Short Term Flings and Hookups

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by BlackguyExecutive, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Charge D'Affaires
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    I am preparing to pack up my life and move. I am used to this life. I am used to not really forming really strong bonds with people as I move every couple of years or so but I do all this with a partner and husband. I am never really on my own. I recently was assigned three new interns (Fullbright Scholars) who will be working overseas for the next year.

    [​IMG]

    I had a sit down with each of them to explain their new jobs and a new life living abroad. It is important they understand that living abroad can become extremely lonely, particularly when you don't have a strong command of the language or have any contact in town.

    To my shock and surprise, one of the young men in my section who appeared to be gay upon meeting him and was confirmed when he told me that he would not have any problems because he is only looking for casual friendship at best. He went on to tell me that when it comes to love and sex, he is only seeking short-term flings and hookups.

    [​IMG]

    I was a little taken back by his frankness but I suspected he just felt comfortable because he knew I was a gay. I did, however, tell him that random hookups and meaningless connection get old after a while. I also told him he needs to be sure that if he was going to engage in hooking up and short-term sex he needs to use all applicable forms of protection for himself and his health. Was that good advice? What do you guys think about random sex, short-term relationships, and hookups?
     
  2. acessential

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    I am more concerned that he felt the need to disclose all of that info in a work environment, gay or not.
     
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  3. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Charge D'Affaires
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    To be fair, it was part of the process. I needed to assess whether I believe they are going to be good living abroad, are they are socially adaptable, i.e, do I think they have an ability to make friends and acquaintances outside of the cohort which is two other people. Do they understand they can quickly become isolated from a social standpoint? While the guy's disclosure was frank and forward and I don't think it was completely inappropriate. Some people are oversharers.
     
    #3 BlackguyExecutive, Jan 9, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
  4. acessential

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    Fair enough. I don't exactly know how he shared that piece of information, so I immediately assumed it was done in an inappropriate manner. But if it was done tastefully, it's all good.

    But to answer your initial question, I think people acclimate to new environments differently. I agree with you, I do think that random hook-ups and short term flings do get old after a while. But for this particular individual, it may not. This may be his coping mechanism. And as long as he's playing it safe and doesn't let his decisions disrupt his life, then he should be able to do whatever he wants. I don't think I would have shared my own views on hook-up culture. I would have simply said, "Play it safe and don't let it take over your life."
     
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  5. takeyourmeds91

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    Okay, that makes sense. I was thrown off as well. Honestly, I think the best advice you gave him, and hopefully it was stressed, was his health and safety. It's great that you mentioned more for completeness sake but if all he's looking for are hook-ups, then that's all he's entrained his mind to understand at this point. I think you can agree that there's a certain point of being "fed up" before you want more out of people. He just doesn't seem to be in that space and you have to meet him where he is. He'll undoubtedly get there if he remains overseas long enough. You did your due diligence.
     
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  6. African King

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    I like the advice you gave him.

    I am not for flings and hook-ups personally. But to each his own.
     
  7. ColumbusGuy

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    The 'keep it safe' advice was good and pertinent. Some people just are not looking for relationships, and given that he is abroad and probably not going to be in that location forever, there is really nothing wrong with looking for 'hookups' and all, as long as he is safe and responsible(and not an ass when doing it). Maybe he will look for something longterm later or in a different situation at some other point, maybe not. There is nothing morally superior to being in a relationship as compared to short term things, hookups, or just being single and/or celibate.

    A long term relationship is not a holy grail, especially if it is a dysfunctional one.
     
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