Best Posts in Thread: Rapid Dudes

And ironically, the dude that @Lancer met up with is somewhere right now complaining about how hard it is to date too...

 

Yeah if not for this website (and others) I would think it was just me having dating issues like these.

I tell @OckyDub and others in long relationships all the time that if they can stay with their partners, they should...no matter how difficult things get. It seems tougher out here now that it was even just 10 years ago. Hell, when we first started this site I was giving dating advice, now I'm as lost as everyone else given how flaky, indecisive, impatient and picky many gay men have become.

Your story highlights another weird trend I've noticed in "the community," everyone has become "Gay Friend Collectors." On one hand they want to keep you as an option for dating or sex, but on the other hand they want to add you to their coven of gay friends for hanging out and brunch. So you live in this perpetual grey area where he's flirting with you through texts one day, then stone cold when you (eventually) meet up to "hang out."

One theory that I've had lately is maybe we all should kill the "nice guy" in us...It seems like the guys who are the wolves (the men constantly flirting with any and everyone both in private and public) avoid this grey area.

Black gay men nowadays seem to respond better to the "Damn, you sexy as fuck...When you gonna stop playing and let me hit?" than they respond to the "You seem cool, do you want to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime to get to know each other?"

The latter leaves open too much ambiguity. The former gets right to the point. And the other guy knows exactly what your interest is and what your intentions are...

 

That whole group meet thing is odd.

I hate when dudes have their coven with them early on. They will stalk your social media, dig up yearbooks,, and everything. Lol

Sounds like that was actually a good thing. That's not the type of dude you want to be with anyway if he's that flighty and bold to do that in your face.

 

I know dating world is a vicious battlefield and everyone is on to the next in the flap of a Humming Birds wing.Heck I even read this article where a guy set up a hookup and while they were going at it, the dude he invited over(still inside him) was on the app setting up another hookup immediately after.
I had been talking to this dude online. So I ask when can we meet for coffee (not the type in Luke Cage lol)? He says he is free in the afternoon. He sends me his location. I get to the spot, as I am walking towards him I see him sitting with some other dudes. I say to myself, didn't mention he will bring his friends, maybe he is shy and needs the support? I introduce myself to his friends and take a sit. Homeboy is quiet however his friends are the ones asking me all the questions and he occasionally chimes in with 'oh interesting' or 'really?'.
A short while after his friends leave and I think ok, me and homeboy will have some one on one time. He then says he has to meet up with some other dudes and I say 'that's cool, I will walk you there'.

It was not far away, thinking we would walk and talk. He doesn't say much during the walk, and I ain't no novice, dude was not feeling me at all. So, in my mind I conclude, I will walk him to his friends and bounce. We almost there when a muscular dude,shaved head,tight clothes and ASSets on display walks in front of us. Homeboy lights up, turns to me and ask's 'do I think the guy is on our team?' I jokingly reply, with an ass like that and pants that tight he must be and before I know it homeboy is...

He darts over to holler at the dude and I am there standing like 'WTF is happening!?!

He walks back to me, turns out dude played for the same team but was not feeling him. I then say 'Well it was nice meeting you and good luck'. We shake hands and bounce all the while I am thinking 'Well damn, dudes DO move fast nowadays'

 

I think both @RolandG and @OckyDub are right...A lot of the BS going on with Black Gay Dating is the same as it was before, however there are def new complexities that one who has been out of the market for nearly 10 years can't fathom. Add to that the fact that @OckyDub is not on social media in the traditional sense, unlike the majority of the people dating in this day and age. This is not to say that its all bad out there, especially since there are tons of guys out there who have no problems dating for the most part.

I think a big difference now vs 10 years ago is many guys are competing with not only other men in their local areas, they are also competing against unobtainable social media images/fantasies that ALL Black gay men THINK they can get with if they just keep stringing the local dudes along until it happens. Its the "next best thing" way of dating on steroids. Even in @Lancer's story the dude paused their date to go holla at a dude with a nicer ass...right in front of him... I've had this happen to me with guys texting other dudes or jumping on the apps while out with me.

Either way, this shouldn't be a pity party. Just a discussion on new ways that the game has changed.

Side Note: I stress "Black Gay Dating" in my comments because, while they have issues too, dating with White Gay Men is a different reality altogether. This is based on my limited knowledge (ie: HBO's Looking).

 

So here's the thing,

I'm 40 something and I'm not hearing anything new.

The dude from your post; I can clearly remember doing something similar to this when I was around 25ys old in DC. Even though I was a bit tipsy when I did it, I still did it.

The comment about shedding the "mr nice guy" and straight up saying "lets fuck"; I remember telling one of homeboys that same thing over 10 years ago when he was describing similar dating woes.

I'm in no way saying you alls experiences aren't real...they absolutely are. Somethings have changed/evolved like @Nick Delmacy told me how back in the day, one could get away with an intriguing faceless profile but today faceless profiles...



From these forums, to podcasts by the lgbt community, to web series...I'm seeing and hearing the same things I've been hearing for the last 15 +yrs. Technology has absolutely changed when it comes to dating (its easier to hookup) but when was it hard to hook up? When weren't dudes flaky as fuk? When was black gay dating easy? When and where was this golden age of black gay dating and how did I miss it?