Social Media In Today's Society - Helpful or Harmful?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by African King, Jan 25, 2018.

?
  1. Yes

  2. No

  3. Maybe

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  1. African King

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    I posted on my profile page about comparing ourselves to others and to do your best not to. It can be difficult in today's day and age with social media on the horizon. There have been panel discussions, TV segments, movies, documentaries, articles, books and other productions about the effects of social media on my generation and especially about its effects on those coming behind me.

    As a 28 y.o. black gay man, I've definitely had my times where I do feel like interacting on social media has been beneficial such as the utilization of this platform, Cypher Avenue. In 2012, I stumbled upon a blog called Discreet City then fast forward to 2018 where I've met several Cypher Avenue members in the city of Atlanta. We've been able to laugh together, grow together and definitely support one another during good and bad times. On the other hand, I've had my times where I've compared myself by viewing people's lives on social media, or at least the perception that they want people to have of their life. Whether it is observing people's relationships with a significant other, their accomplishments, their vacations/trips or especially their bodies.

    I do think that social media can be helpful but then I do think that it can be harmful as well. It helped me whenever I needed to connect to those in my community and be resourceful. It would be harmful when I felt like I was not where I felt like I should be personally or professionally so much that I would deactivate my Facebook account for up to one year or more at a time. As for other people, it can be helpful for starting quite a few people's careers and/or businesses whether they are gay or straight, black or white, male or female. It can negatively impact people by causing "social media depression" as a result of them comparing themselves to others.

    So what do you guys think? Has social media been beneficial to you? Has social media been harmful to you? What other aspects play a role in the impact that social media has on people today whether they are positive or negative?

    @Nick Delmacy @OckyDub @SB3 @Sean P @DreG @acessential @takeyourmeds91 @NikR @Infinite_loop @ColumbusGuy @ControlledXaos @Michael @lyriq88 @Cyrus-Brooks @RolandG @Jai @Omega Level @Lean Lantern @Artistic Arsonist @Juan-Carlos @Ora Obi @Aejae @Sean
     
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  2. mojoreece

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    It really depends on what mood in.
    I can see what friends are up to; its good to see they are doing good. Connecting with cypher ave has been a huge benefit also. Just to know i was not crazy to think there are ppl just like me out there. Also sometimes social media can give better info/ updates on topics and things im interested in.

    Social media can become addictive though. There are sooo many beautiful black people on there with good bodies and great "life styles" (at least that's what ppl show). Seeing that sometimes can make you feel down.

    Like well damn!:mad: what im I doing wrong in my life to not have what they have? :thinkemoji:I want their fly non-struggle lifestyle, bodybuilder body, be able to travel to exotic locations and stay over a month, have a black masculine bodybuilder boyfriend, dope clothes, get into all the exclusive events, upscale shopping ect haah lol.

    until u find out they prostitute "escort", do porn webcam, strip dance on the side. And also get help from their oldassuggahdaddies "sponsors" .#letmeholdastack #noshade #nojudgement #onlygodcanjudgeu:kermit:
     
  3. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Based on what I've heard about "the golden age" of being black, masculine and gay...Social Media has def made black gay men effeminate, narcissistic, attention seekers that value social status & over substance.
     
  4. Sean P

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    CA is the full extent of my social media presence. I hate myself for even this limited interaction with you negroes (and @ColumbusGuy ) on this platform. IJK. I enjoy being part of the CA community. However, I can't really comment on the effect of social media in general because my first statement is actually true. CA is it for me. I otherwise live IRL (probably because my ass is boring as f*ck).
     
  5. ColumbusGuy

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    Back in "the day" as in the late eighties/early nineties, etc. I don't remember hardly any openly really stereotypical effeminate gay men. Even when I went to the all black gay club(and that black mixed club), none of them "looked" effeminate or acted "flamboyantly" either. I did not really frequent any places where I saw many really flamboyant gays anyway-even at drag shows there were not many of them. Not sure why this was. There seemed to be average gays, inbetween gays, somewhat effeminate gays(....big gap...)then drag queens. Maybe because back then "attention seekers" were more likely to generate very negative reactions?-especially among gay black men? I don't know...

    *the exception to this would be the Pride March/Parade/Festival. But even then most of the participants and crowd looked non-descript, and those that were not were more about nudity and debauchery than flamboyant effeminacy. And I am not knocking just regular plain ole' effeminacy here. Maybe the very effeminate gays were just not as "out there" and in your face being obnoxious and attention seeking as some of them seem today?

    Also of course I did not know what was going on in certain scenes like the Ballroom culture and all-I just was not a part of that and really not even aware of it so I can speak to this specific thing about black gay men in only a limited extent and all.
     
  6. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    This is exactly what I've heard from many gay peers in their 50s, especially black men. And that's not to say that effeminate men didn't exist or that there was even anything wrong with them.
     
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  7. NikR

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    Interesting. I totally thought that this thread was gonna be about pros/cons of social media in general, not necessarily with gay dudes in particular. I was gonna talk about family, some friends and a lot about keeping safe on social media in this age of hyperconnectivity. And therein lies what some people criticize me for- my utter disconnection with the gheeys.

    For me, in general, social media has been a net neutral- not good or bad- just something to be managed. I do have a professional website, and professional twitter and FB accounts, but they are for reputation management. I essentially stay off of all other social media, with the exception of Cypher Avenue, since I find them to be rather vacuous. I'll never understand the purpose of IG, with its carefully-curated images of perfection and preening air of "look at me- I'm better", even when, as @mojoreece shows, it's often demonstrably false. I think that these platforms are important for people looking for status and recognition in the wrong places.

    It's not that I don't take pictures or go out to have fun (in mostly 'straight spaces' lol)- it's just that those pictures never end up in places where a bunch of other people have the opportunity to pass judgment on them.

    So there you have it- I'm very much aloof to the local and interwebs/online gay scenes- mostly since I don't see them as benefitting me.

    Also, @Sean P - you lie! @Infinite_loop has told me about you, and I'm tryna get dem digits so I can seduce ur sexy ass. Tread lightly. lol
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

    ColumbusGuy Deactivated Account

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    I had a section about social media but deleted it lol. It was basically about privacy and how I am only on things like messageboards, etc. and not the "look at me" self-absorbed newer social media, although I can see how something like facebook etc. can be ok. for people just to keep up with relatives, etc. I guess. I deleted it because I think my circumstances are more because of age and generation than anything else. Having grown up without it, I don't feel a pressing need for it, especially since there is only a small circle of people who I give a damn about and there are more direct ways of keeping in touch with a small group.

    *I will leave the snapchat, Instathot..er...Instagram, etc. to the organic avocado toast eating/Tide pod eating crowd lol.
     
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  9. Sean P

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    First, props to my agent, @Infinite_loop, for getting me this audition! @NikR - You will definitely have dem digits in your DM before my next visit to D.C.
     
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  10. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    [​IMG]
    Look at me doing this whole cupid thing :patrice:
     
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  11. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    First, I want to say @Sean P is the GOAT and the MVP. Just want to put it out there for the World to know:ufdup:

    S/O to @African King for always bringing up some great topics out here. I love you my Nigerian King! Let me know when you're ready to share that $100Millions in inheritance :obamasip: and @NikR :foxxxy: I ma need some of your "doctorial" services soon, I feel a little dizzy.reallynow


    My point is, I wouldn't have been able to meet these three wonderful human beings(and many other fantastic CA folks) if it wasn't for social media. If used properly, it can be an incredible powerful tool to connect humans.

    On the other end of the spectrum, I've seen the narcissism, the "double" offline/online personas, and the psychological toll of seeing nothing but negative, degrading, or "perfect" posts all day. Have you ever wondered how you end up on IG, Tumblr or Facebook? Try to be more mindful of this particular question "How do I end up on this social media site?" and watch out for it, you'll see how much of our psych these folks control.
     
  12. NikR

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    LOL u stoopid

    I'm also snatching this damn gif
     
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  13. Jai

    Jai I sexual person that doesn't have sex...Slap me...
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    Social media has been beneficial to me mainly because I use it for marketing purposes and to share my creative content. Other than that, I do use a few blogs that I like to voice my opinions on some things and sometimes just to say things to strike up a debate or be goofy, (despite being very studious and introverted in reality) and even man crazy, which in reality, if a man doesn't show me intellect, I'll give him a parting glance, no matter how good he looks (Trey Songz still pending). Other than that...not so much.

    I'm not ashamed to say that at one point, I had a "freak" nature, cause of my absence of sex, and "some of...okay most of my pics were highly suggestive, not naked but highly suggestive... something my grandma shouldn't see, put it that way...

    I will say that at one point on Facebook...a long time ago, I used to believe people lived that happy life everyday that those images portrayed...When I would see couples, or folks going here and there on vacations, bragging... it made me feel like I was missing out, being that introverted odd ball.

    I eventually realized that such things are like looking at a fairy tale picture book.

    I kinda snapped out of it because this guy in another state used to comment on my pictures or statuses. Sometimes he would be snarky. One day he messaged me and told me that he wished he had my life and he even wrote...I envy you bro...

    A dude from another state, I never knew anything about, nor did he know me, believed my life was perfect based off a few pictures and some statuses. He was doing the same thing I did when I saw old friends and what not.

    Thank goodness I shelved all those beliefs and used Facebook and Instagram to promote my material though I may give a pic here or there of my personal doings (what I'm about to eat or some event) it's rare for me to post much else....

    Instagram and Snapchat are the devil in the flesh if you log on to compare yourself to others...Man Crush Mondays, Woman Crush Wednesdays, Gymlife, Body goals, FitnessGoals, RelationshipGoals Lyfegoals.

    Wait till February 14....tho #relationshipgoals will be on high alert!

    A Longshot comparison, but when I drifted away from porn I made note of how it may low-key rewire your thinking by making you subconsciously habituated to fantasy sex but not be able to get it up unless you view the material which is low-key, some kind of mental erectile dysfunction. Ex: Just masturbate without any sexual imagery and maintain a hard-on.

    I think Instagram, Snapchat and social platforms like them appear to be the best and hype of life but are the executioners of self-worth for many. This might somewhat explain why today's "hot girl", tomorrow's "man crush" or Sunday's "relationship goals" might still be depressed today, alone tomorrow and "It's complicated" two weeks from now.

    It's a platform to place your life on display, but only for an instance.

    It is often said that when someone dies, their entire life flashes before them in an instance. With social media, those instances will still be there even after you die.

    Have you ever known for someone to make a picture and post it to social media and come to find out they died not to long after? Social media becomes gloomy when you see your former man-crush all built up, post still circulating that instance and he is gone.

    Social media can be good, it can get you discovered or allow you to be put at ease with happy messages and posts but then again, social media can get you fired, thrown in jail, blackmailed, outed, sued, cheated on or stalked...maybe even killed.. Just depends I guess..

    Tis' a struggle for tha hardcore socialites...
    :sass2:
     
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  14. Sean P

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    Z_J Golden Buzzer 2018-01-26 at 6.05.58 PM.png
    Thank you - My Golden Buzzer moment!
     
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  15. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Reading these responses it is very weird to think of Cypher Avenue as "social media" but I guess thmyself and e definition does apply. I'm sure that many ppl have come to this community and made certain (false) assumptions about myself, Ocky and many of the regulars here. But as we all know, we're all admitted flawed yet beautiful creatures.

    I would even go out on a limb and say that a subset of us are even more "flawed" than others here because the disdain we have for mainstream gay social media culture is not shared by many others who visit/comment on this site. Many guys here freely jump between this space and the gender-nuetral "safe spaces" of the queer community (ugh) without missing a beat.

    I actually admire that...but its not for me. I actually remember the time before social media so I don't need Tre Melvin's YouTube Channel, Rico Pruitt Instagram Feed and Signal23TV's soft porn Vimeo page to teach me how to be a Black gay man. I don't evny dem nikkas at all. No matter how "great" their lives (and abs) appear.

    Give me a cute gay dude with a lil gut who likes Bourban and Star Wars over Bareback and Sex Parties and we will be friends for life.
     
  16. African King

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    I have to agree with you here. During my time in the FLL/MIA area in 2015 & 2016, when I visited the Pride Center. There was a stark contrast in the demeanor between the majority of the older men versus the younger men. I was looking around at the older men and how they were "unclockable" for the most part and they just look like your round the way guy in contrast to seeing the younger gays and you get the vibe right away.
     
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  17. African King

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    I am grateful to see everyone's responses and perspectives and I pretty much could not agree more. It is weird in a sense to think of Cypher Avenue as social media but in a way it is. One could also view it as just the way the internet allows people to connect as well and not just social media.

    @Infinite_loop as far as the topics, I am just trying to use the forums about stuff instead of just doing the status posts. As soon as you find that $100 million inheritance for us then we can go H.A.M. and hit up different places abroad especially the Caribbean. Little known fact, I've been to Dominica, St. Maarten, Anguilla, Antigua and Barbuda back in 2014. Those islands are so beautiful!
     
  18. ColumbusGuy

    ColumbusGuy Deactivated Account

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    A cute little gut? You mean like the one here on Toasted Marshmallow Woman?

    toasted marshmallow woman.png

    LOL!!!

    :evilkermit:

    Another example of the internet/social media being a dangerous thing lol.
     
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  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    This can't be a real person...if it is, I take back every time I called myself fat.
     
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  20. mojoreece

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

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    :umad:Right! This makes my self esteem rise.
    I think that's why shows like 600 lb life exist. To make us feel better. Im overweight but not that damn overweight. Like my current weight is their goal weight.
    Just read the socialmedia #600lblife ppl are terrible. :weak:
     
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  21. ColumbusGuy

    ColumbusGuy Deactivated Account

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    HA! I was looking at a clip of that very show and that was what inspired me to post that!
     
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  22. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    Bruh....Ain't you the one who's supposed to know where the inheritance is:
    [​IMG]
    LOL but forreal tho, I'd be down to hit up the Caribbean. Matter of fact, I am going there in a month with some of my str8 friends.
     
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  23. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    do it! quasi-bingewatched Will and Grace last December. This lady is def my spirit animal
     
  24. African King

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    Lol!!!

    Which islands are you going to in the Caribbean?
     
  25. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    Turks and Caicos
     
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  26. Sean P

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    If you were a fan of Parks & Recreation, she is married IRL to the guy who plays Ron Swanson. I saw their comedy show a couple of years ago: "Summer of 69 (No Apostrophe)"
    Screen Shot 2018-01-27 at 3.14.09 PM.png
    They were hilarious!
     
  27. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I have to agree with many others who have posted and say that social media has helped to make men being effeminate more acceptable. Even as recently as 15 to 20 years ago you would still see large numbers of masculine "unlockable" gay men in clubs and bars. Sure there was effeminate and "inbetween" dudes but it wasn't like now. Last November me and my partner went to a gay bar. He was like, "what happened to all the masculine niggas?" I was hard pressed to find any masculine looking dudes in there. Now you even see straight dudes who've adopted effeminate behaviours and fashion. Case in point look at the current crop of rap/hip-hop artists. Many of thrm would've been laughed out of the room back in the 1990s. So I can see how a lot of straight black men (especially bruthas in my age group and older) who think there is a "gay agenda" to emasculate black men. What they don't see is that it's effeminate gays who have formed a temporary alliance with feminists to eradicate the idea of masculinity period. This phenomenon is not limited to the black community either. Which is why you see terms like "toxic-masculinity" or "hypermasculity" applied as a smear against just regular masculine behaviors in social media. It's also not an accident social media is being used to demonize fathers and older men who are mentors who try to instill masculine values, norms, and behaviors in boys. Its not an accident that you see hashtags like "let boys be feminine" or "Don't police my masculinity" in social media. Since humans have developed culture there has always been ideas about what is masculine and feminine in every culture, and it's always been men who have enforced rules on what manhood in a respective culture is about.

    The good part of the internet and social media is it has made it easier for like minded groups of people find each other. The downside is it has exaggerated the balkanization of modern culture into tribalism. Another example of this is rise of the "alt-right." Social media has made open racism and white supremacy socially acceptable again.
     
  28. Boaxy

    Boaxy SO FIERCE
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    Hell yes.

    You have racist white people who hate you.

    Homophobic blacks who hate you.

    The queer community who ignores you.

    Then you have other black queer people like yourself/ourselves, who I think you can maybe connect and bond with, but even in these cases there is negatively. You're not diva or theatrical enough etc.
     
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  29. Xavier

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    USA
    Social media is too often used as a tool to propagandize the masses to ever be considered a social good. Some may argue that it's helped minorities keep in touch, but we were doing that successfully before the internet went mainstream. Nowadays we are at a huge disadvantage because many of us have been steadily abandoning our own physical and digital spaces and putting our faith in social media services and algorithms created by white nerds who likely sympathize more with the growing horde of white supremacists than the average black dude who just wants to exist in peace.

    That's not to say that minority groups aren't becoming more hateful towards each other as a result of social media. There's the growing trend of ank righters who occassionally adopt the language and tactics of the the alt right to demonize anyone who is not a heterosexual black man. In response some black feminists use their moronic posts to condemn the majority of black men who are minding their own damn business. It's also important to remember that a lot of these social media users could be fake since it's simple to create bot accounts, pretend you're a different race or get hired to astroturf for some company. Fortunately, outside of the internet, it's usually easy to tell robots from humans and white people from black people.
     
    Boaxy dapped this.
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