Sex for the Wrong Reasons

Discussion in 'Sex and Adult' started by Artistic Arsonist, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. Artistic Arsonist

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    I was thinking back to this encounter I had a few months ago with a guy I really wasn't attracted to or interested in at all. I kept asking myself, "Why am I here? Why did I show up? Why don't I just go home?", and ended up leaving with a little bit of regret.

    The answer to those questions being that I got caught up in body counts, sewing wild oats, being young, and this and that. Basically, I was trying to keep up with the Joneses through sex, and that didn't sit right with me.

    Have any of you ever had moments where you had or used sex for reasons other than the fun and pleasure of it? Have you ever used it for the "wrong" reasons?
     
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  2. Winston Smith

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    As a 40+ ho who thinks the only bad sex is no sex, I’m a need one of y’all other members to help our young talent here lol.

    Seriously, the key, I think, is the body count issue you mention. Don’t get caught up in the “I’m twenty-something, I need to be fucking twice a day” mentality, or trying to keep up with mythical standard. If you take reasonable care of yourself, as some older squad will attest (@Nick Delmacy @OckyDub @Sean P ?), it’s not like your dick’s gonna fall off after 30. Quality, not quantity, is better at any age. The negative energy from regret affects everything else you’re trying to accomplish right now, so maybe concentrate on finding dudes your age with similar passion and goals first, then let the nutt happen when it happens?
     
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  3. ControlledXaos

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    I have done the 'might as well, I'm here' screw. However, there's times where I got up and left or stopped the session after they came even though I didn't. I was just ready to leave. Sometimes, you're just not in sync. I have had sex with guys were the first time was bomb and subsequent times were just okay. It ebbs and flows.

    I haven't regretted it later though. It was just an 'off' time with those guys. I've never done anything I didn't want to do nor have I ever been 'forced' against my will. For me, it was with guys I wasn't completely into or super turned on by but was like 'what the hell'. Every time you have sex, it isn't guaranteed to be magical. People will say that they 'had no complaints' but people usually are not bold enough to tell you it wasn't great to your face, unless it's after the fact and there's an argument. Honestly, you won't been sexually compatible/into it with every single person.

    As far as body counts go, I wouldn't get too caught up with that. The more sex you have with different people, the more risk you take for STIs. This is a risk we all take but it's something to at least think about. It is an acceptable risk that most humans are okay with, otherwise, we'd die as a species.

    One guy having sex with 50 dudes by age 24 isn't any better than the guy who has had sex with 4 dudes at age 30. For one, we all come to terms with our sexuality at different rates. If you're still questioning, then you just probably are not going to go all in as someone who knows they are gay/no hetero and going after what they want.

    Also, opportunities are not the same across the board. If you are in Bumbledust, Alaska, you will not have the ability to meet other men to have sex with as the population is just not there compared to someone in Atlanta, Miami, NYC etc. Though, you can go to any gay mecca and catch up over the course of a weekend.

    Older people may say to 'sew your oats' and etc but I take that as enjoy your life while you don't have as many responsibilities. If I could go back, I would have spent more time traveling than worrying about having sex when I was younger. Not that I can't now, but I think I would have enjoyed it more and it would have impacted me more had I taken an international trip by myself. I would remember that more than a 4 some that just felt weird or some random hookup with a guy whose name I can't even recall.
     
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  4. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    My inherent STI paranoia made it so that I never even considered a "hoe phase." I pretty much remember every guy I've had sexual encounters with mostly because there aren't tons of them. For awhile this bummed me out, in my mind everyone was out there having all this great, casual, no strings attached sex and I wasn't. Then the web series slowly became pornographic making me think all of these young black gay men were living their best Prep-popping lives while I was paranoid and closeted at that age. Then I remembered that I really like me and the life I've achieved by choosing to not go that route.

    So I say all that to say I've never really had sex for the wrong reasons and I have no regrets.

    Actually there was ONE TIME that I let a guy give me head when I really wasn't attracted to him or feeling him in that way. The short version is it was about 10 years ago, he was a new gay friend from NJ, heavyset dude, tons of tattoos, missing a couple back teeth, kind of a roughneck type and he had tons more "experience" than me when it came to dudes and dating. But he was a good hang and cool to talk to. I went over his crib one night to talk, ended up spilling my guts about some bullshit dude I was dealing with...He patiently listened to me and added his own advice, then said, "look imma be real with you, you at my spot, its late, we been talking about dude all night...but I wanna give you some head." Weirdly, I felt obligated to do so because he had just spent hours talking to me about my dating woes with nothing in return, LOL. Suffice it to say, it was the sloppiest, smelliest, worst blow job I've had before or since then. I couldn't even stay hard. That was the last time we saw each other, though we did text a few times after.
     
  5. SB3

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    :wtf:

    Here I was thinkin u was one the klassy ones all this time!? Smh
     
  6. SB3

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    I've had a few, ummm, 'under the weather' hookups after a gay water (or 12), and I've regretted many of them. Maybe not regret (nothing was affected) so much as 'what?/why?/lets pretend that never happened'. If that aint a wrong reason, Idk what is... The irony is that Im quite the prude other wise, w little interest in random sex and the body count to match.

    Like a lot of guys alrdy said, please don't waste your time trying to chase this webseries sex. While sex can be great, it can also be awkward and unfulfilling. Don't go out of your way to do some shit you rly don't even wana do. Hell, odds are, you'll alrdy end up doing that enough, thanks to life.
     
    #6 SB3, Jul 26, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
  7. Artistic Arsonist

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    I guess I'm trying to fight the fear of missing out and remember that sex isn't everything.

    You guys know I only really post about my career goals/journey, as I only really focus on that. Because of this, FOMO can hit pretty hard sometimes.

    Also, when you're in your 20s and not enjoying your encounters, or not even wanting them, that makes it seems like you're doing something wrong or just plain not normal.
     
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  8. Winston Smith

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    Lol, don’t worry, My numbers are probably like yours, I’m not Ice T
    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Embrace FOMO...it will never leave you. Young and old people alike have the fear of missing out in regards to a variety of things. Be it sex, traveling, career decisions, even just going to an event or concert, that feeling will always come up.

    There's an old saying, "If you focus on women you'll always lose money, but if you focus on money you'll never lose women." I would say apply that to your life as well. Even here on the site you seem more genuinely interested in your career and the fraternal aspects of Cypher Avenue than the sex talk and thirst trap lusting. I'd say continue to gravitate towards what interests you and in doing so you may meet men who not only share those interests, but may also want to lick you up and down till you say stop...

     
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  10. SB3

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    You know good and well he don't know shit bout no Silk!
     
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  11. RolandG

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    LMAO. I feel your pain. So if it was 10 years ago, you were a young buck. 30-years old and being peer pressured into getting some head with a dude with bad oral hygiene.

    The big question is how would 40-year old @Nick Delmacy handle this same situation if it happened today?
     
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