Seasoned Gays

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Michael, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. RolandG

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    It's complicated
    and why @Nick Delmacy keeps lumping himself into the "older" group beats me. I mean, he's only like 3 years older than most of us. A couple of years difference in school. I do understand, to a degree, what he means by the environment being different growing up in the 80s and 90s. Where a person grew up makes a big difference. I lived in a smaller town that had a couple of out gay men and it was considered a major dig for any man to be called by the name of one of these two men. I'm sure growing up in NYC or Chicago or San Francisco in the 80s and 90s was much more convenient to gay men of all ages.

    I'd also like to add that as someone who dated older guys exclusively for many years, I've discovered that older gay men have the same insecurities and fears as younger gay men. Many aren't ready for relationships for different reasons. Not saying I was perfect in those relationships but a lot of older black gay men are still fukked up in the head. I'm making an effort to date guys my age now for the first time and enjoying it.
     
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  2. mojoreece

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    It would be interesting to hear the perspective from elders (60 and above). To be honest, it's quite scary thinking about what will happened if I live to be that age. From articles I've read many senior gays that were out and proud in their youth have to go back into the closet because of homophobia dealing with home care workers and living in senior housing communities. If you don't have kids, close family or friends your more likely to experience loneliness. The gay community is very focused on youthfulness and being fit. I mean if your in their 30s and a lil overweight your considered old and obese.
     
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  3. Jaa

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    Since we live in a world where the LGBT are becoming increasingly visible, accepted and legally protected, things will generally improve for aging gays over time. It will only get better for this generation and later ones as more people are comfortable living openly and becoming visible in their communities. If HIV and AIDS hadn't had such a devastating impact, I wonder if gays would have reached a sort of critical mass years ago that would have forced the world at large to recognize their presence. That period further divided the younger and older generations.

    An elderly gay with the means to relocate should be able to find an LGBT-friendly or accepting community in this age, especially if they're near urban areas. I am concerned for those who don't have the means. They could end up trapped somewhere overly conservative that doesn't consider their needs. But the no kids, family or friends problem seems like one of those issues that applies to anyone, though I could see it being a larger issue for gays since some may be more physically and mentally isolated from others due to their orientation or past emotional/mental traumas. I have elderly straight relatives who would likely be left behind in isolation if they didn't have a network of relatives around assisting them, especially the homebody ones whose minds are slowing or grappling with mental illness.

    Media and straight people are also focused on youthfulness and fitness, though it's a bit less pronounced. I think people of all orientations feel like the odd man out once they reach a certain age, especially if they're single. The 30 is old thing seems to be a self-perpetuating myth that pervades in gay minds. I mean, some early 20's twinks might give you the side eye if you approach them, and I've met 50+ guys who don't really check for people their own age (fortunately, there's a thriving market of younger guys that prefer older and vice versa, and people who simply feel that age ain't nothin' but a number), but there are clearly guys in their mid-lives out there having a good time with each other and people both older and younger than them. I think guys just begin recognizing that they're no longer spring chickens and that their dating market may be changing combined with standard midlife crisis worries. And fit bodies will always be prized, but we know most guys don't fit that ideal. It's easy to forget since fit imagery is more prominent, unsurprisingly since they likely feel more confident showing their bodies.

    Everyone has to face that they will become increasingly invisible as they age. Even those with big, close families likely have older relatives that "joke" that others should keep in touch more often. You have to be somewhat proactive about building your own network of reliable people, but current times are likely better for elder gays than ever. Just googling "dc gay elderly" showed me a few social groups for mature gays looking for socializing and activities. Guys in less urban, more conservative areas may lack this luxury, but that issue applies to gays of all ages. It's expected that those seeking community would flock to places where said communities are larger and more accepted.
     
    #38 Jaa, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  4. Jaa

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    @mojoreece, did you recently watch the 2010 documentary Gen Silent? I noticed it just aired on Logo and focuses on a group of elderly LGBT that seem to lack that support system.

     
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  5. SB3

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    Well said young man

    1294.gif
     
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  6. SB3

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    I think ur starting to blur some of these lines tho..

    40 is not in the same category as 60..

    No one of any age has to conform to anything they dont want to, obviously. But I do have different general expectations out of a 25, 45, and 65 year old. But, like i said, those are MY expectations.
     
    #41 SB3, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
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  7. Michael

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  8. SB3

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    # Dappled_Shade_Adelaide_Botanic_Garden.jpg

    Dont even try it! Lol. That was one of the best, most well articulated rants Ive heard since I been on the boards.
     
    #43 SB3, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
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  9. Michael

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    Lol twas! I think we struck a nerve.
     
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  10. SB3

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    Yea, yall struck that AARP card nerve lol
     
  11. Jaa

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    I made a shitty joke. During one of the podcasts, I believe @Nick Delmacy discussed feeling somewhat disconnected from some peers because he wanted to hang with folks, but he wanted to go out and do something fun while they wanted to do some stay inside, dinner party type of stuff. Obviously, what I mentioned wouldn't appeal to him.
     
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  12. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I made the thread interesting. Y'all need to give me my props. :troll:
     
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  13. alton

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    "So when I see a 40+ year old man who is single, I don't wipe away my imaginary bangs and say, "Gurl, bye..." DEAD!! LOL!!
    [​IMG]
     
  14. alton

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    "...they have graying pubes ..."
    I messed with a dude with graying pubs once, I was (in my head) like "ughlll n#$ka, shave that shit off, PLEASE." LOL
     
  15. Michael

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    Lol I think I would appreciate a few greys.
     
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  16. Kouncelor

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    You did get over that, right? LOL.
     
  17. alton

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    Oh of course. It didn't really bother me that much. I actually REALLY liked the dude, and he had other shit goin on worse than some grey pubs. I was just like dude, cut it off. Its 2015, almost every dude "Manscapes" nowadays.
     
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  18. grownman

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    I felt like we were beating a dead horse-until you posted this. AWESOME! This is one of those times that I wish that I kept cable. I will try to hunt this down. This has always been a fear of mine.

    [​IMG]
     
    #53 grownman, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  19. ControlledXaos

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    I'm shaving mine when that happens or just keeping it buzzed down. Ion want no curly grays but I can preciate it if it's a 9 o'clock shadow.
     
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  20. OhSheit

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    Thanks for sharing that.
     
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  21. Kouncelor

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    Yes, that is incredible. This is why we as a people have to continue to look out for each other.. especially as we get older. My father always says that "sometimes the people closest to you are NOT related by blood."
     
  22. mojoreece

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    This is what I am talking about. It makes aging as a gay person very depressing. I hope am in good health at the end of my life.
     
  23. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Ben10.png
     
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