Life Decisions

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Nigerian Prince, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    For those of you past your 20s, how did you know that you were making the best decisions for your personal and professional life while in your 20s? What would you tell your younger self in your 20s?
     
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  2. Champagne Papi

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    I think we as a society put so much stress and emphasis on our 20s...personally yeh, I don’t believe you have to have all your shit figured out in your 20s. Hell, your 20s are not even the birth of your prime. 20s are the time to explore shit as the young adult that you’ve become. Fuck up, fuck up again, and probably even fuck up one more time to know what’s your “path” and what’s not. I’ve just entered my mid 20s and the only thing I could probably say to my younger 20s is that I’m not stuck, it’ll pass and to take those risks because this is the time to.... also, I’d tell him to leave this 6’8 nigga alone and to make sure you grab that dude’s ass at that one Kappa party who kept drinking out the same cup as you. :ashley:(I still think about this...)
     
  3. Nigerian Prince

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    Yeah I've been told by @Ockydub @Nick Delmacy and other members of Cypher Avenue like @SB3 to just live my life. Many of the men I've met out here that I've become good associates (and friends) with have said the same. I am learning more and more than I don't have to be perfect. I have messed up many times in my 20s and I've at least learned from those mistakes, which is what counts the most. Most of the mistakes stemmed from the anxiety around my sexual orientation being a heavy secret. I made poor decisions but I do know and believe that it is all working together for my greater good in the end. I am now on track to really do what I decided to do with my life career wise.

    As far as the dating and relationship part, I will make mistakes. I will be 28 in November so I guess I have about 2 more years to squeeze in to learn more about relationships. I always had this idea in my head that it would be this perfect relationship in my head and that I would have what my parents had and those from their generation had. I had this idea in my mind about "dating to marry". That is more of what people did in our parents and our grandparents generation. These days people date to just "pass the time". People are fine with being a side-dude/side-chick and they would rather be the weekend instead of the 9 to 5 (did you catch the SZA reference??? lol @Infinite_loop). Many more people but definitely (black) gay men in particular from what I see have their guards up and they're too good at goodbyes (a la Sam Smith's new song... he really sings the TRUTH in that record). But anyway, many of my older friends look at me crazy telling me that I am an attractive guy so that means I have zero excuse as to why I have not dated or had sex yet lol. The sex thing has not happened BUT I am about to hit Dallas, Texas for Black Pride next month for a weekend so hey maybe I will at least get a kiss! That's my goal lol.

    @NikR @questforknowledge @SB3 @DreG @Infinite_loop @Champagne_Papi @ControlledXaos @KritiKal Analysis @Sean P @ColumbusGuy @NickAuzenneNOLA @Nick Delmacy @Ockydub @JNH412 @Dante @mojoreece @Rico @takeyourmeds91 @acessential
     
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  4. OckyDub

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    Dear African King...
    There isn't a thing as perfect relationships. Previous generations staying together because they made a commitment and not divorcing means nothing. Previous generations practiced incest, abuse, infidelity, having multiple 'secret' families or children around town. Just because they were good at being discreet and not telling folk their business doesn't meant they had/have perfect relationships. They take their secrets and indiscretions to the grave.
     
  5. Nigerian Prince

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    In my 2Chainz voice "TRUUUUUUU"

    Yeah I am learning this. Everything is not always what it appears to be.
     
  6. Sean P

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    @African King You lived your life for others in your early adult years so it's natural that you would be cautious as you try to figure out what will make you happy. You have a good head on your shoulders and have many good influences in your life. You'll avoid making mistakes, but you will definitely make some bad decisions. I certainly have made my share and, if you're like me, you'll know that a number of those decisions are bad as you are making them. Not to worry. You will recover without physical injury or damage to your reputation, and (most) of your dignity intact.

    Talking to my 20+ year old self, I would say: "Don't do anything differently. You lived abroad. You started your career. You'll live a good life. While you made some bad decisions, you won't make any actual mistakes, etc." As an aside, talking to my 30+ year old self, I would also add: "Negroes ain't sh*t! Stay away and get a dog that likes to travel instead." IJK...sorta.

    Enjoy life with minimal stress. That's the best gift you can give yourself.
     
  7. Winston Smith

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    Everything previously stated. The only thing I would change is learning that sacrificing yourself in the name of family isn’t always a good thing. A dream deferred is still a dream deferred regardless of the reasons or motives. Live your life at your speed. If everyone else is a hare and you’re a tortoise, let ‘em run and take your sweet time in relationships, career, whatever...

    Also, other people’s perceptions of age and accomplishments, let it go. Hell, I accomplished three times as much AFTER 40 then I did before 40. It’s only when you (or Mother Nature) say it’s over.

    Finally, stay the fuck away from anything military. The only thing it accomplished was helping me reclarify my life goals after sitting in the desert for a year being shot at...
     
    #7 Winston Smith, Sep 24, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2017
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  8. Nigerian Prince

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    Thank you for your honesty. Yeah I wonder what those bad decisions would look like hahaha. Probably getting with the wrong dude because his sex is BOMB lol.

    Yeah thanks for your honesty as well man. I have to live life at my speed because all of my peers have "surpassed" me if I viewed my life through the lens that I used to view it. I'm so blessed to have people who have reassured me that I am right on time and to live life one day at a time.
     
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  9. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    First, I appreciate what everyone who is wiser than me has said above. Lots of nuggets and knowledge being dropped so I am definitely taking notes. To answer your question, I am not sure I am the right person to answer this. I am turning 28 in about a week, so I am still catching my breath from running this quarter life crisis marathon.

    I have never been big on writing down or following plans. My goals were always flexible in nature and they have led to unexpected places. Even after making bad decisions one after another, somehow things always end up working out. I'd say if I met my 23 year old self, I would tell him to stop worrying too much about how other people perceive how he lived his life.
     
  10. Sean P

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    Sometimes it's not even about the sex, but the overall chemistry is right even though you KNOW the Brotha is no good. The wolf occasionally comes in sheep's clothing. His papers, good looks, and almost everything else are pristine, but he is no good! Trust your instincts. If you consciously decide to make a bad decision (like I have once or twice), own it. You'll come out a little bruised. However, you will be stronger after recovering from the heartbreak (If not, you'll be a little wiser, which also has value.). lol
     
    #10 Sean P, Sep 25, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
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  11. Boaxy

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    I don't really think of it like that. I make impulse decisions yes, but I end up sticking to them. I feel it was just meant to happen I guess.
     
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