Masc guys describe how much they face homophobia

Discussion in 'LGBT News and Events' started by Nick Delmacy, Mar 8, 2020.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Masc guys describe how much they face homophobia

    Masculine-presenting gay and bi guys opened up online recently after a Reddit user asked about their experiences with homophobia and passing as straight.

    “Masc gay men, do you deal with homophobia as much?” the Redditor inquired. “Are people surprised to find out you’re gay?”

    For a lot of commenters, the answer is “no” to the first question and “yes” to the second.

    “No, everything was pretty smooth for me. The only time I really experienced it was when a homeless guy shouted ‘f*gs’ at me when I was walking down the street with a fem friend,” one wrote. “Yeah, people tend to be surprised. My own mom didn’t expect it, apparently.”

    Another commenter said that he only experiences homophobia when he’s showing PDA with a guy. “Like, I once got threatened with death on the street for kissing my boyfriend at the time,” he said.

    But other masc guys said that they experience homophobia on a less overt level.

    “[You get] the ‘Well, you’re not like one of THOSE fem gays I guess, so let’s resume our casual homophobia using gay and other slurs,’” one observed. “I actually enjoy being more blatantly fem because it cuts through all that bullshit faster. When you’re masc, people hide it for longer.”

    Another wrote: “I deal with homophobia from straight guys making anti-gay jokes in my presence assuming I’m one of them … To try to counter this I’ve been wearing pride shirts on casual Fridays, but this doesn’t work so well because nobody comes into the office on Friday anyway.”

    “Also, you’re expected to be kind of a stereotypical straight dude who just happens to like men: macho, emotionless, the one who takes control, hypersexual, [objectifying],” a third user commented. “I just happen to be a masc gay man who wants to cuddle and fall asleep next to another man I love.”

    And other Redditors have encountered people who seem to want to put them back in the closet. “The most common reaction I get is ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.’” one wrote. “I think most people mean well when they say this, but I really don’t like it. I feel like asking, ‘Why do you assume my sexuality is worth being hidden?’”

    What say you, masc-leaning readers? How have you navigated these issues? Let us know in the comments below.
     
  2. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
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    Yes, please masc-leaning Squad members.....do tell....
    :foxxxy:


    I don't really blend in. I'm a soft male. I'm not hardcore masculine and I'm not fem. I still dress like a man, no high pitch voice or anything but I do enjoy wearing fitted clothes, showing off my shape but I'm confident. I get judged instantly. I've had folks tell me I need to try and bull up more to be a bigger man and I just give them the stank face.

    Folks automatically assume I like dick and I don't care to be honest. If they ask me I just ask them why do they wanna know? I tend to get highly offended when someone asks my sexuality. Not because I'm ashamed but because it's none of their business and I'm not interested in them so they shouldn't worry about it. Whatever they decide then is on them.

    I remember some old college colleagues had wanted to go out to dinner to talk. We weren't close but it was me, another guy, and two girls and their comments hinted at them trying to decide if I was gay or not.

    It was really pissing me off. They'd mention things about stuff to see my response. I've legit like hated them ever since. Lol

    I've had coworkers at my old job make a comment about it. I was mentioning to one of them that my cousin hates fem gays and another guy was like..does your cousin know you're gay too?
    :dafuq3: Who said I was gay? You looking at me and judging me based on stereotypical presentation but when someone does it to you...ya looking lost and crying discrimination.

    I'd say I'm metro at best..but my masculinity overshadows anything fem about me. I don't like make-up, Beyonce or other popular Divas (I do like Janet Jackson to be fair.) to the point where I see them as idols, I don't watch or participate in any drama, Only time I wanna be a bitch is in the bed room....by bitch I mean submissive...though I could probably be a switch if I wanted to.
    :dead1:
     
  3. DreG

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    This is my experience,but for me I probably hear it from women more. They are a huge part of the "toxic masculinity problem".
     
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  4. takeyourmeds91

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    I've gotten disappointment from heterosexual women and loss of friendships (non-serious) from a very small number of hetero men when they find out about me.

    From the women, it's always, "damn, you too cute" or "But why??" Like, miss, I don't know, it just happens to be what I like. Nobody asks you the reason behind your preference.

    From the men, they just become distant.

    Again, while I do understand they face their own challenges, I sometimes envy the more obvious gay men bc at least everyone already knows what to expect straight out the gate. It's an upfront, "either you fuck with me or you don't" type of situation.
     
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  5. Dean

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    My experience with this is a reason why im a loner. I would rather be around myself vs be around folks with who think you need them to understand your choices in order for the earth to spin.
     
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  6. DreG

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    Oh man,I had to have a conversation about if I'd been molested or not. It was with someone who took no issue,but said his other gay friends told him they were molested and continued with the behavior so he always thought it was a choice. I was able to educate him and he learned,but having to justify your existence like that is beyond exhausting. I'm sure his other friends feel the same or since they felt the need to offer an excuse .
     
  7. takeyourmeds91

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    Oh I forgot about that. You should've asked him if he's been molested cus it's not just a gay thing.....
     
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  8. Jaibrokeraine

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    I’m masc enough that girls hv had crushes on me but at the same time other gay guys seek me out and check if I’m gay to try to date me or for sex... so I’m assuming I come off as of those guys who could be gay or str8 and just has really good taste.
     
  9. alton

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    "...From the men, they just become distant."
    This has always been my experience. I have the WORST luck making meaningful acquaintanceships (I think I just made that up LOL) with str8 dudes. I have ONE str8 dude that is my ride or die since 2003, but everything after has been a bust. Ive never had an issue befriending women. I think most str8 dudes are either intimidated, fearful that Im gonna try something and they wont be able to fight me off (really dude), or are having some internal conflict because they are attracted but can't act on it. Whatever. I'm resigned to my solitude, nowadays. No time for dudes' BS anyways. LOL
     
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  10. Mendizi

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    I have had a similar experience with some straighy dudes. Now I am very careful when I meet someone new at work> I have one guy who I get on well with but I just know that when I do come out, he will be cold and off with me.
     
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