that question, the person receiving the question may be thinking "where on the spectrum do I need to fall for him to be attracted to me?"

    I've noticed in the gay community that there is a lot of fake masculinity going on. Guys will play a character to appear more "desirable." This is definitely true when you read someone's profile and they emphasize the fact that they are "masculine."

    If you are masculine, then you shouldn't have to actually say it. Just BE...

    For me, I wouldn't even waste my time asking someone if they are masculine/feminine. You just have to get to know the person OFFLINE and see how they are.

    Actions speak louder than words.
     
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